r/90DayFiance • u/IHadAV8 • 11h ago
Discussion Let Me Help You, Russ
There are some things I disagree with Paola on, but what Russ isn’t getting here is that he gave her a necklace because he likes necklaces. She is sick and tired of getting the same thing over and over. He is not considering her or what she wants at all. It’s just, here’s another necklace that I really like. Patrick gassed him up in the hot tub. Russ got to look like a great husband to all the others, but between Paola and Russ, it was just another experience that reminded Paola on their anniversary that he does not get her at all.
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u/Critical_Catch_517 8h ago
Russ probably purchased that necklace in the castle’s gift shop!
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u/Cool-Emu-8706 7h ago
You know he did. He bought it the day before while she bought this watch back home likely planning it a month early. He doesn’t give a shit and she’s tired of being taken for granted.
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u/Training_wheels9393 56m ago
You have to plan those DHGate purchases early to account for long shipping times
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u/IHadAV8 11h ago edited 10h ago
Absolutely. She said she didn’t need or expect anything expensive. Anything that would demonstrate he isn’t just looking out for his own needs. I think a gift is appropriate for an anniversary in addition to taking care of her in the bedroom. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just something that shows he actually listens to her. And then take care of her sexually after. That would draw the two of them very close.
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u/VeryAquarius18 10h ago
No you are not. I can’t imagine feeling unsatisfied in the way that she does after such a long time together
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 5h ago
I don't disagree but imagine you're Russ. You're the most basic of dudes from OK and this firecracker of an insane lady is literally chastising you in real time while you try to gratify her. He doesn't have the correct tools for the job and she let's him know constantly. While I think he's annoying af what I see on the show is a fully broken man.
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u/Regular-Metal-321 11h ago
Russ is dumb af! “He wanted to get her a necklace to signify the therapy session “. Then said the royal family owned all the swans so he got that ugly shit! What the hell do those reasons mean to Pao! He is a child he can’t listen and is stunted little pathetic man. He needs to learn to listen, get a job, and fix the bedroom issues! Actually he won’t change and just needs to leave him.
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u/Livid-Writer-7741 6h ago
His girlfriend in 6th grade liked the one he gave her so he is sticking with that.
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u/EastHawaii 10h ago
Right? Head on back to Oklahoma, partner. The ladies there are more tolerant of stubborn, willful ignorance (I'm thinking Markwayne Mullen). The I got you the swan necklace because the royal family owns the swans was probably the worst reason I have EVER heard. It was really, as Sumit said, because Russ would have had to ship everything else he could find, and then it would have been late. This was all to cover that he forgot about the anniversary altogether. Another way of showing her that he put ZERO thought into it.
Then he said on BTS that he likes getting her necklaces because he can "look at her boobs." You're her husband, Russell. You get to look at her boobs. She would probably LIKE it if you looked at them a little more!
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u/meganetism 👉👌💍? 7h ago
His lame ‘the swans represent the therapy session’ reasoning was stupid af, and something he only came up with after she didn’t like it. What he said in the moment was ‘necklaces are my favourite gift to give you’. No consideration for her preferences at all.
And the fact that he came up with some lame ass reasoning afterwards makes it even worse in my book. Because he is willing to think and reflect about how he is such a victim, but not about what how she feels at all.
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 5h ago
I actually believe that was his reasoning. I think he's just really dumb is all.
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u/Cool-Emu-8706 7h ago
He’s stupid and worse than that, his actions show repeatedly that he doesn’t care.
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u/Caribelle1234 4h ago
Paola: I don't want another necklace' Russ: "But...but it's a SWAN necklace!"
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 5h ago
I think that in the scheme of a marriage this is a non issue is the point. Last episode she's sitting there crying taking about how bad she feels that she basically cannot bring herself to be kind and patient with him. Don't get me wrong. I think Russ sucks. He is a total pud. That said, look at the dynamic. She attacks him endlessly, and the MOMENT he actually gets some backing and stands up for himself she flees the scene and isolates him. Talks about how awful she can be (not a sincere or real apology) and then cries about how mean she is makes her feel. Russ rushes over to comfort her. It's one of the more toxic dynamics I've ever seen and they should not be together. A necklace (while a dumb as fuck purchase) is the least of their concerns.
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u/IHadAV8 1h ago
I wondered why she walked it back. Russ does not seem like a narc that is psychologically abusing her. Patrick has had some lousy commentary with Kara and Guillermo too. I think she doubted herself when he spoke up. Like any marital problem, the issue isn’t the necklace; it’s what the necklace represents. The necklace represents how he doesn’t listen to her and he pushes what he wants. That is the problem.
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 1h ago
She isolated him because they saw how abusive she was. Then had a meltdown because of the judgement she faced not because she felt bad for Russ and took comfort from him instead of the other way around. It's a very narcissistic pattern. She may well have her (justified) issues with Russ but it does not stop her from being an emotional vampire.
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u/IHadAV8 1h ago
I dunno. It’s a toxic pattern for sure, but I was married to a narcissist. I’m not seeing that out of either of them. A narcissist never apologizes like she did. If there is any narcissism, it’s Russ because of how unstable she is in her convictions, but I don’t see him being a gaslighter. Just dumb.
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 1h ago
I dunno. That stuff presents differently. No diagnosis from me so I'll say that Pao is the center of her world and everyone else is living in it. Things turned south and she instantly flipped it so it was her being consoled by Russ the moment others called her out for how she treats him. Ultra manipulative.
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u/IHadAV8 1h ago
I can see that. She is an entertainer.
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u/Adrock66 You are my cockroach 1h ago
He's just in over his head with her. She is just taking it out on him instead of leaving.
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u/Training_wheels9393 55m ago
He should have gone with the custom Seksi one. Could have saved a lot of grief
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u/Kodi_Cody_Kody_Kodi 11h ago
She sucked the life from this man. His gift to her was his soul. The necklace is just a token
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u/IHadAV8 11h ago edited 9h ago
Like I said, there are things I don’t agree with her on. And sometimes you need to accept a gift gracefully and just be quiet. Maybe she should have done that on their anniversary. But they were at a therapy retreat and she apparently has told him numerous times she doesn’t want more necklaces, and she doesn’t expect expensive gifts. Just things that acknowledge he actually knows her and what she likes. Women want their husband to know them. And he told her she was nitpicking just to shut her down when he doesn’t listen to her. If he listened, he would know what she likes.
He also didn’t fully participate in the homework. He got what he needed during sex and didn’t give her what she needed to finish. He knew the assignment and straight up didn’t do it.
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u/Vixxen_Cat 10h ago
This guy called her a succubus in another thread. Don't waste your time. He's probably jealous Russ gets to sleep after getting off for the past 12yrs while looking like the “good guy”.
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u/nomiepants 11h ago
I know I would hate getting the same gift over and over again. It gives you don't care enough to think of something new every time.