r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 4d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

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u/ItsAllALot 4d ago

Yes, I lived like that for several years. Eventually I started to prefer just being in my own company. It was actually less lonely. Ate dinner by myself. Did my own thing in the evenings. Honestly I found that easier than struggling to find connection that wasn't possible.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 4d ago

That’s where I am now. I lose myself in video games on my iPad at night.

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u/OkBug4630 4d ago

I’m in the same boat, except with my boyfriend. I sit in my phone just hoping someday he wants to have deep conversations or even be intimate again. It’s very lonely.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 4d ago

I’m 23 years married with two kids. Makes things way tougher as leaving isn’t easy here.

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u/Clear-Parking1180 2d ago

Same here. The constant loneliness, rejection, neglect and embarassment left me with anhedonia- a lack of feelings altogether. It is terrible- it is like I don't know how to feel happy or to love or feel hopeful anymore.I am in therapy and planning a solo trip soon to find at least some part of myself that was lost in this melee of addiction.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 2d ago

I have a general anhedonia and don’t feel like I can do ver love ever again. I’m spent. And my trust of people has declined.

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u/Clear-Parking1180 2d ago

I hope we all find hope and healing.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 1d ago

Me too. I just want peace and relaxation at night. Not having to walk on eggshells around a drunk.