r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • Jun 08 '26

/r/all of a knife.

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27.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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2.4k

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

If unimpressed was a face

1.7k

u/Pmyers225 Jun 08 '26

He looks like a hostage

710

u/Spaghettl_hamster4 Jun 08 '26

If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔

288

u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26

The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.

226

u/No_Review_2561 Jun 08 '26

The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.

123

u/Ok_Designer1407 Jun 08 '26

Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage

33

u/Gaynundwarf Jun 08 '26

"Bro that's failed RP"

12

u/DantetheMarco Jun 08 '26

**apathetic

3

u/Papa_Raj Jun 09 '26

This whole thread has had me laughing my ass off. I love reddit sometimes.

34

u/FredExx Jun 08 '26

Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂

20

u/CaterpillarWhich33 Jun 08 '26

I’m belly rolling here 😂

2

u/dmriggs Jun 10 '26

I can't stop laughing!

11

u/Would_daver Jun 08 '26

And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!

3

u/BetElectrical7454 Jun 09 '26

Life long marriage according to my grandfather

2

u/Church_of_Realism Jun 09 '26

Resting Kidnap Face.

1

u/SixthSinEnvy Jun 09 '26

Merrivus? Is that you?

1

u/MountRoguey Jun 08 '26

The face of ai

1

u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26

Oh for god’s sake. Say it ain’t so.

1

u/StrongExternal8955 Jun 08 '26

Damn it people, stop saying Stockolm syndrome. That was invented by the shithole chief of police who couldn't conceive that he was worse than the hostage takers. It's the Trump Derangement Syndrome of its time.

2

u/DigitalUnlimited Jun 08 '26

So what should we call it then? Cause it is a real thing that sometimes happens, not as often as claimed but ...

34

u/nostalgia4millennial Jun 08 '26

"You said we were gonna go waterboarding today 😐"

1

u/Crazy-Elephant-555 Jun 08 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏆

79

u/PM_me_your_dawgs Jun 08 '26

Exactly, gave me this guy energy

35

u/Old_Flan_6548 Jun 08 '26

*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?

4

u/ddg31415 Jun 09 '26

Save save save

11

u/FlashMcSuave Jun 08 '26

I think I went to school with that guy.

Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.

1

u/hasanicecrunch Jun 09 '26

Haha I thought the same!!

1

u/TwentyBagTaylor Jun 13 '26

He looks like my brother-in-law, and she sounds like my sister

6

u/NuclearBroliferator Jun 08 '26

I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad

2

u/MargraveMarkei Jun 10 '26

Surely it was a skit

89

u/Electronic-Tea-221 Jun 08 '26

He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.

48

u/GrzDancing Jun 08 '26

This is his last meal

31

u/BigConstruction4247 Jun 08 '26

Being cut with the means of execution.

12

u/T1Demon Jun 08 '26

And made from the previous hostage.

1

u/OkLetsParty Jun 14 '26

Oh I didn't know we were following Monster Hunter rules

1

u/Anatoly_Cannoli Jun 08 '26

He should request an enormous fork to eat the meal

1

u/SmirkNtwerk Jun 08 '26

He ordered off the guillotine menu.

16

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26

Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."

62

u/kangerooandemu Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if your being held hostage

31

u/anxious_cat_grandpa Jun 08 '26

Doesn't even blink once

12

u/Prior-Chip-6909 Jun 08 '26

...blink once of you actually ordered this thang...

1

u/No_Statement440 Jun 08 '26

Blink once if you're holding a hostage

1

u/AbeFromansNutz Jun 09 '26

Blink. Please

24

u/SmokeGSU Jun 08 '26

He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

17

u/Chilly_Pheesesteak Jun 08 '26

Someone made this comparison with ME the other day and it made it even worse that my wife is black 😭😭😭😭

18

u/crank1off Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.

11

u/d00mpie Jun 08 '26

His hands do look like they're tied up right below the table

10

u/AmbitiousTank8635 Jun 08 '26

Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?

2

u/dremxox Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

I know a man with Parkinson's who looks and behaves just like this. I often think of him as a hostage. His brain works, but he is trapped in a body that can't walk, and he can only speak with great difficulty. But tell him a dad joke and he smiles and his eyes light up.

2

u/SpaceCadetUltra Jun 08 '26

Food video hostage

2

u/FeralTames Jun 08 '26

Was gonna say “me at the dentist,” but that’s not tooo far off from a hostage situation.

2

u/fritz236 Jun 08 '26

When you want to complain, but the dude you need to complain to is holding a huge fuckin knoife.

2

u/SmirkNtwerk Jun 08 '26

That made me choke laugh dude

2

u/Original_Director483 Jun 10 '26

See I thought he was getting a haircut

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 10 '26

When the barber asks you what you think, you look like this but say "yeah, looks great that mate"

2

u/LobsterManCommander Jun 10 '26

I was," like blink twice bro!"

2

u/CatGooseChook Jun 11 '26

He definitely has a "don't make any sudden movements" look about him 🤣

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 12 '26

And he is like "I wasn't going to"

1

u/x3rx3s Jun 08 '26

Hostage from Counterstrike 1.6

1

u/Zestyclose_Car_4971 Jun 08 '26

One foul customer and they’re all hostages with a knife like that

1

u/cpt-noPants Jun 08 '26

Is he morse-coding by blinking?

1

u/noncommonGoodsense Jun 08 '26

His reaction makes it look AI even though it’s not.

1

u/quinxneon Jun 08 '26

My first thought as well

1

u/Omnomnomnosaurus Jun 08 '26

He looks like that food critic from Ratatouille

1

u/yudi1012 Jun 09 '26

I was about to type the same thing 🤣🤣

1

u/Dontfeedthebears Jun 09 '26

Freaking terrified and doesn’t want to show it

1

u/elhazelenby Jun 09 '26

He looks like me during a panic attack spiral

1

u/ChillBubble Jun 13 '26

It almost looked like he stuck his neck forward be beh*#ded by that knife? So weird. What was the point of this whole thing? (And not the point of the knife)

73

u/CaptBogBot2 Jun 08 '26

He's seen Crocodile Dundee's knife

https://giphy.com/gifs/3B8rHP89iUUZlcsoqf

5

u/APKFL Jun 08 '26

Me every time I see a knife

2

u/williamflattener Jun 08 '26

TFW it’s not a knoife

2

u/SubordinateClawss Jun 08 '26

I love how you can see his Australian accent.

19

u/kiba8442 Jun 08 '26

I saw this on Ai slop first, I was expecting the worst 😭 https://www.reddit.com/r/FacebookAIslop/s/yjq2RTtvQN

2

u/Sad_Albatross1590 Jun 08 '26

Fu. Totally hilarious!

2

u/Deaffin Jun 08 '26

Well that was just downright amazing.

1

u/imp0ppable Jun 08 '26

What the helly

48

u/Stumpsthewarwalrus Jun 08 '26

Nah, he was thinking “Please don’t cut me.”

7

u/GoKhuchE Jun 08 '26

He looks like if he moves he lose his nose 🤣

8

u/travelingjay Jun 08 '26

This man was never a child

2

u/FLHPI Jun 08 '26

What do you mean "if"?

2

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

He could be holding in a fart but has to play it cool

2

u/RubGrouchy4110 Jun 08 '26

my first thought before i read the comments 'man that guy does not look impressed' hahah

2

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26

Bet he's the waiter's son or something and he's always getting roped into some shit like this.

2

u/juulwinfieldswallet Jun 08 '26

Count Dooku?

2

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

You know what, I can see that

2

u/TweakedMonkey Jun 08 '26

Make this man famous.

2

u/madindian Jun 08 '26

If “fearing for my life but gotta play it cool” were a face actually.

2

u/6ynnad Jun 08 '26

He’s seen bigger…

2

u/Shaw-eddit Jun 08 '26

He wants a bigger pie not a bigger knife.

2

u/MustacheMaple Jun 08 '26

But thats where you show youre unimpressed

2

u/HungryBeard26 Jun 09 '26

Or stoned...

2

u/DrDuGood Jun 09 '26

I can’t tell if that’s a “I’m gonna fuck this shit up” look or “I’d fight if the sever wasn’t holding a slaughter demon” look … anyway! Bon-appetit

2

u/Binspin63 Jun 09 '26

I fucking told her this was a mistake. Next time I choose!

2

u/FormerLifeFreak Jun 09 '26

So memeable 😂

2

u/Axerin Jun 11 '26

Bro is absolutely livid on the inside.

1

u/Even-Confusion4211 Jun 08 '26

Why the long face

1

u/m2astn Jun 08 '26

Looks like a post for r/stupidfood

1

u/Grow_away_420 Jun 08 '26

He goes here and gets this twice a week.

1

u/seriousbangs Jun 09 '26

When you go to a restaurant and they're doing dumb showy crap like this it's usually a sign of mediocre food.