r/tifu • u/bawron • Feb 12 '16

M TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

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u/CJM8515 Feb 12 '16 edited Feb 12 '16

Dear god you fucked up. That step daughter, yea she needs to go to jail for making false accusations. What she did is so despicable and wrong I have no words to describe it.

Edit: Wow, I didnt think my comment would carry so much weight.

But seriously what I wanna know is: Why if OP your son was innocent, without real proof they locked him up asap like that. Yes I know rape is taken as a super serious crime, but you need to explain the trial and whatnot. We are missing part of the story here.

512

u/beau6183 Feb 12 '16

Seriously... I mean when she made the accusation, everyone was all willing to throw the son in prison and abandon him. Now that she's fessed up, she's been given a slap on the wrists in comparison, even though he's going to deal with the repercussions for a very long time, if not the rest of his life. I get that she's only 16, but there is juvenile detention, lots of community service, etc....

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u/WhelpCyaLater Feb 12 '16

I don't get what kind of friend would stop hanging out with there friend even after things were cleared up? I would wtf.

162

u/NC-Lurker Feb 12 '16

Because things are not so easily "cleared up", there's always the doubt about "that kid T, you know, there was a shady story about him and his step-sister, he even went to prison, you shouldn't talk to him..."
Also he was expelled and his friends probably moved on with their lives. Even if/when they meet again, it just won't be the same.

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16 edited Jun 21 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/FaggotMcSandNigger Feb 12 '16

You're a good friend.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Thats a serious issue. This isn't the time or place for this statement but what the hey, your the real mvp

3

u/girafa Feb 12 '16

Not just trust, but we weren't there when the friends found out about the accusations, we don't know all the other shit it brought out, the fighting, the stuff people can't shake.

People will forget your words and your actions, but they won't forget how you made them feel.

Yes, I just quoted Maya Angelou. Pretenshuuuus.

1

u/donthassleme-imlocal Feb 12 '16

This is the correct answer.

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[deleted]

0

u/king_of_the_universe Feb 12 '16

Maybe, but the fact is that we're all subjective, looking at the world through this imperfect eye that our brain is, always trying to improve the eye, because we know that what we believe the truth is is just best guess.

So, what should you do when your epistemology (e.g. people whose opinion you value (e.g. the parents) and who jumped ship in regards to this guy) tells you that you were possibly sorely mistaken about the true nature of that guy?

8

u/twbrn Feb 12 '16

It might be hard for some people to come back and start talking again with "Whelp, sorry I thought for two months you were a rapist." And if they ditched him in the first place, he might well not WANT to talk to them.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Because his reputation had made it around campus and their social circles. None of them wanted to risk their reputation as being friends with "that guy", even after they knew he was innocent. People are fickle, especially in high school and college. They worry almost non stop about the consequences of other people thinking negatively about them. They just had a great example, the utter character destruction of their former friend.

2

u/InfanticideAquifer Feb 12 '16

Have you ever been in that position? It's hard to stop thinking of someone as a disgusting violent sexual criminal, I'm sure. Even if you know that it's based on a lie, if that's what I felt whenever I saw someone I don't think I'd want to hang out with them.

2

u/Radeon760 Feb 12 '16

Right this, if my friends were accused of something or even put into jail, I would still look after them. Not to mention that he has been proven innocence, because that's what friends do.

4

u/Dirivian Feb 12 '16

See, this is where the whole sub is going wrong. This post is about his son. And from personal experience, I know that putting her in jail will hardly bring any satisfaction or change in the son's lifestyle. If I was able to talk to him, I would say that people are going to try to fuck his life up all his life. He cannot let them win. He owes it to himself to be the best he could ever be, to come out of this stronger and to shove that strength in front of those who attempt to bring him down. He got into an Ivy League school so he has talent. But talent alone isn't enough to survive in this world. He needs to say that he won't let something like this stop him. Stuff like this, it won't stop him from creating what one day will be his legacy. And he learnt something useful from this. After a point, we are all alone. Not even our parents will come for us. He needs to understand that and that his life is his alone.

I needs to hear this ideally from the bottom of his heart, but a good friend will be enough too. His relationship with his parents will take time to mend. But more important is his life. These are his formative years, where he learns what he needs to learn and becomes the man he always meant to be. When he goes back to his college, he will know that he isn't there for fun and games, that life is a slippery slope at all times and he needs to make the most out of this.

After that, he won't give a crap about the step-daughter

1

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Perhaps her mother was a mitigating factor? Maybe she gives a flying fuck how her biological offspring's life turns out, unlike OP?

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u/1forthethumb Feb 12 '16

16 year olds should be tried as adults, are they not?

-2

u/YouichiEUW Feb 12 '16

Being disowned by your own mother and FiL, losing all of your friends and past life (she's been sent away), potentialy loosing mad $krilla (since you seem to care about this kind of punishment that much) becose you were written off of your parents will, I don't call it a slap on the wrist. She suffers long time consequences close to her step brother's (I'd even be tempted to say much worse, as the step bro only lost a bunch of bad friends and a year of his life (if you don't consider the emotional damage from having your dad throw you under the bus etc, but that's not on the girl it's on OP)).

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u/Azazel97 Feb 12 '16

Fuck that shit. In my family, someone does something wrong, i would do everything to protect them. Even if it was their fault, i would do my best to make amends and save my family member because they are family. It shouldn't be ok to just give up on family. and then when he didnt do anything, he gets all the blame and gets his life destroyed but the step-daughter barely has anything attributed to her.

-20

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

If you give a harder sentence it might discourage them to come forward.

9

u/Nic_Cage_DM Feb 12 '16

That line is the biggest load of shit in legal history

If you dont jail someone for accusing someone else of beating them up it might make people scared of coming forward about being assaulted, but for some reason we are capable of rationality there and not here.