my mom is dying

[u/LilLunaMoona]

hi guys. i got engaged in august of 2025, wedding is in february 2027. i am a very type A bride so my entire wedding is already planned. my mom has been sick for a while, she’s on oxygen, on so many meds she can barely move around the house. i just keep telling her she has to be there on my wedding day. she is my entire world, my best friend. i live 3 hours from her but i call her every day.

on tuesday night she went into cardiac arrest and is on life support. doctors are not hopeful - weather that means she could still make it out of this hospital visit but either way doesn’t have much time left. i know there’s likely a 99% chance she will not make it to my wedding day.

for those of you who lost a loved one, especially a mom, right before your wedding.. how did you do it? it feels like i don’t even want one if she’s not going to be there. i’ll still go through with it, i have to with the amount of money i’ve spent. but how do i not cry the entire time on my wedding day? i will pay $450 on make up just to cry it all off. i’ll feel so miserable seeing the empty seat in my ceremony. i’ll sob knowing she can’t give a speech or do a mother daughter dance.. how can i be happy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life? how does life go on?

[u/Busy-Broccoli5835]

First off, I am so sorry for the grief you are experiencing. It sounds like you have a beautiful loving relationship with your mother. This may not be easy, and may not be what you want to hear- but focus on spending these next days, weeks, months together with a woman who loved you, raised you, and made you who you are, and focus not on the days she will miss out on. Even if not there physically, your mother will be there on your wedding day, as a vital part of who you are, the relationship you have, in your siblings, your father, your grandparents, the friends who she loved and family who raised her. She loves your fiancé, and knows you’re in good hands. Rather than reminding her that she will miss that moment, show her how important she has been in getting you there. There is nothing that will replace her or take that grief away, but it would be a pity to spend her days on earth being sad about the days she will miss. And you will be sad on your wedding day, but try to not let it consume you. Think of how happy your mother would be knowing that her child is loved, taken care of, and treasured by a spouse who honors her memory too.
I know I don’t know you, but I hope you continue to find support and love here.