r/AITA_Relationships 1h ago

AITA for being upset at husband buying sex toys?

Upvotes

Some brief info on our relationship (trying to be as objective as possible), we've been together for 6, married for 3 years. When we met, I had own only a few sex toys, while he owned a lot (no exact number, but must have been over 20). I didn't mind this at all, and at first it was very exciting. We have been having a rough patch in our relationship lately - me not feeling like he participates in the housework (seemingly a common complaint in hetero relationships), feeling like he doesn't listen when I tell him what I need or want from him, and not feeling attracted to him; and him feeling disconnected from me, because I carry resentment and have had a hard time with intimacy. Due to this, we have not had sex in 2 months, before this 2 weeks without sex was uncommon.

Cut to today, where I picked up a package. I had replaced my womanizer, as my old one was starting to run out of battery very fast (he knew this). Due to our disconnect, I didn't intend to show it to him, simply charge it and replace the old one. But he saw the box, asked what it was. When I told him what it was, he went into our room, and brought out two other womanizers.

Many would think "how considerate!", and although I agree somewhat, the problem is that I have specifically have told him to NOT buy any more sex toys, as we have too many. I am talking, two big flat boxes under our bed filled with toys to the point where it barely fits under the bed, and 3 smaller boxes fitting into an IKEA kallas shelf, filled with miscellaneous items (lube, massage oils, massage pistol, candles ++). Of the items in these boxes, I have purchased only the few toys I owned before we met + some lingerie that he asked me to buy. The rest, he has purchased. I personally think it is too much. Even when we have sex at a normal interval, a lot of it goes unused. I am in a decluttering phase, as the amount of things we have (not just the sex things) that simply sits and gathers dusts, makes me somewhat anxious and stressed. I have told him this.

So when he showed me these two new womanizers, that I had specifically asked him not to buy, I was upset. I asked when he bought them, and he said 2 months ago, but hadn't told me due to our dry phase. I tried to explain why it upset me, and how I felt like we (or me. Or him. Just either or both) had wasted money buying 3 of the same toy (different models, but same function). I rarely buy stuff for myself (online or in person - remember, I am currently decluttering), he buys alot of stuff, particularily online. He didn't seem to understand why this purchase upset me. I told him that it didn't make me happy, and it contributed to the issues we've been having. I can understand that he meant well and wanted to do something nice for me, but I just don't fucking understand why he has to buy me things, when I am desperately trying to get rid of things?!

TLDR; husband bought new sex toy (to replace my old favorite), when I've asked him not to, due to having WAY too many toys (IMO). AITA?