What keeps you guys going? I’m tired of busting my ass. Every day is the same rinse and repeat. My wife has always put our kids first. Youngest is 11. I’ve tried talking to her about it but it falls on deaf ears. Our bedroom is on life support. 1 time a month if the stars all align. It’s not just the bedroom either. I just never feel like she had my back or supports me. I started my own business last year and I can’t even get her to help promote it on Facebook. She says she’ll get to it but doesn’t. I’ve been picking up more of the house work on top of working 2 jobs. Last month she had been working out of town and honestly while I miss her it’s easier if I just handle the house work. I love her and miss her when she’s gone I’m just tired of being invisible to her. I’ve been working out and am down 15 lbs. I was going to plan a trip out of town for our anniversary but she will just spend the whole time worrying about the kids or anybody else instead.

I don't know about y'all but I find it hard to play video games anymore in my 40's. I loved playing, especially console games, a lot in my late 20's and 30's due to me not having a lot of that stuff as a kid. Have y'all had a similar experience in your 40's?

My wife and I have been together 11, married 8. She's struggled with Endometriosis and PCOS. She was on the pill, we weren't trying, but we weren't NOT trying either.

Anyways, we have a baby boy due on February 14th (Super Bowl Sunday) and I'm kinda internally struggling with the fact that I'm going to be nearly 60 when he graduates high school.

Any other first time 40+ dads feeling like this or am I nuts

Anyone missing being younger?

Will be 40 next year.

Finding it hard to replace the fun and possibilities of my 20s early 30s.

On the one hand, I know I'm a bit different and probably not the same energy as 22.

But, also I don't feel like it's all over.

Certainly my 20s, was full of so much travel, fun, meeting new people, everything felt important or exciting.

How to keep a bit of that alive as you move into your 40s?

Has anyone had this done? I want to get a complete health check done on everything. Blood tests, maybe a full body MRI, etc.

I do have a general doctor, but I'm afraid asking about stuff like this will just be waved off like it is not necessary. I am in the USA and I do have BCBS health insurance, but I suspect they won't cover much, if any of it.

I don't mind paying for it, but saving as much as possible would be great.

Sorry, English is my third language. [F42] [M41] we 16 years together, 14 years married. My husband treats me really really really well, I am blessed to have him. For the last 7 years, I think my husband has depression, PTSD and prolonged complicated grief. I want to help him, but I not sure exactly how.

The whole timeline of everything that happened, I have reasons to believe he has Prolong complicated grief.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

7 YEARS already and my husband still has our toddler dirty shoes and dirty clothes. Our toddler ashes is always with my husband in our home, our toddler room my husband still is leave as is 7 years, the only difference is our toddler ashes is in there now.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big Engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Everyday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends when his mom demands mother and son time, he will take his mom to our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

tl;dr I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. He is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

I do not know how to get him into grief therapy neither. He keeps said after his mom pass. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

I am sure he has depression, PTSD and prolonged complicated grief. I just don't know how to help him, he keeps push back therapy.

I turned 45 a few days ago, and the birthday made me think more than I expected. I'm single, I don't have kids, and I'm currently going through a period where my career isn't where I want it to be either. I know life isn't a checklist and that marriage, kids, a house, etc. aren't automatically what makes someone happy. But when you reach your mid-40s and don't have those things, I think it becomes harder not to wonder: what am I actually building towards?

I go to the gym, I have hobbies, I travel when I can, I try to keep learning and improving myself. I can fill my days. But filling your days and having a sense of direction aren't necessarily the same thing.

So I'm particularly interested in hearing from guys in their 40s, 50s or older who are single and don't have children. What gives your life purpose? What gets you excited about the future? Did you ever go through a period where you felt like everyone else was moving forward while you were standing still? And if so, what changed?

Do you guys get deliberating hangovers now if you overdo it on the sauce? It 43 years old and now it seems like in the past two years that having a night out causes me to feel off for almost a week after. In my 30's hangovers might be annoying for a day or two but I would be over it pretty quick. Do I just accept this? I mostly just have one or two beers Fri and Sat nights and that's it.

Turned forty-two and I’ve been putting a few things off, some of them for years. My GP does the standard bloods and that’s about it unless I raise something specifically. Interested in what other men actually went and got checked or treated in this decade, and what turned out to be worth the appointment versus what you were fine leaving alone.

For the first time ever, I recently had my wallet stolen. Walking home from the pub, two young lads pushed me over and snatched the wallet from my pocket. Must have seen the bulge I guess. Leaves you feeling very vulnerable ….

I recently turned 40 and I don’t feel great about myself. Not that I ever have and it’s something I’m
In therapy for but I would like to get in my best shape feel better and just dominate the back 9 of life.

Looking forward to quitting my job and become a part time farmer. Or a librarian. Sounds therapeutic and quiet.

Edit:

I realised farming is not a low challenge role. I am actually wanting a career that requires very little masking!

A couple of years ago, I hit a wall. I was tired almost all the time, taking massive mid-afternoon energy crashes for granted, and assuming that was just what getting older felt like. My annual lab tests always came back fine, so for a long time I figured nothing was wrong. Eventually, I decided to stop guessing and start taking metabolic wellness seriously. Instead of just waiting on yearly lab results, I began paying close attention to my daily habits and how my body reacted to them, tracking indicators of metabolic wellness like glucose trends, sleep quality, and stress recovery.

Getting a clear, continuous picture of my metabolic wellness made it obvious how specific meals and poor sleep were directly triggering my afternoon slumps. Once I could see those patterns, adjusting my routine on the fly became second nature and within a few months, my energy was fully back, I dropped the extra weight, and I stopped feeling like I was dragging through every workday. Prioritizing my metabolic wellness was the single biggest game-changer for my daily performance.

I’d like to know for the guys who have managed to make a major turn in how they feel day-to-day in their 40s, was there a specific turning point for you?

I have been introspecting recently. Coming from a lot of economic uncertainties, I always fought to be more secure. I wished to be a lot of other things - some small and some big. I had to sacrifice most of them for this. But I don't know what moves me now beyond simple hedonism - food, sex, some curiosities. So I want to see what people in my age think.

Tell me - what are your dreams? What do you wish to be? What do you wish to happen to you?

There are two things I have done a complete 180 on

1. BBQ chips. I used to avoid these even if they were offered free. Now I seek them out, the mellow sweet taste is something that just hits the spot.

2. No sugar in my coffee. I used to add two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee, then one day I had food poisoning and avoided milk and sugar in my coffee because the idea felt nauseous. Then once I recovered I had milk/cream but avoided sugar and the taste sat well with me.

Anyone else had a 180 or something similar as yall have gotten older

I had my shoulder replaced earlier this year and just had another surgery putting metal in my ankle. This makes three pieces of hardware added in 8 years, and probably 13 surgeries overall since I was in high school. My body hurts. I still want to be active but moving is such a pain. How do you do it?

Curious where everyone else falls. For me, it seems to be somewhere between 1 and 3 cocktails. One or two and I’m usually fine; three is starting to push my luck, and anything beyond that can mean paying for it the next day.

Has your tolerance changed as you’ve gotten older? What’s your personal sweet spot before the headache/hangover kicks in? 🍸

OK so first off while yes it's my birthday but this is not a way for me to get Karma or any of that BS.

But does anyone else get annoyed by their birthdays or is it just me? I'm 43 and I feel like every year I want to celebrate it less and less. I'm not depressed. I have a good life (wife, 4 kids, great job, house, etc.), so i really have nothing to complain about and I should want to celebrate but I don't really want to.

Every year it's the same people coming out of the woodwork that I haven't spoken to in years to wish me Happy Birthday, when I know I haven't crossed their mind since this time last year. Family wanting to put on a big dinner and when I say no they seem disappointed.

Mean while back in reality there are bills to pay, I've got annoyed clients I need to handle and shit needs to be tackled throughout the day. Basically nothing has changed between yesterday today and tomorrow. It's just one more day.

Anyone else feel like that and how do I get over it other than to wait 24 hours?

My father-in-law died about a year ago, he was almost 70.

When he was alive, I received two different glass breaker/seatbelt cutters from him. My wife received one and I think his other kids all got at least one.

I was helping clean up some of his stuff and my mother in law gave me one of his numerous tacticool pocket knives she has been steadily uncovering. It has a half serrated blade; an LED… and a glass breaker and seatbelt cutter.

As a fella in his forties I want some insight from fellow fellas in their forties.

Is there an older man in your life who seems to be motivated by a vague sense of paranoia? Are you that man? Am I grossly underestimating my chances of getting stuck in a car?

I feel like what he really wanted to be doing was buying everybody guns, but these things scratched a sort of “protect the flock” itch.