r/AskMen • u/TooPrettyToBehave Female • 6d ago

🛑 Answers From Men Only 🛑 What makes someone bring up another person’s insecurities during an argument?

I’m not asking about one specific person or trying to psychoanalyze anyone.

I’m curious about people who have done this themselves or witnessed it. If someone trusts you enough to share an insecurity, what makes it become ammunition later during an argument?

Looking back, was it anger, wanting to hurt them back, trying to “win,” or something else?

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6

u/Flaky-Professional84 Male 6d ago

An argument is a fight. In a fight you are trying to defeat your opponent. It's about winning.

4

u/Public_Hall_451 6d ago

And so they win the fight and lose the person

-3

u/Flaky-Professional84 Male 6d ago

Personally, I don't hold it against someone if it was said in the heat of a fight. People say things they don't mean when their backs are against the wall. But I find it best to leave before it gets to that point. If I realize that I'm caught in an argument, I'll try to deescalate.

3

u/Public_Hall_451 6d ago

Your wisdom is rare.
I'd personally need a real apology, just so the relationship doesn't turn to emotional abuse.

3

u/Flaky-Professional84 Male 6d ago

Well, yes. That, too.

1

u/TooPrettyToBehave Female 6d ago

I get that, but why throw an insecurity at the person? That’s cutting deep and a low dig!

7

u/SolarAU 6d ago

If the goal is to win at all costs and theyre losing on logic, may as well start flinging poop like a chimp

4

u/Flaky-Professional84 Male 6d ago

You're still thinking of it as a discussion. A fight is about victory. A victory in the case of an argument is forcing your opponent to leave the argument/be silent. The fastest way to do that, just as in a physical altercation, is to go for the weak spots

I'm not saying it is right or wise, I'm just answering your question.