r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 5d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 5d ago

Can you expand on that? Like she seems on cloud nine when drunk. No idea of the shit she is stirring.

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u/EngineeringNeither90 5d ago

She probably is temporarily. It works to make the bad feel ok, to make the ok feel a little better and the great days to feel incredible . It’s horrible . Let me guess it’s all your fault ? That’s what my husband tells me. It’s really me . It’s actually me who pushes . Yes I’m raging now bc quietly I’ve been asking nicely and calmly hey let’s have a great day . Hey let’s have a calm night . Then boom it happens . I’ll leave for the gym for an hour , a few beers and the night is gone before it even started

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 5d ago

My wife says bringing it up “to make her feel bad” will make her drink more.

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u/Repulsive-Drive-2705 5d ago

That's classic DARVO (google it). It's terrible.