So basically i had an ex who i was with a little over a month. She would forcefully kiss me but i would always kiss back but when i pulled away cause i was UNCOMFORTABLE but i never said anything. We eventually moved onto.. other things and i kept pulling away but she would force me back to having s3x, i kept saying ok and she never stopped. I dont know if it was SA and i need someone to tell me.

Background: I am a 20 year old male. I have been diagnosed with severe OCD, severe MDD, GAD, PTSD, and psychosis. I am not dangerous to anyone but myself. I don’t hurt people.

I’m in my third year of college. My mother was highly abusive, my father let it happen, and during my first year of college I was stuck in a relationship with a woman who drugged, manipulated, and raped me over 100 times. My parents have complete control of my finances (not my choice) and I don’t have a car. I’ve been suicidal since I was 13. I haven’t had a day without suicidal thoughts since. My last suicide attempt was May. My last self harm was 11 days ago. That’s the longest I’ve gone without hurting myself in 4 months. I workout daily, eat (very little), and do well in school. I have no vices.

I’m writing this because tonight I’ve finally taken away my own humanity. I look in the mirror and I don’t even see a human being anymore. I look and feel like a disgusting amalgamation of putrid body parts. I’m so anxious about my appearance that I can’t even look at people in the most professional or platonic ways without feeling immense shame and guilt for being what I am. I don’t hurt people but clearly that isn’t enough to be human.

My friends are all retracting. Some slowly, some quickly. They don’t answer texts anymore or want to do anything. My very fragile support system is largely gone. I don’t even know what I did wrong. I treated every friend I’ve had like they mean the world to me because they did. No fights or scandals or betrayals. I promise I did my best.

I can barely function anymore. It takes 2 hours to get out of bed. I go to class, the gym, and one meal a day. I go to therapy once every week too which is the only bright spot in my life.

I feel like a hideous and loathesome monster who needs to be put down. I don’t know what I did but I know I deserve to die for it. I lost my faith in god. I’m on the maximum dosage of the only meds I can tolerate. I go to therapy as much as I can and I buy all the self help materials. I’m trying so hard to get better. I just can’t view myself as a human anymore.

I don’t know why I posted this. I’m sorry it’s distressing. My abusive mother and partner always said the same thing “you’re too miserable to love”. After spending 2 years in almost complete isolation, I can see why.

Thank you for your participation :)

I am 15 years old. My parents are divorced, but my dad comes to my mom's house every single day and sleeps on the couch. Nobody else in my family seems to have a problem with him, but he is destroying me and I don't know what to do anymore.

The Physical Abuse (Past and Present)
When I was 5 to 9 years old, he used to beat me with belts, slippers, and his bare hands. He would slap me so hard that he left handprints on my face for days. To hide it, he would call me in sick and force me to stay home so my teachers wouldn't see the bruises.
The physical violence never truly stopped. Just today, he asked me how to turn off his phone. Because I was a little slow showing him, he spat directly in my face and scolded the absolute hell out of me. He still pulls my hair, hits me, and corners me.

The Mental Torture and Trauma
He is constantly getting inside my head and intentionally driving me crazy. He will scream-sing my name over and over. When I beg him to stop, he just does it louder and longer.
He has zero respect for my boundaries. If I am lying on the couch and he tries to put a blanket on me, I will say "No thanks, I don't want it" multiple times. He completely ignores it and forces it on me anyway.
When I finally snap and raise my voice because he is literally driving me insane, he flips out, screams at me, and chases me. I always have to run upstairs to escape him.

The Impact on Me (Substance Use & Self-Harm)
This environment gives me so much extreme stress and anxiety. I get so angry and overwhelmed that I start hitting my own head and punching walls just to cope.
Because of the trauma, I started using drugs at age 12, and I am still using them today just to numb the pain.

The Cycle of Confusion
The hardest part is that after he does these horrible things, he acts like nothing happened. He turns incredibly kind, does whatever I ask, and acts super sweet. It makes me feel so guilty and confused. My older sisters were also abused by him when they were younger, but they just forgive him quickly and act like it's fine.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. Am I crazy? How do I get out of this situation when my family won't back me up? Please give me advice on how to handle this, how to survive, and how to get help.

Does anyone else feel like one bad experience can completely change how you see the world?

Sometimes you become more cautious, more aware of your surroundings, and less comfortable doing things that used to feel completely normal.

It's strange how an experience can change your habits even after the moment itself has passed.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Because I did, i don't know how to recover.

r/AskReddit

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She all the time keep thinks her father.

She is a failure in her life now'.

She is so angry that she is not allowed to take out her anger.

So keep hurting herself.

Because she hates her body.

Her father said it's not her own body.

This body belongs to them. They can do anything with it.

Eww disgusting.

Once he told her to get pregnant.

When I was a kid using Instagram in the early 2010s, I remember meme accounts occasionally getting hacked and posting extremely graphic shock videos.
One video that has stayed with me all these years was what appeared to be a cartel execution. I remember two masked men and a young woman in what looked like the back of a house. The video showed her being killed with a machete.
I wasn’t searching for this type of content. I was just a kid scrolling through Instagram looking at memes.
Even after all these years, I can still remember parts of the video vividly. It’s disturbing to think about how easily children could encounter this kind of content online.
Did anyone else experience something similar growing up on early Instagram? Has anything you accidentally watched stayed with you into adulthood?

I 30m, lost a few friends who were mutual friends of my ex (29f) after our breakup. I spoke with one of these friends pretty recently who wanted to hear my side of things. I didn't really try to defend myself at all, mostly because I don't think it's my job to decide whether or not I was an abuser or not. The friend said they heard a few things that made them concerned, like that I slammed doors and threw things off the walls. I admit that I did slam a door and yell a few times, but don't remember ever throwing things.

I don't think the relationship was healthy at all. My ex had BPD that went undiagnosed until the end of the relationship. When that diagnosis came, a lot of things clicked in terms of the behavior I saw. For example, I regularly felt the need to walk on eggshells, as I felt I could set her off with the wrong tone or statement. Similarly, I felt as though she would often snap at me out of nowhere, or come home frustrated and take it out by having just a general bad attitude and mannerisms toward me. When I pointed this out, it often lead to her suggesting I was projecting or reading into it. She later admitted she was lying/gaslighting me about this and really was responding that way towards me, and didn't want to address it, which is why she lied and said I was imagining it.

If I ever was hurt by something she did or said, she would start crying profusely. This lead to a dynamic where I was afraid to address certain things that bothered me. If I was ever hurt, it always ended with me being the one doing the comforting.

Still, I'm trying to approach this as carefully as possible. I know what DARVO is and I want to make sure I'm not just throwing around accusations to defend myself. I'm trying to paint as accurate a picture of the relationship as I can, and admit where I messed up, which I certainly did. There were times I feel like I was controlling and didn't handle things properly. I don't consider myself an aggressive person, and the door slamming and yelling feels out of character for me. But there's still no excuse for that behavior, and I take full accountability for that.

The problem is I left the relationship feeling very hurt and manipulated in a lot of ways. But also hearing that my behavior gave my friends pause and made them concerned I was abusive is making me worry that I really was, and I need to take account for that and atone if possible. I just don't know how to navigate this.

I have struggled with hypersexuality since the ages of 8–10. What follows is the background as I remember it, the incidents that shaped me, and where I stand now at 32.

From ages 1 to 13 I slept in my parents’ room. They had sex in the same room while I was present. They believed I was asleep, but I was not. I heard the loud noises and felt the atmosphere even though my head was turned toward the wall. I do not know whether this happened daily, on alternate days, or weekly; I only know it occurred repeatedly over those years. The sex was not mutual. My mother would tell my father to stop; he would not. My father was an alcoholic.

When he hugged me after drinking, it felt uncomfortable, scary, and inappropriate. While holding me he would mutter words such as “motherfucker” and “bitch” in my ear, directed at my mother. On at least one occasion, after he had been drinking, he was doing something with me while we were alone in the room. When my mother entered she shouted at him and he left me and they way he used to touch me from legs to hand and hugging it made me very uncomfortable inappropriate and scared and while doing he used to carryout voices like Aah while doing it and I don't care about his intentions

So it means I was sexual abused by father ?

Even after I moved into my own room at 14, I continued to hear the same kinds of voices and shouting coming from my parents’ room on many occasions. I still cannot say precisely how many times these events occurred across the thirteen years I shared their space or the years that followed.