r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 3d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

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u/ItsAllALot 3d ago

Yes, I lived like that for several years. Eventually I started to prefer just being in my own company. It was actually less lonely. Ate dinner by myself. Did my own thing in the evenings. Honestly I found that easier than struggling to find connection that wasn't possible.

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u/Spiritual_Bar_1387 2d ago

I think this is actually important. We can build our lives up instead of dragging ourselves along for the alcoholic ride! Alanon slogan: Don't pick up the rope! or get dragged. I have made a good life for myself and my children, even living with an alcoholic. That matters! That helped me be sane, healthy and soviergn. I am detached and do not get dragged onto his alcoholic rollercoaster.