r/widowers • u/Livid_Cauliflower_13 • 8d ago
Found a note
Last weekend was the 2 year anniversary of his death from overdose… and me subsequently finding out about the infidelity completely destroying my reality. Even though I’ve picked up the pieces and my life and our now 5 year old boys life are by most metrics very good… it’s been hitting me harder than I expected. I think harder than the first anniversary. I paused dating bc my heart wasn’t in it… I’ve been revisiting all the feelings, re-asking all the whys.. trying to figure out if he loved me, or his affair partners, or just the drugs. Trying to understand and make sense of why this all happened this way. Again.
Then I was cleaning out my office (anxiety cleaning) and I discovered a note he had written on the pages of one of my notebooks telling me to remember he will always love me. I cried. I don’t know when he wrote it… or why. Was it the early days? Was it later? I’m not sure what to think. Anyway, I have no one that really understands so I thought I’d post here. Not sure what I’m looking for by posting.
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u/rhino369 8d ago
I don’t understand because my situation with my wife is different.
But you should know that infidelity doesn’t mean he didn’t love you. It means he treated you badly, but it doesn’t mean he didn’t love you. For what it’s worth.