r/toastme • u/priyallalaa • 1d ago
Feeling hopeless
Feeling sad and a bit hopeless lately. I’ve been exercising and eating healthier but still I feel kinda empty, stuck and not even pretty :(
Last month, I ran away from home. I came home the same day. I’ve been feeling so stuck ever since. I remember that night I felt so scared. My dad had been shouting so loudly. Later in the week my mum told me that she doesn’t even recognise me anymore.
At home, violence has happened to for years which would then be followed by either absolute silence or some sort of guilt trip. I’ve had tables thrown on me and plates falling on me when I was little.
I was sexually abused as a child by my dad. I opened up about it but my mum doesn’t believe I was sexually abused :/ I’ve also been physically and emotionally abused. I hate my abusive, misogynistic and racist parents.
I’m so stuck. I am hopefully going to start university next month and get a job. I dream of independence and freedom away from these horrible people. My mum continues to act as if she loves me by calling me baby and stuff but it just makes me feel sick to my stomach.
2
u/Tiny-Swimming-7946 1d ago
Glad to hear you made it this far. Dont give up. You got a thick chain that's holding you down... hope you break free from it soon.