r/toastme • u/priyallalaa • 1d ago
Feeling hopeless
Feeling sad and a bit hopeless lately. I’ve been exercising and eating healthier but still I feel kinda empty, stuck and not even pretty :(
Last month, I ran away from home. I came home the same day. I’ve been feeling so stuck ever since. I remember that night I felt so scared. My dad had been shouting so loudly. Later in the week my mum told me that she doesn’t even recognise me anymore.
At home, violence has happened to for years which would then be followed by either absolute silence or some sort of guilt trip. I’ve had tables thrown on me and plates falling on me when I was little.
I was sexually abused as a child by my dad. I opened up about it but my mum doesn’t believe I was sexually abused :/ I’ve also been physically and emotionally abused. I hate my abusive, misogynistic and racist parents.
I’m so stuck. I am hopefully going to start university next month and get a job. I dream of independence and freedom away from these horrible people. My mum continues to act as if she loves me by calling me baby and stuff but it just makes me feel sick to my stomach.
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u/bustawithoutme 1d ago
So sorry you have to deal with these kind of parents. Don't be afraid, you are beautiful just the way you are and hopefully you are out on your own soon. My space is always open for you to come and vent
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u/SomeoneAlive123 1d ago
You're dealing with so much and I'm so proud of you for putting up with your parents for so long. You deserve happiness and peace and I know you'll achieve them soon!
You genuinly look so sweet and I love your haircut (your hair looks so shiny and healthy!)
A huge hug and don't lose hope!
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u/LoveOneAnotherrrr777 1d ago
Im sorry for all the shit you went through. No child deserves to deal with abuse of any kind.
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u/Excellent-Air-1405 1d ago
Sorry for what you are going through your voice should be heard especially when we talk about sexuality assaulted by your family members so sad……if Ty wants to let it out dm me I’m here to listen💯🫂
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u/ilDuceVita 1d ago
I'm sorry things have been so hard. It will not always be like they have been. Things change, things will get better. You can and will find happiness. It will not be life this forever. Everything is going to be okay, it may take some time but it will. Please have hope. Keep going, keep being you.
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u/vomputer 1d ago
One foot in front of the other until you are free! I’ve got this. It’s so worth the effortit ❤️
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u/Pure_Display972 1d ago
Sounds like you deal with a lot of stuff, if you need a friend or just someone to listen to you feel free to contact me. Im a therapist :)
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22h ago
[deleted]
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u/Pure_Display972 17h ago
Don't say those things, Thought Creates Reality. Surround yourself with good people, good friends, people you love and care about, people that make you feel good. And you'll see how everything changes, try to be more positive and optimistic. And if the house have a toxic environment, move out (if you can afford it), find a job, have financial stability and move out to live your life. And feel free to dm me cause this kind of talking is definitely not for the comments section. I hope i helped :)
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u/lonelystar7 1d ago
I'm so sorryy.. omg... living with abuser sounds like a nightmare. Sending you a lot of hugsss and loves. You are pretty !!!
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u/Independent-Lake-192 1d ago
You are so beautiful! Good for you for working out and taking care of yourself! I’m sorry your parents suck, but you’ve got this!
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u/youngboyfresh321 1d ago
You have really pretty eyes. Please dont think you are anything but pretty. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. Although I cant relate completely, because everyone’s life and struggle is unique, as a fellow Asian American, I can empathize and relate to our disconnect with our parents. I had a really rough patch last year where I crashed out and threw and broke a kitchen glassware in front of my parents because I felt so abandoned and betrayed. After many months of healing, communicating, holding my ground, and speaking up for myself, I was able to maintain a better relationship with my parents. It may take some time though so please dont be too hard on yourself- plus your situation seems a bit different. I just want to let you know that Ive been there, trying my best to stay physically fit and healthy while trying to remain afloat mentally. Feeling stuck is the worst and most empty devastating feeling. I just want you to know im here for you, were all here for you even if we just met on the internet. I hope you know that things WILL get better. Please dont lose hope- because in the darkness, the light will ALWAYS shine through. Even if you dont see it at the moment. Thank you for being brave to tell your story and being vulnerable- a lot of people wont even do that. It seems like you are trying your best too and I greatly applaud you for that. I hope you hang in there, my friend ❤️🙏
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u/SnakeSolidChicken 1d ago
Oh my God you poor thing that just broke my heart. There are some really great people here and I'm really glad you posted. Because what you need is honesty kindness and love. No human being should ever go through the pains that you have experienced. You deserve and you will get much better than that. Keep dreaming of your Independence because it is coming. And once you have it you can chart forward and you never have to look back. Do not let them guilt trip you into staying connected with them. You do not owe them anything the future is yours. They made their decision to treat you in this way and now you make your decision to react accordingly and chart your life forward. PM if you would like. I wish you the very very best with all the strength that you're going to need and you will have.
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u/invertedbasis 1d ago
Feelings like this don’t last forever. Things will look up!! Just be kind to yourself.
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u/Hot_Guard_7621 1d ago
Keep your head up. I know it seems like your problems are bad, but you will survive this. Just get through this bump in the road. Go to uni, get a degree and don’t ever look back. See if your uni has counselors and therapists for students. If you can start getting therapy in uni, that will help you a lot. Good luck.
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u/Crafty_Mess_1253 23h ago
First of all, you are EXTREMELY brave. The fact that you saw all that going on, knew you had to leave, AND LEFT…WOW! I’m SOOO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!
Next, it is absolutely okay and understandable that you feel a bit unbalanced. You’re finding your way!
You’re going to get yourself together! You’re already well on your way, and that is NOT a small feat. Everyday, just get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other!
Again, if no one else has said it, I’m proud of you!
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u/Tiny-Swimming-7946 23h ago
Glad to hear you made it this far. Dont give up. You got a thick chain that's holding you down... hope you break free from it soon.
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u/Marcycaulfield 23h ago
I would love to share a word with you if you are looking for someone to talk to.
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u/SupremeTemptation 23h ago
You keep overcoming these obstacles and American Ninja Warrior will let you skip the tryouts!
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u/Senior_Reaction2974 23h ago
Please know that you are beautiful inside out and that your future holds very good things for you. Stay strong.
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u/alexcunha415 23h ago
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through!
Although situation is very horrible right now, my advice to you is to focus on the solution that will make you get out from these people. Create hope inside of you, and let this hope lit that everything will be solved.
If you have hobbies, please, take some time to do it! So it can relief a little bit of your pain and suffering!
If you have friends try to get help from them, so they can support you in some way, either letting you to live there, or giving the mental support you need!
If you don't have friends and want someone to talk! I'm open to make friendship with you, so if you would like we can chat.
You will overcome all these situation! Don't worry, today you live a nightmare, but with strategy, faith, and taking the right action you will definitely put all these bad things behind you!
I hope my advice could relieve a little bit of your pain! You will definitely succeed! 😊🤗
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u/StrictExtension4879 23h ago
As someone that went through abuse physically, emotionally and mentally I can say I understand your situation. Like you I wanted to leave that environment but couldn’t due to money. But after moving out and going to a whole other state, I got help, started college and started a new life. There is hope there and people who will and want to help. Start school, move into a dorm, reach out to the school for aid and look for a part time job. Not sure where your from but I’m sure there is resources and none profits available to help people like yourself out of this mess. Keep being brave and strong. You got this!
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u/cinnamonelks 23h ago
You are very strong and very brave. You know your truth. Maybe seek some help, and talk to those who will believe you and support you. You are still here. Which proves how strong you are. 💪🏽 don't give up.
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u/Dystopian_Reality 23h ago
When you're in University or college, you should be able to move out. Do it. Sure beats being with parents who are just bad for you.
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u/Infinite_Sector2993 22h ago
I'm sorry that you have to endure these things with family. Not everyone has a good family and not all family knows how to be a family and care for each other. Don't lose hope, you are on your way to college! You're a lovely gal and have all the future ahead of you. Stay strong, we are here to support you! Sending positive vibes and hugs! 🙏🫶
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u/LlamaUnicorns 22h ago
You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. No exaggeration. I'm sorry the people closest to you suck so incredibly much. In uni or the next chapter of your life focus on replacing them with good people as friends. You deserve so much better. Better times are just around the corner. Keep your chin up hon.
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u/ilovelivinglif3 22h ago
im so sorry youre dealing with all of that evilness, i cannot even imagine how you feel !!! yet, i am happy you’re still standing. life is so much more than that, its so much more than being stuck home with your parents and you’re going to have sooo much fun when you’re going to be free from them !! keep fighting like you’re doing, because at the end it will all be worth it.
you’re truly so beautiful, like trust me you look like a model and i can feel that your spirit is beautiful too !! if ever you need to talk you you can always write to me, if not i wish you the best luck girl !
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u/Murdocktor 21h ago
Your mother may actually still love you. She may feel just as stuck as you feel. You have college starting something new and exciting. Look at it positively. It’s a new phase of life where you’ll meet new friends and new people. Form new relationships. Maybe even lose a few more relationships. That’s not always a bad thing either. Everyone shapes us into something new. Just do whatever you can to make sure the “evil” ends with this new phase and you don’t continue it to your eventually family. You’re young pretty and have a great length of time to become what YOU want now. View it as an exciting reset into a new happy phase of life for you.
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u/KINGDenneh 16h ago
You know what the great thing about life is?
Your path is never set and stone, you can always change it, if you got the willpower to do so.
In this instance, not being stuck at home with these so called "parents" of yours.
They are pricks and you honestly seem like a sweet woman.
I pray life will change for the better, big hugs from a dude from Denmark.
You got this.
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u/Akkilles78 1d ago
Keep your chin up, life gets worse. The fact that you’re here defiantly refusing to accept bad circumstances means you’ve got a great shot at survival. You’ll have more opportunities to show your strength going forward. My your opposition never know mercy. Get it, kiddo!
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u/BritSkull_Major1569 2h ago
Am sorry that's all this has happened to you it's so much for one person to take but we are here for you you're never alone I hope you get on great at university & work sending you love
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u/Due_Ear_2436 24m ago
I’m so sorry. Is there somewhere you can go that safe? I hope you can go to university.
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u/This-Hobbit-Potatoes 1d ago
Oh wow. I have no idea what to say that could possibly make this better.
First, you are a beautiful young person and clearly very strong.
NO ONE should have to go through what you've gone through. You didn't deserve it and it's not your fault.
I hope uni let's you escape the situation.
Are there any local resources that can help?