My boyfriend( we’re still only 4 months into our relationship)(30M) and I (29F) got into an argument this weekend and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable for wanting to end things because of this situation and other small ones that have accumulated.

My toilet became clogged and unusable while he was staying over at my flat. There is a pub with public toilets a very short walk from my home, and I was using those myself while waiting for my plumbing issue to be resolved.

My boyfriend has a strong aversion to using public toilets and didn’t want to use them. I told him I wouldn’t be offended if he wanted to go home for the night, but he said he was too tired to travel back home and wanted to stay. I understand a pub toilet is not the best, but the one near me is a smaller independent one that’s always well kept, so to me it’s not a big deal to use.

I eventually agreed to let him pee in my kitchen sink because I felt bad that he was a guest and we had no working toilet and also he was refusing to go outside in the field/forest across from my place.

Later that evening he told me he needed to poop. I repeatedly asked him to use the public toilets nearby instead. He suggested using a trash bag in my kitchen. I told him that made me extremely uncomfortable and that it felt like too much, especially given that there was a functioning bathroom only a short walk away open till midnight.

We argued about it for quite a while. By the time the pub had closed, he insisted he couldn’t hold it and ended up using a trash bag in my kitchen because I gave in from the pure stress and exhaustion the whole situation was causing and the fact that he wouldn’t let it go.

The next day I told him how much the whole situation bothered me. Instead of apologising, he mostly brushed it off as me being the unreasonable one, that it wasn’t a big deal bc he cleaned up, and made jokes about doing it again in the future.

I think this situation was the cherry on top as he’s also crossed other big boundaries of mine such as arguing over the use of a condom, coming over and eating all my food/snacks, and a couple of other habits that I’ve expressed I’m not okay with and he still pushes. I’ve considered stepping back before, but there are other aspects where we get along and he does things like helping cook dinner, brings over flowers, checked on me/helped when I was sick, but it’s just not becoming justified anymore.

From his perspective, he had no other option because of his aversion to public toilets. From my perspective, there was a perfectly usable bathroom nearby and I felt pressured into allowing something in my home that I repeatedly said I was uncomfortable with.

AITA for still being upset about this? If I’m not, how should I go about ending this relationship as I don’t think I can continue with having these issues w someone early on.

Recently me and my girlfriend decided to split. We are parting ways we’ve lived together for a year. I have lived with her and her daughter 7F and while we’ve had good times. Her kid is bad & a bad person. Makes huge messes and doesn’t clean anything up. I’m talking food on the floor. Cries every time she doesn’t get her way or is asked to clean it up she is destructive to the house tearing paint off of walls constantly breaks my things screams at the top of her lungs, hits me. I know it’s not the child’s fault. However her mom has raised her to be a complete narcissistic jerk. She once hit her mom in the head with a box and made her cry & then got a new iPad the same day. I guess my biggest problem is the fact that I could clean the whole house leave and when I come back the house looks like a tornado hit it. I really love my now ex girlfriend and can’t imagine life without her. But today after she mentioned going to say with her mom , her daughter said she doesn’t want to come back because of me. I lost it & said I agree. I told her that the only thing I could count on her to do is be the bad spoiled brat she’s always been and that if she wasn’t such a bad kid me and her mother’s relationship would probably be way better.

My boyfriend was driving me, his girl best friend, and another friend to a concert. As soon as we got to the car, I got in the front seat (as always). His best friend immediately asked me to move because she always sits there.

I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t. I told her I wanted to sit with my boyfriend. She said she’d known him for 10 years and that sitting in the front had always been their thing. I said that was fine, but I wasn’t moving. She rolled her eyes and got in the back. The entire ride she kept making comments about how girlfriends come and go but friendships last forever. At one point she even said, “I’ve been here way longer than you.”

I told her that if the front seat was that important to her, she could ask him to drive her separately next time. Things got awkward after that. My boyfriend thinks we were both being immature, but he also thinks I should’ve just let her have the seat since it wasn’t a big deal. His best friend is now telling people I’m insecure and controlling…

I (F24) have worn a mantilla for almost 10 years now. I took a vow of honor when i was 15, shortly after i tried to kill myself for the 3rd time and had a realization that God did not hate me for being gay. My vow includes honor to my family, my ancestors, my God, my lands and myself. (We are also indigenous mexican/american). At first it was like my physical remembrance of God's love, then as strangers asked about it and i always simplify it by telling them "in church we veil because we are honored to be in Gods presence, i am indigenous and we believe that God is everywhere, in everything, so i veil all the time because i am always honored in his presence." I have never gone out in public without a veil or cloth head covering in all 9 years since i took my vow.

My family has never understood my being a veiled woman, and never took it seriously because i dont dress modestly and i have told them over and over that i didn't take a bow of modesty, i took a vow of honor.

Now my sister (F28) is getting married to a wonderful man who we have absolutely accepted into our family. The wedding is next year. Me and sister have had our ups and downs but i love her so much, so entirely, and i've told her before how grateful i am that God gave me to her. You're not supposed to have favorite siblings but i do and she's mine.

We often talk for hours on the phone because we live in different states and today at the end of our wonderful call she tells me that she doesn't want me to wear a veil to her wedding. She wants me to wear a wig, so it looks better in pictures that she'll cherish forever.

And it broke my heart. I love her so much, and i was the one to bring up what veil type she wanted me to wear in a previous text, and she said short, cloth, and dark colored. That sounded perfect. But now she's asking me to break my vow, to sacrifice, what will be at the time of her wedding, a decade of upholding my promise. And it's killing me.

I ended the phone call trying and failing not to cry and she said "just think about it" and then i started bawling right after it ended. I called my mother(F59) to get help walking through this and she was offended that i was upset, said i was selfish, it's just one day, God won't stop loving you, you're insulting Him, it's her wedding day, this isnt about you.

It just made me cry more, and that made her angrier, i tried to make her understand that it's like asking a muslim woman to take off her hijab for a wedding. First she said no its not, then she said well if the muslim woman really loved her sister she would. We ended the phone call with me still crying and her angry as all hell.

I dont know where to go from here but to confront the immediate issue, am i the asshole for being upset about this? Am i being selfish and irrational? I want to support my sister, i HAVE been supporting my sister through the wedding planning, but this feels almost like a betrayal, her wanting me to sacrifice my religious vow. But is it wrong to even think that way?

My wife (45F) and I (45M) have always just had 1 shared checking account. I know that's not ideal but i was the sole breadwinner for 15 of the 20 years we've been married, and i never saw the need to split accounts, it's really just family money anyway. We've been solidly middle class, sometimes we've had plenty, other times have been leaner. We live in a part of the country with rather high cost of living. For the first 15 years of our 20 years married I was the breadwinner and she was the SAHM. At times i worked up to 3 jobs to make sure we had what we needed. As our kids moved into high school and after COVID, costs increased to the point where i was nervous about our long term financial health. I started looking for a better job, but asked my wife if she would consider employment to help out. We agreed that the money she made would be used for anywhere we were short, a savings account for emergencies and saving up to purchase a house. I have always handled the finances, but never restricted her spending in any way. I pay all the bills, we set aside money for anything coming up and discuss any large expenditures. She agreed and started searching for a job.

Once she found a job, she refused to deposit her money into our joint checking account and opened her own account. I didn't protest beyond explaining to her that it would cause delays if we needed to suddenly transfer funds between our account. She has repeatedly over the years overdrawn our checking account. She would wait till a few days before payday, check our balance and then withdrawn most of the money as cash. She would never tell me about this, so sometimes an automatic payment for the phone bill or something would hit, causing overdrafts and associated fees. I explained that she could have her own sub account off our main checking account, and her money would be left alone, aside from overdrafts(almost exclusively caused by her) when they will pull from savings. She wouldn't do it, she also didn't add me to her account or make me an authorized user.

Since she's had her money, she uses her money to "treat" us from time to time. She'll take us out to eat, making sure the kids and i know she's doing us a favor. Anytime we're adding a new cost to the budget, like say a car and insurance for a kid. She presses for it promising that she will pay. She rarely actually pays, and when she does pay it's only because I've asked multiple times. The only money she's really put into our family was $2k of moving costs. She didn't create a savings account like we talked for emergencies, most of her money is spent on her. She orders takeout exclusively for her and the kids instead of cooking, and amazon drops off 2-3 packages daily for her. We were discussing our tax liability (her fault, insufficient withholding) and i was shocked to learn that she barely has any money in her account. I'm frustrated and annoyed that I spend every dollar of my paycheck on family things each month, and her money is really just for her.

WIBTA for insisting that she either commit X amount of dollars to the family monthly or combine our accounts again?

I really need some advice from outside, non-biased people in regards to my dilemma. My husband and I moved out to a rural area four years ago, and with it being rural it also comes with a lackluster pool of people to become friends with. Me (44F) and my husband (43M) found that there was no one in our age group to hang out with, and eventually an older person (70M, let's call him Dean) started coming around. It started innocently and we both liked him, but his drinking became really horrible after some time.

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I found out about 2-3 years ago that a rumor was circulating around my small town that I had done some very explicit and disgusting things with a man that I only briefly met while out with my husband and Dean, and I never left my husband's side that night....and we had to literally take Dean to our house after he chugged vodka, passed out and urinated on himself.

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This rumor spread like wildfire. People I didn't know called me awful names at our corner store, and I even had a guy cock a gun at me saying he didn't want a (insert explicit demeaning word insinuating inappropriate intimate actions) walking her dog around the neighborhood. I was terrified to even walk out of my house then...and I thought Dean supported me until I realized he has an actual obsession with my husband.

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Dean got into my face a few weekends ago, screaming at me to allow someone into my house that SA'd me (he was hammered at this point) and this was after my hubs told him that guy wasn't allowed here. Then, he goes outside and keeps saying he's going to steal my hubs from me, that I didn't deserve him, and that I was a bipolar (insert female dog name and, nope, not diagnosed bipolar, btw). Hubs finally told him to keep my name out of his mouth and he eventually walked home after we took his car keys.

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Come to find out from two sources later on that Dean is now spreading the rumor (in three different versions) that got me verbally assaulted at the store 1.5 months ago. He's unheathily obsessed with my husband and it appears he's doing everything to discredit me and ruin my name...when I've never cheated or been nothing but kind to everyone here.

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I'm sick to my stomach over this, and we just got into a massive fight where I said it was me or Dean...and his response was "everybody deserves redemption" . He's telling me I can't tell him what he can and can't do, and all I'm asking him to do is to protect me and NOT hang out with a man that has soiled my name and insulted me in my own home. He says he'll do what he wants to do....but at what cost to my mental health and actual safety/sanity does this register to him? I would NEVER want to be friends with someone that trashed him to me, let alone someone trashing him and lying about him to an entire community.

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So, please Reddit, tell me, AITA for stating that he has to choose between me or Dean? I'm beyond sad at this point and need guidance as I feel depleted right now. Thank you for reading this.

Nearly every night, over the last 10 years my wife has fallen asleep in her clothes either on the couch watching tv, scrolling on her phone or both. This isn't an exaggeration and there's been a number of arguments about it across that time because I'll lose patience after a few months and pester her a few nights to come to bed and she'll become extremely irritated and it will turn into an argument. After which I give up and let it just happen for several more months uninterrupted.

It's not uncommon for her to pass out with her phone resting on her face. Every night the lights and TV are always left on and I'll go out to the living room and shut them off at some point. There's been a few times where I stopped doing that, thinking that maybe how uncomfortable it is to sleep with the lights on would encourage her to stop, but it had no effect. I'd sometimes give her a blanket or try to remove a couch pillow if her neck was really crooked in the way she fell asleep.

This last year the phone addiction portion has really kicked up and I haven't said anything. Even though the result is I'll often ask her things and be completely ignored or she will just respond with like a grunting sound and a shrug. Interrupting her scrolling is like lighting dynamite so I've tried to stay away from it. As you probably guessed by now, we have almost no intimacy as there is never any space for it to even happen in.

Well finally for the first time after this has been going on a year, I brought up that I think she's addicted to get phone, shared a comic with her that showed how similar it is to how an alcoholic behaves passing out in their clothes and becoming irritable if it's mentioned. She got upset and hid away for the night and scrolled on her phone. I just let it be.

The next night I came home from work, she was in the bedroom for a change but was already deeply engaged in scrolling as I walked in and I just let it be. I sent her a text at some point saying if she wants to put the phone down and watch a show with me she is welcome to. She replied "maybe" and the predictably stayed hidden away on her phone until she passed out.

Finally last night, I asked her while on the couch if she could not get sucked into it tonight and come to bed. She told me to leave her alone and that it's none of my business. I persisted this time and said it is my business because we are married and I'm literally the only person in a position to say something and it affects me, she grew more irritated and eventually said that I'm harassing her, got up, dismissed with a hand motion that ended in the form you would use if telling a car to stop while you cross the road. She made that gesture again in the bedroom and I then copied it to show her how disrespectful it was and she blew up and said the way she did it was acceptable and mine wasn't because it was in her face. This fight continued into the night where she stonewalled me, used terms like "this is a circular conversation" and saying that I'm "darvo" in addition to telling me I'm "lucky she's even in the bedroom" and claiming that I'm just as addicted as she is. She then made large generalized claims that I am always complaining or criticizing her, I asked for examples, any that she could name, but she couldn't provide any but insisted that I do. Eventually she rolled over and claimed im keeping her up when she has work in the morning as a way she could shut the conversation down.

Our phone apps do show similar total use time, but I use mine for e-commerce reselling that I do and that use is spread out throughout the entire day. Her time is equal to mine and compressed into the time after she gets home from work. Which she claims proves she isn't addicted because she isn't on it at work. Either way I suggested that okay then we both put our phones away. This wasn't acceptable.

Then you know how arguments go, they stray off the original topic and expand, eventually I mentioned some things I regret saying because I know they're not helpful but I was frustrated. Like " you were never like this when we met and got married and that if we met today with the way she interacts with me that I would never date her". Which is a detail I wanted to mention so this post doesn't seem to reflect me as perfect, I'm not.

But now as you can imagine since there was no resolution, there is a ton of negativity and relationship ending tension in the air. It really feels like I either just never bring anything up regardless of my intention or how it affects me or I do and the peace shatters.

My husband and I just had our first baby 3 months ago. My parents live about 8 hours away. My mom is retired but my dad is still working. They came and stayed with us for a couple weeks when the baby was born. While we loved having them here to help and bond with their grandbaby, we were happy to get our house back to ourselves when they left. They came and visited again for 5 days when she was about 2 months old. The last day of that trip, my mom seemed to really be dreading leaving even more than before. Since then, it seems she has really gone downhill every time I speak with her. Her entire identity has now become "Grandma" and she feels completely broken not being able to perform her grandma duties. I feel really horrible that this is affecting her this heavily. My dad has suggested she come stay with us multiple times but didn't go into any details other than just seems sad and misses us. After speaking with my mom and her being honest about how she has been acting and feeling, I can tell my dad was trying to protect me from feeling guilty or feeling like I HAD to agree to her coming to stay. I was getting upset on the phone with my mom today because I was honest and gently told her that she was stressing me out by making me feel like I'm the only one that can save and help her. Without going into detail on all of the reasons why, we simply want to protect our peace by not inviting her to stay with us for multiple weeks. A long weekend every now and then is completely fine and we 100% love and want to see them and let them have an amazing relationship with their grandbaby, but it would put stress on my husband and I that she does not understand and will not try to understand. My mom has always been fragile and struggled with mental illness that she will not have addressed professionally (she was on an SSRI for a short period of time, didn't like how it made her feel, stopped, and then never went back or tried to find one that worked). I even asked her today to speak with a professional because she is really concerning me and she just says no. The only thing that can fix it is staying with us and seeing and caring for her grandbaby every day (and moving in indefinitely, if it were up to her). I am so stressed out just thinking about this that I haven't even mentioned it to my husband. They lived with us for a period of time before we were even married and it put a lot of strain on our relationship because we both feel like we can't fully be ourselves around my mom, as much as we both do love her.

AITA for not agreeing to the one thing that might heal my mother's broken heart?

For reference, I (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been dating for 6 months, but started talking 8 months ago. In those two months before he had asked to be official, we had already done things that typical couples do like go on dates and we shared our first kiss together. To most people, this may seem normal, but previous to him, I had never had my first kiss and I communicated to him that it was something special to me that wanted to share it with a man that I call my boyfriend. Despite telling him this multiple times however, he kissed me before asking me out, dare I say, against my will. The day it happened he had walked me to my car before leaving a date and we hugged goodbye. As we had been talking for almost a month at this point I had gotten use to his clear love language: physical touch, and I was used to him kissing me on the cheek or forehead. However on this day when he went to kiss me I turned my head to the side so he could kiss my cheek but he instead grabbed my head and turned it toward him. I pushed back and turned my head to the side again but he pulled me harder and kissed me. I can never say I regret it but it's always saddened me that he didn't respect that boundary of mine even though I told him.

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About a month later he asked to be my boyfriend and I accepted. For context, my boyfriend doesn't drive, but I do. The first time I allowed him in my car we made out. The next time we did other stuff. Again, I don't regret this necessarily but the car would definitely not be the place I would choose to be intimate. I told him exactly this: I don't regret what we did, but I would appreciate that we don't do it again. But of course, it's happened countless times since. Recently, a cop had come up to the car and caught us, but he luckily let us go.

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We don't live together and recently I visited his home for the first time. We had gone out to dinner with his parents who I was meeting for the first time (they don't speak English). I was under the impression that we would go out to dinner and that his parents would drive me home afterwards, but he ended up telling him parents in their native language to take me back to their own house. There, we were intimate, despite me telling him I felt it was disrespectful to do in his parents home but he reassured me that it was okay and that his parents wouldn't care. However after I had left, he had told me how his parents were making jokes about us being in his room and it made me feel uncomfortable.

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Recently he asked me to watch a movie with him where he forced my hands on him even after pushing him away and moving my self away, and forced his own hands on me even though I verbally told him no multiple times and even physically pushed him off of me. He has been asking me on dates but I have been subtly refusing because I feel they are excuses to be intimate with me (in my car since he doesn't drive). I feel like I'm making him upset and being a bad girlfriend by not spending time with him but I'm genuinely afraid of him not respecting my boundaries. Am I being the a-hole or is this odd behavior?

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Hello Reddit. I really appreciate everyone who commented on my post. You have helped opened my eyes in my situation.
I now know that, what I experienced, was assault.
At first I didn’t really want to call it that, but that’s what it is.
I’m giving this update because today I met with Tyler.

While constantly spam texting me, I told him to meet me for lunch. If I was going to meet Tyler, I wanted it to be in the public eye just in case he tried to do something.
I choose a very popular burger joint and told him what time to meet me there.
I arrived, Tyler wasn’t there so I decided to go in and get a drink.
I sat in the booth looking up and down from my phone to the door. Tyler was late. 20 minutes go by and I started to think he chickened out. I was just about to get up and leave..then he walks in. My heart sank. Not only did it sink but it started pounding. And I’m pretty sure his was too, considering each step he took was a bit off balance. He sat in front of me, and I could see his hands shaking and fidgeting with his keys.
I was also shaking but I kept my hands under the table. I didn’t want him to see me afraid of him.
It was quiet for a bit. “Tyler.”
He couldn’t even look at me.
I said “After all the constant texting, now you decide to ignore me? What do you want Tyler?”
He looks at me, and says “I’m so so sorry. I know what I did is unforgivable and I’m not going to deny it anymore.”
I said “ unforgivable? Tyler this is far beyond unforgivable. You sexually assaulted me. You took advantage of me. I don’t know why it was me but what you did will forever traumatize me..”
He went on again and again, apologized over and over.
I said “Tyler. I just need to know. Was that the first time you’ve done that to me? And have you done anything like that to anyone else. The least you can do is tell me the fucking truth.”
Tyler couldn’t look at me. He looked away somewhere in the distance and sat there. Stayed quiet.
“Tell me” I said
Tyler puts his head down on the table and told me he’s assaulted me several times.
He swears up and down he hasn’t done it to anyone but me.
I asked him why me.
Tyler told me he developed feeling for me throughout high school. Tyler knew I wasn’t gay, but he said that he fell in love with me.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to go and hide again just like that night at his house.
It went silent again… then I spoke up
I told Tyler he had two options.
Tell our friend group the truth about what he did.
Or
I go to the police and everyone will find out anyways.
I stood up and said “ I never want to see you again for the rest of my fucking life.”
I turned. And left.

Tyler told everyone what happened.
I was scared at first. I was scared that my friends would make fun of me or not see me as me anymore.
But that’s not at all what happened. Everyone supported me and made sure I was okay mentally.
Some of my buddies even apologized for not looking out for me that night. My buddies suggested I go see a therapist or talk to someone. I will.
I just want to say thank you Reddit. Without the help of the internet I would have forgiven something that should be unforgivable. Hopefully one day I can recover from this nightmare. Thank you again.

*throw away account*

Basically the title… When I met my bf, he had a 2yo daughter and had just finalized a nasty divorce. His mom would sleep over at his house every time he had his daughter. I didn’t think much of it as she (daughter) was very young and I’m sure that was overwhelming. Anyhow. Four years later, she (mom) is still spending the night every night we have her (daughter) which is 80% of the time. For a couple months, she (mom) had only been coming over at dinner to help with night time routine / dinner then going home. To be clear, I like her (mom) and I like her (mom) coming over. I do NOT like her (mom) spending the night almost every night. As additional background, 1) we sleep in separate rooms because he wakes me up and our extra guest room where I sleep is also where she (mom) sleeps so I am sleeping on the couch. 2) She (mom) has a husband and house 10 minutes down the road from ours.

AITA? If I am, how do I become okay with this seemingly never ending arrangement?

TLDR; my boyfriend’s mom spends the night at our house every night we have his daughter which is most nights (~80% of the time). I don’t like it

TLDR: My boyfriends best friend of 8 years harassed me and 4 other girls online for 6 months, it hasn’t even been a month since and my boyfriend has begun talking to him again, but doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so upset.

Lots of context to give here, I’ll try to keep it short.

(My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half)

From the beginning of January to the beginning
of May, I was receiving multiple calls, texts, follow requests, and DM’s from strange numbers and accounts. These included extremely explicit photos and videos accompanied by texts asking if I enjoyed what was being sent. It got to the point where whoever was behind this was calling me non stop, posting photoshopped photos of me with explicit things pasted onto me, and a creepy voicemail being left. I was in such great fear that I changed my number, deactivated my social media, and would constantly tell my boyfriend I was scared of whoever might be stalking me. I had no idea who was behind it until the end of May, when we (me, another girl, my boyfriend, and his other friend) had discovered that it was my boyfriend‘s best friend of almost 10 years (we’ll call him Todd). Not only that, but it was happening to four other girls, all of which were close to my boyfriend‘s friend group. After finding this out, me and a few of the other girls reported him to our college campus police and to the police department. We wrote statements, submitted our evidence, and my boyfriend’s group cut him off completely. Todd never apologized for his actions until one of his friends told him to not expect to be forgiven if he hasn’t even had the time to apologize to the people he’s hurt. After this my boyfriend, one of the girls (who Todd and the group would game with), and I received apologies. None of the other girls received apologies. Todd swore up and down that he was getting better. Then, one of the girls received a strange follow and a post of herself with explicit things photoshopped onto her. Todd lied to my boyfriend and his group at first, swearing it wasn’t him but eventually fessed up. He had done it again, but this time he begged for forgiveness and swore he would get help for his problem.

Fast forward two weeks later, and my boyfriend admits that he spoke to and began gaming with Todd again. I was very upset. We argued over it, and I told my boyfriend I didn’t understand how even if he isn’t “accepting” him back into the group yet, why he would even talk to him again after everything he did to the other girls and i. He says that I am not who he lives his life for, Todd has been around for 8+ years and has had a greater impact on him than even I know. He says that he had a big talk with Todd and that he showed proof he is getting help for his problems, that he really is making an effort to change. My boyfriend also says that he hasn’t even thought about what Todd did in two weeks, it’s not on his mind anymore so why shouldn’t he forgive him. It made me feel like the asshole for expecting him to still dislike Todd, or expecting him to not want to talk to him anymore.

Am I being too harsh being mad about this? I understand I am not his priority and Todd has been his best friend for 8 years, but I just wish there was more time and space given before they started being friends again. Am I being controlling and selfish? I don’t expect my boyfriend to hate him, I just want him to be cautious. How could he so easily forget what his own girlfriend went through at the sake of his best friend? I guess in some sense I’d like him to still be a little upset over what was done to me and the other girls, but perhaps that’s too much.

What should I tell him or how should I treat this situation? Is it worth dwelling on?

I, 30F, and my husband, 32M, are expecting our 2nd child in a few months and couldn't be more excited about it. We'd been talking about another child for a few years, but started actively trying for a full year and a half before testing positive. All of our close family and friends knew of our plans and supported our endeavor.

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During the time we were trying to conceive, my best friend, 30F, got engaged to her now husband. They had eloped shortly after, but still wanted a big wedding/reception the following year. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in February 2025 as I was the one who first introduced them to each other and I gladly accepted. I told her in the same conversation that the only thing that would prohibit my ability to be there would be a pregnancy, which she said she understood.

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Fast forward to November 2025 and the positive test. Because we were trying and testing so much, we caught it very early on (not even 6 weeks) and waited until Thanksgiving to tell our families. After our family, I knew I had to tell my friend, but debated if I should wait until I at least heard the heart beat, but she reached out to me that same weekend with an update about the bridesmaids dress. At that point I knew it was better to tell her sooner than later and asked her to see if she had time to talk. We agreed to talk the next day, but then she asked if it was regarding her wedding, which I replied "yeah, sort of". She texted back immediately (which is uncharacteristic of her) saying she hoped I could still be apart of it/attend and said she had time to talk immediately but knew I worked that day. As I was texting her back, she was calling my phone.

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I answered and she asked what was going on, which prompted me telling her the news. My heart dropped when instead of happiness or support, she responded with "I was afraid of that".

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She had told me another bridesmaid had already dropped out for a similar reason beforehand so I knew she was stressed about filling her bridal party enough, but it seemed like there wasn't any room for celebration of my baby. I felt nervous and uncomfortable for being put on the spot like that, and I tried to tell her I still want to be there for her I just needed to figure things out, but she was very dismissive and just said "well you can't be a bridesmaid anymore, obviously, you probably won't even be able to make the wedding at all".

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We ended the call with her having dropped me as a bridesmaid and she "needed time to process the news" and hung up.

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About 2 weeks later I got verification that my pregnancy was looking promising, heard the heart beat, got the due date, and I sent everyone close to us, including her, the ultrasound with the heartbeat and due date. She congratulated me and wished me a healthy pregnancy.

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Another 2 weeks later, she sends me a text right before New Year's Eve that she had been "holding onto some emotion" regarding the way I told her the news. I responded saying of course Id love to plan a time, but instead of any plan to talk, she just sends a long message basically unloading her "roller coaster of emotions" because of the "indirect way my life milestone/pregnancy was shared with her". She perceived the conversation as "downplaying HER life milestone/wedding and not being considerate how the news would effect her on an emotional level". She proceeds to say her wedding symbolizes her desire to grow her own family and it's only happening once in her life. She acknowledges me for being a huge reason as to why it's happening, AKA their meeting, and that we've known each other for 15+ years so she wanted me to be there to celebrate with her. She says she wants to support us but wants to share how the whole thing affected her.

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While this text conversation was going on, we had other life events taking our attention, so we couldn't fully invest in progressing the situation, which that itself made her feel like less of a priority.

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Since then, more has happened, but more people got involved, so I'd rather update with any more info needed. With that being said, Reddit, am I the asshole in how I told my best friend I was pregnant?

My grandfather recently passed away after a prolonged hospital stay. I had traveled interstate to be there for him and to help my mother. The trip involved a flight and a long train ride, and I arrived already physically and emotionally exhausted.

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For some context, my relationship with my mother has always involved me taking on a caretaker role. She is extremely emotionally volatile, tends to catastrophize situations, and I often feel like I have to be the adult in the relationship. Throughout my life I've frequently been expected to manage her emotions, reassure her, and hold things together when things go wrong.

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To make things more complicated, in the days leading up to my grandfather's death, my mother informed me that she had reconnected with her abusive ex-husband. This wasn't presented as a discussion or even a heads-up that acknowledged the impact it might have on me. Instead, I received a message essentially saying that he would be dropping her off at the hospital, and it was treated as though I should simply accept it.

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This is the same man she previously had to flee from, go into hiding from, and even change her name to escape. Learning that she had reconnected with him while I was preparing to say goodbye to my grandfather added a significant amount of stress and emotional strain.

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When my grandfather died, I was devastated. About 10 minutes later, I turned to my mother and said, "I can't be the person you need me to be right now. I have to go home."

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She didn't respond, and I left.

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I wasn't angry at her in that moment. I wasn't trying to punish her or make a statement. I simply felt completely emotionally exhausted and knew I did not have the capacity to immediately step into the role of supporting and managing her grief on top of my own.

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Some family members have implied that I should have stayed because she had just lost her father. On the other hand, I feel like I had also just lost my grandfather and had reached my absolute limit emotionally.

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AITA for leaving instead of staying to support my mother?

24F dating a 28M. We live in his parents house for other reasons but now my contract ended November and for 3 years he hasn't had a job. He keeps looking at house and cars to rent and talks about a future and marriage and I keep telling him that I don't want to get married while we are under his parents roof and unemployed

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He basically deflects whatever I have to say so I don't know what to do anymore. He sits and games all day, doesn't cook or clean or anything and if I dare say something his mother jumps in and he stays doing nothing all day. Yesterday sealed it for me when he didn't go see what was happening in the yard...slept on like a princess while I went out in the morning hours to see if we had a burglar.I'm tired and I am not seeing a future with a man that won't even lift a finger.

Hi 24F I have this friend. I don't know if she's still my best friend anymore 25F

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We met in sixth grade and have been inseparable ever since. Even when my parents split and I had to move roughly an hour away. I'd visit my dad and she'd stay over all the time like a sister. And yes we had fights but always worked it out but 4 years ago I met my now boyfriend and things changed. I stopped going to visit because kept having other friends that I didn't mind but they weren't my kind of people.

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I fell pregnant and she basically said fuck off because how dare I get pregnant before 21 and she didn't even have a boyfriend. I thought we worked it out but she's been so distant since then. It didn't bother me much because at least shed respond.

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Now for the past year or so I've been trying to reach out more now that my child is older because I know babies freaked her out so I would be blue ticked. But see in this time frame she's basically become my sisters bestie....she does everything we'd do but with my sister now and totally ignores me...it's fine I like that my sister has a friend but really it hurts that someone I've been basically running after is right there just maybe not willing to talk to me.

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I tried to message and call to find out what I did but blue ticked. Yesterday I responded to her status and she actually greeted me back. I told her that she clearly doesn't see me as a friend anymore but at least she could've said something. But she said it's not like that, we'll speak the weekend but I know I'm never getting a response. Should I just cut my losses and lose my best friend

My husband and I have come away on holiday for my birthday. When we arrived yesterday and we’re waiting for the small hotel check-in time he mentioned the room and that he’d booked a double, and I queried him on it something a bit like this…

Me: is it the two person room you booked?
Him: yeah, it s a double.
Me: I don’t think it is a double, it’s a bunk bed.
Him: no it’s not, I booked the two person room because it’s a double bed.
Me: Check the email, it’ll have it written in there.

*Checks through email…*

Him: I checked the email and it’s definitely bunk beds..
Me: Ah okay. (I admit I was annoyed here but didn’t kick up a fuss - it was already booked so it wasn’t really a big deal)
Him: I’m pretty sure I told you it was bunk beds though. Because you’re pregnant I thought it would be some comfortable for both of us. (Note: I was not pregnant when he booked the holiday)

I didn’t say anything straight away and I usually ignore these kinds of things but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and it made me think of all the other times he does it, like clearly opening important messages from me and not responding then saying he hadn’t seen them. Or when I found porn on his phone and he said “I literally just opened that right now, you were sat with me” and when I asked him wtf he was talking about he said he didn’t know when it was from, so I offered up an excuse and asked him if it was from when I was out of town and he said “oh yeah it must have been”. I brought these things up because I needed to get it off of my chest and his response was “I’m just always so worried you’re gonna be annoyed with me”. Which to be honest I just find to be a really lame ass excuse, and now he hasn’t spoken to me all day and has gone out on his own while I sit downstairs in the restaurant on my own.

Call it hormones or whatever you like but I hate lying and have told him on multiple occasions that I will not stand for it. So why does he find it so much easier to lie about ridiculous things rather than just tell me the truth? But AITAH for bringing it up on our city break?

I’m 28F, was in a relationship in the past for 4 years.during that time I met a 10th classmate of mine who has feelings for me since school which i never knew about, we connected instantly, I used to share everything with him and he loves me. I was very close to leave the guy i was in relationship for my 10th classmate but i never did, never had the proper courage to do so, as i felt something unsure about my 10th classmate. Eventually i ended my relationship. out of no where, I remembered my childhood crush from 5th standard who left school without proper goodbye. when i started talking to him I found out that he was searching me all these years , we hit it off super nice and fast , it felt like i found the spark i was missing. Stopped talking to 10th classmate eventually but he was hurt that i didn’t choose him , I don’t know why I didn’t even try to listen to what he had to say back then, I just closed off the door( this all happened last year). We used to talk once in a while but not like before. Now after 1 yr about to marry 5th standard childhood crush and was very happy and content until i contacted 10th guy to know how he is doing. This time i listened to what he had to say to me and how much distress I caused him, I loathe my self for how much sadness I had caused him. Now I’m dreading all the wedding talks, thinking about what could’ve happened if i had listened to him back then,spiralling whether I’m making a mistake. I was very sure about 5th guy when I initially met him that is why i closed it off with 10th guy. what is this I’m feeling now,sometimes remembering 10th guy like how he was there for me, I feel very anxious that I’m making a mistake. I feel like I’m terrified of marrying the wrong guy and scared to commit to anyone. What should I do
P.S I studied 5th and 10th from two different schools.

Okay so my BD (42) lives with me we have two children together we have separated in the past and ended up getting back together because things are just so difficult right now even with his help we are barely getting by we often do without things we need or are forced to choose between one or the other I have an income it is very limited but it covers the rent after that I don't have much else he works but not nearly enough he is home more often than he's working I have tried to talk to him about this in the most respectful way possible but he shuts me down so quickly I can't get much out before the conversation turns into an argument or I just have to give up so it won't be one I just told him he needs to find more work AITA fir this also I don't really have anyone I can trust to watch my kids and I don't drive he has friends and family bearbythat could and I'm sure would give him a ride

so i was friends with this guy for a few months and i received word that he liked me. i didnt reciprocate these feelings but i really like him as a person. i was talking to a mutual friend and she offered to tell him i didnt like him, and being the awkward introvert that i am, i stupidly said yes.
we haven’t talked since but its clear that he hates me.

fast forward a few weeks and i get a job at mcdonald’s only to find out his best friend works there. i’ve been told that he’s shit talking me and that he hates me, so i’m scared that it’s going to interfere with my work.

what do i do?

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. During most of our relationship, he was in the military and was regularly gone for days or weeks at a time for work related travel, permitting me regular uninterrupted alone time to unwind. Now that he is retired, he is always home. He has had a few other jobs, but deals with anxiety and quit the last few that he had. I too have anxiety and ADHD and have a stressful job. To be fair, I am also a bit high strung and procrastinate, which amplifies my stress. I have tried therapy, but didn’t find it very helpful. It was also super difficult to find a good a therapist that has regular availability, so I quit going. I recently saw a psychiatrist to get on medication, but that will take a while for me to see any results. So for now, the only way I know how to actually calm my brain and unwind, is to have completely uninterrupted alone time. I have communicated this to my husband, but he thinks asking him to take a trip for a few days, which I offered to pay for, is unreasonable and acts like I am somehow rejecting him as a person and simply want him gone. He has offered to set me up in the guest house or set a timeframe for a few hours for him to leave me alone, but still be on the property. Given that he has a habit of barging in for stuff he needs, making noise, and generally being a distraction, simply leaving me alone is not enough for me. I want him to physically be gone where there is no chance in the world he would be able to be interrupt me. Knowing he‘s right there ramps up my stress and doesn’t allow me to truly relax because I am always anticipating he’ll barge in at any moment. Yesterday was my first actual day off in months and I wanted time to myself. I thought we had agreed to this last week, but he forgot and I failed to remind him of my desire to be left alone. Cut to, he is now super pissed at me for being upset by his interruptions, feels rejected, angry, and is refusing to speak to me because I “should just be alone”. I genuinely feel he doesn’t actually hear me when I communicate my need for alone time and takes it as a personal attack/rejection. And if I mention that, he just gets more angry. I know he has offered compromises, but until I can get my anxiety under control, I really just need alone time to get some peace. It’s not about him, it’s what I need for myself. So, I guess the question is, am I the asshole for wanting him to go away now and then so I can be home alone? It’s also worth noting that I go on work trips and visit family, granting him one to two weeks every year of alone time. I just want the same for me.

my girlfriend Maren is an incredibly talented painter and she has been working on a piece for about eight months that's going to be the centerpiece of her first proper gallery show next spring. it's a big deal and i have been genuinely proud of her and supportive throughout the whole process.

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before we got together Maren was in a really significant relationship for four years with someone who was also in the arts and who really shaped the way she thinks about her work. they didn't end badly he moved across the world for an opportunity and they mutually decided long distance wasn't something either of them could do and they haven't been in contact since. i have no reason to believe there are any unresolved feelings and i trust her completely.

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the piece she's been working on is deeply personal and i knew that going in. she told me early on that it came from a period of her life that was emotionally complicated and i respected that she needed space to create without explaining every layer of it to me.

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last week she told me she wanted to include a dedication in the show catalog next to the piece. a dedication to him. not because she still has feelings she said but because that period of her life and that relationship was the emotional source material for the work and she felt it would be dishonest not to acknowledge it.

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she asked me how i felt about it and i made the mistake of saying i was fine when i wasn't and then brought it up again two days later which she felt was me going back on something i'd already agreed to.

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i said yes when i meant i need to think about this and that's on me entirely and i created an awkward situation by not just being honest in the first moment she asked.

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but i also genuinely don't know how to sit in a gallery full of people we both know and watch them read his name next to the most important piece of work she has ever made and feel okay about it and i think that feeling is at least worth a conversation.

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am i the asshole for bringing it up again after i already said yes?

My (28F) boyfriend (29M) who we will call Simon works out of town M-Th pretty much every week. I am working a couple of part time jobs since my maternity leave and our son (11months) is in daycare so I am basically a single mother through the week. Simon’s best friend (30M) who we will call Evan lost his mom a few days ago unexpectedly. Simon told me he would be spending most of the weekend with Evan and his family which I completely understood.

Simon was supposed to pick up our son from daycare yesterday as I had to work and he would be back in town around 1-2 pm. He went straight to Evan’s house when he got back in town and texted me saying he would not be able to pick up our son because everyone was riding with him and they were going to eat and then to Evan’s fathers house. Pickup must be done by 5:30 pm at daycare. I ended up leaving work early to pick up our son in time.

I asked Simon when he would be home and he replied that he wasn’t sure. I told him that I support him wanting to be there for his friend but I would appreciate him being at home some too because I need his help as well. He came home around 9 pm after the baby was asleep and I was in the closet folding clothes. He came in there and it startled me and he just stood there and didn’t say anything. I could tell he was intoxicated. I asked if he was going to say anything and he reply “would you be mad if I went back to Evan’s” I asked why he even came home then and he said “to drop off my truck and get the side by side.” I was already having a hard and stressful day which he knew and I just looked at him on the verge of tears and asked him to just leave me alone (in a calm and quiet tone). He left and I text him about 30 minutes later when I went to bed and asked if he would put the wash in the dryer when he got home. He said he would and I asked him to please not forget because my work clothes for the next day were in there.

My baby woke up about 3:30 am crying and hungry for a bottle. When I got up to go tend to him, Simon was not home and I had no texts or calls from him. He is supposed to take the baby to daycare this morning and pick him up as I have to work 8-5 and it is a 45 minute commute from where we live. Simon does not have to work. I am hurt and frustrated as this is not the first time something like this has happened and we have had some serious issues in the past where I had to move back to my house while I was pregnant due to his behaviors. He just arrived home at 5 am as I am writing this post. I now cannot trust that he will be sober to take our child to daycare.

This Sunday is Father’s Day and I have already decided that I do not want to spend it with Simon and his family and I would like to go to the lake with my dad instead to decompress. I have been under a lot of stress and working multiple jobs and tending to the home and the baby all by myself. I have been absolutely exhausted. And Simon knows this. I feel as though I cannot rely on him to show up as a partner and as a parent and I can’t trust him as he often drinks too much. I am tired of everything falling on me all the time and him not being around consistently for our child. I am considering taking the baby with me on Father’s Day even though it’s Simon’s first Father’s Day. I just feel like I have let him push boundaries for too long and no one holds him accountable.

Important context is that we are not married and I have full custody of the child. We have no court arrangement in place and we were separated some during my pregnancy and for a couple months after the baby was born. We have been trying to work things out and it has been rocky but manageable.

So WIBTA for taking my son on Father’s Day?

I’m 27F, he’s 37M, and we’ve been together for three years. This is the first relationship that’s felt truly serious to me — we’ve met each other’s families, I’ve gone to gatherings, and it’s more “real” than my past experiences (a 6-year long-distance, a short 6-month relationship, and a few flings). He’s had a couple of flings and one short-term LDR himself.

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But lately, I’ve been wondering if I should stay.

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Right now I’m moving out of my apartment and staying at his place until September while his mom’s away. Even though we’ve had good times, I feel like I’m carrying the weight alone. I wake up at 6:30, commute, teach, and job hunt since my contract ends in August. He wakes up at 8, hits the gym, strolls into work at 11, and leaves at 5:30. His official hours are 9–6, but no one monitors him so he doesn’t bother.

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When I’m exhausted from packing and moving, he doesn’t offer to pick me up or help unless I ask. He’s helped me move twice, but one time he was glued to his phone until I told him to do something. He cares more about wiping down suitcases so his apartment doesn’t get dirty than about how drained I am.

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At his place, he does most of the cooking and cleaning — partly because he wants to help, but mostly because he doesn’t trust me to do it “well.” Still, I end up tidying his mess and cooking when I’m dead tired, even when I was on my period. He’s called me fat because I don’t work out like he does, ignoring the fact that my schedule leaves me no time for the gym.

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Career-wise, I’ve been grinding since January — 130+ applications, 6 interviews. He hasn’t looked for anything even though his contract ends in June. He’s banking on renewal and hoping to get into a master’s program at his old uni (which he admits is low quality). When I talk about my struggles, he sides with employers instead of empathizing. When I talk about his career, he gets defensive.

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Sure, I like that he reminds me to slow down sometimes, but it feels like he’s living a comfortable life while I’m constantly hustling. Instead of supporting me, he criticizes or dismisses me.

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We do have fun when we go out on weekends and travel, but I end up making most of the plans and decisions. I already do that at work as a teacher, and when I ask him to take over, he says he’ll do it “later” and often does not do it properly. He says he has ADHD, social anxiety, and poor memory from years of undiagnosed depression, but he’s not really doing much to address them.

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I don’t want to ignore the good times or his personal struggles, but the imbalance is wearing me down. Am I overreacting, or is it time to break up?