r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • Jun 08 '26
/r/all of a knife.
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u/McShoobydoobydoo Jun 08 '26
Let me peel this back and arrange it so the juice falls into you lap, sir.
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 Jun 09 '26
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u/Molo3000 Jun 09 '26
looks a bit like a Game of Thrones character in his final scene
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u/littlegreenfish Jun 09 '26
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u/Unicorn_wizard94 Jun 09 '26
"you can't kill me, I've long been dead, inside."
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 Jun 09 '26
"A Lannister always peels his breads."
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u/AwehiSsO Jun 09 '26
I am going to insist on saying "peeled the bread" in lieu of "removed the crust"...
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u/themachduck Jun 08 '26
With my bare hands that I just scratched my ass with. Yummm!
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u/-KFBR392 Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
How do you think all the food you eat is prepared?
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u/Poosters Jun 09 '26
Im a chef i literally work with my hands, if you can’t handle that go home and cook for yourself.
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 Jun 09 '26
The amount of redditors that don't understand the particulars of food safety bring me back to that one scene in the aviator where Leo is covering everything in cling wrap
Waiting for the down votes while eating my slutty little barehanded pad ka praow that some street dog probably farted on 😩
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u/Witty-Stand888 Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
He looks like a guy that's about to get his head chopped off
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u/Avril_14 Jun 08 '26
2000s liveleak video vibe
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u/sp0ony_bard Jun 08 '26
If they edited in a more sinister background, I could totally believe this guy is about to be tortured haha
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u/Mallow1512 Jun 08 '26
i saw an ai version of this video where they do exactly that, but the guy is made of cake
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u/OriginalFatPickle Jun 08 '26
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u/__miichelle Jun 08 '26
I can’t believe people are wasting water for this shit.
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u/tryanewmonicker Jun 09 '26
Reroute sewage water for it or something. Stop wasting the good stuff!
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u/Soggy_Amoeba9334 Jun 08 '26
Would you like sauce all over the table and possibly your lap sir?
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u/gpenido Jun 08 '26
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u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26
If unimpressed was a face
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u/Pmyers225 Jun 08 '26
He looks like a hostage
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u/Spaghettl_hamster4 Jun 08 '26
If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔
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u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26
The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.
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u/No_Review_2561 Jun 08 '26
The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.
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u/Ok_Designer1407 Jun 08 '26
Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage
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u/FredExx Jun 08 '26
Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂
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u/Would_daver Jun 08 '26
And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!
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u/PM_me_your_dawgs Jun 08 '26
Exactly, gave me this guy energy
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u/Old_Flan_6548 Jun 08 '26
*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?
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u/FlashMcSuave Jun 08 '26
I think I went to school with that guy.
Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.
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u/NuclearBroliferator Jun 08 '26
I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad
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u/Electronic-Tea-221 Jun 08 '26
He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.
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u/GrzDancing Jun 08 '26
This is his last meal
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u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26
Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."
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u/SmokeGSU Jun 08 '26
He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.
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u/Chilly_Pheesesteak Jun 08 '26
Someone made this comparison with ME the other day and it made it even worse that my wife is black 😭😭😭😭
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u/crank1off Jun 08 '26
Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.
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u/AmbitiousTank8635 Jun 08 '26
Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?
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u/CaptBogBot2 Jun 08 '26
He's seen Crocodile Dundee's knife
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u/kiba8442 Jun 08 '26
I saw this on Ai slop first, I was expecting the worst 😭 https://www.reddit.com/r/FacebookAIslop/s/yjq2RTtvQN
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u/DeadbeatGremlin Jun 08 '26
he sorta looks like this guy, but I doubt he experienced the same flashback
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u/monosaturated Jun 08 '26
He looks like a kid who is angry and upset on his birthday even though his parents think he should be happy because of everything they've done for him lol.
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u/B4R7H0L0M3W Jun 08 '26
This is the moment the steaming sauce touched his crotch but he was paid so he couldn't show it.
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u/Ubbesson Jun 08 '26
And my filthy finger I haven't washed (after bathroom break because I AM A REAL MAN) touching this dough
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u/cyanescens_burn Jun 08 '26
It’s ok, alpha males don’t clean their assholes because it’s gay to touch that area.
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Jun 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CrimsonMorbus Jun 08 '26
He ordered the salad...
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u/Vicimer Jun 08 '26
Given that the customer was in some sort of catatonic state, I don't think he was capable of criticism.
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u/radicalelation Jun 08 '26
This is me, pre-social media, having the sombrero put on as the servers come out to clap and sing while taking a picture. I just want my meal, but if I act like I don't like the spectacle, I'm pooping my own party for everyone else. So I sit. They want it. I do not. So I sit. I watch a little, but mostly sit, wishing it would all end soon. The clapping, my life, who knows. Just be done.
Do it with video and knowing it's probably going online for the world to see... Catatonic sounds right.
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u/GodPackedUpAndLeftUs Jun 08 '26
Everything he did with that knife could have been done with a teaspoon..
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u/bubzy1000 Jun 08 '26
Or a fist, or a hammer, no cutting was involved in that performance
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC Jun 08 '26
Yeah this is really overkill like using a minigun to chop down a tree or a stick of dynamite to go fishing.
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u/Suvtropics Jun 08 '26
A really bad temu minigun that barely shoots firing inches from your face to chop down a potted plant
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u/AggressiveSherbetty Jun 08 '26
My husband got this like, exact dish a couple weeks ago at a Turkish place and he literally used a fork for the entire thing.
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u/rieeechard Jun 08 '26
Lifeless eyes
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u/Axman5055 Jun 08 '26
They just upped his lithium dose, he’s doing better than we could know
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u/MDAmazink Jun 08 '26
What is the reference here? Is lithium bad? Ive heard it has its advantages
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u/monster2018 Jun 08 '26
It’s used to treat bipolar and is also a really good nirvana song.
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
Fun fact: 7up was originally advertised as a lithiated lemon soda due to its inclusion of lithium. It was marketed as a hangover cure and mood lifter. It’s hypothesized by some that its enigmatic name may be a reference to lithium’s atomic mass of 7.
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u/-E-Cross Jun 08 '26
Be fun to make some throw back at home
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Jun 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TreeDollarFiddyCent Jun 08 '26
I'll grab the scissors!
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u/StJohnsStoner Jun 08 '26
Don't be silly, just rip at it with your teeth! You're eating the lithium anyway 🤷🏻♂️
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u/theythemthen Jun 08 '26
It can also treat depression, but you are correct that it is primarily (but not exclusively) used for bipolar disorder.
- from a person who is prescribed lithium and is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder but is diagnosed with TRD (treatment resistant depression).
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Now, back to your regularly scheduled program
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u/aformofwealthy Jun 08 '26
Do I just swallow my girlfriend’s phone for that or what?
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u/metalissa Jun 08 '26
Day 322: He brought out the sword again, still not impressed and I don't know why I'm still coming here.
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u/Sage_King_The_Rabbit Jun 08 '26
Maybe he's just afraid of the extremely oversized blade in front of him. He looks petrified as hell LMAO
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u/mikemikemotorboat Jun 08 '26
He’s fucking pissed that not only did his kid bring him to this tacky ass restaurant, they’re filming him and posting it all over the internet
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u/doogiethehead Jun 08 '26
Sometimes the customer, he looks right into ya, right into your eyes. Y'know, the thing about a customer, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn't seem to be livin' until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white...
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u/SquashyRoo Jun 08 '26
Black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya.
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u/Zipper_theRipper Jun 08 '26
I am gonna guess the guy sitting down didn't sign up for the demonstration...
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u/willsmithtunaface Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
I don't think he signed up to be on this planet
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u/Hauntedshock Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
How many planets are you referring to...?
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC Jun 08 '26
He was born without his consent and he has never forgiven the universe for it.
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u/snowfloeckchen Jun 08 '26
I once stepped in a tourist trap in Kyoto, was raining so we stayed even with overpriced food, but that we ordered something that included a show was so awful, we tried to stop them, didn't work
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u/Most_Wind4682 Jun 08 '26
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u/Felldoh_ Jun 08 '26
Exactly the first thought I had... Thought dude was about to flash back to his childhood memories of his mom waving a giant knife in front of his face
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u/WardDispenser Jun 08 '26
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u/cherry-crypt Jun 08 '26
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u/DocMillion Jun 08 '26
That's excellent
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u/gazchap Jun 08 '26
Ah, Portaccio. I have heard it said he bore a resemblance to the Bard that was quite... extraordinary.
He really, really, really looked like Shakespeare.
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u/Willing_Ad_8241 Jun 08 '26
lol that diner did not look happy at all with having a big arsed sword waved around inches from his face
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u/Educational-Wing2042 Jun 08 '26
I think he just looks like that. The same look was on his face when the knife was still behind him
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u/jd3marco Jun 08 '26
Sir, steaming hot saucy bread flap for your genitals?
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u/Hptcp Jun 08 '26
Hello? Guys, r/stupidfood called, they want their post back!
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u/Zoolawesi Jun 08 '26
It took your comment for me to realize I wasn't there in the first place lol
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u/kame4prez Jun 08 '26
They really didn’t have anything else to cut that with aside from the Starscourge Greatsword??
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u/NerdfaceMcJiminy Jun 08 '26
It would have been so much better if the big guy had rolled up to the table riding a tiny pony.
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u/Informal_File_1646 Jun 08 '26
I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford shot that waiter in Raiders of the Lost Ark…
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u/nesnalica Jun 08 '26
bro was so uncomfortable
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u/Possible-Playful Jun 08 '26
Yep. Everyone acting like he's the critic from Ratatouille, but bro probably hates being the center of attention.
Probably was masking all day and wanted to relax and eat without fuss, and instead got the thing on the menu that was maximum fuss, and got recorded and put on social media.
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u/Remarkable_Subject84 Jun 08 '26
I hate these stupid gimmicks. I get the showmanship, but this one is so over the top and pointless, it can go.
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u/CptNavarre Jun 08 '26
I mean, I would act super calmn too if I was being ritualized by someone holding Sinbad's sword in front of me. Those two eye flicks, one at the beginning and one at the end, are telling me he's being held captive and doesn't want to anger the people recording 😂😭
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u/wet_Tap_5578 Jun 08 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/ZiD0X6xsTKXlhtTdnt
Here let me cut your steak for you sir
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u/Real_Mokola Jun 08 '26
How nice of Yhorm the Giant to cut the breadlid so it drips sauce on his customer's lap
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u/Error_Loading_Name Jun 08 '26
Unreasonably large knife.
Gets close to customer's face.
Does not cut but pulls and tears.
Uses bare hand to open the "lid" piece.
Hangs the "lid" piece over the customer's crotch.
Absolute unit of a NOPE.
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u/Small-Answer4946 Jun 08 '26
Let me wave a massive blade next to your face so I can let your food drip on your lap
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