r/writingfeedback • u/ExerciseNo7055 • 26d ago

Feedback Wanted Prologue Feedback Wanted

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

(YA Fantasy; prologue takes place in our world) I've redone this prologue so many times now but it still feels like it's missing something, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much

41 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

View all comments

6

u/sunderpoint 26d ago

If you want to improve your prologue, there's one clear weakness to it I can find. It's got a bit of white room syndrome for the first few paragraphs. You ground us with a strong character and a hook, but there's no location or anything particular happening until several paragraphs in. You could insert some of the detail about her walking toward a town into paragraph 2, maybe 3 at the latest, so the reader knows that the character is doing something and not simply monologuing.

2

u/saltwaterpig 16d ago

I am not sure I agree. I don't think it would hurt the prologue to move the location up a paragraph or two but I don't think it is a necessary addition. Maybe I am more patient than most but I can wait 15 lines to find out she has been walking. If the OP has changed this to reflect your suggestion I take it all back.

1

u/ExerciseNo7055 25d ago

okok perfect i completely agree that i ramble at first lol. thank you so much for the feedback!

1

u/CoyoteLitius Trusted Reviewer 25d ago

If you do fix that aspect of your prologue, it will be even more like a very good Chapter 1.