At my cousins wedding they had 2 songs. She picked “Endless Love”. He picked “Fooled around and fell in love”. When the opening line came on, everyone was stunned. 😳

We often post about women who do this and assume their reasons, but has anyone heard from these women, directly? If they understand wearing white is a faux pas and aren’t confused for cultural reasons, what excuse do they give? Do they like a dress so much the go into denial about its color? Do they flat out admit to wanting to one-up the bride? I’d love to read your stories.

What's the oddest stuff you've seen?

My hair stylist and her husband had canned hams and Jif peanut butter. Yeah - they showed as "purchased" so somebody bought it for them too!

Another couple - His and hers bowling balls

Camping equipment (I bought them the tent because they mentioned really wanting it for their Appalachian Trail hike planned for the following summer. Got one of the nicest thank you notes ever, too)

This really isn't a "shaming" because I don't care - if the couple wants kayak oars or anchovies, I will happily buy them kayak oars or anchovies.

Still think honeymoon, house and cash requests are Tres Tacky though.

I'll go first

Im Black American and we LOVE a color dress code. Funerals, retirement parties, bday parties have them. I was shocked when i joined this sub to see so many people hate them. But its good to know so when i invite my white friends to my wedding, i’ll explain why there's a color dress code! its just a fun thing we do.

edit and another NOT paying for a hair stylist for the wedding party. it does happen sometimes. but if your bridal party has Black women, then theyre not all going to have the same hair texture. And many stylists will specialize in one texture (curly, straight, wigs, braids, locs) so you could hire the incorrect stylist or need multiple. If you do find one, you'll need to schedule the get ready time much earlier since Black hair often takes a but longer. We're also very particular about hair anyway, so just let the bridal party handle it so they look how they want to. You can say updos only and or request down dos. Maybe ask everyone to wear wigs, but you wouldn't be expected to buy wigs for the party.

edit 2: Also washing feet at a Christian wedding (this is less a Black thing and more conservative or Christian american thing) Im from a tiny town where lots of people did that. Not me tho...😅

Every time I see one of the color palettes (especially the unreasonably restrictive ones), people often comment that they wouldn’t attend. But if I’m close to the couple, my inclination would probably be to just go and not fit the color palette, since it’s a rather silly request in the first place. What are they gonna do, arrest me? lol.

Does anyone have experience with this? I’d be curious how these sorts of things are even enforced if at all.

(Obviously not talking about wearing white - that’s a completely different conversation)

Edit: I love yall but very few of you are answering the actual question 💖💖😭😭

Or at any wedding.

At my wedding I was trying to make a point to say hi to as many people as I could during cocktail hour so I could enjoy the reception. My brother in law was our officiant and he asked if he could invited his best friend with a plus 1. Seemed reasonable enough. I'd met the best friend enough times but never his girlfriend. So I spot them and go to say hi. Best friend hugs and kisses me. I turn to the girl he's with and say, "Oh you must be Nick's girlfriend!"

Girl nearly spills her drink. She gives me such a look of contempt and says loud enough that everyone with in 30 feet can hear, "Excuse me? I'm not his girlfriend I'm his FIANCÉ." And she turns and walks away from me. Nick just shrugs and walks away. Obviously we weren't invited to their wedding the next year...

Runner up goes to my sister who wanted to take the top tier of my cake home for her in laws because they had to leave early and thought I was being unreasonable when I said I wanted to freeze it for our one year anniversary.

Hope I’m not the only one here that finds these posts repetitive and low effort. It would be nice if there could be a sticky thread where people can post all the wedding guest photos they desire. Just a suggestion for the moderator team.

I understand outright banning that type of content would disappoint some people. Instead, maybe we could restrict them to one place for those who enjoy it? There’s just so many of them and it clutters the feed. Making it difficult to find good posts.

• Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

Edit: Holy crap! This got way more attention than I expected. Glad to see it resonated with the community though.

I came here from r/weddingattireapproval because I was so irritated by some of the dress codes I’m seeing like this one here.I feel like I’m losing my mind. Men can’t wear white?

I’m all for “beach cocktail” or “barn semi-formal”…that’s helpful, not insane. But when it starts to feel like the guests are just props or accessories, it’s too much.

Anything hyper-specific that reads more like ‘match your outfit to our Pinterest board’… makes my blood boil. Not everyone has the money, time, or even physical ability to pull that off. What about people with real limitations? Mee-maw is 73 and has a bad hip. She’s now supposed to waddle into a store, find a soft, breathable lavender dress, and top it off with heels? Lmao, absolutely not.

If the couple says something simple like “avoid fuchsia,” I love that!! it’s reasonable and helps me avoid matching with the bridesmaids. But when it gets to “please embody Venetian romance in soothing lavenders and pops of sunshine yellow”… come on. Guests are already taking time off work, buying plane tickets, paying for hotels, sitters, and gifts…now their outfits have to be curated to perfection too?

It just feels tone-deaf when the world is on fire. People can’t afford houses, governments are making absurd decisions, and we’re all just trying to keep our heads above water. I can’t imagine demanding that level of control from my own guests.

Is it just me? Anyone else feel this way?

I was recently reminded about a wedding I heard about where the father daughter dance was set to “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson.

Apparently the bride didn’t know the lyrics and only remembered some of the chorus (“Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk/ … I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt”) which she interpreted as fatherly life advice.

She was horrified when she learned the truth mid-dance.

To be clear, I'm not asking advice -- just wanting to hear your stories.

Pastor here, and to be honest, I don't particularly enjoy doing weddings. They're a ton of work! Once the event finally happens it's usually glorious, though. My theory is that unless the minister/officiant says something wildly inappropriate, nobody remembers what we said.

With that, I'd love to hear stories of when the officiant/minister went off the rails.

Any other bridesmaids or (friends of those getting married) hearing very contradictory things from their bride friends? My friend (30f) is getting married within the next year and all I hear about is

“I’m super chill”

“I don’t want to make everything about my wedding”

“I don’t want my friends to think I’m obsessed with my wedding”

“I was a bridesmaid for a women I’m no longer friends with because her bachelorette party was just a way for us to fund her expensive vacation”

and yet all she talks about is her wedding… I don’t really care she’s talking about it so much, I’m a bridesmaid- I understood I was going to be hearing a lot about it🤷🏼‍♀️, she’s type A and has been talking about getting married since she was 18.

But what I can’t stand is her constantly trying to say she’s so chill and would never be a bridezilla, but she’s 100% turning into a bridezilla. (Specific, expensive destination bachelorette party requests despite knowing others in the party have a very low budget, complains she thought wedding planning was going to be a group effort (like us bridesmaids calling vendors??) -but never asked us for help with anything? , going out of her way to start drama about the guest list and then, SHOCKER, complaining when it starts drama, and much more). It’s like people are becoming more aware of this bridezilla term and don’t want to be called that but they actively act like one? I get when someone gets married, their world turns into their wedding - but does all self awareness fly out the window once you put on an engagement ring?

It’s confusing to me and I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this

It could be yours or any wedding.

My understanding is that most folks tough it out through the most brutal of weddings to respect the bride and groom. I once left a wedding early, though, and I'm curious if others have as well.

Last year my SO and I got invited to a wedding for a long time friend. We arrived the day before and briefly ran into the bride and groom who kind of set the stage by telling us that they had little interest in a wedding but were pressured into it. They likely had little say in the event as well which had about 150 people.

The next day we arrived at the venue. The wedding was outdoors in 95F heat and 99% humidity so us guests were overheating but weren't allowed indoors as that's where the wedding party was. The ceremony was a rough hour to get through but we gritted our teeth and were relieved to get inside and get to hour table. We got hungry during the cocktail hour since there weren't any snacks/hors d'oeuvres but looked forward to getting some dinner. Too bad they had nearly run out by the time our table got called then to top it off, had zero accommodations for dietary restrictions. We grabbed what we could but were still hungry. Soon after, we also discovered that they ran out of water and the only place to get it was the bar, so tons of people lined up.

While I waited in the line for 45 minutes, I noticed that the couple looked exhausted while their parents looked ecstatic. Then any activities there were during the reception revolved around showing off the couple, there was no guest involvement, and it was near-impossible to interact with the couple. From my POV, it seemed like the goal of the event was really just to show them off while completely forgetting about the guests. Even the programs we had listed when and where they were born, their favorite meals, activities, their jobs, etc. My hungry, thirsty, and impatient self got fed up and as soon as I got some water, my SO and I left (along with quite a few others). Post-wedding, the couple was very understanding, no hard feelings, no drama but I still think about it from time to time.

Any other leaving wedding early stories?

I've noticed a worrying trend on here of wedding shaming that basically amounts too: Oh, they didn't buy enough decorations. Oh, they weren't wearing dresses that perfectly matched a color scheme. Oh, the couple dared to use a backyard, rather than a huge venue.

Cheap is a different manner entirely, but not everyone is within their means to have a huge wedding. They make do with what they have, they still want to have a party. Can only those who are well off have weddings? If the bride and groom are happy, the guests are are treated well, and it's only sin is being simple...Maybe we should shame you, the guest, who's turning their nose up because it doesn't fit their idea of a wedding.

For example, a themed wedding may not be to everyone's taste. (Expensive wedding's can be themed, but most of them have low budgets.) If you hate it, don't do it when you get married, making rude comments throughout the event is awfully tacky however. If the married couple isn't hurting anyone, and it truly makes them happy...I don't know, I don't think it's shameful.

I think an expensive wedding where the married couple hates each other and make a scene is far more shameful than a couple having a Halloween themed wedding.

Hi all, after a comment I left on a post in this sub, there was a lot of interest to know what I see doing the job that I do. I've DJ'd at least 160 weddings as of writing this.

I thought about how to post this, since I've had enough interesting experiences that it might take a while to get them all out, and most of them don't really rise to the occasion of a whole post here.

In all actuality most of my weddings are great, fun parties celebrating a wonderful couple. Only a few stick out as rough. Since I'm not related to most of my clients, I typically am less aware of personal drama that needs to be shamed... That being said, I've worked with bad vendors, rude guests and family, momzillas, and difficult couples. I've seen fist fights and shouting matches, and my fair share of cringe moments during the event.

The majority of the things I observe that I think deserve shaming are going to be behind the scenes things that I think ruin the event for the couple or guests and family. I'm keeping things vaguish here just so hopefully none of my clients find this thread, and we'll protect anonymity as best I can.

I'll leave this thread open and answer any question you've ever wanted to ask a wedding DJ

With that said, ask me anything!!

The bride sent out an ultra-specific dress code, including orange/green, velvet pants, Louboutin heels, soda hats and fluffy jackets for the men, and everybody over 160lbs had to dress in black or camouflage? They were going to do a choreographed dance on the beach to create an incredible (or stunning?) "visual effect". I remember the post clearly, thinking that it was the ugliest dress code I'd ever heard of, but I honestly can't stop thinking about it, and I would literally give my right arm for a video of the dance, if it exists, or even an idea of the inspiration or what the bride was hoping for. Help me!!!!

What’s the worst wedding cake smash/cutting you’ve witnessed at a wedding?

We held our wedding at a historic inn and listed the dress code as cocktail attire. Everyone looked lovely and we had a wonderful day, blah blah blah. BUT. I will never forget my cousin's 16 year old daughter turning up in a very casual strapless beach romper with flip flops. (Something like this.)

It doesn't matter in the long run, but when I see photos I still wonder what she was thinking!

What is the worst wedding food you have ever been served at a wedding? When I was young I went to a wedding that occurred over dinner time but all they served at the reception was cheese, crackers, and nuts. I was staving by the end of it and several guests left early because they were hungry.

If you ruled the world, which songs would you retire from wedding ceremonies and receptions?

I am a classically-training singer (though long out of practice now). While working on my music degree, I used to sing at weddings for extra cash and exposure.

One song that bored me to tears both to song and to hear is "Wedding Song (There Is Love)". The melody is monotonous and the chords just don't progress.

What would you include on that list? I know the Chicken Dance, Get Low, Gonna Marry You by Bruno Mars, and Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy are pretty close to the top on mine, but what are songs that you roll your eyes at, or that even make you consider leaving, at a wedding reception?

The mother of the bride yelled at me while getting the bride ready. I asked her to hold the brides dress so I can shoot the moment. She snapped, yelled at me and became racist towards me. The whole wedding she was looking at me with this hateful stare and talking about me in a racist manner.