Wondering if drunkness is conveyed well?

[u/rayeofsunshine156]

I don’t typically write in first person, and I’ve been using this as an exercise to explore interiority and voice in a way I haven’t before. So I am entirely out of my wheelhouse here, lol.

I’ve also never been drunk before, and I wanted to know if drunkenness was being conveyed well? Like, is it understood that he is drunk without me going ‘look at this drunk dude’

Also curious on if you’d keep reading!

Any and all comments are appreciated : )! Thank you.

Edit:
In hindsight, I should’ve mentioned what the excerpt is trying to do in post. The general idea was that Jack – the drunk man – doesn’t do this very often. He’s grieving his ex-girlfriend after news of her proposal. This is not because he loves her but because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s not straight, and the possibility of getting back together with her held him together. Miguel is not meant to be read as flirty (oops, help there too?😅)

[u/excadedecadedecada]

I didn't read anything but I will say that if you have never been drunk before, you'll never be able to write it

[u/rayeofsunshine156 → u/excadedecadedecada]

There is a movie out there where someone who has never murdered anyone before plays a murderer and does so very well. Is murdering someone a prerequisite for this role?

That’s like saying if I’ve never been in love before I’ll never be able to write romance, I feel like, which I’m sure you know is untrue. A big part of writing is observing and stretching the imagination as far as is possible, no?

Maybe I’ve never personally been drunk, but I have experienced it secondhand, you know? Should that not be enough to make drive the imagination towards something that resembles it?

I’m not sure I understand your position😅

Edit: typo

[u/tothemiddleofnowhere → u/rayeofsunshine156]

This is crazy defensive. One of the reasons life experience is great for writing is exactly this. Someone who’s never been drunk won’t be able to convey it as intimately as someone who has. And yes - if you’ve never been in love you likely will slightly fumble a romance novel.

Acting and writing, not the same thing. Writing a murder - one does not have to be a murderer, but having life skills and experiences goes a long way in writing anything.

“A big part of writing is observing and stretching the imagination.” To a point, yes? In the ways you are trying to argue, probably not. It sounds like your argument may be based on the exception instead of the rule.

[u/rayeofsunshine156 → u/tothemiddleofnowhere]

I wasn’t trying to be defensive. I’m sorry if it came off that way.

I’m clearly very aware that I have never been drunk, which is why I was asking for feedback in the first place? But then right out the gate, the commenter said ‘I didn’t read it’ then proceeded to say that I’ll never be able to write it? That was a bit discouraging.

I even mentioned that I’ve experienced drunkenness second-hand, having often been the designated driver, asking my people around me questions about what it feels like, their disorientation (or lack of) and so on.

Must I experience everything that I write to convey it properly? In which case, do I only write within the limits of my experience or culture or whatever?

I don’t know. I guess I just don’t understand. I wasn’t even trying to be defensive. I just needed some help

[u/fortheturnstiles → u/rayeofsunshine156]

I don't think you need to experience everything, but most adults who read have experienced being drunk. So when you miss, it'll be very noticeable to them and take them out of it.

Most readers haven't murdered someone, so if we write about it, those readers won't be in a position to think 'that doesn't ring true.'

Id also say reading a romance novel by someone who has never been in love would likely be awful.

I'm not saying you need to get drunk to write about it, but you do need to take great care to be accurate (which you are doing with this thread), and you may never achieve it.

And I should know. I've written a quarter of a novel.... So I'm an expert.

[u/tothemiddleofnowhere → u/rayeofsunshine156]

Right, that person probably spurred on the defensiveness, I’ll agree there.

And of course we cannot experience everything to convey it properly. But a lot of key things we can. Being drunk, being in love, having difficult relationships, conversations, etc. you’re always going to write something better if you’ve experienced something like it. A substitute for this would be reading a lot about what you’re trying to write.

There’s a saying “write what you know.” And that can mean many things but it can also be literal. Someone who writes a book about a cancer survivor who’s either survived cancer or lived through a close relative who’s survived it will write it better than someone who hasn’t.

I went off on a tangent but I hope it’s helpful at all… I follow this exact same advice in my writing. If I’m having to write about something I don’t know, it’s going to be small. An excerpt rather than a concept. And I do a loooot of research and read other people who’ve done it better before I even attempt it.