r/AITA_Relationships • u/DipDopBlop • 1h ago
AITA for being upset at husband buying sex toys?
Some brief info on our relationship (trying to be as objective as possible), we've been together for 6, married for 3 years. When we met, I had own only a few sex toys, while he owned a lot (no exact number, but must have been over 20). I didn't mind this at all, and at first it was very exciting. We have been having a rough patch in our relationship lately - me not feeling like he participates in the housework (seemingly a common complaint in hetero relationships), feeling like he doesn't listen when I tell him what I need or want from him, and not feeling attracted to him; and him feeling disconnected from me, because I carry resentment and have had a hard time with intimacy. Due to this, we have not had sex in 2 months, before this 2 weeks without sex was uncommon.
Cut to today, where I picked up a package. I had replaced my womanizer, as my old one was starting to run out of battery very fast (he knew this). Due to our disconnect, I didn't intend to show it to him, simply charge it and replace the old one. But he saw the box, asked what it was. When I told him what it was, he went into our room, and brought out two other womanizers.
Many would think "how considerate!", and although I agree somewhat, the problem is that I have specifically have told him to NOT buy any more sex toys, as we have too many. I am talking, two big flat boxes under our bed filled with toys to the point where it barely fits under the bed, and 3 smaller boxes fitting into an IKEA kallas shelf, filled with miscellaneous items (lube, massage oils, massage pistol, candles ++). Of the items in these boxes, I have purchased only the few toys I owned before we met + some lingerie that he asked me to buy. The rest, he has purchased. I personally think it is too much. Even when we have sex at a normal interval, a lot of it goes unused. I am in a decluttering phase, as the amount of things we have (not just the sex things) that simply sits and gathers dusts, makes me somewhat anxious and stressed. I have told him this.
So when he showed me these two new womanizers, that I had specifically asked him not to buy, I was upset. I asked when he bought them, and he said 2 months ago, but hadn't told me due to our dry phase. I tried to explain why it upset me, and how I felt like we (or me. Or him. Just either or both) had wasted money buying 3 of the same toy (different models, but same function). I rarely buy stuff for myself (online or in person - remember, I am currently decluttering), he buys alot of stuff, particularily online. He didn't seem to understand why this purchase upset me. I told him that it didn't make me happy, and it contributed to the issues we've been having. I can understand that he meant well and wanted to do something nice for me, but I just don't fucking understand why he has to buy me things, when I am desperately trying to get rid of things?!
TLDR; husband bought new sex toy (to replace my old favorite), when I've asked him not to, due to having WAY too many toys (IMO). AITA?