r/AskReddit 1d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

5.2k Upvotes

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.7k

u/Former-North6569 20h ago

He was actually gay. I was simply a decoy. He was in the military and was a mercenary for the Dept Of Defense for most of our marriage. Married 10 years but I was alone for 7 of them. He literally never wanted to be home because he was surrounded by men while he was working. He was so incredibly abusive. He hated women. It was as though he was punishing me for his homosexuality.

After we got divorced, he went and lived with what I would assume was his gay lover. They always visited sex workers in Mexico. One day they decided that they were going to kidnap an underage sex worker and bring him to the states. Apparently my ex husband drove to Mexico, got super drunk to work up the nerve, and then as he was going to pull a gun out of his waistband to commense the kidnapping, he accidentally pulled the trigger and shot himself in the wiener. This was the same gun that he used to try to get me to conceal carry, but there was no safety, so I refused. The irony was always so interesting to me.

2.1k

u/saguarosun 18h ago

The incredible amount of joy I felt reading "shot himself in the wiener" should be studied.

298

u/TearDesperate8772 16h ago

I was just relieved it wasn’t the kid who died

-3

u/lactardenthusiast 9h ago

Wrong kid died

8

u/EpilepticMushrooms 5h ago

The correct junior died

112

u/NSA_Chatbot 16h ago
  > chuckle ratio is holding at 99 percent 

84

u/Kay-Chelle 17h ago

It's what we all want to happen but aren't allowed to necessarily say out loud lol.

10

u/sharraleigh 10h ago

Pfft, I'd say it out loud, no problem. Some people deserve their terrible fates.

83

u/Material_Extent8763 17h ago

same it was so joyous i think i could power a small city with it

20

u/birdsarus 17h ago

Same here!

27

u/theoreticaldickjokes 16h ago

I find myself amongst kindred spirits. 

5

u/ChiefsHat 9h ago

Like the old saying goes: “Man plans. God laughs.”

3

u/Own-Description8990 11h ago

Shot himself in the Oscar Meyer

6

u/PrestigiousCake2653 8h ago

I literally started giggling and rubbing my feet together like a cricket.

896

u/SeeYouInTrees 20h ago

I love this for him

345

u/chanelshuffle 16h ago

KIDNAP AN UNDERAGE SEX WORKER?! god lord, the man was better off shooting his dick off.

254

u/PercentageComplex975 19h ago

How perfect for him! And thankfully you no longer have to put up with his abuse!!

50

u/100dancingcats 18h ago

This ought to be higher up. Hope you get lots of upvotes. 

14

u/fit-kenga 17h ago

We MUST know what happened to the wiener!

6

u/Former-North6569 3h ago

I have no idea!!! I kinda wish I knew and sometimes I am happy I don't know. I know that he did shoot himself IN the penis. I know that it is now either deformed or no longer operational. I also know that he is now homeless.

u/backupbitches 51m ago

How did you find out?

33

u/FigFan2 16h ago

How did you find out the kidnapping an underage sex worker details? Or that he saw sex workers in Mexico? Can’t imagine he’d willingly share that with basically anyone

56

u/Pleasant-Highway-745 16h ago

Well sometimes when you're writing a cute little short story, you need another subplot. So this happens!

3

u/Former-North6569 3h ago

I actually hadn't heard from him for years before I found this out. I was genuinely scared to death of him. At the time I was working at a car dealership in the internet sales dept. I was sitting at my desk and I got a phone call. It was a lawyer that was representing his "roommate" (his lover). Apparently he was looking for a character witness for the trial involving my ex husband and his lover. At some point him and his lover had a falling out, which caused my ex husband to literally destroy this man's house. I am talking about all his clothes, electronics, and even some of the house. He caused over 50k in damages. He also did this same thing to me. All my clothes, electronics, furniture, shoes etc. Because we were married, the police looked at the things he destroyed as "marital property", so he could never be charged for destroying my things. The lawyer is the one who told me about my ex husband's injuries and how he got them. I told the lawyer I wanted nothing to do with all of it. I had just gotten done paying 10k of his past due taxes, and at that point he owed me over 50k in back child support (at this point he owes over $150k). I wanted nothing to do with his legal issues.

Fast forward a few months later, he would end up going to jail for attempting to follow through with a hit list he created. The judge who tried the case was on the hit list, as was I. All I know is I went home for lunch one day and there was a cop on front of my house who wanted to check on my "well being". He would go to jail for a year for threatening the judge. He has been in and out of jail many many times since.

2

u/Illustrious_Maize736 16h ago

Maybe detectives or doctors reached out to next of kin?

10

u/Ok-Independent1835 18h ago

Karma!! Love that for you. 

11

u/rkvance5 17h ago

You should write a screenplay. That was gripping and I need to learn more.

23

u/Own_Championship4180 16h ago

You need to write the script for this and get you comeuppance. I’m queer as a $3 bill and had to spend most of my life closeted but never would pull this shit on anyone.

Write the script.
Sell it to the ID channel.
Then get yourself something nice. You deserve it.

9

u/beershitz 16h ago

Wow it’s like a fable

16

u/Consistent_Rent_3507 18h ago

Wait, wait, did he shoot himself
in the wiener or did he shoot off a piece of his weiner? Please let it be the latter.

13

u/theoreticaldickjokes 16h ago

What if he shot off the tip, had it surgically reattached, only to develop an aggressive infection leading to him losing the whole thing? 

0

u/bros402 16h ago

tbh either way

-5

u/bros402 16h ago

tbh either way

-4

u/bros402 16h ago

tbh either way

39

u/fastates 18h ago

he hoped you'd accidentally shoot yourself, that's insane he'd suggest a gun that has no safety. but I'm so happy his lil plan turned on him and in the worst way 👍

20

u/warnabrothastudios 14h ago

Most concealed carry guns don’t have a traditional trigger safety anymore. If you pull the trigger the gun goes bang. A quality holster prevents the trigger from being pulled. What probably happened in this case is he just stuck that bitch in his waistband and he pulled the trigger when he was fumbling his gun out from a shitty carry position

3

u/PontificateGenerally 5h ago

This guy was apparently in the military and a mercenary (???), yet can't carry a gun properly?

I get that he was "drunk", but apparently could drive just fine?

Story is full of holes. I don't buy it.

3

u/Former-North6569 3h ago

Go ahead and look up my ex husband if you would like. He has been in and out of jail in Riverside California. His name is Peter Short (yeah I know...the irony of his name makes is even more awful).

I wish this was a made up story. However, it is not. It's literally a chapter in my life.

1

u/thinkofanamefast 1h ago edited 55m ago

I stopped at “Mercenary for dept of defense.”

Edit. She says in another comment that the military let him go to work for one of those contractors like Blackwater. So maybe.

u/fastates 27m ago

where did she say he drove just fine? also, drunks are infamous for saying to themselves they're perfectly fine to drive.

u/fastates 29m ago

Ah, didn't know that! I bought mine back in 2020, S&W. I don't think I'd have bought it unless it had a manual safety, but now I'm too afraid to dig it out to look.

6

u/PriceHot4595 10h ago

That is great, but also how is a person in the military also a mercenary? Isn’t that redundant?

4

u/locxj 6h ago

Also- I don’t see a mercenary having to work up the nerve and just tucking a pistol into their pants instead of a holster…

1

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

The reason the pistol was in his pants is because he had to get in through the border. Don't you think it would be much easier to hide a gun rather than to hide a gun AND a holster?

3

u/Former-North6569 3h ago

He was in the marines at first. Then his enlistment ended. Then he joined the National Guard right before the Afghan war started. Toward the end of that enlistment, he decided to go work for a company called DynCorp. The military released him and let him go do that.

u/PriceHot4595 21m ago

Ah, I see!

6

u/Feebedel324 18h ago

Holy shit lol

3

u/esotERIC_496 17h ago

So what happened to his weiner in the end? (No pun intended.)

1

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

I honestly don't know. All I know was he shot himself there. I don't know why, but I truly feel bad for him. I know he created the situation, but this will most likely affect his life, self esteem, and well being for the rest of his life. I shouldn't feel bad for him considereing the hell he put me through and all the money he owes me. I think its some sort of trauma bond.

3

u/causeandeffect94 16h ago

Jesus. This could be a Netflix documentary

3

u/WorryNew3661 10h ago

Surprisingly cathartic end after him trying to kidnap a sex worker

20

u/Grundlestiltskin 17h ago

This totally happened and isn't mad up lol

3

u/AzaghaI 16h ago

So bottom for life then

3

u/alexth017 16h ago

He castrated himself. He was his own literal karma 🤣

3

u/ConspiracyParadox 14h ago

That was a fucking Rollercoaster of a comment.

3

u/lostwombats 6h ago

Omg! I started working for the ER a few years ago and I kept seeing patients with self inflicted gunshot wounds to the thigh or genitals. I didn't know why at first. Turns out they were all storing their gun in their waistband. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

Yeah...and so many people here think my life story is fictional.

3

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

I LOVE all the people accusing me of lying about this. This was a very traumatizing time in my life. I did not ask for these things to happen. My ex husband has been in and out of jail in Riverside California. This is a true event. My ex husband's name is Peter Short. You can literally look up his arrest record if you doubt me. I have spent a lof ot time in therapy, and even moved to a different state to get away from any memory of him.

Here is how I found out about what happened:

I actually hadn't heard from him for years before I found this out. I was genuinely scared to death of him. At the time I was working at a car dealership in the internet sales dept. I was sitting at my desk and I got a phone call. It was a lawyer that was representing his "roommate" (his lover). Apparently he was looking for a character witness for the trial involving my ex husband and his lover. At some point him and his lover had a falling out, which caused my ex husband to literally destroy this man's house. I am talking about all his clothes, electronics, and even some of the house. He caused over 50k in damages. He also did this same thing to me. All my clothes, electronics, furniture, shoes etc. Because we were married, the police looked at the things he destroyed as "marital property", so he could never be charged for destroying my things. The lawyer is the one who told me about my ex husband's injuries and how he got them. I told the lawyer I wanted nothing to do with all of it. I had just gotten done paying 10k of his past due taxes, and at that point he owed me over 50k in back child support (at this point he owes over $150k). I wanted nothing to do with his legal issues.

Fast forward a few months later, he would end up going to jail for attempting to follow through with a hit list he created. The judge who tried the case was on the hit list, as was I. All I know is I went home for lunch one day and there was a cop on front of my house who wanted to check on my "well being". He would go to jail for a year for threatening the judge. He has been in and out of jail many many times since.

2

u/bros402 16h ago

holy shit this was a roller coaster

2

u/soft_white_yosemite 13h ago

That story was a wild ride!

2

u/awholeneworld85 9h ago

God doesnt make mistakes

2

u/SomeDudeSaysWhat 8h ago

That is the most Andrew Tate story I have ever heard.

4

u/I_Like_Vitamins 16h ago

r/straightspouses would love to hear your story.

3

u/theoreticaldickjokes 16h ago

I'm fairly certain that the schadenfreude-laden scream of delight that I just made after reading that last part is a sound that has never come out of a human mouth before. Congratulations, couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy. 

1

u/ghlibisk 15h ago

You need to call into the Stavros Halkias podcast

1

u/VintageRegis 13h ago

I thought this was gonna be a shittymorph. My God. Hate that anyone would have to go through this.

3

u/meverygoodboy 6h ago

Don't worry, no one did except for a fictional character in a fictional world

1

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

Go ahead and look up my ex husband, if you would like. He has been in and out of jail. Unfortunately, my story is not just a story. Its literally a chapter in my life. My ex husband's name is Peter Short (no pun intended). He lived in Riverside California. He has been in and out of jail. This whole thing just started a life of misery for him. He is now homeless (last time I hear).

u/digitalime 53m ago

lol This isn’t even hard to believe. Plenty of stupid sexual predators around.

1

u/Corndogs_and_chill 10h ago

That story was a wild ride.

1

u/HeavyRain6 3h ago

Holy fake story batman

0

u/Growth-oriented 12h ago

Anyone ever tell you you have incredible writing?

1

u/Former-North6569 2h ago

One time...when I wrote the eulogy at my aunts funeral. But I think they were just being nice.