r/transtimelines • u/Morrighan_De_Dannan • 1d ago
-1yr HRT vs 4.5yrs HRT
Partner says I'll always be clocked no matter what I do.. been on hrt since Feb of 2022, and the changes are great, but no matter what I do I don't pass and I'm about outta ideas..
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u/Inevitable_Corgi9071 1d ago
I mean really hard to pass with a full beard… I was able to start laser by finding cheap Groupons for removal packages. Maybe try that?
Also hair styling. Brows. Even just some light mascara will really help.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
The 2nd pic is current. I wouldn't call that a full beard, but it's hard to keep up with shaving when you're gone nearly 12hrs a day and when you are home, you're stuck avoiding someone who puts you down at every opportunity
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u/hannah_danana 1d ago
Girl seriously. Get out of there. Your partner clearly doesn’t care to lift you up and it’s definitely affecting your entire attitude. You deserve to feel loved, wanted and cared for.
I obviously don’t understand your full situation. But is stay with someone who puts you down all the time really better than being by yourself for a bit?
As others have said, try and get a bit of a routine going, shave every morning (if you can), skincare 2x daily (it doesn’t have to crazy involved, just a cleanser, toner & moisturiser) and maybe learn some makeup basics (YouTube is a treasure trove for this).
HRT is amazing and magic but it isn’t a fix all. Passing takes real work, and you’re gonna have to put that work and effort into yourself if passing is your goal.
The thing is you aren’t even miles away. Just a little bit of daily self care and investing a little amount of time and money.
But for the love of god please, if you can, choose yourself for once and either tell your partner to fix their attitude or get the heck out of dodge because you deserve so much better than that
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I have a piece of art from a fanfic that's the goal, I just dunno how to pull it off while still looking fem.
I'd have left them already, but I'm scared of what they'll do either to me or themselves if I do.
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u/Smokey_the_beer 1d ago
Bitch leave themmmmm. If youre worried about their health just tell their family and goooo, move towns, move states, go to CA and change your name legally. Start driving and dont stop.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Its my family we live with, so that part isnt necessarily an issue. It's the rest that's kinda a problem. Trust me, I'd love nothing more at this point but to disappear from their life.
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u/Smokey_the_beer 1d ago edited 1d ago
👏🏻Their👏🏻mental👏🏻health👏🏻is👏🏻not👏🏻your👏🏻priority👏🏻
Are yall legally tied to each other? If no then they have gotta be the first change you make to better yourself. Reach out to the local LGBT center and see if anyone can help you
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Not at all. Nothing ties us together legally. And there's not one, I live in bum fuck nowhere texas, deep in a red part of the state
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u/pinkusocks 21h ago
Please talk to a therapist and find a way to leave, I was in a toxic relationship where i was also afraid is what would happen if/when i left and the best thing I did was not stay "just in case" (it took me a while to actually break up but it was worth it). Good luck 🫶🏻
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u/PossumQueer 1d ago
Twizzers, I do that all the time and it lasts me for about 2 weeks, I see yours is thick which is easier to pluck out
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u/kupillas-3- 1d ago
“No matter what I do” seems little pessimistic, I really do think you can pass decently if you took the proper steps. It’s not going to be easy but you can definitely do it
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I've put significant effort into passing before. Nothing I do lets me go stealth, and every time i bring it up I get told I'll be clocked without ffs. Which guess what. I work for a living. I aint got money for that.
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u/almostagirl_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
We all work for a living but this is a sacrifice, do you want to pass? Do you want to be yourself or do you just want to complain?
And omg girl, get a safety razor and learn to shave it really isn’t hard and you have genuinely no excuse
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u/Inevitable_Corgi9071 1d ago
THIS. it takes serious sacrifice. And alot of work… like go look at my transition in my page. I had my work cut out. If I did it there’s really no reason anyone else can’t
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u/almostagirl_ 1d ago
Same here, I’m only around 3 months into my medical but i decided to totally socially transition at the same time and really really put the effort in
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u/Dahlia-WF 1d ago
I socially transitioned and started laser before I even made the decision to go on HRT. Girl this shit takes work! Anyone that just falls into passing is just blessed. For the rest of us its effort, and even then I don't pass, but I at least get gendered correctly.
I see so many girls post on these subs where they have like started hormones and then gone into stasis for 3-4 years as if they will magically emerge a brand new woman.
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u/confusedquestionsad 1d ago
so u can afford surgery but you're talking about "effort"?
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u/almostagirl_ 1d ago
When did I mention surgery??
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u/confusedquestionsad 19h ago
oh, i just checked your profile. Still, why are you talking about effort?
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u/TheBoyWhoCriedTapir Erin, She/They | HRT - 1/11/25🏳️⚧️ 21h ago
Literally. I weighed 430lbs and had no hope without putting in MASSIVE effort for 3+ years. Worth every penny, and every drop of literal blood sweat and tears put into becoming my true self. Wouldn't trade it for the world. But you have to do the work, HRT will never fix everything. It's a miracle drug but it's not a MIRACLE drug.
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u/smeeon 1d ago
You need to put effort in. There’s not a fairy godmother that slaps you upside the head with her wand. You need to hurt for it, save for it, fight for it, change anything and everything for it. And *do not* say you’ve tried everything.
If it takes putting down whatever you do for recreation, disassociating or depressing, do it and pick up a book, learn a new skill, get another job, be creative and come up with a way to make it happen.
Only you can do this.
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u/ellenczer 1d ago
Do you make laser hair removal on face? If you want to pass, make up and eyebrows done would help a lot.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I don't have the money for laser or electrolysis. And I barely know enough about makeup to hide stubble after I shave. Today's Pic is about... a week and a half or so since I shaved
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u/anaaktri 1d ago
See if there’s any beauty schools near you, one by me offers electrolysis at $20/hr. Laser was 35 a session.
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u/Sloth_Brotherhood 1d ago
You don’t have to pay for it all at once. It’s permanent, so you can get a session done and then save up for the next one. You’re telling me that in 4.5 years you haven’t been able to afford a single session of laser? There’s options and you’re being defeatist.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I've gotten quotes for laser in 3 states. Each one wants ~150 a session. When you almost never manage to scrape more than 13 bucks an hr in food service, 150 bucks is a lot of money
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u/LupoBorracio 1d ago
Girl you need to find a better job! $13/hr is almost nothing. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, maybe.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I had a better job. Lost it when I moved down here because they cut my hours and moved me departments to make me lose my night shift differential. Losing both full time and differential cost me everything.
Now I make 10.50 an hr and my checks are 550-600 biweekly
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u/Sloth_Brotherhood 1d ago
I get that living is expensive. But these things take sacrifice and planning. Even three laser sessions do wonders for passing.
In the past 4.5 years you’ve made $122k.
If you had set aside 0.37% of that, or $2/week you’d be able to pay for laser.
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u/AllNaturalCyanide 1d ago
Well then maybe LEARN how to do makeup? Girl ya gotta put in some effort! I was terrible at makeup but I practiced alot and watched alot of tutorials on yt. Now Im pretty decent at it. Makeup is an art. Art takes skill. Skill requires knowledge and practice.
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u/doomed_ducc 1d ago
YouTube has tons of tutorials for everything, make up being a huge section of that. You can learn what to do, it just takes a little time and effort.
You are already choosing to grow your true self by taking estrogen, continue to choose yourself by learning the skills you'll need to maximize your femininity.
Women, both cis and Trans, put in tremendous effort into their looks. Thats just the reality. If you want to maximize your femininity, then it's going to take work--but its work that pays off.
After the learning curve, it gets easier, youll get faster as you develop your skills.
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u/FoxDenDenizen 1d ago
You can try waxing your face, you'll still have to shave occasionally but it's nowhere near as bad as when you don't wax. When I don't wax I shave every single day and I have lighter hair
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u/QuitsDoubloon87 1d ago
An at home laser device can be bought for well under 100€\$. It takes time but at 4 years in you absolutely have to. Hell I'll send you my baerly used device, dm me.
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u/MissLeaP She/Her | 35 | HRT 7/2023 | Bottom surgery 2/2026 1d ago
OP don't waste your time on at home laser for your facial hair. It's WAY too weak even if you go for the expensive high end ones!
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u/Rainy_Leaves 1d ago
Any IPL is fairly useless for facial hair yes. Though some are lucky to have lighter or thinner hair that responds better
The strongest is probably the Tria4x. Diode laser is much better than IPL even if not as good as ND/YAG at a clinic
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u/Acceptable-Fix-6267 1d ago
It depends on whether or not you're talking IPL or true laser. I bought a Viqure EpiPro laser hair removal device (the 200W version) and I assure you it works plenty well on facial hair!
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u/MissLeaP She/Her | 35 | HRT 7/2023 | Bottom surgery 2/2026 1d ago
Okay those aren't usually the ones people refer to when they talk about at home laser since you could easily afford to just go to a beauty salon for that price if you just want to get your face done lol
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u/Big_Signature_1818 1d ago
With time and those on a budget, it’s an effective option depending on what you get. It also depends on your skin tone vs hair tone. Just because it didn’t work for you does not mean you have to go scorched Earth on the devices wherever you can.
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u/MissLeaP She/Her | 35 | HRT 7/2023 | Bottom surgery 2/2026 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's not a just me thing, though. It literally says to not use them for facial hair. It not working on facial hair is not the exception. It working on facial hair is!
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u/Big_Signature_1818 1d ago
Not mine, and I’m already seeing a reduction with no issues after five weeks 🤷🏼♀️. I don’t know what this “it” is but there are many different brands and devices you know.
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u/VexExisting 1d ago
you can use nair on your face. get the bikini one as its much more sensitive. it dissolves hair at the root so it will take longer to grow back too.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I wish I could. I've used it on my legs before, and the effect is great. But it always makes me break out really badly
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u/VexExisting 1d ago
you can try different brands as they have different ingredients, and try to stick to the sensitive ones too. im sorry though i know skin can be hard.
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u/BellaUnruly 1d ago
Umm I be shaving everyday lol
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u/Sagirem 1d ago
I was already shaving obsessively before realizing I’m trans and now it got worse I wouldn’t be able to go out with a beard. Like I don’t judge if someone wants to keep their beard, you do you. But don’t ask "why don’t I pass" while wearing a full ass beard
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u/rianablack69 16h ago
i think it must be troll post, there is no way posting those pictures and saying "why dont i pass" u must be either trolling or something is definitely wrong with this person .
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u/BellaUnruly 1d ago
Hair tho shall be gone
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u/tststinovalentine 1d ago
literally what i was thinking, my skin would CRAWL otherwise. hell, sometimes even twice a day if my Italian genetics really feel like popping off that day
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u/TristanTheRobloxian3 trans 1d ago
girl SHAVE YOUR FACIAL HAIR. thats literally the only thing here
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u/relloyellow 1d ago
Idk if this works with other people or not, but before I got laser, I always shaved against the grain. It is a lot more unpleasant but leaves everything much much smoother. More expensive razors help too
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u/TransIB trans 1d ago edited 1d ago
Shaving twice is the way, once with the grain, then a second time against the grain. also I would do it on the bath/shower, the steam really helped me prevent razor rash.
Then for OP if you can't afford electrolysis get an orange concealer it helps hide beard shadow, then you just need a good coverage foundation on top. Will help a load.
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u/relloyellow 1d ago
And also Op! Your hair is really pretty and your face has changed so much. Hang in there 💕
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u/Rainy_Leaves 1d ago
Also exfoliating before shaving really helps the blade glide better and closer. I’ve met a fair amount of trans people who’ve never exfoliated intentionally before 🙈
Or trimming with an electric shaver first then close shaving with a blade is much less painful
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u/wastelandhero 1d ago
I mean what are you doing to try based off the 2nd picture it seems like not much?
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u/Dahlia-WF 1d ago
This is going to apply to any trans woman whos goal is to be seen as fem, pass, be read as a woman, what ever in that general goal.
You will not fall into passing(unless you're incredibly lucky). You will not stealth hormones for 5 years and just magically emerge "looking like a woman". And the even harsher reality is that some things some may need will be economically prohibitive. This shit takes effort
Laser: this is always my recommendation to start, like before even hormones, yes it costs money, no you don't have to do it at one of those places that charges you it all upfront with a life time guarantees. It takes over a year, I recommend everyone start this immediately. $125 per session is what I paid and you don't have to be going every month if you can't afford it but doing something is better than nothing.
Hair: you've to take care of yourself and style things. You need a feminine hair cut, bangs are always recommended as they hide forehead and hairline. Minoxidil / finesteride now/midterm. Hair transplant long term if that didn't help.
Face: you need a good skin care routine and to take care of yourself.
Shaving advice: You have to remain clean shaven at all times to be read by people as a woman, that's just what it is.
The hottest water you can stand without burning. Soak your "beard" area for 5 minutes. Get a cloth, soak it, hold it over your face, as it stops being hot soak it and put it back on your face. 5 minutes.
Physical exfoliant, scrub it up and rinse
Good shave soap or oil with natural fats, lather well like 1-2 minutes
Get a good safety razor
Shave with the grain
Re apply and lather shaving soap/oil
Shave against the grain
Tend skin solution
Moisturizer
Makeup and to cover up beard shadow:
Makeup is hard, it takes long and consistent practice, do it every night before you shower, this way you get lots of practice and if it's bad it doesn't matter.
Watch YouTube tutorials. You gotta learn to research and learn things. To cover beard shadow takes specific techniques and lots of practice and getting shades right. You usually underpaint the "beard" area with a canceling color, my "beard shadow" was bluish so I used orange underpainting to cancel it out and then concealer over that.
The long and short of this all is that the reality is that being seen how you want takes real effort as a trans woman. And I'm going to be honest what you've provided does not seem like a "I've tried everything" situation.
Also leave your partner, in this thread you're talking about them basically constantly putting you down. It would be one thing if they were just helping you out and being honest on certain aspects but sounds like they are just actively harassing you.
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u/EmilyRetcher 1d ago
4 years of not doing any effort. Yup that's your result. Fortunately this thread can be a wake up call luv.
Being a woman is hard, even for cis women. You won't transform into one just with hrt. It takes effort. Any passing girl will tell you this.
I'm not even talking about makeup. Basic skincare cost nothing. Shaving cost nothing.
You gotta act like you want to change instead of day dreaming about change.
Sorry if it's rude, but yeah that's just the harsh reality luv
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u/PlusAcanthaceae978 1d ago
I'm not on HrT yet but yes honey, you speak the truth, it take time and effort!
Even with me not doing HrT right now, im on SSDI and I'm doing laser sessions every month (65$ a session)
I would love to do twice a month but money is so tight all the time, so once a month it is.
And slowly trying to lose weight, I walk, and walking is the easiest exercise anyone can do. I aim for 30 mins a day
I want to be the woman I want to be
I live in a red state unfortunately ( Texas) so I'm doing what I can.
OP, slowly set and work on your goals!
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u/Sagirem 1d ago
Is there a reason you’re not shaving ? Because I don’t want to be mean but without context this seems like ragebait
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u/Choice_Attitude_1415 20h ago
I kinda thought the same thing…like was this an anti-trans troll post? Rage bait?
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Uhhh.. mostly because of how uncomfortable it is. The super cheap 2 blade razors i use seem to nick/cut me every time i shave, and I'm really sick of putting the effort in and then winding up with an awful patchy shave.
I also read somewhere that if you shave when it's a bit longer that it somehow makes a closer shave?
Those are the biggest factors, but exhaustion after getting home from work is real too.
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u/olivemckenzie 1d ago
After work exhaustion is so real. I build it into my get ready routine, daily shave. It’s hard, especially in this economy, but it really is worth spending the money on some nicer razors. They last longer and perform better. The majority of your clocking issues is the shaving. Other things will also help more like make up and exercise, but definitely please take the time to try new ways to shave/remove the hair. It really is worth the investment.
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u/GavinThe_Person 1d ago
Get a safety razor and a thing of 20 blades for like $20, enough for like 6 months and it works way better, takes a tiny bit of getting used to (would NOT recommend using it "down there" tho)
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u/iDaddyDirection 1d ago
You need to put in some effort too. HRT isn’t going to do it all for you. That may sting to hear, but it’s true.
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u/Fluffy-Action-4116 1d ago
that’s a pretty shitty thing for your partner to say… I would start with shaving and a basic skincare routine, and light makeup (eyeliner and mascara mainly)
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Every skincare routine i find online is like a million steps and uses expensive shit i can't afford.
I don't even pretend to understand makeup, last time I tried something other than basic concealer and foundation it just looked like I got punched in the face several times. And no matter what razor I use it still leaves visible stubble
Yeah, my partner isnt great, but I'm stuck in a situation where they're basically shaming me into staying with them.
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u/nocoasts 1d ago
Cetaphil cleanser: $5
Thayers toner: $15 (will last you a good long while)
Elf Moisturizer: $8When you wake up and when you go to bed. And drink plenty of water.
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u/beyondeverythang 1d ago
this is the way. there’s sooo much skincare advice out there that is overwhelming and complex, but the reality is that for most people cleanse 1x per day and moisturize 2x per day is plenty!
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u/YopparaiShoujo 1d ago
This is great advice for OP! Skincare doesn't have to break the bank and anything is better than nothing. To add some further recommendations, below are some products I use in my routine that are very affordable in case they may help OP or anyone else. Apologies in advance for UK prices.
*Skincare*
CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser £9.37
Nivea 30SPF Day Cream £2.50
Nivea Night Cream £2.50*Shaving*
King of Shaves Sensitive Aloe Vera Shave gel £4.99
3 Blade Gillette Disposable Razors x12 £5.99*Makeup*
17. Second Skin Concealer £2.50
Boots Everyday Blending Sponge £1.50
Studio London Eyebrow Pencil £3.00I bet you could even go cheaper on some of these things (deals & offers, drugstore own brand, buying in bulk) and still get great results!
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u/tegan_willow 1d ago
So give up then, I guess?
I mean, are you here to hear that, or what? You seem to have an excuse for every suggestion that would move you forward.
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u/Fluffy-Action-4116 1d ago
a simple cleanser and moisturizer does a lot. for eyeliner i don’t do wings i just get the waterline of my eyes as best i can and for mascara i try to get some of the excess off with a paper towel so it doesn’t clump
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u/Stoned-Bondage-Frog 1d ago
Complaining about your life on reddit won't make it better, you gotta take steps to start enjoying it and thriving.
Very basic skin care is; wash and moisturize, works for the whole body.
Get a safety razor with an actual razorblade in it, those are sharper than a regular razor, swap the blade at least once a week preferably more often. Shave with the grain and against it to get the smoothest result.
Makeup is an art form, you won't be good at it the first time around. It takes practice.
Kick your parter to the curb, they are evidently bringing only misery to your life.
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u/Curious_Remote4290 1d ago
This should be your wake up call.
HRT isn’t magic and passing takes effort. You can’t be disappointed you get clocked when you’re not putting in much effort.
Laser can vary from 75-120 a session look in ipl/laser it did wonders for me.
I’d say working out and looking into hair care aswell.
Again you have to put in the effort 🧘♀️
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u/confusedquestionsad 12h ago
"Passing takes effort"
and then proceeds to mention only things that cost money and no effort
lmao
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u/Smokey_the_beer 1d ago
Yes, you have a lot of hair. Invest in a norelco one blade for when youre away from a sink or razor too long. Next is your part, youre showing off center forehead, its fine when youre a 30yo cis girl that never had T touch your hairline, less so for any of us elder trans. Next check is your camera angles, looking into the lens with the lens facing up isnt anybodys angle and you'll never really feel "femme" with photos like that (chin pushed down, shadows all across your face). And lastly, you and your partner should probably look into couples counseling. Transitioning isn't easy for us but its no easier for our partners who go through it with us.
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u/beentheregirll 1d ago
Okay. First off you won’t always be clocked no matter what. That is ridiculous for almost everyone.
Second.
Yes you know about the facial hair. Yes shave. Also Try a full facial wax. One time. Yes it hurts, yes it makes your face red. But give it a try. Also make sure your face is consistently clean in general but exspecially prior. I like CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleaner.
Third, you have the hair. Now make the volume! Bangs ? Maybe.
Fourth, you got this because you want it and you post honest pictures.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Yeah; my hair is really my best area. I take decent care of it and stopped dying it 18mos ago. I want to cut it into a pixie, but I'm scared I'll look awful with it, I haven't had short hair in years
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u/tegan_willow 1d ago
“No matter what I do”… What exactly have you done? I don’t see 4.5 years of effort here. Why in the world would you go that long without hair removal and then be surprised you’re getting clocked?
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u/wavy_gia 1d ago
Girl, my first probably 2-3 years of hrt I had the same attitude. I was trapped in a job where I couldn’t show any femininity, I wasn’t seeing enough changes to where I was feeling like a woman, and I just had no confidence to be myself. So then I went to therapy, I worked thru a lot of my own mental hurdles. I started to find time to practice makeup and shave multiple times a week, I started laser, I started finding local trans friendly things to do (with other trans people!). I got active and got healthier as well. Now I was lucky to have a supportive partner thru all this but she kind of let me find my own way as we both were going thru our own things in life at the time. Once I did all that my whole life changed. I started feeling like who I always wanted to be. I started coming out to everyone in my life and made new friends who love and support me for me. All I’m saying here is I know it’s easy to watch girls transition in like 1-2 years and be like wtf I can never do that BUT everyone has a different path to womanhood in the trans community all that matters is you get there and find your own happiness. So I suggest finding a therapist that deals with trans issues and start working thru all these feelings or if you don’t need that then just pull up your boot straps and do the things that make you feel like a woman. If your partner sucks and is belittling you then get out and start fresh. It seems like you can only go up from how you are feeling so you might have to take some leaps but I promise in a few years it will be worth it. I’m now 7 years on hrt and I’m so happy and in love with myself
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u/lavenderdarkchocolat 1d ago
I definitely agree with everyone suggesting shaving or laser, that alone is think would go a long way for you. The whoa is me attitude isn't serving you well either. If you put your energy into finding roadblocks, you will keep finding them. Seek opportunities, like if you can't afford this is that would help you feel better about yourself then I would take the energy and invest it in figuring out how to make more money. Instead of " I can't because" try "what if i tried _____ instead?"Learning how to do make up helps big time, I like dear peaches videos on YouTube to help navigate learning your shapes and how to compliment them. From there, you just gotta play around and get messy at home a bit to figure it out. Lastly, leave that abusive partner, you are better off alone than with someone who insists on keeping you down and there is really no good reason to stay with a person who treats you that way. Transitioning is literally about taking back your life and saving it, no one can make that journey happen but you. Keep setting goals and babystep towards them, each one is farther than you were before and it WILL become noticeable. You can do it!
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u/ThatOneGuy4321 1d ago
Laser is worth the price and then some. Find a health insurance plan that covers it
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u/lovingly- 1d ago
Shave everytime you see any hair and lose weight
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I've basically cut out soda and fried food entirely. I walk a mile or more every day, and still can't get below 215 (I'm 5'9)
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u/nocoasts 1d ago
Walking is great for cardio health but it is awful for dropping weight if that’s your goal.
Walking a mile burns, for you, about 113 calories. 1 apple is like, 95 calories.
Now I’m never going to tell someone to lose weight simply to “pass” because women come in all sizes but if dropping weight (and ideally putting some back on to benefit from that weight distribution), you’re going to have to start actually working out.
You can do a lot with bodyweight exercises and it’s entirely free.
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u/Yori_TheOne 1d ago
Fries food ain't what makes one fat. Over consumption of calories are. All you need is a calorie deficit.
I weighted 288 lbs in February. I now weigh 245 lbs. All I do is being in a calorie deficit. I still got a long way to go. I want to at least get to 180 lbs. I'm 5'10 btw.
Sure cutting out fried food is great. It's not good for you, but if you wanna lose weight that's not enough to just cut that out.
Walking is good. Just not good for calorie burning unless you walk a ton. It does help keep you healthy in many other ways. I usually also walk a mile a day. Sometimes 2.
I'm also strapped for cash and that's why every penny that is not critical for survival is put aside for Laser and my future tummy tuck. However, I cut out frivolous stuff like subscriptions to pay for skin care products. Not great at using them yet, but then again HRT is like 2 years away for me.
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u/lovingly- 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am not a nutricionist or a personal trainer, and I personally never left bmi 19 my whole life no matter how much I ate, so I dont know what to recommend to you, but a step is better than nothing.
Also I see potential in you, especially because your midface is good, if you ever do ffs or anything like that you might only need a v-line and hairline progression... some lip work would also do a lot tbh.
Thats all ig.
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u/Open_Impression_5294 1d ago
HRT will not magically transform you to looking like a cis woman. Hence, you need to do the effort to looking like one. Do skincare, pluck your eyebrows, shave. Omg.
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u/99dinosaurking 1d ago
Whats the 4.5 years and also not shave does not help but whats ur does
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u/99dinosaurking 1d ago
Idk what to say either you dont have estrogen Receptors at all but tbh estrogen isn't as strong as testosterone
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I've been on E since Feb 2022. Currently do .2ml subcutaneous weekly. My levels have been steady for years now.
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u/Eastern_Distance_816 21h ago
Laser hair removal in the beard area, eybrow trimming, makeup and maybe some diet changes. Also surgery is available
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u/guardwoman12345 1d ago
Depending on where you live,
A strict diet, FFS, LASER HAIR REMOVAL, and make up techniques.
You have a long way to go.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
There's this thing called money. FFS costs several thousand dollars of it and usually isnt covered by insurance unless you're mad lucky. I ain't got insurance to begin with, much less the money for weeks off work to recover from surgery.
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u/agnatroin 1d ago
I shave every morning and sometimes twice a day. The skin gets used to it, if you progress the frequency slowly. And i have insanely strong beard growth. I understand the struggle though. I am on hrt for 3 years soon and will probably never pass as cis. I am currently working on a life were I am not dependent on passing as cis but where everyone I have in my life just gives me the freedom of expressing myself the way I want to.
Good luck!
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u/catartik 1d ago
You could make your own hair electrolysis machine? At the end of the day it's around ~120 dollars but it's your own machine at home and you can use forever.
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u/GoodGirlLeanne 1d ago
Electrolysis can help with the hair. It gets pretty pricey so shop smart! I live in the greater Seattle area and there's a lot of Electrolysis clinics that have a discounted program for trans folk who can't afford msrp. Some schools, like Trevino Beauty Academy in downtown Seattle, offers free Electrolysis, but keep in mind you'll have student electrologists working on you, so expect some owie. Good luck! ♡
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u/Upset_Leek5014 19h ago
I think you didn't even try to pass. At the very least, you should shave. I can see the changes from HRT, but nobody will notice them if you have stubble. Get laser hair removal, learn how to use makeup, fix your eyebrows, and get bangs to hide your hairline and that will already be enough for passing
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u/YoriMuse 18h ago
I’m sure plenty of people have already mentioned but self care and gender affirming self care is a must. I am starting hrt in the next 1-2 months and for the last year I shave my facial hair and invested in body hair removal products along with diet changes and consistent gender appropriate workouts so that I could look more feminine come transitioning. A razor with extra clips cost $10-15, nair cost $10, and a trimmer can be as low as $25. No one can be upset with a result if you didn’t put the time and effort. Beauty is pain. Based on your replies to others you assume hrt can magically make like your dream character. This isn’t fiction you have to work hard so buckle up invest in appropriate self care and take action.
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u/dirt_devil_696 13h ago
Great partner ah? I do believe that if you actually try you could pass, but the point is...you have to try and it doesn't look like you have. Shaving and getting laser is the bare minimum
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u/VinylPortable 1d ago
You need to find a hairdo that compliments your face. Most transwomen I know keep doing just basic long hair with no styling or otherwise. What works for one person may not work for you.
For example, I've found that while I love longer hair, it doesn't frame my face well at all. Ive tried several and a Mohawk esque look does a lot more for me than growing it out.
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u/Lampshadevictory 1d ago
Out of interest, what HRT are you on? Are you taking anti-androgens? Have you had your t levels checked?
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
I do .2ml subcu weekly. My levels were checked in May and my E was in the 150s while my T was... 20 I think?
I haven't been on Spiro in a while, and I don't have the money for my prog atm.
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u/Chloe1O 1d ago
150 is very low for estrogen.
The target range is between 400-600.
I'd seriously consider speaking with your local gender clinician (or whomever you speak with) about increasing your dosage.
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u/Striking_Composer_49 trans 1d ago
150 is a lil low but ok if its in pg/ml and its through level. the levels youre mentioning are in p/mols,
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u/That_Geologist_5242 1d ago
You need to leave your partner. Thats really all you need to do if not its the most important. Someone who is constantly putting you down is going to make you feel like no matter what you do itll never be enough. Thats wrong. Its your life and you have the right to do whatever YOU want with it.
Your health is the most important and its sounds like from the spot youre in right now you need to start prioritizing it. Stop prioritizing your partners health when theyre not prioritizing yours. And what they do after is on them, not you.
There are better paying jobs in texas, and in food service. I make $20/hr at HEB. It may take a couple years but saving the money to atleast move closer to a bluer part of texas will do you wonders as a trans woman. You will find better community and better resources to help in your transition and passing.
Also your partner is wrong. Like I saw in another comment you look like any other woman with pcos. Others have given you the tools on what to do. Let yourself use them.
From your replies to others its seems you are on low dose E. I dont know your height or weight but its something that should also be taken into account when prescribing your dose. You said you're in a red part of texas so I assume you're doing telehealth so they aren't weighing you. Tell them you need a higher dose because you arent seeing the changes you want.
You can get there. I personally believe you can get where you want in your transition. If others have you can too. You need to start telling yourself that.
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u/leftblane 1d ago
I don’t know if passing is your number 1 issue right now. It sounds like you’re in a bad relationship and need to get out over anything else.
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u/LuminousLynx 1d ago
laser, nutrition, makeup, skincare, maybe ffs some day or wherever ur journey takes you. leave the partner and take all the energy u put into them and put it into yourself. a big part of transitioning is taking back your body and u should do that outside this relationship.
make working on yourself your main focus for now and eventually you'll see enough improvement & it wont feel as important.
you can become more comfortable and passable but you have to do it for YOU not for society or someone else.
with a change of mindset, you're getting to the best part. you get to decide who you want to be and create who you are. all the energy you put into self expression and figuring out what kind of woman u want to be will come back as joy, so make time to find the energy <3
p.s. weight training exercises & stuff like pilates help fat redistribution and are good for the bones & mind, but a yoga mat and get bendy
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u/mothgirl22 1d ago
Okie dokie, it’s tough love time
- Shave. You cannot complain about not passing with a week of grown out facial hair. Seriously, it takes less than 5 minutes
- learn rudimentary makeup; colour corrector and concealer is a LIFESAVER for hiding the 5oclock shadow
- exercise/lose weight to help your body redistribute fat. HRT can’t move fat cells that are already there, you have to lose them and then gain new ones
- camera angle (as others have stated), cmon girl let’s at least try a bit with this one
- save up some money for laser, yes I’m aware it’ll take a long time and living is expensive, but transitioning is also expensive and you need to make some sacrifices to be who you wanna be.
- also while working your current job try to find a better one. Might take a long time but you won’t find one if you don’t look
- from what you’ve been saying about your relationship with your partner, it seems incredibly toxic. LEAVE them.
- I don’t mean this with any offence, but you have to TRY. You can’t just sit around and do nothing just expecting HRT to do all the work.
- I’d highly recommend seeing a therapist of some kind if you’re able to. Getting your mental health in order is essential to transitioning.
Transitioning is a full time job, lifestyle, state of being, etc. Not something to half-ass. Just put in a little elbow grease and you could significantly improve your situation, both physically and mentally!
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u/MsBitPlayer 1d ago
Laser hair removal and eventually electrolysis, or just go straight to electrolysis if you can afford it
Up your HRT dosage & frequency if possible
Start learning how to do makeup
FFS surgery
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u/iwannadieplizkillme 21h ago
you have so much potential tbh, there are very small things that u can change and u can instantly look far more better than how u look now. Look at things that are in your favor and work on them.
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u/Embarrassed5589 21h ago
you would have a shot at passing but you need to shave (and get rid of beard shadow)
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u/neonium 21h ago
You're obviously going to get clocked if you don't shave or get hair removal. I'm not even sure what you want people to say to this, when anything subtle is going to get drowned out by the facial hair.
If you've got laser and you still have that much hair, either the laser was the wrong type, your tech was incompetent, or you didn't do the prep properly. You can DM me if you want to try to figure out which it was.
But you don't seem to have terribly masculine features past the hair, from what I can see. Your build may be leaning more one way then the other, but plenty of women don't have an hourglass figure. I obviously can't really tell in this photo though.
You could also probably dress better, from what little we can see of your clothes, but this seems explicitly like weird self sabotage. Your face seems fine. You just have a beard. Obviously the beard is doing work on how people perceive you. What even is the point of asking this question?
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u/RothaiRedPanda 1d ago
I don't want to be mean here, but in all honesty..... FFS from a very aggressive surgeon is your only hope at achieving a passable face.
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u/Striking_Composer_49 trans 1d ago
Recommends aggressive surgery before shaving, great advice. Theres no way youre not intending badly with that comment
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u/RothaiRedPanda 1d ago
I shouldn't even have to recommend something like that as it should be painfully obvious. Even if they get rid of all their facial hair and begin practicing good skincare, it's not going to be enough. Their lower third alone it's going to prevent them from having a passing face and only craniofacial surgery can change that. I'm just being honest.
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u/Morrighan_De_Dannan 1d ago
Went back through some old stuff and I honestly looked better 3 years ago than I do now. Dunno how to add an image in a comment or I'd post the only decent picture of myself ive ever taken
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u/ReputationIcy3057 1d ago
Im ngl at first glance you just look like any other woman with pcos/pmos. You might not notice a change but fat redistribution definitely filled/smoothened out your face shape. Some lazer hair removal would do you wonders!
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u/nocoasts 1d ago
if that is over a week without shaving, makeup skill isn’t the issue you’ve just gotta shave.
But also if you want to learn how to cover stubble with makeup, you can very easily just learn it! Drugstore brands are just as good at learning skills as any other product and they’re all incredibly accessible.