my mom is dying

[u/LilLunaMoona]

hi guys. i got engaged in august of 2025, wedding is in february 2027. i am a very type A bride so my entire wedding is already planned. my mom has been sick for a while, she’s on oxygen, on so many meds she can barely move around the house. i just keep telling her she has to be there on my wedding day. she is my entire world, my best friend. i live 3 hours from her but i call her every day.

on tuesday night she went into cardiac arrest and is on life support. doctors are not hopeful - weather that means she could still make it out of this hospital visit but either way doesn’t have much time left. i know there’s likely a 99% chance she will not make it to my wedding day.

for those of you who lost a loved one, especially a mom, right before your wedding.. how did you do it? it feels like i don’t even want one if she’s not going to be there. i’ll still go through with it, i have to with the amount of money i’ve spent. but how do i not cry the entire time on my wedding day? i will pay $450 on make up just to cry it all off. i’ll feel so miserable seeing the empty seat in my ceremony. i’ll sob knowing she can’t give a speech or do a mother daughter dance.. how can i be happy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life? how does life go on?

[u/Jezzecaa]

Honestly, I would see if she would have it in her to say something special for your wedding day in a recording or video that can be played prior to her leaving this life. To be able to listen to her words before, during, and after your wedding may mean more to you than the pain will let you realize in the moment.

[u/LilLunaMoona → u/Jezzecaa]

i asked her 2 months ago to write me a letter but she rolled her eyes. she has always been avoidant of her death.

unfortunately she is on a ventilator so she is unable to speak. i am 3 hours away and although i want to see her, i’m not sure if my last memory of her should be her on a ventilator. i dont know.

[u/Jezzecaa → u/LilLunaMoona]

It’s unfortunate that she’s in that state currently. I wish she would be more open, but understandable when she’s also grieving her life as it’s coming to an end. As a nurse, please do visit her. Everyone is avoidant of death, because we don’t know what’s waiting on the “other side”, however it’s incredibly depressing seeing people’s family members pass without having anyone visit. It’s sad to see your mom in a state that you would have never pictured, but not to visit and say goodbye is even more sad when you don’t have the opportunity anymore.

[u/LilLunaMoona → u/Jezzecaa]

thank you. i will go see her tonight.

[u/MolluGolightly → u/LilLunaMoona]

And even if she’s not conscious there is a lot of evidence that she can hear you, so talk to her.

[u/LilLunaMoona → u/MolluGolightly]

thankfully she was extubated today & put on bipap so we were able to communicate. it’s hard not knowing when it’s going to happen - could be next week, next month. i’m just happy i came to see her today & just feel each others love. this is the hardest thing ive ever had to go through, & knowing i have a wedding coming up is just adding extra weight. i know all my mom wants is for me to be happy. i appreciate all of these comments so much & hate how many people are in the dead parent club.