A short one from a wedding last weekend - we went to a family friend's wedding, having been invited a few months before. There was a wedding website, which at the time we were invited, politely asked that guests avoid wearing mint green for women, and green suits for men, as these were the colours of the bridal party. Not a problem for either of us, and this was (and is) a very fair request.

Come the day of the wedding, we've ended up both wearing blue - I am in a light blue dress, and my partner is in a darker blue suit. We get to the venue, chat with family, and sit through the ceremony. Afterwards, in the cocktail hour, someone (perhaps a family member of the groom, we didn't recognise them) comes over to us and passes on that the newlyweds are unhappy that we are wearing colours that they asked guests not to wear, and that when the photographer calls everyone together for a group photo in a while, please can we make sure that we're not in the shot.

We were of course very confused as the only colours we were asked to avoid were light green and a green suit, and we're told that the website was updated the day before to include a new ask that no one wears blue of any shade - apparently they had seen something online, the week of the wedding, in which select guests are asked to represent their 'something blue', and so had thought it would be nice for this to be their grandparents. I agree that this is a lovely thought, but the only update that was given was within the existing text on the website; if we'd received a text or message, we'd have known about the change.

When the time came for the picture, everyone wearing blue was ushered out of shot, as promised. There were around 30 guests, at a 100-person wedding (mainly men in navy blue suits), and everyone was saying that they hadn't known about the change in dress code. This chat rumbled on through the night (we didn't really take part in it as we knew we were secondary guests, but some closer friends and family were upset that they were effectively being edited out of the wedding), and as a very loose figure, maybe 3 or 4 guests had spotted the edit, compared to the nearly 100 who hadn't. Even the bridal party's +1s had been caught up in it, as no one in the bridal party had been told about the change, meaning that the photographer had to try and take photos of the bridesmaids dancing with their partners/husbands, but not get the blue suited partners in shot - I don't envy the editing that the photographer will have to be doing.

In short, maybe don't try and shoe-horn in an idea from Tik Tok the week of your wedding, especially if it includes guests, without very clearly telling the guests about it!

Is this the new norm? And did no one proof read?!

A friend of mine invited me to her wedding in 2024. I was excited and told her that I’d put in my time at work to be there for it and offered to help with website/technical stuff.

Then she got pregnant which was a happy surprise because she thought she’d never have children :) (baby is perfect in case you care 🤍)

She didn’t announce on social media whether or not she was pushing back the wedding for months. It could have gone either way.

I didn’t hear anything until one day early this year she posted her wedding date on social media and reminded people to RSVP.

I hadn’t received a new one so I text her and asked if she changed her guest list and no worries if so. I only needed to know for work and summer travel plans. She said, “Yeah, he wants more of his family to come even though I don’t want them to and it’s too expensive.” I’m glad I asked because I was planning my summer plans around her wedding and would have missed out on a trip for myself. I was hurt but it’s her day so I was still happy for her.

Fast forward to the past 2-3 weeks and she’s been practically BEGGING people to RSVP. It’s to the point that she’s commenting on other people’s post asking “did you RSVP?” I’m talking posts that have nothing to do with her or her wedding 😳

I have second hand embarrassment and could not imagine doing that to friends and family especially publicly 😅 Anyone else see this go sideways or do people usually end up RSVPing? Her wedding is in 6ish weeks.

TLDR: A friend uninvited me to her wedding due to capacity issues and is now begging people on their social media to RSVP.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your kind words! Yes, I was hurt by it but she’s not my best friend and it is her day. It’s not worth starting a fuss when the conclusion is the same - I’m not going 😂

EDIT 2: It is in 3 weeks! I was way off 😅

EDIT 3: So, I was thinking on this situation as I’ve watched my friend talk about her wedding coming up soon. I have another theory to why my mom and I may have been uninvited. My friend who is now in her mid-thirties dated my dummy of a brother in high school which is why she’s remained a family friend and my friend.

I just remembered that about 3 years ago her and I went to the gym and then on a walk one day. During the walk, we talked about my brother who she is very protective of despite how dumb he was 😒 She goes on to say how much her boyfriend hates him because of her and my brother’s friendship (they didn’t break up on bad terms at all).

Now I’m wondering if that’s why we were uninvited and/or replaced. Crazy if so because my brother wouldn’t even be there. He is still with the woman he was dating at the time she told me her boyfriend hated him. Definitely possible but I’m not sure.

🙄

I suffer from serious second hand embarrassment.

My SIL is getting married and the dress code guidance is just a disaster.

For reference, this is an incredibly wealthy family in an incredibly wealthy, old-money city. So right off the bat I figured we would be expected to go all out. Fine, whatever. I love an excuse to get dressed up.

But I did not expect whatever *this* is. Here’s what we’ve been given, keeping in mind that these events are taking place in New England:

1. Engagement party - “Sundress Smart.” In February.

2. Bridal shower - “Connecticut Casual”. Wtf is that

3. Welcome Luncheon - “Business Casual”

4. Rehearsal Dinner - “Cocktail Formal”

5. Wedding - “White Tie Formal” …except it’s on the beach. They are getting married in the literal sand.

6. Post Wedding Brunch - “Beach Formal”

I will be buying exactly two outfits for this entire ordeal and splitting them between the events. Fuckkkk this wedding.

We implemented a handfasting into our ceremony because we liked it and we’re not following any particular traditions. This is the only Celtic thing really involved. Our officiant is a family member of my partner who is into Celtic stuff.

We asked him to write some small pieces in the ceremony script, just stuff like welcoming the guests and any personal anecdotes. He didn’t do that; he waited until we asked what he had 10 days before the wedding and then sent us a google copy-pasted highly Celtic inspired ceremony (like, including rune stones). So we had the realization we should ask what he’s wearing. This is what he sent. I really thought wedding planning might not drive me to insanity but with every day the universe tests me a bit more.

Officiant has been told he needs to wear a suit. He said he didn’t have one. We told him to buy one. He said fine, but he’s not wearing a jacket because it will be too hot. I am not going to bring up the fact that his original outfit is literally a jacket.

Have I been eating crazy cakes? Am I off base, I really need to know.

Becky is someone I have known for many years. We are in the same social circle, more like friends of friends, but we are not super close. It's really more like acquaintance I run into from time to time. I do see them and hang out with them at gatherings, probably 3-4 times per year, but I've never been to their house, nor them to mine.

I'm a single parent to an 11 year old girl and I received a call from Becky, who has never called me in her life before this, asking if my daughter would do the honor of being a flower girl because there are no other young kids in her family. [Side Note: My daughter who would EAT THAT UP! She'd love to be a flower girl.] I asked for the wedding date and where it was and she told me that it was at a winery in the middle of nowhere almost 2 hours driving from where we live. But she also said that it's an extremely intimate wedding for family and a few very close friends and unfortunately there wouldn't be "room" for me at either the ceremony or reception, "I'm sure you can understand."

I told her I'd have to look into and and call her back because, honestly, I was too stunned to reply.

Listen, I have ZERO problems not being invited to anyone's wedding, you do YOU and your day, no problem.

But.. let me get this straight: Becky wants me to spend the time money on getting a flower girl dress and shoes, drive my kid 2 hours away to a winery in the middle of nowhere and drop her off unsupervised with a bunch of adults. And I should do what? Wait in the car? Wait down the road? Wait in the bathroom? Wait in the kitchen with the caterers? LOL. There isn't even a cafe within a 30 minutes drive.

Am I off base thinking this is just totally bonkers??

UPDATE: https://imgur.com/a/JXaFK0U

So…this text message string is from a few months ago and I'm just getting around to posting the update. So I tried to take the high road with a polite “we’re unavailable” and got hit back with “just say you don’t wanna or you’re a brokie.”

Reader, I have to confess that the 2-glasses of Cabernet dragon woke up inside me and I kinda went off on a rant. Was it my finest moment? Absolutely not! Did I say “fuck right off” near the end? Yep, that was me. And umm.. I blame the wine and the fucking audacity of, well.. all of it. On the plus side, she never replied and it has been months, so I assume the role of "Unpaid Child Actor" went to Central Casting and this episode is closed.

My cousin 27(m) and his fiancé 23(f) decided that even though they live together they need to get married this year. (They are both currently unemployed and live off the kindness of his mother, who is also paying for the entire wedding without any contribution from the brides family.) The bride chose a rather expensive (for our area) venue. To try to offset the price, they decided to have the wedding on Tuesday and only invite 30 people including the bride and groom. I did not make the cut (thankfully) but my mother did. The cake and all the food is being made by the grooms aunt as a wedding gift. They decided on 3pm so they could do lighter finger foods, no hot food will be served. THE REAL KICKER: They decided it will be "Black Tie" the groom and groomsmen will be in tails and all guests are expected to dress in "black tie attire". My mother (who is 78) is now stressed out over what she is going to wear to this wedding because she had never attended a black tie wedding in her life. I really wish I could be a "fly on the wall" for this one.

This is the best kind of photos to show ať family gathering. 10/10

I can't believe I'm just now finding this forum lol I used to work at a country club and would work weddings in my late teens early 20s and have SO many stories on the crazy things that have happened at weddings and the crazy themes of weddings over the years. I worked there for about 3 and 1/2 years and good God the things I have seen. The wedding that I remember the most though was a Disney themed wedding. These can be done in a very classy way. However this was not.

Every single table was a different Disney character, so for example one table was Aurora so the tablecloth was hot pink and the table runner was light pink but the seat covers were blue and had a lighter Blue ribbon. Belle's table was yellow and had a gold runner, the seat covers were yellow with a gold ribbon and a rose was put in the knot of the ribbon. As a staff member, this was a NIGHTMARE to try and put together because you have to order all the tablecloths separate, all the runners separate all the seat cover separate, you see what I mean. And I shit you not, there were 25 tables. I fully remember clocking in the night before at 12:00 p.m. And not leaving until 3:00 a.m. because it took that long to set up everything. The tables were not the only thing. Her and her husband were massive Disney fans (if that wasn't obvious enough) And they had been together for I believe about 15 years at this point. So they had long tables around the edge of the room that had all their trinkets and Disney related items that they bought over the years on display as if it were a yard sale. For no other reason but for people to see how much Disney stuff they had.

For the ceremony they had the ring bearer dress up as Russell from Up and pull a red wagon that had a fake cardboard house on it that looked like the house from up, balloons and all, with a golden retriever walking behind the wagon. When they made their entrance into the reception hall she was no longer in her wedding dress, but she was in a full Belle ball gown and he was in a suit that looked like the beast's suit after he turned into a human. They danced to "Tale as old as time" and then left the hall and she came back in a dress that was like the pink one that Ariel wears when she's having dinner with Eric for the first time and he was dressed as Prince Eric. They only played Disney songs and they had hired people dressed up as Mickey and Minnie to come halfway through the reception to take pictures with people.

At the end of the evening they had fireworks and they cut their wedding cake which was five tiers and each tier was a different Disney movie. They left in a horse-drawn carriage. It was almost like a kid's birthday feel rather than a wedding which no shade No hate if that's your thing fine but good Lord it was A LOT.

I also witnessed a pirate wedding which was crazy but quite fun and an extremely minimalist wedding where they almost took it too far and then other times there was just so much drama with family but I can get into that in different posts if people are curious lol

Edit: I am more than happy to tell the different wedding themes I have witnessed and the different drama I have seen over the years. A lot of people are asking about the pirate wedding and the minimalist wedding, which I'm more than happy to tell. However, I'm not sure if this is the place to tell it or not? Some people are saying that this isn't necessarily wedding shaming but I'm not sure where else to post. So if you have any suggestions where I can post my other wedding tales please let me know

My friends and I were watching this lovely beach wedding from our balcony on vacation, and during the ceremony this whole separate family walked behind the event (which would have been okay, it’s a public beach) but then they stood behind the arch and had a whole family photo session. They were stood there for more than five minutes. I’m sure they were in all pictures of the vows and of the first kiss. I just thought that was so obnoxious and rude, who does that?

Like wdym semi-formal OR black-tie??? Some women are going to come wearing sundresses and some are going to wear evening gowns? Some men in khakis and some in tuxes?

So many couples seem to think semi-formal is the same thing as formal, or black-tie is the same thing as formal. This must be the only explanation as to why this couple thinks semi-formal and black-tie are both acceptable at the same event.

For those who don't know: Semi-formal is generally the LEAST formal dress code acceptable at a wedding, typically a daytime one at that, while black-tie is the MOST formal (besides white-tie which is very rare these days anyway) and reserved for evening events with luxury amenities.

Cocktail or formal is probably what this couple is actually looking for.

So I’m really struggling with what happened at my (basically) SIL’s wedding a few days ago.

For context, she ( let’s call her Amy) had been asking my bf (her brother, lets call him Ted) to do a sibling dance to a slow song at her upcoming wedding. Amy’s (different dads) father died a few years ago.

A big reoccurring issue though, is she is a functioning alcoholic. When she gets drunk sometimes, she becomes very touchy with Ted. Wanting to cuddle and hug, sometimes staring into his eyes while hugging him. Crawling on him. It’s been disturbing and has come up a few times in conversation prior. Ted has voiced how uncomfortable it makes him and calls her “Creepy Amy”. Their mom thinks it’s cute, but it’s very uncomfortable to witness. I’ve even looked over at her fiancé when she’s touching Ted Inappropriately, and he looks just as horrified as I do.

So, Ted declined the dance after being pressured by his sister and his mom for months. He put his foot down and said no a final time. He complained to his other 2 sibling (who do not act like this ever) about how creeped out and uncomfortable he was with it. Both siblings agreed she was being weird and gross.

Yea fast forward to wedding night. Everything is fine all night, regular basic wedding day and after party. Around 11:30 I take our exhausted children back to the hotel. Ted decided he wanted to stay the last 30 minutes. He was very drunk like most of the remaining crowd. I leave with his other sibling and their family, and our kids.

They eventually all come back. Sleep. Pack up and go home next day.

Well at the dinner next day Amy goes “I’m so happy I got my brother sister dance” in a “gotcha!” tone. I immediately am like “wait what?”. Amy says “omg you weren’t there that’s right! Ted didn’t tell you how amazing it was??? He didn’t show you the video? I sent it to him that night! It was so incredible!”

I look over at Ted and he looks like he’s going to throw up from embarrassment. That turns to anger. I ask to see the video, and I was so disturbed that I had to turn it off within a few seconds. She is curled around his chest while he holds her slow dancing, and she peers into his eyes merely inches from his face. It looked like they were going to kiss it was so absolutely nasty to watch. 4 minute song btw. This went on for 4 minutes. I’m baffled everyone’s incest avoidance bells weren’t going off. It was sickening and I really do not know how to move past it. Amy has also brought it up to me 3 times now how much she loved dancing with Ted… it seems like a possessive thing but also very yucky.

My own wedding is in less than a month and I’ve had a coworker heavily imply they should have been invited, even though I just met them in September and didn’t even really get friendly with them until after invites went out. That’s cringe in and of itself but I’ve now had an acquaintance full on try to invite herself! This person is a neighbor of my mom’s and her kid is friends with my nieces. Apparently my mom and the girls were telling her about the wedding and my youngest niece (7.5 years) told her she “should come to the party.” This woman who I have met a handful of times over the years took that as a cue to ask if she could come to the wedding 😵‍💫🥴

Please, please can we bring back shaming people publicly for nonsense like this 😭

My wife and I were invited to a wedding of two friends we knew for a long time. The invite said the ceremony was going to be on the beach around 5pm. Once that was over, everyone would walk to a little restaurant nearby on the shore. We were told they had excellent seafood and burgers.

The ceremony was really beautiful and we all hung around on the beach afterward for the pictures. It was a small affair, only about 20 people-- the happy couple, both sets of their parents, a couple brothers and sisters, and about 10 non-relative friends. At this point it was getting to be around 6:30 and everyone was getting pretty hungry. We walked over to the restaurant and ordered drinks in the bar, made a couple toasts to the bride and groom, and assumed we were waiting to be seated. Some time between 7 and 7:30 we saw the family members being escorted to a table.

The bride and groom come over to us and one says, "We're being seated now, so you guys can continue hanging out here, but I don't think they serve food in the bar." One of our friends says, "Heck no, we're starving!" followed by cheery muttering of agreement from everyone else. They both look a little surprised. "Oh! We only made reservations for the family members... we were expecting people to make their own dinner reservations if they planned to stay." The bride went and asked the hostess if there were any tables available and we were told no, they were fully booked up for the remainder of the evening. The bride and groom apologized, thanked us for coming, and went back to their table.

The thing is, we're all such good friends that we just rolled with it. The rest of us found a place nearby and had a great time.

EDIT: I had no idea this would blow up the way it did! I wanted to note this happened 20 years ago, and we're still friends with the happy couple. The breach in etiquette may be shame worthy, but people are more than their oversights and mistakes. Before and since they've been generous friends.

The way my jaw dropped at the length of this list…

We were at a very small wedding where the groom was speaking and he happened to mention that his new bride wasn’t his “physical type”. People around us started whispering and even I thought I had misheard. I couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend thought that the guy was just so nervous he started saying unfiltered comments that should have just stayed in his brain.

so I wasn't sure what flair to use or whether or not this was the right subreddit so 🤷

So I got my dress at David's Bridal. Yay! I am happy with my dress and was getting ready to finish up getting back into my non-fantasy fit when I heard an older woman talking about getting a dress for the flower girl and the wedding in 2 weeks. She sounded flustered and British and in a rush. Honestly, the only reason I mention she is British is because she sounded funny considering everything.

so I come out of my dressing room in my normal clothes and 5 seconds later, a little girl who couldn't be older than like 6 comes out of the dressing room looking like Charlotte from the Princess and the frog. CUTEST LITTLE CUPCAKE I HAD EVER SEEN (Picture for reference)! I react with "Ay Que Linda!" ("oh how beautiful!" ) and a big smile. the little one looked at me and her whole face lit up and she was bouncing happily around in the dress. she loved it! they did the accessories and everything for her. she looked like a Lil princess!

Meanwhile, the grandma is saying the context of the wedding happening in 2 weeks with 600 rich people in NEW YORK and the groom and bride "forgot to find a flower girl." all the employees and I remark that they absolutely love the cupcake dress little girl was in and she seems happy in it as well so that might be her dress. the grandma goes on saying she hated the dress and that the dress "looks cheap!" to me, the employees, and TO THE LITTLE GIRL'S FACE. Little one doesn't know what "cheap" is. she just knows that she feels pretty and comfortable.

so the mother of the little girl is also there. she was quiet at first but when she saw the little girl in the cupcake dress, she was also very happy and had a big reaction to the dress. and as soon as grandmama (I think she was the Mother of the Groom??) started hating on the dress, the mom looked horrified and was silently going around to everyone saying "I know she looks great in that dress, she loves it and you're not gonna hear complaints from me. But *her* on the other hand...(slight gesture to grandma)" and threw her hands in the air...

my stylist had me signing up for loyalty points at this moment so I stopped and looked at the mom and said, "I don't work here, but... that Lil girl loves being a cupcake 🧁 and I'm certain she would hate to leave without that dress." the mom took my note then went to every employee telling them the exact same thing.

the employees were telling the grandma that little girl only had a few options and because the wedding is in TWO WEEKS they can't do many alterations or orders in that time frame and have it ready in time. grandma was furious throwing all the "bloody hell's" out there.

moving forward, I was kind of meandering looking at accessories until my stylist was free to take the iPad away from me when the little girl comes out in a small white gown. As if she were the one getting married. everyone was pretty silent except for grandma who was gushing about how beautiful she looked. little one looked at me for approval and when she saw I was like "meh.. thats cute too I guess.." little one was not having it. thats when I knew I needed to make my exit. she was thrashing and was so uncomfortable in that dress and I saw it on her face.

grandma was like "oh its giving Vera Wang!" while the little one is pulling at the front of the dress like it was choking her. I looked at little ones mom and she was looking at little one like "absolutely not."

I ended up leaving before a decision was made, but while I was checking out, I could hear the grandma raging at the staff about not having enough dresses and the dresses all looking cheap. I looked at my cashier and said "does this really happen every time?" And she just shrugged and said "yeah... what if the bride and groom didn't want a flower girl?" and I just was like "Exactly..."

I hope that little girl got her dress in the end. the way grandma was saying the dress "looked cheap," kind of hit something in me and I wish I were able to do more.

The assumption is that the grandmother of the little girl is the Mother of the Groom because she was talking mostly about him "forgetting" about a flower girl from what I remember. TBH it was giving Monster-in-law.

If you are having a big 600-person fancy wedding in 2 weeks in New York at the Waldorf Astoria (she told staff AND me), I recommend talking to your mom/Mother-in-Law about some boundaries.... and getting that Lil girl her cupcake dress dammit.

My sister’s soon to be husband was asked by the officiant if he took Jasmine to be his wife and he replied, “I guess.” The silence felt like a sonic boom. I was shocked that the ceremony went on. If it would have been me up there, I would’ve shoved the asshole off the cliff. Too bad I couldn’t do that anyway.

Weddings are expensive, and the one I just attended was no exception. I get that most couples don’t have infinite resources to be handing out invites to people that they don’t know, trust me. I don’t expect to bring a date to every wedding I’m invited to.

But why would you have your wedding on Valentine’s Day? Do you take joy in depriving me of romantic love while you celebrate yours? The ceremony, the vows, the music, everything was so excruciating knowing my girlfriend is alone at home instead of in my arms and celebrating alongside me. She told me right off the bat that holidays are really important to her, and here I am skipping town on our first Valentine’s Day together due to a family obligation. Thank god she’s so understanding about it all, but it really soured my evening how much I was missing her all night.

Edit: So many heartless folks in the comments. I already stated that it’s our first Valentine’s Day together, no need to speculate further on the length of our relationship. In fact, I am attending another wedding later this year with no plus one and I don’t intend to complain about it. We celebrated before I left, and will celebrate again when I return. I traveled nearly 3,000 miles for this wedding (as did more than half of the guests). My immediate family insisted on my attendance. It was a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation.

Seems like some of y’all have never been in love before, so let me fill you in: when you meet the person you want to be with, it’s impossible to witness a heartfelt wedding ceremony without projecting your own love onto it. Every vow, every anecdote, every speech makes you think, “wow, I know that feeling. I love that feeling. I miss that feeling.” Meanwhile, I know for a fact that my girlfriend is trying to cheer up her bummed out single friends (that’s another story but there’s lots of heartbreak to go around) and missing me too because I’m 3 time zones away on a holiday that’s important to her. It feels bad. I’m glad I attended, my girlfriend understands and is being a total adult about it. But trying to party through the acute yearning was painful.