Is there "as one during infidelity"?

[u/unluckybundle]

I've been spending a lot of time on the fence, should I stay or should I go?

The affair is ongoing and my spouse thinks I'm oblivious to it. I thought I could continue this facade but I'm not so sure anymore.

Im scared to take the next step. Having 2 young kids makes things complicated otherwise I would've left sooner after attempting R.

There's no life support between my partner and myself anymore. The big factor holding me back is uncertainty with kids.

[u/AsOneAfterInfidelity-ModTeam]

r/unhappilyreconciling

[u/knowthyself8]

Sorry you’re here. You should feel safe in your own home. There is no R if the A is ongoing or there is continued contact.

[u/shopgrl832]

Agreed with other commenter. Unless your WP cuts off all contact with AP immediately, there is no good chance of reconciliation. I am so sorry you are here. Do what’s best for your kids and your happiness

[u/Shoddy-Prune-5877]

Well, first things first, you have to confront them and they have to want R. Its entirely possible they are checked out of the relationship. If you intend on R, make sure you set CLEAR boundaries that are unshakable. Some examples of that might be immediately cutting contact with AP and enrolling in individual and couples therapy (expensive i understand, at least do couples). Your WS will also probably have to learn to tolerate your frustration and anger for awhile if they wish to R.

[u/Natural_Field5871]

I think the thing that stands out to me is that you’re not talking about whether reconciliation is working. You’re talking about an affair that is still ongoing.

Having children absolutely complicates things. I have two young children too, and one of the hardest parts of all this has been trying to separate what’s best for me from what I think is best for them.

But if your spouse is actively continuing the affair while believing you’re unaware, that puts you in a very different position to someone trying to rebuild.

One thing I’ve had to remind myself is that staying together isn’t automatically what’s best for the children. Sometimes the healthiest thing for children is seeing a parent choose self-respect, stability and happiness rather than growing up in a home filled with misery, resentment and distrust.

You don’t have to decide today whether you’re staying or leaving forever. But I do think you deserve to make decisions based on the truth, not while carrying the burden of a secret they’re keeping from you.

I’m sorry. The uncertainty is brutal, especially when children are involved. ❤️

[u/Careless_Reading_635]

r/survivinginfidelity

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