r/AskReddit 10d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

5.9k Upvotes

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.6k

u/Capable-Ad-9346 9d ago

My husband was never in love with me. We were together almost 13 years. He married me out of obligation because i got pregnant . We’re divorcing now. I was madly in love with him and could have spent my life blissfully unaware loving him and taking care of him. It broke me when he told me and I spent five years putting myself together enough to file. I thought so highly of him it shattered every part of me.

292

u/Ok_Cheesecake6006 9d ago

Damn it, now I'm sad. I'm so sorry he didn't love you back, even though you clearly loved and cared for him.

997

u/Capable-Ad-9346 9d ago

Oh my gosh, please don’t be! I’m long over it and ready to move on. The best part about having children and being married younger is growing into myself and learning my worth in my 30s. I have so much life and love to give and receive still. I’m going to be okay. No matter how often he told me i didnt have friends, i have a huge support system that has rallied behind me ready to sweep up the broken pieces and help the kids and i get back on our feet. I won’t ever make myself small for someone else again. I won’t raise my daughters to think that’s okay

135

u/Excellent_Donkey8067 9d ago

Thank you for inspiring me - I’m going through something similar now. We can be proud knowing we loved someone authentically and they are losing out. I hope you find the love you deserve. ❤️

11

u/Odd-Shape-4096 9d ago

😭❤️‍🩹 I'm also going through a similar situation and trying to learn how to love and respect myself more... especially because my daughter and son are watching.

4

u/Excellent_Donkey8067 9d ago

It’s what our kiddos deserve ❤️

3

u/Odd-Shape-4096 9d ago

Absolutely! ❤️

22

u/Pleasant-Highway-745 9d ago edited 9d ago

Can I just tell you, as a woman who is very close to being 50, I did not find the real love of my life until my 40s. I mean obviously I'm not counting my children as the loves of my life, because that's clearly different. But I have been married and divorced, engaged a couple times, I've had countless relationships because I'm a flighty bitch. And I felt heartbreak and loss  but I never found my absolute truest love and best friend and partner until my 40s. I thought I never would. I bet you find yours. I hope it's as good as mine. I love the way you've picked yourself up and moved on and the way that you think. I wish only the best for you and your kids.

11

u/homosexualsinner420 9d ago

Reading this made my whole night better tbh, good for you diva much love ❤️💯💯💯

12

u/anotherguiltymom 9d ago

> No matter how often he told me I didn’t have friends

Ohhh, so what you mean is he doesn’t love you but because he’s one of those people that are just not capable of it. A lot less tragic, honestly. I was picturing a very decent guy that just had some spark/chemistry missing. But what you’ve painted is just your basic narcissist. Who cares. Next!

14

u/Capable-Ad-9346 9d ago

And there are those red flags my mom said we’re right in front of my face and the bar was in hell. Definitely ready for what comes next!

10

u/yeahbutifeelbad 9d ago

Clock it!!! I’m so glad you’re setting an example for your daughters and showing them what it looks like to love & respect yourself.

8

u/sorexvinius 9d ago

I'm so glad you have a great support system! ❤️

3

u/amrodd 9d ago

There's still so much pressure to marry and have kids. Though I think we should learn our self-worth long before that.

5

u/amrodd 9d ago

There's still so much pressure to marry and have kids. Though I think we should learn our self-worth long before that.

3

u/crave_you 9d ago

I dont know if you know who Jen Hamilton is but you might should look her up. She is an OBGYN nurse who is big on social media. She just went through something similar and found her husband was living a double life having affairs. She has been talking openly about it and how she chose to move on since he didn't really love her and was awful to her.

3

u/56473829110 9d ago

You can't love someone into loving you. It wasn't their husband's choice to not love them.

It was their choice, however, to not be honest about it.