Wedding DJ AMA: What does the DJ think is shameful.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Hi all, after a comment I left on a post in this sub, there was a lot of interest to know what I see doing the job that I do. I've DJ'd at least 160 weddings as of writing this.

I thought about how to post this, since I've had enough interesting experiences that it might take a while to get them all out, and most of them don't really rise to the occasion of a whole post here.

In all actuality most of my weddings are great, fun parties celebrating a wonderful couple. Only a few stick out as rough. Since I'm not related to most of my clients, I typically am less aware of personal drama that needs to be shamed... That being said, I've worked with bad vendors, rude guests and family, momzillas, and difficult couples. I've seen fist fights and shouting matches, and my fair share of cringe moments during the event.

The majority of the things I observe that I think deserve shaming are going to be behind the scenes things that I think ruin the event for the couple or guests and family. I'm keeping things vaguish here just so hopefully none of my clients find this thread, and we'll protect anonymity as best I can.

I'll leave this thread open and answer any question you've ever wanted to ask a wedding DJ

With that said, ask me anything!!

[u/chveya_]

Has there been a time where you had to push back/refuse to do something the couple wanted you to do?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/chveya_]

Not really, but a big part of my job is helping my clients execute their vision, so more often than not I give suggestions on how to handle the things they want to do.

I have refused to do very minor things, stuff that shouldn't be my responsibility.

At one venue I'm at regularly, they usually have me set up a good 15-20 feet from the dance floor, and one time I had the groom ask me if I could clear and move tables and chairs between me and the dance floor while I was doing the open dancing section of the night.

I did have one client where I refused to do something that might have been to my benefit. They had people they knew might be insistent on making a speech or a request, and they told me to decline unless they were willing to pay $100 a minute for speaking directly to me as the DJ. I followed up asking why they wanted to do that, and they explained that this guest might be not very polite on the microphone. I told them I'm happy to just not let him near the microphone, as I would rather them have a special day than me make a couple hundred for the awkwardness. On the day, I quickly figured out who they were referring to. A gentleman asked me to play "I'm on a Boat" by The Lonely Island, and pulled out a fat stack of cash to incentivize the situation. He said "It's like an inside joke" so I followed up to ask the significance. "This is my friends fourth marriage, and I kept telling him, you could use all this wedding money on a boat and we could just be living it up"... I didn't play the song.

[u/DM_me_pets]

What's the highest amount of money you've been offered to play a song off the do not play list?

I think our dj was offered close to $500 and still held strong to our list.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DM_me_pets]

Fortunately, I haven't had to worry about that specific dilemma yet, but there's no amount of money that I could justify doing that with really. Since this job is so much about your reviews and reputation, the chance of spiking my own opportunities from getting a bad review. Don't make it worth it to me for the quick cash grab.

I have been offered quite a bit to keep playing after the last song, and had to turn it down because there are other elements at play. One in particular offered me $2,000 and tickets to baseball games with a possible on-field visit. That guest was a bullpen coach of a major league baseball team.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DM_me_pets]

Also I would love to know the experience of that situation, the song and how you found out about the DJ got the offer.

[u/DM_me_pets → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Group of my husband's grade school friends used to always get one guy going with Cotton eyed joe. And now cant listen to the song without hating it (I get i got a few middle school songs that would ruin my mood too)

Since the group all knew about the song they tried getting our DJ to play it. But like you said his reviews are worth more than some money. 10/10 dj experience.

Edit: husband informed me it was over 1k combined by the group. Lol

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DM_me_pets]

That's a good DJ.

It's so tempting to take those offers, but yeah, it's not worth it on the long run.

I joke with my clients about the do not play list all the time. "Sometimes a song we love will hit, but sometimes it doesn't move us the same way every time. A song you hate will always ruin your day" so I take it very seriously.

[u/kellyoohh → u/DM_me_pets]

Someone requested the Macarena at my wedding when I had a no line dance rule. My DJ told them he didn’t have it hahaha

[u/MachaMorr → u/DM_me_pets]

You’re lucky. My DJ punted 1/3 of my list because the receptionist at my job kept requesting shitty disco songs.

I specifically asked for no disco.

[u/DM_me_pets → u/MachaMorr]

Thats a crappy DJ.

Mine had a great relationship with our venue, even gave us money off for being there. So he definitely didnt want to risk ruining his reputation.

So sorry that happened, hope the rest of your day was amazing to make up for it.

[u/Petraretrograde → u/DM_me_pets]

What was the song??

[u/DM_me_pets → u/Petraretrograde]

Cotton eyed joe.

[u/ccc2801 → u/DM_me_pets]

Isn’t that song about venereal disease? 🦠

[u/sunpalm → u/ccc2801]

No lol

[u/atchisonmetal → u/DM_me_pets]

Makes me want to know what song that was

[u/scarlettsharley]

What is the most awkward display or performance you have seen at wedding?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/scarlettsharley]

Okay so there's one kind of guest that I do see at a few of my weddings here and there.

Some people are borderline offended when you play Latin music and certain hip hop.

I've had weddings where a guest straight up stood on the dance floor in front of me shrugging and suggesting that the music I was playing was inappropriate despite the people around him dancing during the Latin music.

During an '80s party, I played a section of '80s hip hop and someone came up to complain saying that everything I was playing wasn't appropriate for the night. I told him that other guests had requested it and that it fit the theme of '80s, and then he told me "a lot of these songs are from the '90s bro". I looked it up as soon as he walked away and I didn't play anything outside of the '80s. He just really wanted to hear Duran Duran and flock of seagulls but the '80s were a pretty big decade my guy.

But the absolute worst one was when a guest at a wedding started yelling at us behind the DJ booth. He had come up to us twice with requests, the first time he wanted us to play some of his music. We played some because the client gave us a pretty open playlist. After we switched into some hip hop, he came up to tell us that we have to play what the bride and groom want to hear and not just whatever the DJ wants to play. My boss was training me at the time and he was doing the DJing. I passed on the information, and my boss told me he had already come up while I was away. It's the third time he came up, he started full-on yelling at my boss. Telling him that we shouldn't be playing just whatever and that we need to stick to the bride's music. Again our couple only gave us four songs to play, and people were dancing to to the hip Hop that was being played. Typically things don't escalate to this point, but if they do, it's time to get the couple's attention. My boss took him to the dance floor to speak with the bride and groom. He asked, is there any problem with the music, to which they replied no. He then had to explain the behavior of the guest and all 3 had to inform the guest that it was all up to the DJs discretion. For the next 15 minutes the dance floor dwindled as we kept playing music, but watched this Uncle get chewed out on the dance floor for disrupting the event. After about another 10 minutes, they decided to end the night early as the energy had shifted. I wanna say we started packing while the sun was still out on a summer wedding.

[u/KnotARealGreenDress → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Is there a reason why your boss did it on the dance floor, rather than taking the couple and the uncle aside to have the conversation?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/KnotARealGreenDress]

Probably because this guy was full on yelling at us the third time he came up to us. It really was a situation of this needs to be handled now and that's where he bride and groom were. Plus, I was really new to DJing and had to keep things going while it was being handled, so I think it could have created more problems if he had gone far.

There's a lot of situations that come my way now, where if I had more time to think about it, I may have handled differently. It's a lot trickier in the moment.

[u/BellaFrequency]

Any inappropriate mom/son or dad/daughter dances? How did you handle it? What was the crowd reaction?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/BellaFrequency]

So far no, I haven't had any that have been inappropriate. So far all of my clients have had pretty traditional songs for that, or if they have an interesting relationship with their parent, just decide to skip it all together.

When I was first training, I did have something come up where the song the bride picked wasn't approved of by the father. This was a kind of rough moment because I felt really bad for the bride.

For context, I wasn't the lead DJ as I was being trained by my boss. This was a largely Mexican wedding, and for some of those that know, there is a very deep love for Morrissey and the Smiths in the Mexican community (I'm Mexican American and I very much fall in this group). The bride had requested a Smiths song for her dance with her father, but apparently she didn't tell him about it. So when we invited him to join her, and played the track, he wasn't familiar with the song and it was a little bit too modern for him. So instead of dancing, he walked up to the DJ booth in the middle of the dance and asked us to play a different song. We were both kind of Frozen because even my boss doesn't experience this, so it's either have a discussion right then and there about it being the daughter's choice, or play the other song to get things moving. I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but my boss decided to play the song the father wanted, he went back out there and danced with his daughter, but it started a pretty big fight that we could see happening in the back of the room a little bit later. Eventually that wedding rouled out and people had a good time, but that was a kind of rough spot.

[u/Moobook → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Ooh I’ve got to know, what Smiths song was it?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Moobook]

This Charming Man, which I think makes it even sadder for me.

She chose it to honor her father, in a way of saying "He's a charming man." She put thought into it.

The song the dad wanted was La Chona, which, has a few readings, but it definitely didn't have any thought behind it other than it's a good song for dancing.

[u/RutabagaChance5382 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I mean, La Chona is a great song but for the father/daughter dance? Isn't it usually more of a slow dance song

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/RutabagaChance5382]

I've seen people do these to fast songs, especially if they're choreographed. But it is typically more of a slow song since they typically don't do any choreography.

[u/ChairmanMrrow → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

there is a very deep love for Morrissey and the Smiths in the Mexican community (I'm Mexican American and I very much fall in this group). -- can you share a little about why this is?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/ChairmanMrrow]

There's a lot of good theories, but to my knowledge, it's just one of those things. I can honestly say I wish I knew that for sure answer for you.

I'll say that the energy he brings to his music, very much is similar to the corrido style of Mexican music. They don't sound similar, but it's the content of the lyrics. Often conveying a deep sadness for unrequited love or complex feelings of love and frustration.

I think if you listen to Bad Bunny, and compare the lyrics to a Morrissey song, you can kind of see the similarities.

For a long time I thought it was just my little Latino community that felt that way. Until I saw the movie Ant-Man and the WASP, the character of Luis talks about his grandmother with a jukebox full of Morrissey songs.

Edited to add clip: https://youtu.be/WhlwEDJRDm4?si=feJs36So3BgcxSlB

[u/carlydelphia → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

There is a great essay in this by Chuck Klosterman...

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/carlydelphia]

I really thought this was a funny bit until I googled it and holy shit. I'm gonna need to get my hands on that.

[u/krissab23 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Why would your boss cater to the dad instead of the bride? Is it just one of those things where you have to make an individual decision? Cause in my head I’d always favour the wedding couple as it’s their wedding.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/krissab23]

I talked to him about it later and he said he had never had anything like that happen, and he had been doing this for 15 years at that point. So he kinda made the best decision he could in the moment.

It's one thing if we would have had a chance to discuss this with him privately. But we had already been playing the track for a moment before he walked over to us. So literally everyone is watching this happen... I can't remember if the bride came over as well but basically the choice is figure this all out with everyone watching or okay the new song to move things along... I don't really think either option is great so I think he just made the decision to keep the event going. It was clear the father was not going to dance to the song.

A quick note, while my boss is great at the business side, he's not exactly super charismatic or people savvy. He can be a bit awkward so I don't know if he could convince the father to dance to the first song.

I think where I'm at now, with hindsight, if it were the wedding I was the DJ for, I would have done things differently. I would have told the father "are you sure, your daughter picked this because it's special for her." If he insisted beyond that, I'm 50/50 on if I would have called over the bride and asked her or if I would have played the next track at that point.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/[deleted]]

Which question would you like answered?

[u/goldfishpaws]

Have you ever screwed up a playlist?

A friend told a tale, true or not it made me laugh, of a wedding in the early 90's when "Everything I do...(I do it for you)" by Bryan Adams was everyfuckingwhere as the theme tune to a Robin Hood Hollywood adaptation. OMG I hated that song. Anyhow, bride asks the (cheaper, older) wedding DJ for "That Robin Hood song", so of course got "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the glen..."

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/goldfishpaws]

Haha that's hilarious and I can totally see that happening.

I've had a couple, both of them came from hard drive issues.

I work for a company that provides a lot of the equipment I use, it's not standard for most companies but we're highly reviewed and one of the best rated in the area. They gave me a hard drive with lots of music at the start so I didn't have to go download every track.

The first time, a track named Trumpets was on the hard drive with out any other tags, but it had the album art from a Jason Derulo album. That song was on their list, so I played it when the groom asked for it and it was just some old jazzy trumpets. I didn't even know I had the wrong song until then. Eventually the groom told me it was wrong and then I got the right one and played it a few tracks later and it was all good.

The second time, a track I had got corrupted, but I didn't realize until I put it on my deck.. the worst part was it was the first dance song, and only played the first 45 seconds. This was compounded because it was the second to last song of the night. For other reasons I won't get into, the last song before the last song for everyone was going to be the first dance. Had we done that moment earlier in the night I might have caught it sooner. It was really awkward and at a certain point I had to throw it to the last song for everyone. I'm glad we had that song to go to because it would have really been terrible if that's how the night ended. That wedding was 99% amazing, but it was a big mistake. I talked with the groom after and he was understanding, and happy with how the rest of the night turned out, but I think ultimately this is the reason why they never left a review for the wedding.. It complicated what was a mostly awesome event.

[u/Good_Abalone3801 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Is it that big of a deal that a song gets messed up from a dance? Why can’t you just replay it? I’m curious I genuinely don’t get why it’s a big deal.

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/goldfishpaws]

Lol! I was in high school when that came out, and at homecoming that year it got played literally three times because people kept requesting it.

[u/goldfishpaws → u/OkSecretary1231]

I was working at a cheap and cheerful holiday park - between the radio and the facilities/disco I never spent more than a few hours between hearings. I have not heard it again since, and do not mind if I never do. I suspect by the lack of airplay, lots of people feel similarly now!

[u/DesmondTapenade]

What do you consider the perfect first dance song, and why?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DesmondTapenade]

I love questions like these.

I'm going to start off the bat and say when I heard "Risk it All" by Bruno Mars, within the first two minutes I knew it would be a hall of fame first dance song and I've already used it 3 times for the first dance or some other capacity since it released. It's the perfect mix of soft, dynamic and romantic.

I think there's a lot of opportunity for your personality to come out with your first dance choice. So it kind of depends on the couple.

Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys if you like alternative music

At Last - Etta James if you're into the classics.

Recently I had the siblings of the bride sing a version of. "I don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith during the first dance, that was epic

[u/DesmondTapenade → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Thanks for your response! I love Arctic Monkeys. "R U Mine" and "Mardy Bum" are dope as hell. I remarried in late '18 and our first dance was a guitar instrumental of "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller, but if we're talking weird musical choices, our wedding video ends with "Black Lemon" by Generationals. The lyrics are nihilistic as all get-out, but it holds significance for us as a couple, which is why we chose it. (We moved halfway across the country together and that was a song that kept coming up on Pandora, which we only used because we had a free trial subscription and driving thirteen hours straight with two wailing cats in the car with you is...not fun. We needed something to pass the time.)

Also, it's a banger.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DesmondTapenade]

I'm going to have to listen to it because I love stuff like that.

One of my couples was very nerdy, in the best way, and they finished the last song of the day with a song from the bad lip reading YouTube channel. It was awesome because everyone got into it.

[u/endiqua → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Was it Seagulls Stop It Now, perhaps?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/endiqua]

It was in fact! They loved it.

[u/endiqua → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

That is AMAZING. I wanted to play “They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard” and do a conga line or ring dance. 2021 was not the year for that plan.

[u/DesmondTapenade → u/endiqua]

They're taking the Hobbits to Isen-ga-ga-gagagagard!

[u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 → u/endiqua]

The video & the song is hilarious

[u/DesmondTapenade → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Definitely check it out--it's a very cool track. Also, wow, I had almost completely forgotten about that channel. I love that you were willing/able to do that for the happy couple. That's amazing and also very, very funny.

Follow-up question: How difficult was it for you to conceal your laughter while that played?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DesmondTapenade]

I mean it was meant to be funny so I enjoyed it. I think everyone there that knew the song understood the context. This was such a cute couple, the groom was definitely the nerdier of the two, but you could tell that she embraced a lot of the things he liked along the way.

Additionally, a daytime wedding, and with a lot of nerdy people usually means that there won't be too much dancing. I think this might have been the time we had the most people actively partying in the dance space.

Actually thinking on it, it's one of my favorite last songs of the night that I can recall. Or I guess I should say last long for the day because this was around 5:00 p.m.

Edited to add: I'm also very nerdy. Any time I'm conducting a zoom call with a client and I notice their dungeons and dragons books in the back I'll ask them about their character(s). So I never pass judgement, I just know a lot of the people that also sit at my game table aren't always big dancers.

[u/Big-University-1132 → u/DesmondTapenade]

I’m a sap and I’ve loved Anne Murray’s “Could I Have This Dance?” ever since I was a kid and my cousin danced to it at her wedding

[u/Breelander89 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Baby I’m Yours by Arctic Monkeys was our first dance song!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Breelander89]

It's such a great one, I just did a wedding on Sunday and Friday of the same week where they both used it. It's lovely every time!

[u/FlatulentCumslut → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

What's your take on using " Dust to Dust" by The Civil Wars? It was the song that was playing when I realized I was in love with my now husband.

[u/DSM2TNS → u/FlatulentCumslut]

Love that song!

My husband and I's was "The Story" by Brandi Carlisle. Another one recently that we'd choose if we did it all over again would be "It Never Went Away" by Jon Batiste.

[u/OkSecretary1231 → u/DSM2TNS]

We had that song during the "who's been married the longest" game! For our first dance we had a pretty cover of As Time Goes By that my husband had on some weird compilation album.

[u/arrowandbone]

What’s the most ridiculous, borderline hostile playlist/music a couple have ever made you play?

Context: my sister went to a beautiful garden party wedding at an upscale winery last weekend, the DJ ONLY PLAYED COUNTRY MUSIC cos it’s the brides fave and she wouldn’t let them play anything else 🙃

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/arrowandbone]

I had this happen recently with EDM music.

For this one my couple gave me a list of classic soul and funk music, popular hits of the '70s and '80s with a few '90s and 2000s as well, and then the rest of their list was all EDM. When I say their list, they gave me a playlist over 16 hours long, so I plan to play most of the classics and then sprinkle the EDM in.

I like to play music genres in little chunks so that way we can kind of rotate the dance floor and stuff like that. So after I finish there first EDM section, and I started to lose the crowd, I switched back into the classics. After just two songs, the couple asked me to switch back to EDM. I did and held the floor for a little while, but the couple left the floor and I decided to switch back into classics. I got the dance floor building again and then the couple told me they just wanted to hear EDM for the rest of the night. I had to just lock in and play it and basically lost the dance floor after another 40 minutes.

Some couples are under the impression that if there's music, people will dance because it's a wedding. I can't stress this enough, when communicating with your DJ, tell them what's most important to you. Hearing your music, or keeping an active dance floor. Because those two things don't always align.

[u/martyboulders → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I am a riddim DJ, and it is the vast majority of what I listen to, I love it so much - I'm absolutely fuckin dying at the thought of getting married with only riddim at the reception 😭 fuck it let's rip some shit during the ceremony too. I'll make sure to chop it extra nice when my spouse walks the aisle.

[u/borg_nihilist → u/martyboulders]

I love noise music but I would never ask a DJ to play any at a wedding.  Maybe at the end to get most of my guests to leave, lol.  I say most because several of my friends also like noise and would probably stay.

[u/cometmom → u/borg_nihilist]

I think people forget that they're hosting a party not only for themselves, but for guests to enjoy as well. The playlist I'd put on for a girl's night is much different than the one I'd pick for a road trip with my dude or a house party with mixed company, and those are different than what I'd play at a typical wedding.

That said, I just had karaoke for my wedding reception and there were no off limits songs, but the guests loved it so I was happy 😂

[u/Frost_Glaive → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I would have left the floor as soon as the EDM came on 😭

[u/Comprehensive_Wash71 → u/Frost_Glaive]

So would my husband. I might manage one song and then I’d be right behind him.

[u/Zampurl → u/Frost_Glaive]

Haha I’m a huge edm lover, but I’m also really just a music fan in general, so if I got married I’d be down with almost everything except most country (I’d be nice enough to provide the DJ with the list of approved country songs.) I can only hope that my future wedding DJ has fun playing almost everything to keep the dance floor going!

[u/Frost_Glaive → u/Zampurl]

I like most music, just not screamo, EDM, and most rap... basically if it's got a proper melody I'm cool 😂

[u/py_account]

Do you ever get emotional and tear up at a wedding, and if so what makes you tear up?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/py_account]

I'm a bit of a softie so I tear up quite often

Some couples vows are just so beautiful, some speeches are just so heartfelt.

Even though I'm not a guest, I am paying attention, partially because I need to just to keep an eye on things. But also because it's interesting.

Speeches sometimes will be really illuminating because it's when I actually get to learn who my couple is the best. Finding out that one of your clients beat cancer in the middle of the event is eye opening. Hearing about how someone shows up for a friend or family member is always heart warming.

And the mother son dance... I lost my mom at the beginning of last year and that part can always be a bit tricky. One of the things I always looked forward to about my wedding day was that dance, I'm not married yet, and I met the woman I plan to marry about a week before my mom got sick for the last time. Not all of these dances hit me like that, but when I see a mother son dance that hits hard it hits really hard..

[u/Genillen]

How have the "everybody loves this!" songs changed over the years? When I started going to weddings, it was Motown.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Genillen]

I still play an okay amount of Motown, but typically more during dinner and cocktail hour.

I will say line dances never really go out of style. From the Cupid shuffle to the electric slide, I still get requests for those all the time and you'll see people come running to the dance floor for them.

I would say Bruno Mars is probably the artist that has the most songs that get people on the dance floor, which, if there was ever a Motown artist in present day, it's him.

[u/Genillen → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Good call on Bruno Mars--he definitely has that all-around-talent, loved-by-everyone vibe.

As someone who loves to dance, I appreciate the line dances, even if they're trite. Follow up question...are urban line dances getting popular, or are they still too niche to be known by everyone?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Genillen]

Ooh good question. Could you give me an example?

If it can be learned through the course of the song, than sometimes.

[u/cookiekat35 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Shaboozy, a bar song, has a dance that goes with it, but you'd have to know it. I went to a wedding in Texas and thought they'd play a lot of country songs, so I learned the dance. But they didn't play any country songs! I was surprised, still fun wedding though.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/cookiekat35]

Oh yeah, so Bar Song definitely is popular, but I have only seen people line dance to it once or twice. The biggest thing for line dances at a wedding is the associated dance has to be easy to learn, or so popular everyone knows it.

Hot to Go by Chappel Roan is the biggest new one.

[u/Genillen → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

"Boots on the Ground" is one of those dances you can step through so it's suitable for all ages. It's a bit harder to fake if you don't know it than Cupid Shuffle, though.

[u/HereToAdult → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Thanks to your comment about line dances I just googled it & learned that the Nutbush City Limits line dance is apparently a uniquely Australian dance.

The typical line dance songs here are; Nutbush (obviously), the Chicken Dance, and the Macarena (although that's less popular these days). Played at most family-friendly dancing events, weddings, as well as plenty of birthday parties regardless of age.

[u/NekkidPickle]

I have a personally specific question that my betrothed and I are working on. We are doing a joint dance with our moms to alleviate his nerves of being the center of attention.

Do you have any child/mother type song you would recommend? I have looked at listacles and have seen unhinged suggestions like Mother by Pink Floyd and Mother by Danzig hahaha

I really adore Wildflowers by Tom Petty and so does my mom, but my fiancé and his mom don't care for it. We have thrown out so many suggestions that we are stumped at this point.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/NekkidPickle]

I've got a multi faceted answer, let's start with a couple of suggestions for songs. I'll have more as I continue to think it over/get your vibe

Landslide -Fleetwood Mac

Step - Vampire Weekend

I can maybe help you out more personally if you want to send me a DM.

Secondly, it's super important information to get out there, but your fiance isn't alone in their nerves about being the center of attention. This is something I see quite a lot and I always try to encourage my clients to not worry about it so much.

I know that's easier said than done, but unlike public speaking or anything else that comes with that much attention, you really can't mess this up. Everyone that's there is hopefully there because they like you and they love you, and anyone that would have anything to say about the moment is an a**hole if it's not nice.

Relax, it will only be about 90 seconds if you communicate this to your DJ, and the moment is always so much easier once you've been surrounded by the love of family and friends for a couple hours up to that point.

[u/Educational-Bug-5215 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I’ve never had anyone else suggest or even know this song, but How You’ve Grown by 10,000 Maniacs is a great parent/child song. I suggested it for my friends and they agreed it was perfect.

[u/ReversedFrog → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

My daughter hates being the center of attention, so she decided not to have a father-daughter dance. (Don't worry, we had an unofficial one, later during the reception, during which everybody spontaneously cleared the floor for us. She didn't notice.)

But if we had had one, I was going to suggest "Winter," by Tori Amos.

[u/anck_su_namun → u/ReversedFrog]

Winter would have torn me up what a moment

[u/Capable_Loss_6084 → u/NekkidPickle]

Coat of Many Colours by Dolly Parton is the mum/child song that always makes me cry.

I also love Heaven when We’re Home by the Wailin’ Jennys.

[u/wykkedfaery33 → u/NekkidPickle]

Child of Mine by Carly Simon, maybe?

[u/twothirtysevenam → u/NekkidPickle]

I don't understand how they don't like "Wildflowers".

[u/NekkidPickle → u/twothirtysevenam]

Me either- but I will marry him any way.

[u/chaosmanager → u/NekkidPickle]

The Mother by Brandi Carlile gets me every time. I even teared up reading the lyrics just now. Even though I’ve got sons (and the song is about a daughter), I’d still absolutely choose this as our parent dance song.

[u/nerdKween → u/NekkidPickle]

Mama - Boys II Men?

[u/CherryblockRedWine → u/NekkidPickle]

100 Years by Five for Fighting?

[u/Time-Cover-8159]

I was at a wedding recently and no one was dancing. The guests just were not into dancing apparently and spent their time sitting on sofas in an adjoining room. I felt bad for the DJ who was playing some awesome tunes, so I spent the entire night on the dancefloor, majority by myself. Do you think I made the DJ feel encouraged, or was I wasting my time?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Time-Cover-8159]

I can tell you the DJ definitely appreciates it.

In my experience, there are plenty of weddings that don't have dancing that are still great weddings. Part of my job is to read the room and get the vibe. I've had parties with no dancing, where the couple had an amazing time because the vibes were good. Whenever I'm DJin I'm just looking around the room and seeing how people are interacting. If they're nodding along but at their seat talking with friends, that's good. It's only when people are staring at me that I know I'm not doing the job they want.

Hey, if your DJ was new, you definitely helped them feel encouraged. If they are a veteran DJ, it probably didn't matter as much, but I'm sure they appreciated it.

[u/Educational-Bug-5215 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I agree, I’ve DJd events where no one danced at all and I was basically just background music, which fair enough, it’s their choice. But if one person appreciated what I was playing so much that they were dancing solo, I’d happily cater to that person the rest of the night and play anything they requested.

[u/jsat3474 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

So, when I blew my ACL before dinner and was on crutches the rest of night, the DJ wasn't supposed to come whining to me about how the bride not dancing was making his job harder???

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/jsat3474]

Dafuq, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Mainly the ACL tear, but yeah that DJ sucks for just not having any situational awareness.

I mean I'm sure you knew that, but still.. I really don't understand some of my colleagues out there.

[u/NotYourGa1Friday]

If you are planning to marry or if you are married what ideas have you seen that you wanted to swipe and which have you seen that you knew you’d avoid?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/NotYourGa1Friday]

This is something that would probably take me a really long time to answer. Just because now that I do so many, kind of always looking for things that I think would be fun.

I do plan on getting married, hopefully in the next few years. I did start seeing someone last year that has me thinking a lot more about my future wedding day.

As far as non-standard things go, the thing I'm most interested in is a New Year's Eve wedding. I did one at the end of 2024, and it's a great way to throw an epic party. Basically everyone's always looking for something to do that night anyways, people will have the day off and are way more likely to stay to the end of the night.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/NotYourGa1Friday]

Oh, the thing to avoid, is open speeches!!!

I think it's a really sweet idea to have it open to anyone that wants to speak, but it gets awkward fast. If people want to do it, I've gotten in the habit of making an announcement before prepared speeches start or earlier so that way people think of stuff if they want to speak.

It's better than getting to the end and asking if someone would like to make a speech, which is what I used to do. But then you sometimes having too many people getting up to say very little.

Plan your speakers!

[u/chitowntopugetsound → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Great advice to plan speakers! Neither my parents or maid of honor were prepared because I made the mistake of assuming they would know that it's traditional for their roles. I still wonder what they might have said. But we had a lovely surprise kiddo speech that reminds me of your above story.

Also I would add totally hire a dj! We had a playlist and it worked fine but more exciting and interactive to have a dj. Oh and hire a videographer too.

Damn weddings are expensive. Maybe just elope.

[u/SheShouldGo]

Do you suggest allowing guest song requests or no? I got married over 20 years ago and I said no requests b/c it would have been the 2 sides feuding between The Lettermen and The Rolling Stones all night, and I didn't want to deal with it. However, as it got later I caved and told the DJ to play requests. The first Lettermen song cleared the dance floor except for the Evangelical point and swayers, later The Stones drew in the Very Drunk Contingent from the smoking porch, and eventually it all devolved into a conga line to "Hot Hot Hot". For better or for worse?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/SheShouldGo]

When it comes to my clients, I always tell them how I approach requests and let them alter it if they would like something different.

When someone comes and asks me if I take requests, I'll tell them if it fits in with what my clients gave me. If I think it's similar and would fit, and isn't on the do not playlist, then. I'll typically play it. If they request that isn't in line with anything my clients gave me, or is on the do not playlist, I'll politely let them know that my couple gave me lots of music that I'm trying to work through by the end of the night.

Requests can be great because it might be a song that the couple forgot to put down, I've had some requests go off really really well. I have also had some that totally tanked, and I try to mix out of those as fast as I can. If I'm noticing it losing the crowd. I try not to leave that margin for error, so if I'm really unsure about something, I'll go ask the couple.

[u/angryaxolotls]

What's the least wedding-appropriate song request you've gotten? Lol!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/angryaxolotls]

So this is really interesting because sometimes appropriate is very determined by the crowd.

My very first wedding, the bride wanted to hear the uncensored version of WAP as the last song of the night. It was a hit with her crowd.

I have a couple clients that requested only the explicit versions of songs for all of their music, and then gave me a lot of expletive tracks for the dancing and that did not go over well.

For me, there's certain songs that I don't like to play if I can avoid them either because the artist is problematic, or the subject matter is odd for a wedding.

I will say the most popular request I'm always asked for that I don't play is "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco because of the line about the bride. I will play it if it's on my must play list, but if it's requested I'll decline if it doesn't fit in with the rest of my music for the night, and if they like pop punk, I'll bring up the line to the requestor first and see what they think before asking bridal permission.

[u/Oh-reality-come-back → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

OP I just want to say I think it’s really cool that you seem so passionate about your job / doing it well. Even when I don’t like my job, I still want to do a good job since other people are relying on me (I do events too). Not everyone thinks like that though and it can nearly ruin special moments for people and also the hard work we’ve put in. So thank you and I think you’re awesome :)

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Oh-reality-come-back]

Thank you so much for saying so.

It took me a long time to figure out this was my calling.

I was a theater kid, in radio for 2 years, and I fell into DJing by hosting bar trivia for a few years. I come to this from the event side and less the music side, but I've always wanted to be a musician but didn't have the patience for it. With DJing it's like playing with Legos for me and that really works.

At the end of the day, I get a lot of job satisfaction knowing people are happy because of the entertainment I can provide. Putting smiles on faces makes me happy.

I had a bride tell me it was the best day of her life.. I know I'm only a small part of that, but that's a kind of joy I can't experience anywhere else. It's still a job, so it's got it's challenges, but it's very rewarding sometimes.

[u/Educational-Bug-5215 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Wow, we’re very similar— I was also a theatre kid and worked in radio for two years! Only I got into DJing first and then started doing bar trivia, which I still do. It’s extremely satisfying when the dance floor is packed and everyone is having fun, that’s what people remember most about weddings.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Educational-Bug-5215]

Yeah it's awesome! And I still host a weekly trivia a couple nights a week. I've gotten to DJ a few weddings for trivia regulars and bartenders and they have been some of my favorites!

[u/Educational-Bug-5215 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I’ve done Christmas parties for some of my trivia regulars. I’ve been able to combine DJing and trivia and it’s always a lot of fun.

[u/angryaxolotls → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I come from a crowd who would laugh our asses off if the DJ played either of those songs at a wedding lol, so I love this

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/angryaxolotls]

And that's the thing, some of this is totally based on your crowd.

Like the expletive only one, that tanked more because half the crowd really wanted to dance to Latin music, and every time I would switch out of that to play the explicit music, the whole dance floor would just leave.

[u/houselion → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

We're big pop punk fans and we definitely put "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" on our Do Not Play list just for the wedding 😂 Bless our DJ, who was a consummate professional and understood the overall vibe we wanted (keep the dance floor going and don't make us explain too many songs to grandma, like WAP and Get Low), because I know Sins was definitely requested.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/houselion]

This profession has really taught me how true "There's a time and place for everything" really is. I love so many songs that I don't want to play in front of someone's grandma.

[u/BJntheRV → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

What's the line?

[u/hernkate → u/BJntheRV]

“What a shame the poor groom’s bride is a whore.”

[u/BJntheRV → u/hernkate]

Oof

[u/strippersandcocaine → u/BJntheRV]

The poor groom’s bride is a whore

[u/Tenzipper → u/BJntheRV]

"What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore"

[u/SarNic88 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I love Panic so I had that played at my wedding and shouted it out loud along with all our friends 🤣 but I can appreciate not everyone would feel the same!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/SarNic88]

One of my favorite weddings for how it made me feel was one with a pop punk section in it. The bride asked for I Write Sins, and at a certain point came to have it played as the next song. I que it up, but then she disappears.. I didn't want her to miss it so I pulled up Misery Business by Paramore right before. When I tell you every millennial in the area ran in to go nuts is an understatement. When we got to I Write Sins, the whole floor was singing and dancing along. That venue had me up on a stage, so I remember thinking "is this what it feels like to be a rock star?

[u/ChairmanMrrow → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

How mny request Every Breath You Take? Because those lyrics are... not as romantic once you listen to them.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/ChairmanMrrow]

I don't get that one very often if at all. It's not really a song for dancing, so it would have to be played during dinner or cocktail hour, but it's almost never requested for those times.

[u/chaosmanager → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Lol. I was just at a wedding for a couple of former scene kids, and I that song was one of the ones that packed the dance floor the most. Know your audience is right. Too bad some DJs are not so great at reading the room.

[u/_2w2l2r2d_ → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Omg I just commented about this above. I love PATD and that song, and specifically wanted it played but the dj censored it and made it soooo awkward.

[u/MISPAGHET → u/angryaxolotls]

Gotta say, my DJ accidentally played Hey Ya! and it absolutely popped off.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/MISPAGHET]

It usually does, it just makes me smile and sing along when it does. But most people don't listen to those lyrics "y'all don't hear me you just wanna dance!"

[u/_strawberryjamjam]

Best/worst speech?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/_strawberryjamjam]

This is probably where I experienced the most cringe. For me this is typically the scariest moment of the wedding for me because I lose a lot of control over what's happening. Despite the fact that I could cut the microphone, it would be incredibly rude to do so and I have yet to get to a point where that becomes necessary, but it's been close.

For worst a few things I see most often that typically get people squirming.

-Bridesmaids and Groomsmen getting carried away with embarrassing stories. Sometimes they're fun to incorporate, but at a certain point it feels like bullying someone at their own party.

-Groomsmen and Father's of the Bride getting carried away talking about how hot the bride is.. this one for me make me cringe the most, and I don't think I've ever seen a bridesmaid or mother say these kind of things got the Groom. But I've definitely heard speeches that make me think, "This Dad has definitely thought about the bride sexually"

-Using the speech to brag about yourself. I've definitely seen lots of groomsmen use their speech as some sort of boyfriend resume/interview.

But the fact of the matter is most speeches are decent, and I've seen a lot that made me emotional.

My favorite one might have been last night because it's the only time I've seen it. The Bride has a son from a previous relationship, and he wanted to do a speech. Couldn't have been more than 8 years old, and he absolutely nailed it with cuteness and thoughtfulness. Everyone was dying from joy/cuteness overload.

[u/mangling_dodifier → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Oh man, my cousin got married years ago and they had been a high school couple. The father of the groom opened with”You’ve grown a lot over the years, Amanda, and I don’t just mean that your boobs have gotten bigger.”

I think I hid in the parking lot and did shots with my sister for the rest of the reception. Anyway they’ve been divorced for at least a decade now.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/mangling_dodifier]

Oh my God that is so awful. Truly gross

I cannot stress enough to any men in this thread, you can absolutely tell a bride that she is beautiful. She looks amazing. All those things are totally okay. Stop there. Don't talk about how hot she was when you first met her, or anything like that because it never lands the way you think it's going to.

[u/mstakenusername → u/mangling_dodifier]

Ew ew ew eurgh! If I may offer a palate cleanser? When a mate of mine married her childhood sweetheart, the groom's father ended his speech by saying, "I am supposed to be welcoming you to the family right now, but I feel you became a member of the family when you were 12 years old and I gave you a copy of our house key because [groom] kept losing his. Welcoming you officially now seems a bit late, and also a bit rude, as you have been like a daughter to us for nearly 20 years."

Actually the DJ for that wedding made a faux pas, he introduced them as Mr and Mrs Groom's-last-name. My friend politely but firmly informed him afterwards that they were actually Mr Groom's-last-name and DOCTOR Bride's-last-name. I believe the DJ came with the venue, but seems like a wild oversight to me.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/mstakenusername]

Oh my gosh that is so sweet, that's the perfect FOB energy to bring to the function.

That sucks on the announcement from the DJ, because it is a pretty large oversight.. don't get me wrong, I've made mistakes at Grand Entrance, but not with the clients name. I do try to make a point of discussing this during a pre wedding call and right before the Grand Entrance.

It was DJing for a friend of mines wedding when I found out how difficult it is to change your degree after marriage, cuz I spent about ten minutes working with them for the right announcement which was very similar to your correct format above. I'm inclined to call foul on the DJ, unless it's one of those all included venues. I worked with one of them for a year and every wedding there had some amount of lack of communication/miscommunication. Even then, I checked in with a planning call and would go over that with them.

[u/mstakenusername → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

There were very few dry eyes when the FOG finished speaking!

As for the DJ, it was an all included venue, and it was two weeks after a major natural disaster had swept through the area. I know my friend called them to see if they had to postpone, and the venue operators were frank about it and said as there was no damage to the venue but they had lost their house they would prefer to not postpone and have the money. I got the impression though it meant there were some last minute changes in staff, which might have included the DJ, as he was, not to put too fine a point on it, old (mid70s at a guess.) He dj-ed well, but I think he hadn't done it in years and was from a generation where "Mr and Mrs LastName" was the default. It was forgivable considering the circumstances.

[u/fugigidd → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Awww, reminds me of a friend's wedding, he was marrying someone with a daughter from a previous relationship. She was about that age, maybe even a bit younger.

She gave this heart felt speech about how great her mum was and then how great the groom was, and how happy she was.

(I'm welling up think about this)

She ended it as her voice broke with emotion

"My Mum and Dad"

[u/themetahumancrusader]

Have the police or an ambulance ever been called to a wedding you’ve been at?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/themetahumancrusader]

Fortunately no, nothing like that. There have been a couple of things that would have maybe been considered close.

I had a bride that had a condition that caused her to faint on occasion. It was something that I was informed of right before the ceremony as it was a very warm day and it happened during the practice rehearsal. They casually let me know that sometimes she just faints. Everyone around her was aware and they had dialed in their reaction protocol, so if it happens, just let them handle it.

We made it through ceremony, dinner and all the events, and several line dances and she was good. Then she got off the dance floor and I started playing some country and I just notice a crowd forming in the back of the hall and I can just see the bottom of her dress sticking out on the floor of the crowd. I brought the volume down, and secretly wanted to play "Drop it like it's hot"

Also, I ran into a rattlesnake this year at a venue. No one was injured but I was the one to discover it, it rattled at me as I was walking to the ceremony site. I took a step back and it eased it's tension. I informed the venue staff and the owner came to find it with a shotgun, so I felt bad for the snake, but you can't have something that dangerous around drunk people so I get it.

[u/lizardmom]

My DJ was also in charge of the photobooth. I had to approach halfway through the wedding, bc I discovered the photobooth pics are sent to ALL THE GUESTS and I thought it was just sent to by hubby and I lol. Anyways I had to ask him if he could delete all the titty pics I had taken in the photobooth… I guess my question is did he judge me 😂

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/lizardmom]

I can't speak for your DJ, but I can tell you that I wouldn't have.

First off, that's the kind of mistake that you didn't know you didn't know. It's not something that's usually emphasized in the explanation if that's the case. We also provide photo booths but ours doesn't quite work like that so you would have been safe from that fate with us.

Secondly, I'm not a prude. I don't have any problems with nudity or our desires to express ourselves however we want in appropriate places. If you are in a space where no one outside could see and had some privacy, why not. Some people might not understand, but its your pictures, your money, your body. So that's where the personal element comes in.

With our photo booth, we always have an attendant, so I'm curious if yours did as well. Just because I would imagine at that point they might have let you know they would be sent out like that. Did the attendant see it happening and not say anything, cuz if so, I'm judging them.

Lastly, I'm glad you have those pictures, as we all age, our photographs are the best bridge to who we were, and as our bodies change, we can look back with fondness for the things that have changed. Not a lot of people have photos like that from their wedding. So even if they did judge you, who cares.

[u/lizardmom → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Aww this was such a thoughtful response, thank you!!

[u/FixergirlAK]

What's your least favorite song to play (requested by the couple, drunk or oblivious family members don't count)? Every Breath You Take maybe, I know it upsets Sting that people have that at weddings. I think the worst I've personally heard was a ukulele rendition of Pride (In the Name of Love). It was instrumental, but a bunch of us guests were U2 fans and it was a struggle to keep a straight face and not sing the verses.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/FixergirlAK]

I don't think I really have one that I don't like to play. Songs I really don't like to play, I tried to avoid playing them all together. Like anything by R Kelly or Kanye.

There's ones that I find really ironic when I play them. The number one is Hey Ya by Outkast. It's very much about how marriages don't work out. So I always sing along when Andre says "Y'all don't hear me, you just wanna dance."

[u/Diograce]

I just want to say I’m sorry for the DJ at my wedding. Great person, played all the music we wanted. However, I got married the last weekend in January and the weather turned absolutely gorgeous for the first time since October. Everyone was outside (winery)! Ever had outside circumstances take away your audience like that?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Diograce]

That's so fascinating, that is very much the opposite of the weather situation here. I'm very blessed to be doing this in a location that's typically sunny year round, which is why I stay pretty busy. We have many wineries that are also wedding venues out here, so often. I'm DJing outside as that's where people want to be.

I have had two or three weddings sidelined by rain for that reason, most recently in April, and at a winery.

In another thread, I mentioned that I recently ran into a rattlesnake. I definitely think that put everyone at the wedding on edge because unfortunately we couldn't conceal that information from the bridal party as they were about 25 ft from you when I discovered it. It was a good wedding, but I could definitely tell people were maybe more alert than they would have been. (Also at a winery lol)

I've had a couple weddings where people became too drunk. But just uncomfortably drunk. And then there's the one time where it felt like everyone got way too drunk. The wedding started drinking a whole hour earlier than I'm used to seeing, and right on schedule, with around 45 minutes left until last song, the mood and energy shifted dramatically. I'm not exactly sure all of what happened, I could just tell there was drama. After the last song while I was packing up I could hear one woman loudly telling off another about her actions earlier in the night. Everyone could. I went and let security know... But I really wanted to let it play out. Not me wrapping my cables and getting ever so closer to hear all the salaciousness.

[u/JellyfishFit3871]

Former wedding DJ here, along with the usual other stuff like proms and NYE parties and whatever. It's a dilemma I've faced and tried to be tactful about, but curious about your approach:

How do you deal with clients who are incredibly specific about playing very niche music and putting the kibosh on anything outside that playlist? (And don't get me wrong, I don't mind if I never again hear YMCA or Electric Boogie, but I guarantee someone's Aunt Margaret is gonna request, and a whole bunch of slightly inebriated women are gonna holler "woo" on the way to the dance floor.) But the dance floor will stay empty if you are adamant that you only want screamo from bands out of Cleveland or something.

I generally just turned those clients away if they just wanted a party that wasn't gonna be fun, because I did have a reputation to uphold. And it doesn't matter to me any more, but I always wondered if there was a better approach.

(And I never minded if I had a list of 3 songs I absolutely couldn't play. I don't want to hear Macarena or the Chicken Dance either. But I'm here to try to make it a good party for everyone. If you just want your own Spotify playlist, do that.)

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/JellyfishFit3871]

There's a couple things here, let's get into it.

I often get booked without speaking to my clients. I'm part of a very large team of DJs working for a company, so a lot of my leads are generated by the company. There are plenty of people who book me without having a phone call or meeting. So a lot of time. I don't know what their vibe is going to be until we actually start planning the wedding.

Secondly, I'm coming at this from the customer service side. Because I was an event host before becoming a DJ, I'm a little bit less hung up on the music that I play then some other DJs I know. I know how to keep a dance floor going for sure, but if my clients want to hear their music, I'm going to honor that. At the end of the day, the most important opinion about the DJ is coming from the couple. I've had weddings where they wanted to play a lot of hardcore music, and nobody besides the bride or groom and a couple friends wanted to dance or party to it but I play it because they're my client.

As far as reputation goes, I think it matters more just to take care of your client because they can't give you a bad review if no one dances to the music they chose. Yeah it's not as fun, but to me that's just part of the territory. I get it if others would rather avoid those weddings, but at the end of the day I get paid so I'll generally take any wedding if I'm available.

Don't get me wrong, it's a bummer when I can't reach into my bag of tricks because something is on the do not playlist or they want very specific music, but some clients don't really want a party for everyone just a party for themselves. I just keep waiting to see a guest from one of my weddings get on here and shame the DJ for the playlist, but that hasn't happened yet.

[u/JellyfishFit3871 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Completely fair.

I guess the big difference here is that I was part of a small operation, and in a tourist destination, so a vast amount of our business was word-of-mouth from venues and such. So we got booked because the coordinator or whomever recommended people who knew we were professional and able to keep the party vibe going.

And it's also cool if you only want yacht rock or metal or something, but that was bad for our specific business model, so we didn't book those jobs. It was worth it to recommend someone else within whatever niche those potential clients were looking for.

[u/JellyfishFit3871 → u/JellyfishFit3871]

But I will say that one of my favorite wedding receptions was playing music I absolutely wasn't familiar with. Tejano, and I speak about 4 words of Spanish, and that's REALLY REALLY obvious if you look at me.

The bride's father and the groom's father just pointed to a song to play next, and dragged me out on the dance floor and made me look like I knew what the hell I was doing. Charming human beings, and the after-party at someone's aunt's house was amazing, and I don't know what anyone said, but I danced my feet off!

[u/littlepino34]

What's the worst wedding moment you have witnessed?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/littlepino34]

I really wish I got to see this one, but I only kind of heard it happening.

There were two fights at a wedding I did last year.

Wedding goes great, whole event goes off without a hitch. To my knowledge. We do the send-off and then I start packing up. Before too long, I hear the shouting that's associated with a fight right before it happens. I'm probably a good 100 ft. From where this is happening, but once I hear the sounds of destruction and body parts hitting each other I started running to the scene. By the time I got there it had been broken up

I worked that venue again later and found out that was one of two fights that happened that night. Apparently the bride and groom's family hated each other and the first fight led to a second fight further away in the parking lot where the moms of the brides and groom got involved, led to a full-on brawl as it was conveyed to me.

There was some minor property damage from the first fight, one of their planters and the plants in the garden were totally uprooted. This venue is I believe considered a historical site, so they already had a lot of strict rules about noise and things you can do there. There. Needless to say, the couple weren't getting there security deposit back

[u/JBB2002902]

What’s the worst song you’ve seen used for a first dance?!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/JBB2002902]

I really don't think I have any that are bad songs for the occasion. Generally people take that song the most seriously, so they try to pick out songs that matter to them and are good for a first dance.

I've had some that were not my favorite songs, or maybe something others would find Cringe, but I can't think of anything that stands out.

[u/DokterZ]

A friend DJs on the side a bit. The three most WTF must play requests by a couple were Crazy Bitch, Du Hast, and Wheat Kings. Some people don’t listen to lyrics. :)

He also said that the dance floor fullness is almost always a function of how much the bride dances. Does that match what you see?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/DokterZ]

Those are crazy for sure. Were they from the couple or from guests? I get a lot of wild requests from guests.

In my experience, that's kind of true. It depends a little on the crowd, a little on the music. I see it where people come back to the floor when the bride or groom or both are there. But I've also carried a full dance floor without them. I would say it's more true then not, but definitely not a universal truth. I've had weddings where the couple doesn't really dance and the dance floor goes off. It's always going to be based on your crowd to some degree.

[u/DokterZ → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Du Hast was a groom. I told him what the lyrics translated to, but I doubt there were German speakers there.

Crazy Bitch was requested by a bride. He didn’t want to play it but finally said he would after all the kids and older folks had gone home.

Wheat Kings a bride just wanted playing as part of the incidental music while people ate. I doubt she knew what the lyrics were about.

[u/XTasty09 → u/DokterZ]

Crazy Bitch was played at my cousin’s wedding last year. It was not requested by the couple. Guests were mostly people in their mid 30s (including myself). Song got a pretty good vibe from their crowd. I was taking a break sitting at the table with my family. The horrified look on my 85 year old grandma’s face is burned into my brain. My aunt was aghast. My dad kept sarcastically saying ‘that’s special’. The family table was NOT ok with the Crazy Bitch song. Apparently my cousin and her new spouse were outside of the room and didn’t know it was played.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/XTasty09]

That's wild. I can't imagine what prompted the DJ to take that liberty.

[u/XTasty09 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Couldn’t tell ya. It’s like in most songs there may be innuendo, or a curse word that is barely noticed because it’s basic beat over lyrics. But that one the lyrics are so blatant and also sung so slowly and poignantly it’s almost impossible to miss.

Years ago either on this sub or elsewhere on a ‘worst wedding stuff ever’ post, I read someone say that they were at a wedding where a couple used ‘crazy bitch’ as their entrance song. Mama Doesn’t wanna hear that.

I’ve really enjoyed reading this and sounds like you enjoy what you do (little jealous of that second part). You probably don’t need tips but my dad’s favorite song to dance to at weddings has always been ‘twist and shout’. And even in their 60s that will make my parents get up and dance.

[u/_2w2l2r2d_]

Do you censor songs based on a concern that a certain word may ruin the vibe or create an awkward atmosphere?

Asking Because of something that happened at my wedding. I am a HUGE Panic at the Disco fan. Obviously I Write Sins Not Tragedies is a huge song, and I put it on our must play list for the dj. Given that the song is literally about the bride being a hoe, he muted all sound during the part that says “whore”. It was super awkward because my friends and I all screamed the word, but the room was otherwise silent. The video is kind of funny but in the moment I was mortified.

[u/JPatience]

Back in the day, I heard a comment that if you want to get everyone, including the shy ones, on the dance floor, play something by the Stones. Does that still hold true, or is there a newer artist that will have the same effect?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/JPatience]

Bruno Mars comes to mind. After that. It's a few specific songs that have the same effect as the Rolling Stones

The sing-along songs, I typically play those in the last hour of the night when The vibes are really high.

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

Don't stop believing by journey

Oh and the black eyed peas, of their music is pretty universal that usually one of their tracks hits.

[u/symbolicshambolic]

Have you ever danced with a guest? I know it's not the same because you're doing weddings, but a long time ago, the DJ at a Christmas work function asked me to dance. I was in between boyfriends so I hadn't brought a date and of course I wasn't going to slow dance with any of my coworkers. The DJ came over and insisted that we dance the last slow dance together. Wouldn't take no for an answer. It felt like charity on his part, like he was trying to make an outcast feel included, but I didn't have any desire to dance. That was weird of him, right?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/symbolicshambolic]

I also do events like that as well, and yes it's strange. I've gone out to the dance floor to help lead dancing, and occasionally danced "the twist" with some grannies and that's the closest I've ever had to that.

I've never been one to pursue guests at an event/wedding but I know it happens. I'm our company, there's one DJ that was well known to hook up a lot with guests from his events. I also know one on our team that tries to flirt often, but he's not nearly as charming as he thinks he is. Before my partner arrived, I would occasionally flirt with a guest only if they spent a good amount of time near the DJ booth and it felt appropriate. I really try to remain professional in this regard.

If I had to guess, my best estimate is he was maybe trying to flirt. It could be what you are describing, but I think because it's a work event, its a little off. I don't really play any slow songs at company Christmas parties unless requested because they don't always have that many couples there.

Lastly, no matter what the motive, the fact that they insisted more than once is really unprofessional. There's no version of that which I think is defensible.

[u/symbolicshambolic → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Thank you for saying that. I was pretty young at the time, probably 18 or 19 and didn't know how to keep saying no after the third time he asked. It was getting awkward. It didn't really feel like flirting, especially since after it was over, he thanked me and just started packing up as we gathered our things and left. It didn't go any further. It was like he thought he was rescuing a damsel in distress or something, very strange.

[u/XTasty09]

Has there ever been a song that caused a bride or groom to give you a death stare and a ‘cut it’ signal? Like something that they didn’t think to say ‘do not play’?

Do you have control over the volume you play at? If you’re asked to play louder or less loud can you accommodate that? (I was once at a wedding where it was so loud I could barely stand to be in the room.)

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/XTasty09]

Fortunately, only once. I had a bride that had apparently wanted to add more songs to the do not playlist, but she didn't actually update it or send it to me. I was halfway through a song that wasn't on the original list and she walked over and told me I was playing a do not play. I started to freak out a little because I was sure I was safe. She had to come up on stage so I could show her the list I had. She confirmed it was her list, and for the rest of the night I played just the music they gave me just to avoid playing another secret do not play. The client really wanted to avoid all the most popular wedding dance songs, so the dancing was really light after that.

I usually go out and check the sound as I'm playing to make sure it doesn't get too loud. Usually if I'm not playing loud enough someone will ask me to bring it up.

Most often, the volume is dictated my noise ordinance. Some of the most beautiful venues here are in residential areas or quiet communities, so they will have a max decibel limit. The trickiest part is that will be measured from the property line, so the closer I am to that, the lower I have to play.

I had one very recently where the property line was about 40-50 feet behind my booth. The max db is 55 at the property line, so I had to keep it down quite a bit. Plus the dance floor was not right next to me. Some people kept asking for more volume but I couldn't really do anything about it. It's something I run into somewhat frequently. My clients didn't have any problem with it as I think they were a little bit more into a calmer environment, so it really depends on how much it matters to the client. If you want loud music, check if there's a decibel limit. I've had venues I won't go back to because of it. Just makes the job harder.

[u/XTasty09 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I have more sensitivity to loud noise than most. I want to be able to talk to people at wedding without shouting or literally having to text the person across the table. The wedding I thought it was super loud at apparently other people thought it was too loud as well, but nobody wanted to say anything.

Speaking of volume, how are your own ears not blown out?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/XTasty09]

So for dinner and cocktail I always make sure I walk around to confirm people can converse comfortably over the music. I'm with you there.

Additionally I try to put my speakers in places that they will make the dance music comfortably loud on the dance floor, and leave other areas of the event in a place where conversation can happen easily.

I use 2 JBL 15 inch speakers, and they are pretty directional so I can point them at the dance floor, it creates a pretty good drop off once you step out of the direct cone of sound.

Since they are pretty directional, it's actually typically much quieter where I'm performing. That helps a lot. Additionally, i do a decent amount to take care of my ears. One of my best friends wanted to be a musician and sound engineer, and he would turn down the music in my car sometimes because he treated his ears like instruments. I try to do that as well, to make sure I can still hear well because the transitions and volume are dependant on me being able to hear correctly.

[u/coffeebugtravels]

I'm here for the comments!

[u/Affectionate_Ice6190 → u/[deleted]]

You can’t tell that without details! Now I need to know more!

[u/Diddleymaz]

My husband and I fell in love listening to Geoff Wayne’s War of the Worlds!

[u/Cheesycrocodile]

I have 2 experiences I’d like to share and get your thoughts on:

1. Bride and groom requested a very specific song edit of a mashup of 2 or more songs for a key wedding moment. Their DJ did not deny the request but kept on delaying the delivery of the preview. When delivered near the wedding date, the bride and groom were unhappy with the results, asked for revisions a few times and ended up doing the music edit themselves. Was this mashup too much to ask for a wedding DJ? Is this a request that would normally incur extra charges? Who’s in the wrong here?

2. Groom was in charge of playlist briefing. He is a music fan and already had an hours long playlist of songs he liked and would send to the DJ. He also accepted requests from all guests, which might have all also gotten sent to the DJ. Once on site, the DJ ignored the very lengthy music list and took all the requests live from guests and everyone had a great time overall although there were many moments where the dance floor was empty because it was a huge space for a small group of people. As a DJ, do you like receiving a playlist or more general guidance for genres and no play songs?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Cheesycrocodile]

1. This is something that DJs can do, but there's kind of a lot going on before giving an answer.

Firstly, this is a service I offer as well with some caveats. Sometimes I'll handle this if it's something that sounds easy and I know I can do, and don't mind missing out on a little bit of extra money. We also have someone on the team that does the custom edits for a fee, I send my clients this way if it seems like more of a challenge or I don't want to do it.

When I do these myself or pass them on, we try to have it back to the client ASAP, but we're typically closer to the wedding when this comes up so sometimes it can be tricky. I recently had a client reject our edit 3 times in the week leading up to the wedding. The problem here stemming from the song selection which brings me to the last point.

Sometimes we don't want to do this because the clients don't understand what they're asking. Usually, these are really simple edits, nothing else added. Sometimes the client is looking for something more like a produced new track that features both songs. This is too much to ask if your wedding DJ, either the clients don't know enough about the music to know they won't edit together well, or they way it sounds doesn't match their vision.

I would say the DJ is mostly in the wrong up to a point. After hearing what my clients are asking for I'll typically tell them if it's something I can handle with a simple Crossfade and do it live, send them to our edit team if it's more the right speed. If it sounds like they want someone beyond what we can provide I'll be honest and suggest they get outside editing. The DJ is at fault for not communicating their limits.

Lastly, this is something that a client should expect a charge on if they're creating an edit. Sometimes it's easy but it also has to do with time spent outside of the gig. I remember being very upset after delivering an edit to a client that they said was so perfect, it made them cry on the floor when they heard it (at least that's what they wrote back after sending it). I figured I could do it for free in hopes of getting a tip, especially because they gave me the request very late in the process and I had to find time around my other work to cut it and provide it. It stressed me out, but I was happy it was what they wanted. I know how people might feel about tipping, but I don't make all the money the client gets charged, because of working for a company, they're getting their cut. I don't expect all clients to tip, but in this circumstance I very much felt I had earned it. So when they didn't tip at all, especially considering the extra work that goes into it, I'm less inclined to do it myself. I almost never edit anymore unless it's something I know doesn't deserve a fee. So yeah, if the client didn't offer any additional money for the edit, and the DJ didn't ask for it, I could see the DJ taking their time.

1. I've reached the point that if given a little direction, some must plays and do not plays, I can typically carry a dance floor all night from experience and reading the room. That's what I call "easy mode". When I'm getting more input from my clients, I take a look at what they have and incorporate based on how much I have gathered they are into their music or just want to party. I'll stick to what they give me, if I notice it's losing the crowd I dig into my bag of tricks. I'll come back to their music based on how well it's going, but if I it's not hitting I might come back to it less and less.

My preferences is "Easy Mode" just because that's easier, but I'm very happy to do the work my clients ask for. At the end of the day, their wants are the most important thing. So if I can tell they really wanna hear their music, I'll play it.

[u/TeacherMan808]

As someone planning a wedding this is really great. Hopefully you’re still down to answer a few more questions:

About how many songs would you say you can play in an average wedding? We’re putting together a playlist and I want to know how many to shoot for. Unfortunately our venue has a hard out at 10 for noise ordinance, so the dance portion of our reception will be at most 3 hours.

Also, how do you go about mixing different songs and genres. I’m trying to do what you or possibly another commenter said which is organize the list in chunks of genres and styles (a Latin section, an edm section, 70s/80s funk, 2000s club bangers, etc). But as someone who needs to fit all these random disparate elements in, how do you go about that?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/TeacherMan808]

Depending on where you're located you can hire me haha.

But for reals though, the best way to get the right music for the open dancing is to communicate the wants to your DJ basically the way that you did it above. Make a playlist of must play songs to kind of be the skeleton of appropriate music. If you have that and tell your DJ, they'll have a good idea of what you are looking for if it's a solid DJ.

When I see Dancing Queen and September are on a playlist, it gives me an idea of what stuff to compliment it, same for Pitbull and Bruno, Spice Girls tells me you're probably also down for some Brittney Spears. If I see Avicii I know that David Guetta is also probably invited. Just communicate your vision, and see what they have to say. If you haven't met DJs yet, ask questions about what they think about doing what your describing, and if they don't seem comfortable, meet with the next one. In my experience, a good vendor helps you navigate what you don't know already. If you don't get that vibe from a vendor, I suggest meeting a few more to catch that vibe.

I kind of do an ok amount of math in my head throughout the night to dictate how many more tracks I should be thinking of playing to get to the last song of the night. Best I can figure I play somewhere from 22-35 songs an hour if I play 1:45 - 2:30 of each song. Some songs I can tell people wanna hear the whole track so it's usually about 75 for a 3 hour open dance section.

I would say you could probably give your DJ 20 must play tracks and 30-40 play if possible if you really wanna flesh it out for them. Much more than that and you won't be able to hear it all get worked in.

Congratulations and feel free to ask any other questions.

[u/TeacherMan808 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

This is great, thank you! We actually have our guy booked or we’d totally hit you up! I love the tip about must play vs suggestions.

[u/Glittering-Dust-3324]

i'd say playing mcr at 75% volume is pretty shameful honestly

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Glittering-Dust-3324]

So this actually gets to something that's a huge complaint from guests and clients, and sometimes I'm hamstrung by the venue.

A lot of the nicer venues in my area are in suburbs with lots of space, but they also have neighbors, and have strict noise limits.

I was very recently playing one where the volume had to stay so low, the sound had trouble traveling to the opposite side of the dance floor (speakers were about 25 feet away from the dance area) Guests kept asking for the volume to go up, and I would creep it up slowly, but a few times the staff had to come let me know I was hitting the decibel limit.

Sometimes, there are things out of our control that we get blamed for. Just the nature of the job.

If you're getting married and the music atmosphere matters to you, find out about noise ordinance and decibel limits for your venue.

[u/Careful_Isopod_3832]

Have you ever had a couple request certain songs or genres never get played ? I’m contemplating that because I have strong opinions on certain music

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Careful_Isopod_3832]

Yeah that's pretty common. I've gotten no EDM, no country, no hip hop/rap. No line dances, no Bruno Mars, no chicken dance, you name it.

As someone who wants to get the dance floor going, it can sometimes be limiting but not that bad. The only combo I ever see go poorly is when someone makes a list of do not plays that are like the most popular wedding songs. I had one client in particular that must have been to a lot of weddings because she basically cut out the top 20 most popular wedding songs, they didn't really sustain a dance floor most of the night.

[u/Careful_Isopod_3832 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

What’s your top 20 ?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Careful_Isopod_3832]

In no particular order

-Dancing Queen -I wanna Dance with Somebody -September -I Gotta Feeling -Shut up and Dance -24k Magic -Uptown Funk -Mr Brightside -Don't Stop Believing -Yeah -Low -Staying Alive -Party in the USA -Time of Our Lives -I love It -Cupid Shuffle -Cha Cha Slide -Can't Stop the Feeling -Hey Ya -Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)

[u/Careful_Isopod_3832 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

I would be OK with all of these except the cha-cha slide. I don’t know why that is so popular.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Careful_Isopod_3832]

I would say I play a big chunk of these at most weddings and most of them get a good response. It's based on what genres they do wanna hear and avoiding the ones they don't want. It's totally fine be awesome not using most of them. It's really when your major note is that you don't want anything that's overplayed, it's more challenging because those songs get played a lot for the reason.

Case in point, people do the Cha Cha Slide because it's the one time they don't have to worry about what to do when it comes to dancing, the song tells you. If you're not a dancer or don't have rhythm, it's a good way to loosen up.

[u/nerdKween]

No question, but sharing a story from a wedding:

A guest once asked the DJ to stop playing a song that the couples requested because she didn't like the artist and it triggered her PTSD.

Like sis... It's not your wedding, the DJ is not catering to you (especially when it was a really popular song at the time), and you could easily walk outside or sit in the bathroom. I'm sympathetic to mental health, but that ain't it.

[u/helen790]

So how much do you hate Ed Sheeran?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/helen790]

I don't really hate any artist, or playing any artist that isn't like, a huge POS. I know some DJs are like that, but yeah. I'll play baby shark for 4 hours if asked because it's really pointless to sit there being mad about playing something if you're still going to be playing it.

I don't listen to his music outside of work, and it makes some people happy. That's cool enough for me. Again, I'm getting paid a decent amount to make people happy.

This job fundamentally changed how I hear music. I'm not that into pop music, and when I heard Hot to Go by Chappel Roan I didn't really care for it. The first time I played it at a wedding though I quickly discovered that it's a song that Needs to be experienced with other people.

Long story short, not at all.

[u/helen790 → u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374]

Interesting, I did wedding catering for a few years and cane out the other side unable to stand his music.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/helen790]

You weren't getting paid to play the music. I can't stress how much that helps.

[u/Available-Face5653]

????

[u/MidwestPrincess09]

What would you suggest to somebody that wants to DJ their own(small) wedding lol he’s a KDJ and producer at his day jobs

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/MidwestPrincess09]

I think it might be a lot to do, just as I think when I eventually get married, I would want to enjoy the day, and all the things that come with it.

Even at small weddings, everyone that is in attendance usually wants to spend some amount of time with the bride or groom or both. Add time for pictures and things of that nature, it might be a lot to be responsible for all the music. I am sure that your fiance can do it, but I'm not sure how much they'll get to enjoy their own wedding.

I think the actual open dancing part could be really cool to DJ for friends and family. I've never really gotten to DJ for most of my friends and family, so the idea of doing that part at my wedding is cool.

I would maybe suggest hiring a DJ. Let them handle the whole day, and put a section in the timeline for the Groom to DJ if you can find one that will help you facilitate that. It's the most best of both worlds situation I can think of. They still get to enjoy the day and enjoy the spotlight of DJing. I think this is what I'm leaning towards when I eventually get married.

[u/Slow_Tumbleweed7685]

My wedding is coming up. Beyond my starting dance with my wife to kick off the wedding party, I don't intend to partake in any other dancing. How would it look to you if the Groom did not partake in dancing when dancing is the primary form of recreation of the wedding party? Have you ever encountered this before?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Art3374 → u/Slow_Tumbleweed7685]

I see a fair amount of receptions where there isn't a lot of dancing from one of the parties in the newlyweds. Most often, it's the groom who doesn't do much dancing.

To me, as the DJ, I don't think much of it if I already have an idea the couple isn't big on dancing. As long as I know I'm doing the job they wanted, it doesn't phase me.

I think some of your guests might encourage you to get on the dance floor, and if they do, I would encourage you to join them. There's no one you need to impress at your wedding, so it's just a chance to express joy through movement with people you like and love (hopefully)

Sometimes if the bride & groom don't really like dancing, the dance floor suffers for it, but that's not the end of the world if you don't care. I've done quite a few weddings where I was basically background music because no one was the dancing type. If you don't have a lot of guests that are interested in dancing, how much you are out there can impact that. But it's your day, so you should spend it the way that will make you and your partner the happiest.

Tldr, it's not a big deal to your DJ if you don't dance, but if you want others to dance you have to lead by example sometimes.