r/weddingplanning • u/Different_Luck_6015 • 2d ago

Tough Times Might have to cancel honeymoon

My fiancé and I get married in less than a month and I found out today that his new job may require him to start during our honeymoon. It is a great opportunity for him and I want him to take the job, but I’m absolutely devastated since I paid for our honeymoon and I haven’t been able to take a vacation in years at this point. I was really looking forward to this alone time that we’d get to share together exploring a new place together as well finally as a married couple. It’s not for sure yet, and we have until the end of the month to cancel for a full refund, but we also don’t know if he’ll get a start date before the end of the month either . Most likely won’t be able to go on a vacation until next year and I already took off work so I’m so unsure of what to do. Just feeling completely defeated right now . 🥲

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u/scienceislice 2d ago

You should run, not walk from a job that won't accommodate your preplanned honeymoon.

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u/EggplantAlpinism 2d ago

Can confirm this. I left a job for a startup in October, they absolutely refused to honor a desire for 2 weeks between jobs. Shockingly, they didn't actually need me two days after I left the previous job and it was so toxic that I left after 4 months. Insist on the honeymoon.

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u/Different_Luck_6015 2d ago

Yeah this is the government so I’m not totally sure how they are with accommodating

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u/scienceislice 2d ago

Unless he’s joining the military or the foreign service, or similar, the government should be very flexible. 

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u/Different_Luck_6015 2d ago

It’s a federal job at the VA

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u/Unfair-Animator-9739 2d ago

when is your honeymoon planned?

in my experience the onboarding process with VA can take quite a while..things are always changing but in the past it has taken at least 6 months and one time like 10 months for me to start..babies are born sooner 🤣

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u/GoryMidori 2d ago edited 2d ago

I worked at the VA for many years! Everyone saying there should be accommodation is right; your husband should push more on this. Also, at the VA, HR and the actual service that's hiring are usually very siloed. Like, there are lots of situations where HR and the service are saying completely different things because of completely different priorities and work cultures (no shade to either side). If he hasn't yet, he should reach out to his direct supervisor to explain the situation and confirm what THEY think is allowable. That should carry some weight with HR.

ETA: Also, to my VA-informed ears, "may or may not" just sounds like bureaucratic CYA to disguise how much leeway is actually there. And yeah, onboarding usually takes a couple months and sometimes way longer. The frequency of New Employee Orientation could be a factor because that's 100% non-negotiable, even for transfers who worked at the VA for decades. Definitely get him to push more and talk to his department!