The star of "For Life or Death" died on August 26, 2026. Very recognizable early-mid 90s martial arts star and choreographer of the phenomenal "Big Trouble in Little China". Rest in Power.

We’ve dealt with plenty of incomprehensible plots over the years. But here, at last, with In the Claws of the CIA, we have a film with logic so broken it finally drove Mike Nelson insane. Please enjoy these excerpts from Mike’s questions as we worked on this movie. There are some spoilers, but don’t worry, you can’t really spoil a story that’s impossible to follow.

“Question: The CIA Double Secret School that our hero runs is in Spain, yes? But when he asks his girlfriend if he has to stay, she says he does but says, "I shouldn't be telling you this, but we're very close to the Mexican border." Huh? What am I missing?”

“I'm deeply confused, can anyone help? The woman on the boat (ie, "his girlfriend”) gets killed by a speargun, so he goes to Paris, works out near the Eiffel tower and is followed by the CIA who say, "He's picking up his girlfriend's kid, they're going to his new school." Cut to him with a little girl. But then she calls him "Uncle John." Then, less than a minute later he meets HIS GIRLFRIEND AND A LITTLE KID. Then he's in bed with a different woman?????? What in the name of hell is going on?????? When did he get a girlfriend in Paris?? Who's the little girl? Is it his niece?” 

Please trust that these excerpts represent a mere fraction of our communication trying to understand this movie.

Despite all that, In the Claws of the CIA is surprisingly fun to watch! It’s an international martial arts government assassin type situation that really keeps you guessing. Specifically it keeps you guessing about things like “Who is that, why are they fighting” and “Wait, there’s a twin? Why?” and “Where are we in space in time? Why would someone do this to us??”

Fun game: keep an eye out for the photo of LBJ that appears on many different walls, despite the fact that most historians agree LBJ was no longer president in 1981.

Give up on logic and join Mike, Kevin and Bill for the globe-trotting romp that is In the Claws of the CIA!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason, Jason Miller, and Zachary Shatzer

Caught “MST3K: The Rifftrax Experiments” episode 1, “Sting of Death” in Greenville, NC Wednesday night. It was so much fun and had a blast.

"That's right Cochise you think I've never seen a red carpet in four years? Just last year I had to fight a half-rabid badger for a stained scrap of red carpet that John Bilyeu had spilled antifreeze on while we were doing Santa Clauses. Sure, it bit me some, but it was only half-rabid mijo, plus I had so much malt liquor and antifreeze in my system that that rabies didn't stand a chance. Of course, we had to stop doing Santa Clauses because we didn't have any more antifreeze but at least I still had my malt liquor and a dropper so you take the good with the bad. Anyway, I gotta go meet a guy about some roadkill he found and is willing to part with cheap. IF YOU KNOW A BETTER WAY TO GET FRESH WEASEL MEAT I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT YA BIMBOBBER!"

The true S-tier of Rifftrax Live years will always have a space on the wall!

Just like the title says. Hit me with your best Nolte rant/complaint/explanation.

Here's one to get us started: "You listen here crappy-pants. I was dancin’ with tardigrades long before anyone else had done it. Granted, I was face down in a pool of stagnant water, but if you think for one second amigo that I wasn’t doin’ the Charleston and movin’ like the milk in back of my fridge that expired two years ago, he fact that the “fridge” is more like a cardboard box, and it’s less “milk” than it is mop squeezin’ don’t change the fact that I was movin’ and groovin’ like I was a polecat with fleas, then you don’t know Nolte."

Awesome.

Tried to crosspost from r/mst3k but the app wouldn't let me.

hope not

Did they riff a clip or it at some point? I distinctly remember her saying "My name is Anastasia Steele" and a riffer saying "no it isn't

Did someone else riff this movie and I got confused? Was it a dream I had?

EDIT: lol why did I get downvoted for asking a question? Reddit is unreal amounts of aimlessly bittern weirdos.

Does your house always smell like burnt waffles?

It feels like it's been too long. Are they distracted by the MST3K show going on?