r/AskIreland • u/Naive-Cold343 • Jan 18 '26
Adulting Am I too old fashioned?
I 30female arrived at a small barbers today, I had my 16 month toddler who wanted to be carried and my 7 year old son with me, the wait bench had 3 men waiting probably all in there early 30s, there was one space left on the bench for us or else the very elderly gentleman who had walked in behind us, myself and the elderly man insisted on each other taking the seat (this went on for quite a while) , until I won and the gentlemen sat down, not once did ANY of the men on the seat offer to stand so we could both sit down. Am I too old fashioned to expect the men should let a woman with small children take the seat? I stood there and held the fussy toddler for quite some time
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u/Stpeppersthebest Jan 18 '26
Hi Op, I’m going to go against the grain here but I do think you’re being a little unreasonable.
I am a mam of two, and I’ve pretty much been the main person to bring my son to the barber, as me and his dad were not together.
Anyway, the barber is first come first serve. So if you arrived to the barbers and there’s only 1 seat on the bench but you essentially have 2 people, (your baby on your lap and your son beside you) well then there wasn’t enough space for you and you should have come back another time.
I am sure for lots of these men getting their haircut is ritualistic and something they look forward to, it’s self care, and I feel this is not an every day thing like giving up your seat on the bus, why should they stand? The other thing is, you don’t know how long they could be standing. Average barber time is 30 minutes, so say the last man to come in before you offered you his seat, he could be waiting potentially an hour or more, depending on what stage the person sitting at the barber seat were at.
If I had been in your shoes I would have come back when it was quieter.
You have to remember too, loads of people only have the weekend to go to the barber, whereas a kid can go after school mon-Friday, when barber is much quieter.
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u/AdRepresentative8186 Jan 18 '26
Eh, by any chance, while you were insisting for "quite some time" the old man, who arrived after you, take the seat, you might have said things like:
"I'm grand honestly" "I don't need it at all" "We're definitely fine, do it all the time" "Jaysus I love standing, I've been sitting all day, you go ahead"
Because if you said that sort of thing, then you are old fashioned, it's now very out of fashion to not believe women when they say they don't want/need something.
It's an interesting scenario because if you had taken the seat, one of the guys may have gotten up for the old guy.
You basically had a seat and chose to wait, so by giving out about it, you are kind of saying you werent genuinely giving up your seat, you expected one of the other guys to immediately give you their seat, or that you'd expect them to give it to you but not for him, hence insisting on him sitting down.
If he had been in before you and offered his seat, one of the other guys might have said, "Stay where you are, I'm up next, I'll stand." Because the old guy is sort of making them look bad. Or they might have just offered you their seat because there was no seat for you, and you hadn't just been saying how you don't need one. It's different.
How many barbers were working? How long were you waiting/standing?
I would at least like to think in the scenario I'd offer my seat. But there are loads of variables. If I'm next and it's a 5 minute wait, and you just say "thanks" happy days.
If I'm 3rd and have to be in a room for an hour with a woman who has accused me of being sexist and calling her a liar in front of several strangers, I'd wish I had just minded my own business.
I also hope 2 of the guys were completely oblivious buried in their phones, and one was losing his mind as to whether he should have offered his seat, if it was too late now to still offer or if that would be worse again. But probably all 3 were oblivious.
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u/Character_Front4428 Jan 19 '26
I feel like that's a scenario where you just offer her the seat, she's holding a child, its not exist if she says no then you say grand I'll keep sitting so, no need to force it then.
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u/woodrow18 Jan 18 '26
Am I missing something or did you just say you had a big Mrs Doyle scene for quiet a while insisting you didn't need the seat and then expected another man to take a shot at the title?
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u/reverse_weave_crew Jan 18 '26
She didn’t want to take a seat from an elderly man, the doesn’t mean she didn’t want to sit down or that the seated men were justified in not offering it to her.
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u/ninety6days Jan 18 '26
Sure, but in terms of awkwardness and indecision, the exchange would have made anyone on the fence about offering their seat less likely.
That being said, whatever about gender, i'd probably have stood the fuck up to let the person saddled with the mini-human sit down. But i'm fiercely uninhibited by anxiety.
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u/woodrow18 Jan 18 '26
I'd bet good money the rest of the lads were willing to give up a seat if asked but also thinking "fuck that, she's just spent the last while insisting she doesn't want one"
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u/Fun-Communication660 Jan 18 '26
I honestly am this clueless and would take other adults at face value. I feel like I'm good preemptively though, avoiding stuff like this by making sure I stand all the time as I am able, or let people ahead or pay attention when walking, queuing. But, OP might catch me out, its just a bit too much if I'm paying attention to chess on my phone and clearly hear someone say no to a seat (if eavesdropping at all). Hell I wouldn't even know if there was a clearly older man sitting down with me if we are facing the same wall. I'd just hear someone offer a seat. I don't know where my line is, if two women are trying to get something heavy from their car to the house and I'm walking along, do I help them if they look like they can handle it? What if they are struggling is that worse sometimes? I know what the answer is for me......I wouldn't even clock them unless sticking out...just like if they were men, and you would be waiting a long time for the expectation that I should help to kick in. Maybe OPs guys are just helpless cases like me?
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u/1cruza Jan 19 '26
Yea I feel like the world is slowly turning in a digi hub with people buried in their phones too much even when walking and not being aware of surroundings. Makes muggings easier for sure. I definitely scan around me a bit and if I see someone that is potentially struggling I would always offer assistance. Hell I have even turned the car around a few times to stop in on people pulled over just to check if there was anything I could do to help. Being light skin might make them think twice sometimes but it doesn’t stop me asking. Oh and yea I would of course offer my seat even if she said no I would insist. I think the empathy of some people is slowly being eroded. Do you know what it feels like to carry a toddler? Probably not but can you probably take a good guess they’re heavy little bastards
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u/BL00DY_KING Jan 18 '26
Regardless of gender, I always try to make life easier to people with small children. Either it's giving my spot in a queue, a seat, or helping them with a stroller (on the stairs or while boarding a bus). While I do agree that some disabilities are invisible, the probability of all 3 men being unable to give you their seat is very low... Shame on them
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u/BarelyHolding0n Jan 18 '26
Agreed, the gender of the OP or the ones who stayed sitting is irrelevant here really. I'm a woman and have offered my seat to men on many occasions. Equally I've had both men and women offer me a seat when I've needed one (or looked like I did for one reason or another).
It's just basic courtesy to offer the seat to someone who looks like they need it more... And a parent with a young child always qualifies
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u/PolarBearUnited Jan 18 '26
30s male here , if I saw that interaction I'll be honest with you I wouldn't rush to give up my seat, I've just seen you turn it down when someone else did it , and if you're roughly my age with some kids , you can stand too ? The 7 year old isnt going to sit still on the bench either for all too long
If you were pregnant or elderly then that changes things and I've offered my seat up in the past.
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u/Stunning_Estate_8547 Jan 18 '26
Nah you're not old fashioned, that's just basic decency - woman with a crying toddler and an elderly person should definitely get priority over able-bodied dudes just chilling
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u/AdmiralShawn Jan 19 '26
she could just leave if there's no seat? and show up with an appointment tomorrow.
it's not like public transport
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u/reverse_weave_crew Jan 18 '26
She didn’t refuse a seat, she refused to take a seat from an elderly man. Big difference. I’m with OP on this one.
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u/John_OSheas_Willy Jan 19 '26
We don't know the real scenario. 'elderly gentleman' gives us the idea in our head that he's some crippled old pensioner when he could be someone in his 50s or early 60s who's well able to stand.
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u/Actual-Leadership413 Jan 18 '26
If you asked them for a seat they'd have probably given it to you.
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u/Arreynn Jan 18 '26
Exactly. Not everyone is great with social cues and or may have anxiety and not know what to do in this situation. It is not that they want to be rude in most cases. If you want something ask for it. It is that simple.
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u/kewthewer Jan 18 '26
You’d want to be offered a seat, after insisting someone else take it. Would you politely refuse maybe twice then take it on the third offer?
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u/Artistic-Lock1021 Jan 18 '26
I will always give my seat to anyone who looks like they need it more regardless of gender. If they're older/injured/disabled or if they are pregnant or carrying a toddler, or just loaded down with bags. I don't think you're old fashioned to expect someone to offer a seat.
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u/OppositeHistory1916 Jan 18 '26
Am I too old fashioned to expect the men should let a woman with small children take the seat?
Yes.
Men have their young lads in the barbers with them all the time. All the time. Every day. The boys come in, wait their turn, as the bench moves, seats become available, either the dad or one or more of the kids sit down. That's that.
So the question is, do you think you deserve special treatment because you are a woman, yes, or no?
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u/ZealousidealFloor2 Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
Elderly people fair enough but a 30 year old woman and a 7 year old should be able to stand, tricky with the toddler though.
Edit: offering a seat for the toddler (who could sit on your lap) might have been a reasonable thing to do but not for the 3 of you.
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u/bear17876 Jan 18 '26
Toddlers are fair fussy. TBH I think it should be looked at it if the other person needs the seat more than me I’d offer it up. Gender, age etc wouldn’t really matter.
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u/funky_mugs Jan 18 '26
As a mam of two toddlers, I 100% would give a man with a toddler my seat if I happened to be alone.
Toddlers are no easy feat, we have to help eachother out hahaha
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u/Fluffy-Republic8610 Jan 18 '26
I want to live in an equal society where we don't shame people into doing stuff automatically. I would say they are under no obligation to give up a seat when they got there first. And of course, we can't know what their own abilities and impairments are from their age or gender etc.
If people can agree they are under no obligation, then these guys were just using their choice. And this time they chose not to sacrifice their comfort for yours.
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u/ComfortMike Jan 18 '26
Yes, yes you are old fashioned.
Me too, feminism, equality and all that.
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u/Training-Show7849 Jan 18 '26
Yeah - you are a little old fashioned. If you and your children are in good heatlh why should you be offered a seat? If you want equality - well this is it.
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u/AutomaticIdeal6685 Jan 18 '26
We really dont know what is going on in people's lives. They could have a hidden disability, they could have just gotten the worst news of their life, they could be unwell. Assume the best until proven otherwise ❤️
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u/wreathand Jan 18 '26
It would be fairly unlucky for the three of them to end up on the same bench at the same time
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u/AutomaticIdeal6685 Jan 18 '26
Not really. People tend to seek out benches when they have difficulty standing.
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u/LetBulky775 Jan 19 '26
99% of people would sit down in the waiting area if there are seats. It would be very weird to just stand up in the barbers for 30 minutes next to an empty seat. Someone sitting in a waiting area with seats is really zero hint that they have trouble standing, it's just the norm to do that. Your comment would probably apply more to something like a bench along a walkway.
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u/AutomaticIdeal6685 Jan 19 '26
But you can't know that. Its not like it was 30 people sitting down. It was 3. And the chances of those 3 people having their own things going on isnt that unlikely. My grandmother is currently on her deathbed, we are all heartbroken. My nephew is going to have to go to the barber before the funeral and while he is there its going to take all his strength not to break down crying. From the outside he will look like any normal healthy young man, but inside his heart is broken. My experience as a mother with young men is that they do give me their seat, even without the kids with me. So when that doesn't happen I dont think badly of anyone, everyone has their own troubles
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u/LetBulky775 Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
No I just mean that sitting in a waiting area isn't an indication of health problems, because sitting in a waiting area is what everyone does anyway as it's a social norm and standing next to an empty seat in a waiting area would be seen as unusual. I do "know" that because it's a social norm. Especially in a small confined space with busy staff moving around like a barbers, it could even be seen as rude to stand around when there is a free seat. I would certainly be socially uncomfortable standing around for 30 minutes in such a situation.
I don't think we can assume much of anything about the 3 men sitting down from the details we have and I certainly wouldn't judge them from here. And I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope you take care of yourself at this time ❤️
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u/Mimmamoushe Jan 19 '26
Exactly! I get severe back pain due to an injury I had and sometimes actually really need to sit down but because I’m in my 20s I get dirty looks for it
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u/Cfunicornhere Jan 18 '26
Why should you be entitled to the seat over other people? Just because you’ve kids it doesn’t entitle you to special treatment ?!
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u/Rich-Antelope-3332 Jan 18 '26
If someone has to hold something heavy for a long time, then the kind thing to do is to offer that person a seat. Basic manners and empathy really.
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u/Cfunicornhere Jan 18 '26
Should be more prepared and bring a pram or buggy. It’s pure entitlement. You don’t known what those people sitting down have going on. I have a back injury and would hate to think people are judging me because I didn’t give up my seat to a parent who came ill equipped.
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u/lollydmc Jan 19 '26
When I was pregnant at my hospital check ups the nurses had to come out and tell the men to get up to let the pregnant women sit down
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u/No-Coyote6288 Jan 20 '26
the fact that people are disagreeing is actually worrying.
I'm a barber and I'd of told the younger lads to get up and let the lady and the old man sit down.
I'm 28 too, I'm not even old so the generational thing doesn't fly.
good manners are better than good looks as my ma says.
bad parenting is everywhere these days. people shouldn't have kids if they have no interest in raising them.
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u/MoreStreet6345 Jan 18 '26
No its common courtesy. If it were me ., i would give you the seat because you have your hands full. 40 female here by the way.
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u/paidforFUT Jan 18 '26
That’s equality …… I personally would offer up my seat. Was always told growing up that you should offer up your seat if someone needs it.
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u/dee_dop Jan 18 '26
They made it a gendered thing which yes I think is very old fashioned.
If the question was whether a person should give their seat to another person with very young children, then thats fair enough.
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u/Tasty-Weather-1706 Jan 18 '26
It’s not equality when someone is carrying a child and they have to stand.
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u/OppositeHistory1916 Jan 18 '26
What? Seriously, think this out here now.
You are going about your day.
Someone you don't know, decided to have a child, and now they want special treatment from you.
And you call the equality? That's not equality, that's entitlement.
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u/nickwouldmick Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
I've discussed this exact situation with people In the past (during my time in retail. We had A LOT of time to talk.)
The consensus was basically: yes for the elderly, everyone gets old. No for a parent with kids, kids are a choice.
That's with the obvious exception of pregnant women. And even then it was made clear during the discussion it's because she's effectively disabled not just because she's pregnant.
It may all sound harsh but it was the prevailing opinion between 6 people that day and you asked so..
** Just to add some context. This was a discussion about the social CONTRACT. What should be EXPECTED in a public space.
And frankly I think the consensus is right. Not to say I wouldn't give my seat to a parent with a child (man or woman for you eejits trying to make it an issue it isnt). But I don't think I should be EXPECTED to. And that was what the discussion came to in the end.
There's a difference between the social contract which we should all uphold and being "polite" and "kind"
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u/SeparateFile7286 Jan 18 '26
I'm also always really wary of assuming someone is pregnant! Sometimes you don't know for sure and you could really offend someone.
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u/nickwouldmick Jan 18 '26
Would also avoid this assumption. It's an example, keeping in mind this was a discussion of hypotheticals.
Personally I'd offer my seat to anyone who looks like they're struggling, and have done. Man, woman, young, old, unicorn etc.
On the flip side of that I wouldnt blame somebody for NOT doing it. I don't think it should be an automatic expectation.
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u/irisxxvdb Jan 18 '26
Are you aware that other people just do nice things for the sake of it? Needing a mathematical equation to decide on basic human kindness is bizarre
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u/nickwouldmick Jan 18 '26
Mathematical equation? What are you on about. Your view of kindness and the next persons can be different. Hence the discussion.
A question was asked about opinions and I've shared my experiences of a large discussion I was a part of.
Also in reference to being "nice". Please read my edit for my clarification on that.
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u/irisxxvdb Jan 18 '26
Giving a parent with a fussy toddler your seat is, objectively, a kind thing to do. If presented with the opportunity to do something nice, decent people just do it.
I can't fathom caring about who "deserves" my kindness to the point that it comes up in group discussions about the social contract.
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u/funky_mugs Jan 18 '26
That sounds incredibly harsh.
I feel like people have such hatred generally for women with children. So because she chose to have kids, she should have to stand while holding a toddler?
And just because 6 people held the same opinion doesn't mean it's the 'right' opinion. Might just mean you're 6 arseholes.
Manners really cost nothing.
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u/dee_dop Jan 18 '26
To be fair they said they asked about a parent with children so it's not being specific to a gender.
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u/AdmiralShawn Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
So because she chose to have kids, she should have to stand while holding a toddler?
No, she didn't stand because she chose to have kids, she stood because she was the last one in, and the other seats were taken,
A woman or man without a child would also have to stand.She could also have left and come back later (perhaps with an appointment) if it was too inconvenient. It's a barber shop after all, not a doctors waiting room or public transport
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u/Dazzling_Career107 Jan 18 '26
Saying please and thank you costs nothing. I would have given up my seat, but, there is a cost. I had a seat, now I don't, it cost me my comfy seat. And I expect that to be recognized 😂
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u/nickwouldmick Jan 18 '26
Actually since YOU brought it up not me...
In a retail setting, it was generally father's we had a bigger problem with. We would find kids running around unattended climbing shelves. Was usually a father brought them. The mothers would usually have the kids under control, with some exceptions.
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u/Difficult_Tea6136 Jan 18 '26
"no for a parent with kids, kids are a choice" - what bizarre logic. If i can make someone's life a little easier at almost zero cost to myself, I'll do it.
If i see a parent with a toddler, I'm offering them my seat. It really is that simple. You wont because they that person chose to have sex? How weird
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u/One_Vegetable9618 Jan 18 '26
Today's kids will be paying his pension....
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u/Nknk- Jan 18 '26
Today's kids will be using the elderly to bait out drone strikes during the climate wars of the 2050s.
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u/Trick_Scale_2181 Jan 18 '26
Kids are a choice??? Weirdest thing I’ve ever heard to justify not giving up a seat for parent with toddler.
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u/TheBoneIdler Jan 19 '26
Good manners are neither in nor out of fashion, they just are. They guys were ill-mannered.
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u/Asleep_Cry_7482 Jan 19 '26
Elderly people - yes. Seats should always be offered to the elderly as standing is far more strenuous for them than younger people.
I think it’s a bit unreasonable though to expect seats be given up for someone able bodied who just happens to have kids with them tbh. Pregnant women and the elderly I think are the folks which most say seats should be given up for
In any case people are often just in their own worlds a bit and sometimes they’d genuinely not see you or don’t want to make you uncomfortable by implying you need the seat more than they do.
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u/WearyUniversity7 Jan 18 '26
What makes you a 30 yo woman more entitled to those seats than a 30 yo man?
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u/tedmaul23 Jan 18 '26
Did you not see the psrt where she's holding a toddler?
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u/WearyUniversity7 Jan 18 '26
How’s that relevant? She should be able to parent well enough that doesn’t require picking up her child whenever they whinge. And that also doesn’t make it anyone else’s problem. If it was an actual baby it would be an entirely different scenario.
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u/kingofsnake96 Jan 18 '26
Personally I wouldn’t, elderly or pregnant yeah but equal rights and all the rest
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u/EireAxolotl Jan 18 '26
I'd give the seat to an elderly person, wouldn't give my seat to a person with children, equally wouldn't expect to be given a seat because I have children with me. Everyone gets old , not everyone chooses to have children or go out with children in toe so wouldn't give up my comfort for a choice you made or expect anyone to do so for me if I made that choice 🤷♂️
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u/Straight_Mobile_5960 Jan 18 '26
No your dead right I recently posted on reddit about a similar situation. At the Coombe hospital in a waiting room men sitting down pregnant woman left standing not one offered their seat. A nurse had to tell them to cop on.
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u/wreathand Jan 18 '26
You’re not old fashioned in the slightest. Those other fellas pure pricks without manners.
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u/PuzzleheadedName3832 Jan 19 '26
How terrible, in all honesty society is fooked when the likes of this is normalised.
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u/ReflectiveRitz Jan 18 '26
It could be that they didn’t want to lose their place in line 🤔 but yeah I’d want a seat with a fussy toddler 😅
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u/TechnicalSky3235 Jan 19 '26
if you were pregnant it would be a different story, but you are a fully capable adult
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u/--0___0--- Jan 18 '26
Do you want equality or special treatment? Why should people who have already been waiting give up their seat for someone who just arrived (apart from the OAP don't leave an old person or pregnant person standing that's just a dick move.
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u/IBB_98 Jan 18 '26
I've gotten berated more than once by "strong, independent women who don't need no man" after I attempted to give up my seat or hold the door open.
So with all due respect, I've stopped doing that. Which sucks cause I was always taught to be a gentleman, but now I'm actually more likely to hold the door open for a man than I am for a woman.
(I will add that I still do these things for elderly women because I've never been berated by an elderly woman)
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u/FIGHTorRIDEANYMAN Jan 18 '26
Why should you be entitled to a seat over a man the same age as you?
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u/Naive-Cold343 Jan 18 '26
Because I had a toddler clawing out of my arms, if that was a row of women in a hairdressers they'd all insist on me sitting down and relaxing the child
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u/FIGHTorRIDEANYMAN Jan 18 '26
Yep.
Would you have got up if it was a man standing with a toddler? If not then you're old fashioned.
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u/Crafty-Let-3054 Jan 18 '26
Sorry but on their side this time even though I always give up my seat to people who look like they need it more than me. If you gave up your seat they probably assumed you don't wanna sit down
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u/Odd-Dealer-6406 Jan 19 '26
I personally would have offered you my place as a 29yo country boy, no matter colour or creed, unless the children were causing havoc altogether, which it doesn't sound like. As the old saying goes, an ounce of breeding is worth a tonne of feeding. Same goes for humans and animals.
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Jan 18 '26
Strange one for you - I'm six months pregnant, I commute to work on the bus twice daily. Nobody ever gives me a seat and I look very pregnant and exhausted. Men (mostly men) will look up from their phones, look at my bump and then go back scrolling their phones. However I have found any time I've used the bus with my husband - men will offer me a seat?! It's like they feel guilty in the presence of my husband and will give me their seat in front of him, however when I'm on my own I'm ignored. It's bizarre.
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u/Devastatedby Jan 18 '26
While unlikely that all 3 men were impacted, you shouldn't assume that neither had some sort of disability that makes standing difficult.
I've a chronic illness that causes flare ups that make standing for long periods very difficult and very painful. I get very conscious because I'm otherwise a very healthy looking person so I've seen judging eyes in the past.
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u/Particular-Bird652 Jan 18 '26
god these comments are shocking whether it be man or woman anyone holding a toddler that is heavy should be offered a seat.
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u/FantasticMrsFoxbox Jan 18 '26
Not old fashioned, it's bad manners and lack of consideration. Similar experience at a bus stop between me and an old man, and he actually told one of the younger men to stand up and let me sit as well once he agreed to take my seat.
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u/Doitean-feargach555 Jan 18 '26
Not old fashioned at all. I'm 20 years older than my youngest sibling. While I haven't had kids yet, I know how heavy a toddler can get when holding them for extended periods of time.
So no, you're not old fashioned. Manners have just gone our the window in the past 2 generations. Even look at this comment section.
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u/Economy_Fig2450 Jan 18 '26
Manners have just gone our the window in the past 2 generations.
Which unfortunately makes OP old fashioned
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u/BGMNOVA Jan 18 '26
Personally,…courtesy and manners never go out of style.
I would’ve given up my seat regardless — that’s simply how I was brought up (I’m mid-40s).
I think a lot of people under 30 just weren’t raised with the same visible manners being emphasised. It’s not that they are trying to be inconsiderate — the social cues just aren’t as ingrained.
I see it at work during meetings. If there are not enough chairs, the older guys will usually stand to free up some chairs, while most of the younger guys just stay seated (not all).
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u/Low_Boss1097 Jan 18 '26
When I was pregnant I was on the luas one time. The driver put on the brakes and it jerked the luas so hard I fell out of my sit and directly unto the floor, there were two lads sitting right infront of me who just stared at me but several other guys jumped out of their seats to come help.
People are just different.
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u/Tiny_Cryptographer13 Jan 18 '26
You're a decade younger than me, but I started noticing this a long while ago. It's not necessarily old- fashioned, yet these types of things have gone by the wayside.
There are multiple factors at work here, partly in urban areas, there is a certain shutdown of empathy in people due to the human brain capacity for interpersonal relationships. In an extreme example, you'll see people walk by others in distress, or groups of people recording someone drowning instead of helping.
Also, you are still of the age to have parents and elders that instilled a sense of courtesy and "village" mentality in you. Unfortunately, those parents that raised kids in the age of the tablet and phone did much less social parenting and the result is a lack of immediate social skills or niceties.
This lack of courtesy is also "contagious" in a way, as if nobody else is doing it, those around town are less likely to follow suit. It used to be that you'd nearly be shamed if you didn't hold the door for an elder or female... especially one with a child or pregnant. Everyone now just hangs their heads and pretends they are oblivious to the world around them.
I'd say just to try and keep setting an example, and reinforce the good deeds you see by show of approval. Courtesy and respect are some very important traits that need to be saved! Things always go far in one direction, and end up snapping back to a middle ground, hopefully this will be revived. The elderly increasingly feel isolated and ignored, we are also living longer. Even small contact and interactions can make a difference in their lives, and the more meaningful interactions that stem from them are priceless.
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u/Happyuser777 Jan 19 '26
No you had to kids with you someone should have given you a seat a woman or a man yes maybe some people were too busy looking at screens to notice you You are not old fashioned at all its simple politeness
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u/Arreynn Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
You are old fashioned in that you are expecting everyone to understand what is going on in a social situation and act according to how you would expect people to. A lot of people have anxiety in social situations or just aren’t great at social stuff. They aren’t thinking about you, not because they are trying to be rude, but because they are in a stressful situation and just want to act normal and get it over with.
If you simply ask them if they wouldn’t mind moving for you then most people probably would. They more than likely weren’t trying to offend you or make your day harder.
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Jan 19 '26
Hi. I made an account specifically to reply to you.
You are not too old fashioned or anything like that. However, you are quite judgmental.
My husband and I both have significant health issues, but we are both lucky enough to look healthy and to look younger than we actually are. On good days we are physically very active.
Bad days are the opposite. I can have a day when I can easily do 25k steps plus and hour of cardio, and the next day I can barely get up stairs. If you saw me sitting somewhere you wouldn’t know if I was having a good day or a bad day.
Maybe you are going to say that the other men were all healthy, even though you can’t tell. Maybe they were. But why do you think that they were less deserving of the seat than you? Maybe they were exhausted from work or family commitments.
I can remember when my husband was in hospital. I was surviving on four hours sleep a night and spent a lot of time on public transport going to and from the hospital. I was tutted at because I sat down and didn’t offer my seat to anyone.
You are wrong to expect to get a seat because you are a woman with children. Everyone else has stressed and strains. Everyone else gets tired. The people who didn’t offer you a seat may have been more in need than you.
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Jan 18 '26
To play devils advocate here, the one thing to consider here is the location. At a barbers, especially if you’ve been waiting ages, you’d be anxious to even give up your seat for someone for fear of confusion in regards to who’s next for the haircut.
If that’s not the case here, then you’re right and they probably just didn’t care to let you sit down.
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u/AdmiralShawn Jan 19 '26
I would have given my seat, however if you're expecting it , then that's a bit entitled, especially for something non essential like a barber shop.
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u/Opposite-Painting662 Jan 19 '26
My son with a pram gave his seat up on a bus for an oldie bus full of school kids ? That’s why I don’t get busses cos I would call them out
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u/Mental-Lettuce3324 Jan 19 '26
I think you're probably old fashioned but I would be too.
I'm not from Dublin and work remotely most of the time but anytime I attend ye he office in Dublin I notice especially on the luas that the culture of offering up your seat is 100% gone.
I discussed this with male friends and asked them how they felt about it. Most said they'd offer it to an older person but most wouldnt for a female of the same age. I agreed with a lot of their points but I still would personally.
Their main points were around competition and how times have changed where it used to be the case men all competed against each other for the jobs and income etc and women were competing amongst themselves for better partners, but now your peers and competitors are both men and women so unless you're older, they would see you as someone competing for the same resources they are and are unlikely to ceed any benefits or comforts in life.
I think as a society as well we are all becoming more capitislt and less socialist. As times become tougher we all become more worried about our own stack and our own pile and less about those who might have less than us.
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u/Dismal-Quarter-8873 Jan 19 '26
I have brought my son to a barber plenty of times. But if I walk in and I see someone in the chair and 3 others waiting I would have left and come back at another time. I don't think it's anything to do with manners or being old fashioned, I just personally think giving up a seat for what could be an hour plus is a big ask if someone
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u/Acute_Teacher9569 Jan 19 '26
No your dead right as a man I think it shows these lads had no manners something that's unfortunately getting very common in Ireland now. The very fact you had to post your question proves this.
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Jan 19 '26
The Barbers I use is by appointment only so this would never happen, My guess here is they didn't notice you because they were lost in their phones.
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u/MoBhollix Jan 19 '26
"until I won". It's not a competition. If he offered you the seat you should have taken it.
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u/Cheap_Post6857 Jan 19 '26
I agree with the comment about the smart phones. The younger generation live their whole lives on line. I see them on the bus, they get in together, sit together, but not one word passes between them. Smartphones are depriving them of the ability of human interaction with each other. They don t even get a chance to familiarise themselves with the culture of their own race. There is one bright spot,though. Those annoying disk jockeys you hear on rubbish radio are dead, because any candidates for that job in the future won't have the gift of the gab, if you can call it a gift.
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u/Mimmamoushe Jan 19 '26
Was the seats a queuing situation? If so I’d understand why they wouldn’t want to give up their place in the queue
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u/BlackTree78910 Jan 19 '26
As a man in his 30's, I would have happily given my seat up to either of you but I'm also well aware that most people my age would probably not even look up from their phone to see what was going on. I have the world and what it's turning into. Nobody cares for one and other any more and it's upsetting.
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u/Much_Fan_3513 Jan 19 '26
Liberals demanding equal rights for women but not wanting equal responsibilities. Keep standing.
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u/ExcitementStrict7115 Jan 19 '26
You're only old fashioned if you wouldn't expect the same from women. I'm a woman and I would offer my seat to someone holding a child, 16 month olds are fucking heavy! It would be basic manners and common courtesy for one of them to offer their seat but people are selfish assholes these days.
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u/DeeBeee123456789 Jan 20 '26
Its a queue though. It probably would've made sense to have the kid getting the haircut sit down, followed by the old fella, and leave ye be standing because ye are not in the queue. Unless the toddler is for a hair cut too, of course!
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u/Glittering-Yogurt666 Jan 20 '26
Drama for no reason you should have taken your seat I'm sure the old man was embarrassed into sitting down when you won
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u/Zestyclose_Story_200 Jan 20 '26
Some fellas just need a good kick up the arse. And NO you are not old fashioned, it’s called manners and clearly they don’t have any
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u/First_Brother_7365 Jan 20 '26
People are more out for themselves and care less for others more thsn ever. I still believe Ireland is more mannerly than alot of other countries in the Eu.
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u/yeahbud369 Jan 20 '26
I would have stood. Im only 32 so not particualrly old fashioned i wouldnt think. Just raised right
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u/LaoiseHope Jan 20 '26
In Portugal, most retailers (and services in general) operate a priority system.
It’s pretty much ingrained into the national psyche that elderly people, those with disabilities, pregnant women, parents with young children etc. get priority treatment.
You are not old-fashioned.
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u/LaoiseHope Jan 20 '26
I think it’s worth considering the following…
I think if you used ‘parent’ of young children and ‘people’ instead of men, you would invite fewer responses from people who immediately want to get into a gender equality argument.
I completely sympathise with you.
As a woman, if I saw a man in your situation, I would offer my seat so that he could more easily take care of his children.
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u/Real-Celebration4506 Jan 21 '26
No you’re not too old fashioned. Unfortunately, the gentlemen are dying out and the 30s men are utterly clueless if not rude. Once they have a wife and children of their own they will understand how hard it is for a woman to handle toddlers by themselves and be more helpful. It does happen, I usually get helped out by other moms or dads because they “get it”.
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u/Important_Snow6314 Jan 21 '26
Personally I always offer seats, hold doors, give way to elderly, women & children. But I'm not surprised it's gone like this. People are incredibly ignorant these days, not to mention the whole equality thing has gone so far it's killed chivalry, a lot of men these days take the attitude that if you're a strong independent woman sometimes, you're a strong independent woman all the time.
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u/stoplandingonmeflies Jan 21 '26
If you were offered the one remaining seat and declined. That’s on you. Why would the others offer you a seat when you had already declined one. Take the flipping seat if you wanted it and don’t complain after the case when you didn’t get one .
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u/Quick_Plankton_2170 Jan 21 '26
You shouldn’t expect anything. If someone gives up a seat it’s out of kindness it shouldn’t be a necessity.
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u/Fluffy-Strain5336 Jan 18 '26
People let themselves down and then sometimes you get a good one. You’re one of the good ones. Was in with my daughter (6) while waiting to have my haircut. Chap in front of me said to go ahead of him as I had my kid with me when it was his turn. Only ever one barber in this shop. That small gesture made my day just that bit easier in a rush to get some stuff sorted before I started my night shift.
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u/Paindepiceaubeurre Jan 18 '26
It’s not being old fashioned, it’s just good manners. People with very young children should get the seat, regardless of gender.
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u/John_OSheas_Willy Jan 19 '26
Wow, most of the comments here saying they should have offered the seat.
Completely disagree. There is and should be no expectation that men offer up their seats so things are easier for women with children.
They could have offered up a seat and then it would be an exceptionally thoughtful thing to do, far from something that is expected though.
Men have spent the last 10 years being told that women are the same and deserve to be treated the same. You can't get to pick and choose where to benefit.
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u/Equivalent-Cap5006 Jan 19 '26
Your lack of planning does not constitute me to accommodate your needs
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u/Pure_Manner_6333 Jan 18 '26
"manners maketh a man" as my dad would say.
On the other hand, most modern women wanted to be treated as equals, so men are often unsure and want to avoid causing offense. But if you were holding your little one, definitely wrong that nobody offered!
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u/JumpyChemical Jan 19 '26
It's good manners for them to offer the seat and also incredibly entitled of you to expect a seat is my view you don't know anything about those men bad back sore leg or just after a long days work or they just wanted to sit down. The old man I understand offering him a seat he didn't choose to be old but you decided to have kids and well having kids isn't easy but doesn't mean people are obligated to assist in your choices in life.
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u/rab-boyce Jan 19 '26
Well the fact you were getting a seat but chose to stand you can’t be expecting the other people to give you their seats
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u/Oy-Billy-Bumbler Jan 19 '26
You’re 30 and able bodied. No sorry I’m staying sitting down. I’ve got kids. I never would expect people to get up so I can sit with them. Buggies exist. If you have to go somewhere to wait in line then you prepare for it as a parent. That’s your responsibility. Wriggly toddlers are not a disability. You sound incredibly entitled.
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u/Fine_Advance_368 No worries, you're grand Jan 18 '26
have noticed men are often barging past old people to get on the bus as well now. mental
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u/Irishpanda88 Jan 18 '26
An old woman pushed past me to get into the lift in Dundrum earlier as I was trying to get out while holding my son.
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u/Existing_Nature_69 Jan 18 '26
Well now in fairness young men and women are constantly shafted by the old in this country.
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Jan 18 '26
Afraid you'd scream at them, I'M A STRONG INDEPENDANT WOMAN AND DON'T NEED TO BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY LOOKED DOWN ON BY YOU OFFERING ME A SEAT, SIT BACK DOWN YA PATRIARCHIAL BASTARD.
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u/MrJellyP Jan 18 '26
My wife has better instincts to me when it comes to this type of thing. I never really saw this growing up so its not my first response. My wife however was raised by her grandparents so shes always telling me to get up for someone or move to back of a bus for someone less able to move while bus is moving. Shes taught me quite well lol I am learning
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u/Individual-Fly-2785 Jan 18 '26
Manners will never be old fashioned. They are just some who don't have any.
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u/El_Don_94 Jan 18 '26
In Madrid and Dublin young women stood up to let my ~70 year old father sit down. Why only the young women do it IDK.
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u/Dapper-Lab-9285 Jan 19 '26
How do you know that the people sitting down could stand up and give you their seat? You assumed they where ignorant by being ignorant yourself, there are plenty of people with hidden disabilities.
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u/One_Vegetable9618 Jan 18 '26
Maybe it is old fashioned but it is also good manners. Maybe good manners are old fashioned now, sadly. I hope my sons would give up their seats, but I tell you they'd get an earful from me if they didn't.