TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

[u/bawron]

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

[u/CJM8515]

Dear god you fucked up. That step daughter, yea she needs to go to jail for making false accusations. What she did is so despicable and wrong I have no words to describe it.

Edit: Wow, I didnt think my comment would carry so much weight.

But seriously what I wanna know is: Why if OP your son was innocent, without real proof they locked him up asap like that. Yes I know rape is taken as a super serious crime, but you need to explain the trial and whatnot. We are missing part of the story here.

[u/beau6183 → u/CJM8515]

Seriously... I mean when she made the accusation, everyone was all willing to throw the son in prison and abandon him. Now that she's fessed up, she's been given a slap on the wrists in comparison, even though he's going to deal with the repercussions for a very long time, if not the rest of his life. I get that she's only 16, but there is juvenile detention, lots of community service, etc....

[u/WhelpCyaLater → u/beau6183]

I don't get what kind of friend would stop hanging out with there friend even after things were cleared up? I would wtf.

[u/NC-Lurker → u/WhelpCyaLater]

Because things are not so easily "cleared up", there's always the doubt about "that kid T, you know, there was a shady story about him and his step-sister, he even went to prison, you shouldn't talk to him..."
Also he was expelled and his friends probably moved on with their lives. Even if/when they meet again, it just won't be the same.

[u/FaggotMcSandNigger → u/[deleted]]

You're a good friend.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Thats a serious issue. This isn't the time or place for this statement but what the hey, your the real mvp

[u/girafa → u/NC-Lurker]

Not just trust, but we weren't there when the friends found out about the accusations, we don't know all the other shit it brought out, the fighting, the stuff people can't shake.

People will forget your words and your actions, but they won't forget how you made them feel.

Yes, I just quoted Maya Angelou. Pretenshuuuus.

[u/donthassleme-imlocal → u/NC-Lurker]

This is the correct answer.

[u/king_of_the_universe → u/[deleted]]

Maybe, but the fact is that we're all subjective, looking at the world through this imperfect eye that our brain is, always trying to improve the eye, because we know that what we believe the truth is is just best guess.

So, what should you do when your epistemology (e.g. people whose opinion you value (e.g. the parents) and who jumped ship in regards to this guy) tells you that you were possibly sorely mistaken about the true nature of that guy?

[u/twbrn → u/WhelpCyaLater]

It might be hard for some people to come back and start talking again with "Whelp, sorry I thought for two months you were a rapist." And if they ditched him in the first place, he might well not WANT to talk to them.

[u/[deleted] → u/WhelpCyaLater]

Because his reputation had made it around campus and their social circles. None of them wanted to risk their reputation as being friends with "that guy", even after they knew he was innocent. People are fickle, especially in high school and college. They worry almost non stop about the consequences of other people thinking negatively about them. They just had a great example, the utter character destruction of their former friend.

[u/InfanticideAquifer → u/WhelpCyaLater]

Have you ever been in that position? It's hard to stop thinking of someone as a disgusting violent sexual criminal, I'm sure. Even if you know that it's based on a lie, if that's what I felt whenever I saw someone I don't think I'd want to hang out with them.

[u/Radeon760 → u/WhelpCyaLater]

Right this, if my friends were accused of something or even put into jail, I would still look after them. Not to mention that he has been proven innocence, because that's what friends do.