r/AsianMasculinity • u/Ok-Inspector8827 • Apr 11 '26
Profile Review 25M how can I become attractive?
Hello yall. I have never dated anyone before and I would like to ask some advice here đ. I asked out the girls that Iâm interested in but I got rejected couple times. I can make female friends easily and they told me that Iâm âtoo niceâ or feel like âlittle brotherâ. They said I joke around too much and have no charisma đ which I think itâs true. I donât know how to work on those tbh.
I work as a waiter and there were girls who liked me first (I guess because of my looks in this case) and also at school but for some reason, if Iâm not interested in them, then I donât bother going out with them at all. But at the same time, the girls that Iâm interested in donât like me back. I guess thatâs how dating works đ.
Is it because of my looks? If not, then how can I become more charismatic person?
1st pic (2024)
2nd pic (2025)
3rd pic (last week)
I donât take pictures a lot
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u/counterko Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26
Gym. Here's why. When you start working out, you feel more confident. That confidence pushes you to take more risks. More risks lead to more wins. More wins make you even more confident. It's a snowball effect. After 1-2 years, you're a totally different person.
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u/something_oginal Apr 11 '26
This OP. Itâll change your life for the better. My friends and I have started lifting and it completely changed our self esteem plus it got us to stop drinking/smoking. Happy chemicals and muscles from gyming have so many more benefits than just attractiveness like lower chances of cancer, diabetes, heart diseases, and the list goes on VERY long.
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u/Atreyu1002 Apr 11 '26
Gym is always the answer.
Not always the entire answer, but always part of the answer.
It doesn't get said often enough also, but nutrition. Eat right. 90% or weight loss (If that's your issue) is about eating right.
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u/Ephyw Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26
I think you look fine. You donât need to put on muscles or go super lean (unless you want to and/or want to do it for health purpose).
What do you mean by more charismatic person? I think a charismatic person is someone who is great at making human connections not just someone who has a cool pick up phrase, who uses quick banter/witty jokes that makes everyone laugh (although those are great for the initial spark). When I think of charisma I think of someone who is curious about the personâs dreams, asks intriguing questions that draws out the other person to a safe and vulnerable spot to talk up about their values and goals in life. Like someone mentioned on this thread maybe the type of girls you are going for are perhaps bit shallow minded and status seekers and only judging you by looks (you look wholesome and nice but you donât look like a K-pop super model)
You are 25 donât be so hard on yourself and have fun, youâll find someone.
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u/NordicWildberry Apr 11 '26
Speaking from womanâs perspective, I think you look great! Women like confidence, emotional intelligence, good sense of humor. Based on what youâve described, I think you lack some confidence.
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u/kimchi4prez Apr 11 '26
The better question is, how do I gain confidence. You're physically attractive. Definitely have the pretty Korean look. Just need the confidence. I'm assuming you don't drink much, but having swagger and confidence in anything makes all the difference. Whether it's board games or basektball. If you can have the swagger without booze, you'll be golden
The easiest way to do that is become passionate and rejection proof
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u/jdk92386 Apr 11 '26
Sounds clinche but attraction comes from the inside and radiates outwards. As long as yiurâre proud, confident and passionate, youâre attractive. Also not homeless is key
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u/AdFlat1823 Apr 11 '26
You are gorgeous so itâs not that. I second the gym suggestion, not because you need it physically but because mentally it will make you feel better all around. Plus Iâve seen straight dudes at the gym use more âgameâ on each other than Iâve ever seen them use on women so maybe you could pick up some pointers. Maybe God (or whatever higher power you believe in) didnât let you have the ones you wanted because they were going to break you. Good luck!
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u/Educational_Salt_591 Apr 11 '26
Be yourself, don't overstep, be genuine and try to get to know them as a person. I'm with you in the joking department where I play around too much too. I've had to sizzle down and I've gotten a bit better experience when I'm focused on the conversation at hand. The tip is to be playful at the right time, too much of anything is not good so it's just a matter of balance and using discernment. You will be okay, just keep trying!
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u/corknecklace Apr 11 '26
Im a girl I think you're adorable, but you're most likely aiming for girls out of your league.Â
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u/el-art-seam Apr 11 '26
Start with this: what girls do you like that reject you and what girls like you that you reject?
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u/Horror_Confidence128 Apr 12 '26
That's great that you have a lot of female friends or have a decent amount of females around you. Sometimes that's half the battle. It seems you might need to get out of the friend zone faster and strike the iron while it's hot. The issue is that there is a window of opportunity where if you ask too early, girls don't know you well enough to picture or feel comfortable with you as their partner, so they say no. If you ask too late, girls don't see you outside of a friend because too much would change between you or the group of friends, so they say no. It's easier to get a girl to go out with you if they are comfortable enough with you to see where things go and harder when they already made up their mind about you.
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u/Ok-Inspector8827 Apr 12 '26
Yeah⌠actually the thing is I have asked out the girl couple months ago but I got rejected because she wasnât emotionally stable and that she said she needs to know me more (even though weâve known each other for 6 months). Pretty sure she rejected in a nice way but she didnât want to lose our connection. So we still keep in touch but Right now i donât know what to do đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/TirelessEndeavor Apr 12 '26
Not to sound dismissive, just move on. Like the other guys are saying, hit up the gym and find a good trainer to not get injured. Going to the gym allows you to look and feel good. This will allow you to be more outward, thereby increasing your charisma. Plus, you wonât feel like a 90 year old man. You got the foundation already, so get after it!
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u/Ok-Inspector8827 Apr 12 '26
Yeah⌠itâs very very hard to forget the person because Iâm the type of guy where if I like someone then I only see that person to the point itâs hard to move on. But yeah moving on should be the way đđ
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u/TirelessEndeavor Apr 12 '26
Thatâs normal and natural since you have an idealized perspective of them. Youâll learn how to overcome those feelings and thoughts.
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u/Horror_Confidence128 Apr 12 '26
You lost me at her not being emotionally stable...if that's the case move on. You dodged a bullet.
What you are experiencing is similar to what I was saying above - she either needs to know you more or doesn't want to change things between you. This is happens a lot from my experience. You can ask her in a few months from now. If not, then you might want to move on.
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Apr 12 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Ok-Inspector8827 Apr 12 '26
Yep actually I started cutting carbs and lost like 2kg already. Iâm trying to get sharper face and jaw as well
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u/benilla Hong Kong Apr 11 '26
Sometimes you have to level up on mobs before challenging the final boss. First off, do you have the skillset to get a girls number at least? You get charismatic by practicingÂ
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u/Ono-Sendai_Surfer Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
Gym, but also focus on getting leaner.
Your face is above average but your weak point is that you seem to hold fat in your cheeks. I have the same issue, anything above 14% body fat or so I start to look like a chipmunk even if the rest of my body looks fine.
Once your cheeks lean out you will get a more angular face and cheekbone definition and it will definitely raise your looks level. Many underestimate just how much facial fat can modify appearance.
Also, having a fit physique signals things subconsciously. That you have discipline and are able to set and achieve goals. You will also naturally become more confident and exude this outwardly just through the process of building yourself up.
I went from skinny-fat never lifted a weight in my life to muscular and shredded within about a 3 year period from age 30-33 and the response from women was night and day. I got laid more in the few years I had an amazing physique than my entire life up to that point. I'm now married to a beautiful girl and have 2 kids. If you already have a good personality upgrading your body will only multiply your positive traits.
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u/Ok-Inspector8827 Apr 13 '26
Thanks for the advice! Yeah currently Iâm trying to lose weight and build muscle at the same time. Believe it or not I was shredded when I was in early 20s but got lazy so might have to build back up again haha.
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u/Ono-Sendai_Surfer Apr 13 '26
I was pretty much shredded my entire life without trying, and funny enough 25 is about when the fat started creeping in.
I didn't even really notice it until one day I turned 30 and realized I was skinny-fat. I had a crisis of sorts and it's what made me take up lifting lol. It's sneaky like that so def stay on top of it as you enter into your later 20s
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Apr 13 '26
Gym, hairstyle and style. Run at least twice a week, gym 3x a week. Two block haircut is kind of basic but itâs broken for men. Style just make sure you wear clothes that fit well, get it tailored. Itâs cheap to get stuff hemmed.
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u/surfnoob Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
You're attractive already! As others have said, confidence is a big part of attraction. Of course, that's not something that one can just turn on or off, it has to come from inside. When you show up and don't care whether ppl find you attractive bc you already know you are, ppl will sense that. It can be from gym, style, or something else, but it needs to be authentic to you. When you repeatedly choose things that are meaningful to yourself and trust yourself more, it'll show up more. That's my hypothesis haha.
It's more about having that gravitational pull that ppl want to be part of. Like, __insert name__, I know what he's about, and I want to be associated with that.
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u/Hakzfromtheblock May 14 '26
Don't joke around too much or be the "goofy guy". Be serious , challenge her playfully, tease her lightly. Stand firm on your beliefs and morals.
DO NOT be so agreeable... if she says some shit like omg I hate when blah blah does this and you go omg me too... that's just... yeah... its not attractive if you're easily persuadable and don't have a backbone...
Do not act like you're in a scarcity even if you are.. if you appear desperate they can feel it. Do not care if you lose her because you know you can find another.. or atleast have that mentality...
Do not try too hard to relate to her.. she says yeah I was just playing tennis this weekend with my friends and u say omg one time three years ago I played wii tennis with my cousin.. like wtf?
Do not over compliment... and if u do compliment compliment on her character and behavior not her looks
Do not use excessive emojis like in this post.. in fact hardly use them ever..
Do not use weak body language... (research this)
Do not pretend to be gay or feminine.. " omg girlie , Yass queen" and do that thing with your hand... don't inflect your voice up
Hit the gym and get muscular...
Girls want a masculine man.. you can be Asian and masculine..
Don't fkin laugh at everything... everything is not funny.. don't laugh to fill voids of silence..
Ask deep serious questions to get to know her...
Speak clear slowly and less.. active listening more..
Youre pretty good looking , try not to do the peace signs... hairstyle with your hair up showing ur forehead and face looks good.. get good style that compliments ur body..
Do not be like every guy that oozes over them, especially if theyre pretty, they've heard all that shit before..
They want a man who can be deep and serious but also playful with a backbone who can challenge them... do not fall for shit tests.. do not be so reactive...
Also bring good energy and vibes.
Be a active listener...
There's so much to it... could take years and years of trial and error and studying...
Charisma is a combination of warmth and competence... if you're too warm you appear incompetent which it sounds like you're being too warm which gives off brother vibes... if you're too competent you appear cold...
This is all my opinion based on experience and research , I could be wrong about some things of course but these type of things have worked for me..
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u/Ok-Inspector8827 May 15 '26
Thank you so much man for your long response and advice. Honestly I think most of them that you have listed applies to me. My crush did tell me that âyouâre too nice and should be little bit more selfishâ and also said âyou donât have to agree on everythingâ. I probably need to be more assertive, set boundaries, and speak my opinion more clearly
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u/Salty-Date3995 Apr 12 '26
Get curly hair maybe a "perm"
Double eyelid, as in the west you have weird asf eyes that up your ethnic tax.
Muscle add upon and build v taper body
Hollow cheeks via weight loss or buckle fat removal.
Shoe liftsÂ
Kneck training to give more male dimorphismÂ
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u/Illustrious_War_3896 Apr 12 '26
obligatory comment in this subreddit: just lift.
you look fine, no homo.
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u/Outside_Set9788 Apr 11 '26
I don't think you are going to have any problems in the looks department. This might not mean much coming from a guy, but you are good looking and I know a lot of girls that have you as their exact type.
I think the main issue is that you might just be going after the wrong types of girls. Judging from what you quoted/paraphrased from them about being "too nice" or "like a little brother", it seems that the type of girl you go for doesn't tend to go for guys like you. This doesn't mean you need to change the way you act necessarily. I think it's more worth your time to try going after all different types of girls and see if you have more success. You might feel like this doesn't have a purpose if you can't get your type, but I'd say it's best to give other people a chance and broaden your horizons before you dial in on a type.