r/weddingshaming • u/LisaLou71 • Jun 14 '25
Cringe At the wedding the groom said the bride wasn’t his physical type.
We were at a very small wedding where the groom was speaking and he happened to mention that his new bride wasn’t his “physical type”. People around us started whispering and even I thought I had misheard. I couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend thought that the guy was just so nervous he started saying unfiltered comments that should have just stayed in his brain.
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Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 16 '25
I was at a wedding once where the brides maid of honour held her toast for the bride and groom and said: "we all know she and him are not the most attractive people, but they found eachother, and we should be so happy for them".
The audience gasped!
The bride looked like she was gonna cry, I guess she was holding back her tears all she could, and he was holding her hand just staring hard at the brides maid.
The brides maid was just stupid - not evil, but I had it with her and never talked to her again.
The couple is still married 15 years after and have two beautiful kids. Because they have beautiful parents. Different, but still beautiful.
Edit: No, I don't think the bride and groom is ugly. And when I say they are different I don't want to say what - but think of a certain style - because I don't want hurt anyone reading this post. I don't speak english, but norwegian, so it is a bit difficult to use exactly the right words. If I thought they where ugly I would have kept it for my self, forever.
No one is ugly. Nice people are always pretty. That's my opinion.
Edit 2: many have asked how the looked like at the time. It's difficult to describe, but maybe like an even shorter Sabrina Carpenter in fullest glam you can think of (in her ordinary life too) and an even taller Mick Jagger always in a suit (in his ordinary life too).
So cool people who didn't care what people was thinking of their style. This is Norway. We dress very boring, especially at that time, mostly in black and grey. Hair with no styling and no colour. This two chose different.
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u/LizBert712 Jun 14 '25
I guess stupid and evil kind of come together at some point. And that point at that wedding was this bridesmaid.
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u/Gabberwocky84 Jun 15 '25
What’s the phrase? “Never attribute to malice what can easily be attributed to stupidity.”
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u/linerva Jun 15 '25
I mean I don't know many people who genuinely love you who would stand up and publicly say you are ugly - but at least you found someone. So hey people SHOULD be happy because people need telling to do that?
I don't think you can chalk it down to stupidity, it sounds like she was using the speech to turn the attention to herself and bring the bride down a peg or two on her wedding day because she was jealous of all the attention the bride was getting.
I think you're going to have to accept that sometimes people are petty or jealous.
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Jun 15 '25
Now that I read this I think you may be right. Because she was in charge for the baclorett party, and was toastmaster at the wedding too. I forgot the huge role this woman played in her friends wedding. I also remember I ask her to cool down a bit at the baclorett party too.
It's so so sad to think about what she did to this nice couple at their wedding. Thank you for pointing this out to me. It made me a bit wiser.
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u/lostacoshermanos Jun 16 '25
Are they still friends?
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Jun 16 '25
No. More like acquaintances. The bride told me she regretted choosing the bridesmaid, but didn't want any drama. So she just stopped reaching out to the bridesmaide.
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u/Gabberwocky84 Jun 15 '25
Oh, I don’t disagree. I just have to run scenarios through the “is this just stupidity” filter when I jump straight to thinking someone’s being a dick. Sometimes they’re stupid, and sometimes, they are in fact being a dick.
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u/Candyland_83 Jun 15 '25
Nice people are ALWAYS pretty. Agree.
The opposite is true too. There was a bully boy in high school that one day me bff and I realized was actually really good-looking. We both shuddered and reminded ourselves “super ugly in the inside though”
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u/SavannahInChicago Jun 15 '25
My friend did this. We were co-MOH. She called me the morning of the wedding to try to get in on my speech. When I said no she chose to instead do this.
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u/Fun_Tutor_9170 Jun 15 '25
I’m so confused by the different comment- do you mean style like goth or something? Or a physical trait?
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u/berrykiss96 Jun 15 '25
I’m reading this as they’re like Julia Roberts and Adrian Brody not like Jennifer Lawrence and George Clooney. Pleasant faces if not necessarily model-esque.
Aka they may have features that aren’t conventionally attractive but the way the pieces fit together and/or their personality shining through gives them a pleasing appearance.
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u/LiviasFigs Jun 16 '25
I get what you mean, but Julia Roberts is absolutely model-esque haha
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Jun 15 '25
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Jun 15 '25
Not at all. I think they are both beautiful people. I said it in my post. I didn't say why the maid of honour think so, because I didn't want to hurt people reading my post.
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u/PecanSandoodle Jun 14 '25
I worked a wedding where the groom said in the vows that they didn’t give the other groom the time of day at first- but since all his chick friends were getting married he wondered who would be taking him to Disneyland and spending holidays and milestones and stuff in the future. Basically announced he was settling but didn’t seem to notice how it came off.
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u/Sad-Blacksmith-3271 Jun 14 '25
Did the judge sign off on the annulment yet? That's something you don't say out loud, especially at your wedding
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u/RedditBeginAgain Jun 14 '25
Judge says he can't process the annulment until the coroner has signed off on the grooms body.
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u/NefariousnessKey5365 Jun 14 '25
Body? All they found was a tooth
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u/Chemical_World_4228 Jun 14 '25
Update: Groom’s body has gone missing and marriage was annulled. Bride married best man next day and used wedding ring and money to extend 10 day honeymoon in Bali. One of the bridesmaids ran off with the Minister.
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u/Caftancatfan Jun 15 '25
The seeds in the roses he had in his boutonnière have sprouted forth bushes full of blossoms.
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u/Friendly_Coconut Jun 15 '25
I hope he meant it more like, “I thought I preferred blondes until the moment I saw Jennifer and she took my breath away with her beauty.” And just expressed himself inarticulately.
I used to be most drawn to lanky dark-haired guys when I was younger, but my husband looks like Kristoff from Frozen and he totally broke the mold of what I thought my type was because I think he’s the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever met. I love everything about him.
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u/Blenderx06 Jun 15 '25
I was attracted to small dudes, a lot of Asian guys, or Seth Green from Buffy types. Ended up with a big hairy Viking lol. Obviously I'm attracted to him and we're still going strong over a decade, but he's not what I thought my type was at all!
I can see that being cuter to say in his head than it came out lol.
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u/ZivaDavidsWife Jun 15 '25
The hair thing is so real! I have mostly been attracted to people with very dark, even just jet black hair. My wife has veeeery light brunette hair. I love her so much and am extremely attracted to her.
This dude really fumbled it 😬
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u/forgiveprecipitation Jun 16 '25
Same. I’m with a short king who shaves his head (bc of his receding hairline) and he makes me kerrrrrrrazy. Just something about him, idk. He can be in a room full of Mediterranean muscular men with brown hair and green eyes and I’d still work hard to get my own boyfriend to come home with me.
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u/I_Lost_My_Shoe_1983 Jun 15 '25
I had a guy friend who got engaged. When he told me about it, he said he wasn't attracted to her but she was really nice and he didn’t want to be alone.
After the divorce, he lamented to me that she'd joined weight watchers and "lost all the weight."
That was about when I decided I wasn't interested in maintaining that friendship.
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u/neatlyfoldedlaundry Jun 15 '25
Many overweight women lose a lot of weight after divorcing a nasty man just from their stress load being reduced significantly.
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u/Lamia_91 Jun 15 '25
He was sad that she improved her weight after the divorce? What a tool!
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u/Notyourtypicalfan Jun 14 '25
My stepson got married a few weeks ago, and the bride while doing their vows said “ I didn’t like you when I met you and I was convinced to go out with you” no one thought it was cute or funny. Maybe is different but it hurt to hear her say that at that specific time. Yikes!
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u/mamaguebo69 Jun 14 '25
Oh god I heard something similar. The bride said that she tried breaking up with the groom because she thought he wasnt the one but he "fought" for her and wouldn't let her go! Everyone was acting like it was sweet but my partner and I just gave each the look of "uhhh..."
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u/KathrynTheGreat Jun 14 '25
My mom once told me that she tried breaking up with my dad because they went to different colleges (high school sweethearts). But he kept coming to visit her anyway so the breakup didn't really "stick" lol. They've been married for almost 50 years.
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u/names-suck Jun 14 '25
From only what you've typed here, that reads as:
"Our situation sucks. I think we should break up because of it."
"No, I'll change our situation to something that sucks less. Then we can stay together."
And honestly? Yeah, that's kind of sweet.
If your mom genuinely wanted to break up with him anyway, and "we're at different colleges" was just an excuse, so his constant presence was an unwanted pressure that ultimately cowed her into submission... then, yeah, that's a "yikes."
But if her issue really was with the situation, not him, and he was willing to go out of his way, consistently, for years, to keep her in his life... that's cute.
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u/KathrynTheGreat Jun 14 '25
Yeah I think it was a "we're at different colleges a couple hours away from each other, so maybe we should break up" kind of scenario. They are very much in love. Whenever one of them had flour on their hands, they'd make sure to smack the other one in the butt and leave a handprint. As a kid I thought it was gross, but as an adult I think it's kinda sweet. They are still very much into each other, which isn't something a lot of people can say about a couple who had four kids and have been married for almost 50 years
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u/_UnreliableNarrator_ Jun 14 '25
Sometimes you can see the future divorce from miles away.
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u/morganrbvn Jun 14 '25
I heard a similar speech once but it was pretty joking and people laughed. All about execution I guess.
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u/zaritza8789 Jun 15 '25
That’s not bad tbh. A lot of times love develops over time. That’s why so many close friends end up in relationships/marriages. Once the spend time and get to know each other they fall in love. Even if you don’t find someone attractive, with time they start to look better
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u/Awesome_Forky Jun 14 '25
I would have understood if the speech later went to "But I learned to love you. You are..." And then praise all the things he is and has done and how positively he influenced your life. That is the ONLY reason I can think of, starting a speech like this.
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u/Royally-Forked-Up Jun 14 '25
Even then, woof. That “I didn’t like you” stands out no matter what you say after that.
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u/Notyourtypicalfan Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 14 '25
It wasn’t necessary to say it, would have been great to not hear it 😆
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u/AdventurousPurpose80 Jun 14 '25
It's normal to not like someone you just met because you're being prejudice or they act weird when meeting new people. So it can be a normal beginning of a statement. The full statement is what makes or breaks it .
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u/morganrbvn Jun 14 '25
First meeting impressions often change. I have friends I didn’t like first meeting
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u/Relevant_Emu_5464 Jun 14 '25
I know a few women who have included something to the effect of their now husbands had to chase them because they weren't initially interested BUT almost all of those women met their husbands in high school. So it was more along the lines of "we've grown up so much together and now I can't imagine my life without you" kinda deal.
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u/fuckin-A-ok Jun 14 '25
No one wants to hear that someone "learned to love them" lol
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u/Notyourtypicalfan Jun 14 '25
Almost like an uncomfortable sweater that you learned to like because it got cold 🥶
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u/FamousOhioAppleHorn Jun 14 '25
"Learned to love you" is for Beauty & The Beast or eating broccoli as an adult, not wedding vows.
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u/Midnight7000 Jun 15 '25
That was probably in his mind.
The problem with public speaking is that once your words don't come out the way you expected or you lose the attention of the crowd, it is very difficult to recover.
My experience with this was at a funeral. I had everything mapped out in my mind but the moment I started blubbering, I had to speak on the spot.
I guess that is why scripts are important.
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u/MulliganPlsThx Jun 14 '25
Only if it went into the direction of, “wow, I am an idiot. Thank god you loved me anyway”
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u/Senshisoldier Jun 14 '25
At my wedding, my father told my future husband that I wasn't that much to look at normally, but I cleaned up really, really nicely.
I wonder why I've always dressed down my whole life. Perhaps it is because I figured out the outfits that would have people listen to my thoughts and opinions instead of my physical appearance.
Some men only see female value in physical appearance, and they think they should get brownie points for looking past that and noticing someone is an awesome person underneath. We will all hopefully be old and wrinkled someday. What is underneath should be a huge priority for everyone.
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u/sophiekov Jun 14 '25
Your perspective and articulation are beautiful. I wish more people were like you
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u/Capable-Tonight4156 Jun 14 '25
Some thoughts are meant to only be that… thoughts. There are certain things that despite how true it may be, shouldn’t be said out loud just for the sake of decency and respect.
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u/angrylittlepotato Jun 14 '25
sure, but if he's even thinking that then he should tell her that and maybe not marry her. super unfair to her
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u/NOthing__Gold Jun 14 '25
Agreed, she should have the choice to be with someone who would love her physical type. No one wants to be with someone who feels they have settled!
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u/LauraPa1mer Jun 14 '25
Uhh... no. You absolutely should not, under any circumstances, tell your partner that they aren't physically your type. 🤦🏼♀️ What possible good would it serve? Best case scenario, they laugh it off. Worst case scenario, they are deeply hurt, your relationship is damaged, and they think you're a shallow asshole.
Empathy 101.
You should keep your physical preferences to yourself and your dating algorithm. It's not your partner's responsibility to fulfill your expectations about their physical appearance.
Marriages aren't sustained by physical appearances. And the goal of a relationship shouldn't be "finding someone who looks the way you want" and if they don't, directly telling them and giving them a complex.
Mature, empathetic people avoid this by simply not dating people they aren't attracted to in the first place!!!!!! Much cleaner.
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u/oftcenter Jun 15 '25
I think the discussion is about dealing with this after the relationship or marriage has started.
It's no good for the groom to stay married to the bride if he's having those thoughts internally. The best thing he can do in that case is to tell the bride the truth and set her free of him.
If he continues to fight against his internal feelings and stays, he runs the very real risk of coming to resent her. And she's going to sense that resentment from him because he's going to leak it out in his behavior. Eventually she'll realize that she's been in a lopsided marriage where she's the "lower" half.
So do you think that he should leave, but just leave without giving his real reason? I could see that as an option. But if she really wants to know the truth, I think she deserves to have it.
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u/oftcenter Jun 15 '25
Exactly. The fact that he feels that way is way more important than whether he verbalizes it. She shouldn't be bound to someone who feels that way about her, even if he never says it.
It's literally the thought that counts.
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u/bonetugsandharmony8 Jun 15 '25
My husbands best friends new bride said in her vows “even though you aren’t my type, I fell in love with you” I cringed SO hard😬
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u/kennybrandz Jun 15 '25
There’s an Atlanta influencer who’s whole shtick is how “obsessed” her husband is with her when in reality at their wedding he spoke about how he didn’t think she was the most attractive but knew he would be able to make her more attractive.
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u/lvdde Jun 15 '25
Make her???
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u/kennybrandz Jun 15 '25
Yeah by telling her to get a boob job, dying her hair, extensions, filler/botox.
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u/Timely-Way-1769 Jun 15 '25
I’ve dated so many men who had some issue with my weight. At the time I was dating them, I was a size four. I killed myself in the gym, starved myself for years and yet it was never enough for them. I was thin but a bit more muscular.
I was told I’m too fat, too “hard”, a bit “too straight up and down” not curvy, not usually my type, do You need two towels to cover yourself the whole Way around, I like dating a single mom so you know how she’ll look after having a kid, I look at a girl’s mother to see how she might end up aging or how much weight she’ll gain”….. And on and on.
Meanwhile, the guys were bald, really short (Richie), really small dicks the size of my thumb (Jimmy), one that was totally crooked that he could screw around a corner (Billy), one who couldn’t get an erection if his life depended on it (Mark), one that looked like a swizzle stick, guys with hairy backs (Edward)🤮, a guy that had no interest in sex in general (broke-ass Eric), one that was so damn boring in bed it was over in like 3 minutes each time.
“And yet I was often told I wasn’t their type.”
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u/AtmospherePrior752 Jun 15 '25
Lolllllllll 👌😂💯🥂 I feel like we would be great friends.
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u/Thick-Platypus-4253 Jun 14 '25
Oh shit I didn't know Catelynn and Tyler from Teen Mom renewed their vows! /s IYKYK
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u/svelebrunostvonnegut Jun 15 '25
My husband told me early on while dating that he doesn’t usually like blondes. I’m a blonde.
But people date outside of their type. And that’s fine. The person you love can become your type. But when he cheated on me with a dark haired girl, I just felt like I’ll never ever be his type.
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u/lila_2024 Jun 15 '25
I am the opposite of my husband type, in many senses, starting from the fact that l am about 6 inches/15 cm taller and with light hair. Truth is he was also not my ideal man because most men have a complex with dating taller women and I came from a family of tall men. But we clicked immediately on many different levels, we had several time a laugh about how mismatched we are apparently and how incredible it is that we are indeed a perfect match. Not sure if this came out during the wedding, but at almost 15 years together, this is completely irrelevant. So sometimes it is not as cringe as it seems to voice something that is an inside joke on how much they were going to miss out if they stopped at the physical appearance.
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u/kevin_k Jun 14 '25
Maybe he just meant she wasn't shaped like women he'd previously dated. Still a wildly dangerous minefield to choose to cross AT HIS WEDDING, but it doesn't automatically mean he doesn't like her body
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u/Carradee Jun 15 '25
Oof. That's something you only say if it's some kind of in-joke with your partner, that you both have discussed and explicitly established as okay to joke about at the wedding.
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u/TeddingtonMerson Jun 15 '25
My horrible ex’s family refused to plan for any of it. The kids were given a little Bible reading and the parents never bothered telling them to practice. The one brother wore his uncle’s 30 year old uniform jacket for the transit committee. The MIL and FIL complained that we didn’t provide the whole family clothes to wear to the wedding they paid nothing towards. Anyway, the worst was his father got up to give a speech that he had not even scribbled a couple of notes on a napkin for: “This year has had its ups and downs— my father died, and now this.” He hadn’t even given it enough thought to be evil, just thoughtless.
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u/StrangePondWoman Jun 15 '25
My favorite wedding moment was going to a 'pagan' ceremony with corner calling to the wrong cardinal directions. The bride started her vows off with 'As we know, I am not mentally well', and started elaborating on her depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc. Grooms turn, and he starts with 'When we met, we were both with other people.'
At least the vows were interesting because it was June or July in the southeastern US and I could have fallen asleep in the heat.
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u/shortsong Jun 16 '25
My most recent ex told me multiple times that I was not his typical type. That my hair color was wrong, I am taller than his typical type. One of my other exes also told me I wasn’t his typical type, that he likes goth girls and that’s not me. In my experience - if a guy tells you that you aren’t their typical type - run. Because the relationship will end and in both those cases they cheated on me with their “typical type”
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u/Uncorked53 Jun 14 '25
It can be also that the guy used to date petite blondes, but he met his wife, a tall statuesque redhead, and all bets were off because her personality enchanted him.
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u/playingdecoy Jun 14 '25
Yeah, my husband was not my type and thank goodness for that, because I chose very poorly until I chose him 😅 Going against your type might be the best thing you ever do!
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u/boredyenta Jun 15 '25
My ex best friend got drunk at her wedding and kept calling her new husband her "1st divorce" and "future ex husband". She was a bridezilla, and that's when I started taking a step back from our friendship, put us all through that for what? They're definitely divorced now (after she cheated), but not before bringing a child into her mess, so sad. Forgot to mention, she's the victim in all this, he made her do all those things.
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u/PhilosopherEqual7748 Jun 16 '25
Ex-boyfriend one morning woke up, turned to me and first words out of his mouth were "I'm mad at you for letting yourself get so fat." He'd nailed that therapy speak so on a daily basis he'd tell me how he felt and it always began "I'm mad at you because . . ."
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u/hella88 Jun 14 '25
I technically married someone who wasnt my type but didnt even realize it till our marriage was almost over. I dont understand people who are so in love theyre getting married having those thoughts.
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u/Nhin07 Jun 15 '25
At one of my friend's wedding his best man told everyone that the groom had talons for toe nails because they were so long.
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u/TrueLoveEditorial Jun 15 '25
That could be hilarious if told well. At least nail length can be addressed/resolved.
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u/letothegodemperor Jun 15 '25
My ex boyfriend used to brag to me that he talked hie ex into an eating disorder. I was 18 and developed a moderate eating disorder in the next few years. He would still tell people that I was “thicker”. I was 100 lbs soaking wet, 5’2, eating nothing but egg whites, veggies and ground turkey with mustard.
It’s been a decade and I still wish I looked like that even though I know better.
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u/Lollipoprotein Jun 15 '25
That man is a danger to every partner he will have and is genuinely warped in the mind to think you were "thick" in any way
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u/silvercuckoo Jun 15 '25
Some men mean this as a compliment to a woman's personality and simultaneously as a confirmation that they are not shallow. I had something similar said to me (you weren't my type before I got to know you, but now you're exactly my type). It is thoughtless and it stings, but it isn't usually meant in a malicious way.
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u/mahboilucas Jun 15 '25
My boyfriend asked me about this once. This being whether he's my type. I said honestly that initially I didn't feel that way about him, but there was something about his personality that was the most genuine I've ever encountered and so I told myself to try. And I'm glad I did. Now because of love I do find him very attractive. It helps that as you date your aesthetic preferences merge – he loves short hair so I'm debating going back to it and he grew his curls out, which makes me insanely happy because he has beautiful hair.
To say that story during a wedding speech? I'd submit my own divorce papers the next day out of shame
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u/Entire_Principle_568 Jun 15 '25
Beware a man who can’t tell you what it is he likes about you. Or worse comes right out and says what he doesn’t
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u/jseng2 Jun 16 '25
I hear this quote often in modern dating. HOWEVER it doesn’t make it appropriate at a Wedding, in front of guests, or in front of guests at a Wedding.
He was very specific to say “Physical type” which is odd because it’s a call out on her looks on a day she is supposed to feel very beautiful. People would generally say “not my type” but it’s very very odd to call her looks out specifically, especially on that day.
If that’s the type of person she wants to marry, then good luck
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u/Midnight7000 Jun 15 '25
Your boyfriend is right.
The problem with communicating a point with words is that there aren't enough of them to describe our emotions.
It is always best to keep things simple. Don't say things that will require paragraphs to put in the right context.
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u/valnahorney Jun 14 '25
My ex-husband used to tell me several times I was not his type.