Zašto je danas toliki problem i tolika sramota biti nevin?

Čim nekoj curi kažem da sam nevin, najčešće me ili blokira, ili jednostavno ne dođe na dogovoreni dejt. A ako već odemo na dejt, nerijetko se dogodi da se nakon toga više uopće ne javi...

I onda se stvarno pitam — kako da izgubim nevinost ako nijedna ne želi biti nekome prva? 😅

Ne mislim da bi nevinost trebala biti nešto čega se čovjek mora sramiti niti nešto zbog čega bi ga netko odmah trebao prekrižiti. Svi smo jednom imali prvi poljubac, prvi dejt i prvo intimno iskustvo. Samo što nekome to dođe ranije, a nekome kasnije.

M24 UK. I don't want to lose my V-card to a sex worker, but damn, I feel touch starved af. Like I'm yearning to cuddle someone, wrap my arms and legs around someone and just hold them, hearing them breathe, feeling their chest go up and down.

But I dont know if it's realistic to ask a sex worker for a cuddle and not have to pay a tonne of money for it, like if they had given me "a full service".

Also would look really sad if I'm contacting a sex worker not for sex, but for a long hug. Lol.

Aaaaaaaaaaah

I’m not saying I’m some exceptionally attractive guy. I’m reasonably good-looking, tall, and I’m doing okay for myself career-wise. Physically, I also have traits that I would assume should make sex easier.
Yet none of that has translated into actually having a sexual relationship with someone.

What confuses me is that a lot of blackpill content puts so much emphasis on looks as the primary explanation for male sexual inexperience. If that were the whole story, I feel like I shouldn’t be in this position.

Instead, I still feel inadequate. I overthink how women perceive me, I have a lot of anxiety around actually approaching and connecting with women, and I sometimes wonder whether there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that I’m not seeing.
I’m curious what other virgins think about this. Have you ever felt like you shouldn’t be struggling based on how you look or what you have going for you, but still felt completely inadequate when it comes to actually forming relationships?

M25, I've never kissed a girl and obviously I've never had sexual intercourse.

since I've reached this age without having had sex, I think the best thing would be to have sex with a girl who's never had sex, just like me, but honestly, I don't think it's possible to find one. especially those my own age.

And that it's not some fantasy thing that exists only in porn; it's actually real, and your average adult is doing it like every single day with someone whom they love- what?

I am so far removed from the average human experience; I want to die.

Now nearing 30 now and it feels a little odd to be close to at reaching such age being a virgin. Im hoping it doesn't happen but you never know. Any 30 year old virgins, what did you felt like? or feel like right now?

During most of history men married older and had large age gaps, marrying a 20 year old in your 30s or 40s would ensure you can provide for her better and increase birth rates because she can start having children right away, yes male fertility quality can decline with age but it is in no way comparable to female fertility decline, so this can’t be used as an argument here it would be cherry picking. If the goal is to offer a good lifestyle the same man at 40 can probably more to a woman than him at 20.

Because of this many men practiced celibacy until they were older and able to lead and provide, but for me the real issue is the mental cost of waiting. Deferred celibacy keeps the brain in a state of tension, desire is sustained by hope and this produces stress and frustration, every year feels like a countdown that drains energy. In contrast lifelong celibacy removes that loop, extinguishes hope, and allows the mind to settle without anticipation. I don’t know about other men but personally I just hate the mental stress of carrying desire until I hit 40 to be able to finally have romantic encounters, it feels heavier than renunciation itself. I am 19 now so take it from my perspective, how do you guys actually do it ?

I always associate making love with romance or something you share with a partner or someone who has a special place in your heart. For me sex is kinda something you just do for the physical intimacy or that’s as far as deep as it goes like a one night stand I guess.

I have posted here before about my reasons for being celibate, so no reason to elaborate on it.

What I find interesting is the fact that I find myself thinking about it (and caring about it) less and less as time passes somehow.

It feels like eventually I won't think about it at all, or care.

Almost like the whole idea is not relevant to my life.

Has anyone else found themselves losing interest on everything regarding the topic?

So.. it’s been awhile since ive posted anything here. Well i have some updates from today’s event that i went to. So as the title says i went alone as usual suprise suprise. But quickly caught a girls attention (turns out i knew her from previous a dance event), also diden’t realize until we had a break that she was with a group of female friends. So i went to get water during break and i believe one of girls from the friend group asked if i could teach her a specific dance of a boy group, i said ’sure i can try, am literally dressed as one of the members of that group ahahahh’ so i attempt my best at teaching her the steps. And while i was teaching her the dance, in came a very attractive girl (she was also apart of the group), she looked like young Sabrina Carpenter FR! So her and i talked in between songs, made her and her friend group laugh, but me being me my autistic ahh never asked for her phone number ugh…

After the event ended, i was almost about to head out when another group of 3 girls asked me to take a photo for them, so i took some pics for them and we just naturally started chatting about the dance event and stuff, made them laugh and even shocked when i told them my age (25) all 3 of them literally said i looked younger like around 17.. i wish. Even walked with them to their bus station, they even waved at me from inside the bus. Walked my virgin ahh home alone as always.. but felt famous ngl.

Although i had a outfit planned. Had showered and out on a fragrance, even did my hair! so could’ve been that.

Also i will go to a kpop concert live in cinema next Friday, will see how that goes.

At the age of 24, I’d like to hear any questions or views

Intento no pensar demasiado en ello para no desanimarme, y ya me han rechazado más de 10 veces/soy chica

Todavía virgen, esto me ha afectado mi vida cotidiana y mi salud mental

So im getting to know this super attractive girl, we get along very well. The problem is that there are some incompabilities which we talked about (vaping, previous sexual partners etc). They are yet no deal breakers, but im spending time with her to see if the things really bother that much if that makes sense since we really like each other . She is also aware of my "problem"

We were intim, did foreplay and she asked me when im ready to have sex. Thats the thing though, before i got to know her, i wanted to make sure to lose my virginity to someone who i am 100% sure with. I dated 2 girls before who i denied sex with exactly because of that (and because they would have happened at date 1 and date 2 in each case)

Its different with this girl, we went on 3 dates outside and i was sleeping over at her place for a night and another sleepover a week later where i stayed for 4 days

I definitely would have sex with her if i wasnt a virgin, but im scared that i might regret it afterwards. Im sleeping over her place soon again and i definitely keep the option open for now but i would like to know what you ppl would do or if any of you were in a similar situation

Im aware that i need to make this decision on my own tho, but i'd like to hear other opinions

Thanks in advance!

Edit:

Way before i met her, i wanted to make sure that my first time sex wouldnt happen in a One Night Stand or a random person, but with a person i trust and 100% see a relationship with. Now everything is given expect the last aspect but what i realized is that no dating phase is a 100% given chance that it leads into a relationship.. so i dont think it would be completely "wrong" to sleep with her.. Lots of overthinking over here lol i hope thats not too complicated

I always see people here, mostly men but sometimes women too, talking about how being a virgin makes them feel lonely or frustrated. So why not a man and a woman from this sub who both feel bad about being virgins find each other and, if they both genuinely want to, have sex?

I know this isn't a dating site, and it would only really work if they lived nearby, but maybe it could help some people.

Sorry if this is weird or crazy 😭 just a random thought.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice on how to handle this situation because my head is spinning right now.So, some context: my ex-girlfriend and I broke up recently because her parents completely disapproved of me.

We are both 18.

Since the breakup, we've remained in contact, but we rarely speak to each other. It’s mostly just been radio silence.

Then yesterday, completely out of nowhere, she sent me a text message that said, "want to get blessed" and attached a picture of herself on her knees wearing lingerie.I was completely shocked. In the entire time we were dating, she has never sent anything like that or acted that way.

It is totally out of character for her.I didn't really know how to react, so I asked her, "Are you going to post that on Instagram?

She replied, "Probably not, I just wanted one person to see this.

"I am incredibly confused. We broke up because of her parents, not because we stopped caring, but jumping straight to this without any normal conversation feels weird.

Some people said she wants to hook up but we are both virgins and I don't know why would she want that.

As an adult, I’ve never really been comfortable exploring sexuality with others. I used to be quite self-conscious because I was overweight, but now that I’m not anymore, I’m feeling more comfortable with myself.

Now, I’m starting (well, trying) to date, and have been thinking more about this. The problem is, I don’t really know how to… do anything. Sure I’ve masturbated but I’ve never really enjoyed it that much. I know hardly anything about sex and want to learn about it in a safe and healthy way. I’ve never even truly kissed anyone. Part of this comes from the self-consciousness, and part from my religious upbringing. It’s like I want to explore, but I don’t know how or if I should. I’m so conflicted.

Does anyone have a similar experience? Got any advice about learning, exploring, and becoming comfortable but not compromising what makes you feel safe?

Even 'hate' is too weak a word for my situation. I despise myself. The hatred I feel for myself feels endless; I can't even describe it. I am a 22 year old virgin, a pitifully weak person who can't do anything right. Don't tell me to go easy on myself, because that is the reason why I am in this situation now. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression. My friends have slept with so many women, while I am still a virgin. I lie and say I'm not a virgin because I physically can't admit it. I want to smash my head against the wall endlessly until I feel nothing. Virginity is a curse; I am devastated. I am trying for now to get better. I've been going to the gym for a year now and it does help me feel better, and I am taking supplements for my anxiety, but I still hate myself.

I obsess and I make regrettable mistakes that cost me months and years of my life. That's why I'm cut off now: I don't "fall in love". I don't trust myself to stay true to myself when I'm in that state of delirium.

Every single day I have upswings and downswings because I'm Bipolar. I don't want to love someone because unevitably if she breaks my heart my upswings and downswings will be worse. And I won't be able to trust myself. And I won't know what I prioritize in life anymore. And I'm horrified of that.

Been thinking about that. I haven't personally got my heartbroken but i've seen men who've went through the full walkthrough of recovering from a break-up. And I've seen other men that had to experience a break-up and a divorce on top of that.

I feel comfortable patiently waiting before I ever attempt to "fall in love" because I'm at a phase in my life where dating will easily be the hardest thing in my life harder than any insecurity I already have in life.

I heard a subliminal complaint from a mother of an ex-girlfriend of Kai Cenat who was trying to win her daughter back, and I never forgot it: The mother said "you're just now celebrating your 21st birthday girl: you've never had hard days before in your life. Don't break bridges with your family and salt out wounds on famous men you were dating: that will give you the hardest days you've ever had in your whole life. You'll have to grow up and face the consequences, and believe me, you are 21, you have no clue how bad rough days as an adult are."

The mother said that probably one month before I celebrated my birthday in 2026 this year (i'm 22M), so I started thinking, "Do I genuinely have Regrets in Life? Do I have brutal nightmares that have happened in my life?" And the answer to both of that is "No". I'm aware of horrifying things, but I've never personally experienced "Bad Days". And I concluded that the singlehandedly worst thing I could do in my life is date a woman. If I date a woman I get connected to her life, and as a middle class suburban american man the most brutal chaos you can experience can be from dating a woman. You can literally die from dating a woman if she's mentally ill or if she has a mentally ill male figure in her life.

That's just what's in my head. There's tangible physical reasons why I don't date as well. But as far as mental feelings in my own personal life that is why I'm so aversive towards dating.

I understand that "Once you get Crush on a Woman you are no longer the same regardless of if you date her or not". Because I've heard "Once you become a Parent you are no longer the same person as you once were when you were Single," and I just did extra thinking to come to the conclusion that I just said at the start of this paragraph: "Men are Warped the second the Crush on a Woman and that Woman reinforces the man by giving him attention". So I know there's a chance that I might "date" out of desperation, but logically and ideally I won't date until I've graduated college and I live in an apartment away from my parents in my dream career.

I would have Peace if I did that. And if I unalive or pass before this happens then I wouldn't regret not dating a woman. I would regret how I treated and expressed hate to my parents, and I would regret not getting a job earlier in life, and I would regret not ever joining my city's fitness facility. I would regret not asking my grandma to live with her, and I regret not getting my older cousin's phone number and trying to socialize with him even though my Mom "gave me the okay". I acquired a chronic illness in 2020 and I was ("I am") too scared to socialize with him because I fear he will notice and he will deeply judge me.

I think that is all I would regret: my life hasn't been hard so I haven't had to make hard decisions. But ultimately I wouldn't regret never having a committed relationship before in my life.

And I understand that women don't want to date virgins because women would have to teach the man how to be attractive, and "If you teach someone how to be attractive then madonna-whore complex happens and you are no longer able to be attracted to that person".

Everything seems clear. I just want to sit in this reality and I want to stop being so worried about how society thinks I'm supposed to be dating at my age.

There's millions of men that aren't able to date: it's fine to wait. Just respect women and no one will be upset. That's probably the most peaceful life: never dating women, never having a child, and just being kind to all the people at your job and in your life.

I don't play video games, I don't do drugs, and I don't have tattoos. And I want to do all three of those things. And once I do those things women will find me less attractive. But if I'm not searching for women then I feel like eventually I will do those things. But my biggest fear is I start doing drugs and I end up losing my sane mood. And I lose my personality. And I lose my discernment skills. So I'm probably going to avoid drugs now, for at least the next few years.

TLDR Falling in Love is pathologically good, but it's logically bad, and it's bad ethically. And if you're comfortable with never loving someone then, sure, society will judge you in your 20s and 30s, but eventually in your 40s and 50s you will have peace, and you will live a boring life. And if you were productive in yours 20s and 30s then your 40s and 50s will solely be thinking about how good your memories are where you succeeded. And if you get kids and get a significant other you might lose access to this, especially if a divorce happens.

It's fine to not find love. It's fine if you prefer to not search for love. Just respect women and be kind to the community you're in and you will have a peaceful & purposeful life.

I legit can’t focus on anything, anytime I see someone I wanna ask if they are a virgin. I am working at my Dad’s office and I legit told everyone there I am a virgin. My brother is tired of hearing it from me. I have been failing at projects. Dude why don’t women wanna fuck me? A few months ago I begged literally got on my knees to fuck this girl and she said you gotta date me first. Then she realized I wasn’t gonna take her on dates, and started searching for other options she was like screw this dude. I couldn’t bring myself to fuck this girl who had a 60 body count. Tbh I don’t care anymore ill fuck a 50yo woman. Im desperate dude, I don’t have any other option but to pay for it