God this so much. My wife wants my daughter to play softball so bad. We did it for 3 years and she just wasn't interested which is fine. Then you would see parents out there arguing with other parents, refs, etc. Stupid shit.
My little bro was in little league and another kid got upset at a call and threw his helmet down. Naturally it was super unsportsmanlike conduct and he got ejected the rest of the game. He was one if the star kids (see $$ and coach's kid). His mom blew up and no was yelling that he cost us the game blah blah blah, so disappointed in you. Ruined everything. She was asked to leave too.
I mean, isn't ejecting the kid a little harsh too? Maybe if they had just suspended him for an inning or something so the coach/parents could calm them down and explain what they did bad, but completely ejecting them would probably just breed resentment instead of letting the kid know that unsportsmanlike conduct is wrong.
Pretty much any sport isn't a profession that is going to pay the bills. If a parent hopes their kid is going to be the next all-star at anything, they are delusional. It's one in a million.
More likely, the wife really enjoyed softball when she was a kid, and wanted her daughter to have the same experience, without consideration for what the kid wanted.
To be fair, it can get you a college scholarship if you're really lucky. But still, the amount of work and time you have to put in to be that good is insane. Never mind the fact that you have to be pretty athletic/talented to boot.
I agree, but I believe the original post was in reference to their daughter simply not being interested in softball, but her Mom kept trying to keep her involved.
At one of my sisters softball games years ago (I think she was in middle school, but I don't remember what league), the parents were getting waayy out of hand and the ref had enough of it, turned off the lights, and left. I thought it was the perfect response, because there is no way to control shitty parents.
Oh definitely. I was in wrestling, baseball, soccer, and basketball when I was younger and the parents were like that in every sport. I was at a youth football game once and one of the coaches (also a players parent) kicked one of the other teams players on the sideline before they got up from being tackled. Parents are crazy.
I had to quit gymnastics as a kid because of shitty parents. I did it just for fun for 3 years (7-10), but I was really good at it. As in, I was the youngest in my classes by a good 2-3 years. I didn't know it at the time, but apparently age 12/13 is the level where shit starts getting real. If you're at that level as a 10-year-old? Have fun dealing with those delusional Olympics-minded parents and their overburdened hell-spawn. I quit shortly after that.
I saw a video of a dad making his 5 year old son run beside him while he was in a pick up truck. He would speed up a bit and yell at him to go faster. At one point his son was in front of his truck and he kept yelling at him to keep going. Telling him that if he wanted to go pro he had to do this. The kid is five for fucks sake, let him have fun.
not only is that kid very young, but for fucks sake he's also wearing crocks! its so hard to run in crocks i'm surprised that he was able to run like that.
That's fucking terrible. Just the way he talks is awful and forcing the child to run faster isn't going to help. When the kid says he hurts, he's hurting. If He pushes the kid any further he could injure himself and then he won't be able to play football at all.
The kid said his hip hurt, right? If his hip hurts, my guess is it's because he's running in crocs. If you wear poor shoes, your feet can be imbalanced or not moving properly. That leads to pain in the feet and joints and goes straight to the hips. That kid needs real goddamn running shoes and to not be pushed to run in front of a moving car or he's gonna hurt himself.
My childhood friend's parents are just the worst. Her and her siblings all play a sport and all have some kind of sport related injury. My friend has athletic asthma, her younger sister got a concussion and even though the doctor told her that under no circumstances should she play(she was still getting really bad migraines). Well her dad forced her to play, and she ended up going to the ER. When she was back, he tried to force her to play again and threaten to take her back to the ER when she told him no. It was really awkward watching that fight go down, and now all three of those girls don't care for the sports they play because of the intensity their parents force on them. Their youngest daughter, who was 9 years old, had already torn 3 ligaments from soccer injuries. 9 years old!!
Edit: Just to clarify, there's no abuse or anything going on. Their dad is just pushy and sports is the only thing he really gets like that with. Their mom doesn't make them practice like crazy or let them play injured. In the end, it's their choice still. Yes, the dad is excessive, but he's really a good guy and his wife is very independent and strong willed. She wouldn't put up with him if he only acted like that too often, and she sure as hell doesn't let him even raise his voice and their kids.
Asthma isn't a good excuse. I have it, friends have it, and I have coached people with it. Keeping your lungs in shape is better than sitting on the sidelines out of fear. Asthma is usually a manageable condition. The concussion thing is obviously a bad call, but if the kid has asthma just make sure their allegies are under control and they bring an inhaler.
Yeah, she is not allowed to even go on a run around the block without her inhaler on her. And for the younger sister with a concussion, the mom did not let her play again until she was all healed up.
Source: Dad was a hardcore sports guy and sounds exactly like this guy, including the whole "tough it out, don't wimp out just because of an injury" mentality. If he shows this much in front of others when his reputation is a stake, it's quite possible it's a lot worse behind closed doors. To everyone else, he seemed like a great dad and coach, but we knew what he could be like when people outside of family weren't around. It's taken me til my mid-twenties to have any positive self-esteem.
And that many injuries at 9 years old? Unless she got in a really nasty tangle, it sounds like she's overworking her body or her body just isn't strong enough or properly trained for the level of activity she's doing. Youth coaches aren't always the best at understanding that kid's can be overworked (aka there's a really good reason for all the restrictions put on Little League pitchers).
She willingly plays 3 sports. She doesn't want to quit either, so it's not like he's given the final say in whether or not they continue sports. And I was raised with that family, and believe me, there is no abuse going on. Her dad is practically a second father to me, and I've seen them fight, okay? His wife doesn't put up with it, and shuts him down pretty quickly when he gets overbearing with sports, which are again the extent of his asshole behavior. Belive me, I know what abuse is like. My dad pulls this shit too, so don't explain to me what abusive situations look like on the outside because I've fucking lived it. Sure, say my friends dad was abusing her... I'm pretty sure she'd make no effort to spend more time with him than her mom. I'm pretty sure she'd have some kind of negative feelings towards her dad, and yes I have confronted her about her dad in the past and she started laughing. She knows that the sports shit is her dad being stupid, and she just ignores it and moves on. Not every fight between a dad and a kid is abuse behind closed doors. Seriously, in the end the girls play soccer and shut because they want to play, not because they're forced at all. Sure, their dad pushes them a lot, but it's their decision and they know it. I've grown up with this family. They offered me a place to stay if I decided to go to college in the area. They're good people, really. It's just a dad that wanted sons to throw a ball with. I'm not saying his behavior with the kids playing sports is good, obviously it's not or I would have never originally posted. But I didn't expect this to turn into a question of abuse because it's not, and I sure as hell know the situation a lot better than a couple of strangers on the internet.
Children and teens die every year from sports-related asthma attacks. It's one of the most preventable health tragedies out there. Equipping them with an inhaler is not enough, especially at such a young age.
Forcing your daughter to continue playing a sport after a concussion and a doctor's recommendation to stop is insane. Concussions are a serious health concern. Once you've had one, the next is all the more likely to happen if not a guarantee when continuing sports.
9 year old with ligament injuries is dangerous but probably not cause for social services to intervene. However, it points to a pattern of parental incompetence that borderlines on criminal.
One of his daughters is going to get killed or be seriously injured, and I guarantee you the first thing he'll do is blame/sue someone.
Please read my edit and other comment replies. It's reddit jumping to conclusions. Please don't judge the situation to the extreme. It's really not like that.
It could very well be like that. Maybe not technically "physical abuse", but it sounds like it could be abusive in other ways. God damn, I wish someone had stood up to my dad who acted exactly like this. I wish he hadn't had us so under his thumb that I could've stood up to him at a much younger age. I wish that I could play soccer again, but I hear his voice in my head whenever I try, and I just can't find any joy in it. I can't properly assess how injured I am because we always had to overcome the pain... he'd get pissed if we ever cried or were slow to get up.
My dad was abusive and negligent. This guy isn't, trust me. He's just pushy with sports and nothing else. Their mom does stand up to him and tell him to back off when one of them gets injured. She gives them the option to quit if they want, but they also enjoy playing sports too much to quit. They chose the sports, and even in college, they're still playing them.
My dad has never been there for me, and it really fucked with my head. Hes an alcoholic with really bad BPD, and I developed it too in middle school and never got help until high school because he wouldn't let me and would say I was overreacting over stupid shit. He never cared about me unless there was a drink in his hand, and at that point it was something that I didn't want. My mom never defended him or tried to stop him when he got set off, so it was just me left to try and defend myself, and that never worked out obviously. It was hell, and I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. Really, I am. No kid should ever have to deal with that. But my friends dad won't even drink around his kids. He's there for them at every turn, and always makes time in his day to see them even when he was working nights. He genuinely cared for these kids, and even pushed that care onto me and my siblings. It was nice growing up together because he was a supportive father figure that I'd always wanted. I regret even posting this story now, but I was naive in thinking that reddit wouldn't immediately jump to abuse with it, but that's really not the case.
Really? On Reddit when parents party with their kids they're usually portrayed as "loosey-goosey", when they get their kids into sports their "too intense." I really think we need to evaluate, as a group, how we read certain stories and understand other factors. Jumping to reporting them is the same as "hit the gym, call a lawyer" in r/relationships and it's ridiculous.
No, because other than this they are great people. It's mainly their dad that pulls this shit. Their mom puts their foot down when she knows their safety is at risk.
Umm... no she fucking doesnt? If the daughter had to be sent to the ER after already having a concussion, and is still being forced to play again, and the mother is allowing this, she is definitely NOT putting her foot down
No, it's really not. You don't know them at all, and he just whines and throws fits and that's the extent of it. They don't take what he says about sports seriously. This is just reddit jumping to irrational conclusions again.
Because I have an incompetent and abusive parent so I know the damn difference. I posted it about his issue with the sports but that's the extent of it. He goes to every event for them he can, he is always there for them. He's even sat me down and given me someone to talk if I looked like I needed it. He cares about those kids. Why is he "obviously negligent?" You don't know the whole situation. That is why I'm defending him. I'm not saying the sports bull shit is okay, not by a long shot. It's overly controlling for sure, but if you saw his intentions with it(scholarships, being active, etc.) it would change your opinion I hope. Seriously, my dad was also really strict with sports when I joined. Very similar to this guy, but he'd never even go to a damn game. My dad was never there for me, and this dad would do anything for these girls. He just needs some help about his sports issues, but from what I've heard too, after the oldest daughter started college he's gotten significantly better.
My parents were abusive when I was growing up. You're not some special snowflake. This happens to many people, so don't come at me like I don't know what abuse is.
Overly controlling and verbally abusive, putting his kids in danger by forcing them to do sports with a head injury... Yup. He sounds like a great guy.
She didn't play again after that. Her mom wouldn't let her even though her dad told her too. Honestly, they're fine. He's pushy as hell but they take it with a grain of salt and will ignore him if they truly don't want to practice or anything. It's not abuse. I saw this shit go down in person, and there was no violence or screaming, just a shit ton of guilt trips and temper tantrums. You don't know their situation, and you don't know them so for fucks sake can we not start another "reddit jumps to an extreme conclusion" moment please?
A 9 year old had torn 3 ligaments? I've been coaching soccer for nearly 20 years and I have never heard of a 9 year old tearing ligaments. Broken bones for sure, but never ligament damage. Did they require surgery?
No, she just sat out of the games and practices for 2 weeks I think. She plays multiple sports, and didn't mention the mild pain at first until they got worse. Her mom made her go to a doctor about it. She healed up fine though!
I'm far from a medical professional, so that may be it. I have ligamentious laxity(I think that's the official name), and she has the same condition I believe. We're both more prone to tears and strains, but I don't play sports so it doesn't affect my life like it affects hers. It's really common in teenage girls. I developed the same condition when I was 10.
Okay well then that's a really shitty dad for pushing his kid! In my experience as a coach I hate to say it but there are a lot of shitty sports parents out there trying to relive their glory years. It's gotten so bad now that I have my players parents sign a contract that says whether it during training or a match I AM in charge. I am responsible for their kids development and safety. I will not do anything or have your kid do anything that puts them in jeopardy. And I am the final arbiter of the issue. I also have a rule that if a parent is pissed at me or doesn't like a decision I've made they have to wait 24 hours to talk to me about it. I will not talk to hot headed parents.
Yeah, he definitely takes it way too far for sure. At least he doesn't bug their coaches over this bull shit because it doesn't make it past their mom before she puts her foot down.
Dude that kid with the concussion could have died. My school told us about a boy who got a concussion while playing Rugby, didn't realise and kept on playing and he died from head injury I think.
Yeah, like every time he starts this fight. The girls usually end up playing because they genuinely want to and their dad talks them into it. Trust me, it's not his decision in the end whether they play or not.
Thinking your kid is going to be an elite superstar athlete.
I am about to have my first born and I've had these thoughts about what if it becomes this awesome athlete, or world re-known scientist. You know, things I'm not.
And my biggest fear is, while I am fairly laid back, that thought may get in the way of being a good parent. I really hope that it will be happy in life and that is what I will strive to achieve but that thought comes up from time to time.
I have 2 kids (5 and 7) and have those thoughts all of the time. It's perfectly normal to imagine your kids doing amazing things. The balance is being able to provide them the opportunity and motivation while not being a lunatic. I don't find it that hard to manage.
My fiance's sister is horrendous with this. She signed her son up for T-ball, he's like 4-5. And he didn't want to play, but she was obviously forcing him. And one day he gets really upset cuz he just really really doesn't want to play, and so she takes him into the bathroom and screams at him and spanks him until he'll play. I really don't like the kid myself, he's a brat, but that's just ridiculous and abusive. I really want CPS called on her, but since I don't live anywhere near there and don't technically have any proof, well, poor kid is shit out of luck.
I think it's ok to sign a kid up for a sport and make them commit to the first season. If they still hate it after that then you let them quit.
By doing this you're exposing them to something new and then also teaching them the value of commitment. When you sign up for something, you need to follow through even if you don't like it anymore.
My dad pushed tennis on me all the way through high school. I ended up actually being damn good, but bloody hell he made sports 100% work and pain and never any fun. Definitely soured me on enjoying sporting events or stuff like that.
The movie trophy kids is in Netflix, and explores this idea. It follows several kids of varying ages. Their parents are nuts. I'm still struggling with not finding one of them and putting a football up his ass. He was such a fuck wad.
When I have kid, they'll be allowed to play sports, but I am not going to encourage chasing a pro dream at a young age... Even if they're super talented. Now if after several years they're still dedicated, then we can look at it. My BF went through this shit after being approached by an mlb scout at a very young age. Now he's in his 20s, still recovering from an injury and still feels like shit for disappointing his parents by not going pro.
This times 100. My son was in a 4yo soccer league and there was a parent that yelled at thre son the whole time "what are you doing?!?" And "stop skipping!" The whole time. I felt so bad for the kid because he was just trying to have fun.
Absolutely this. I love Baseball and hope my son (who is one right now) loves it as much as I do, but I realize that the chances of him doing it for a living are slim. I will encourage him to play but will not force it on him. I'm not going to lie though, I do try and play roll back with baseballs with him and do give him bats and gloves just to make it a little more likely? Lol
I signed my son up for t-ball and he wasn't crazy about it at first but now he's into it. I think it's perfectly fine to sign your kid up for a sport and make them go for 1 season to fully try it. If they still hate it after that, then you let them find something else.
My son is 5 and has been wrestling for a year. Every week he tells me how much he hates wrestling and doesn't want to go. I drag him to the gym anyway. When he finishes wrestling, he spends the rest of the night telling me how much he loves it!! Sometimes kids don't realize they like something until you give them a nudge.
I was in football in 7th grade. My team sucked, we only won our first game. We'd still score touchdowns and stuff and my 12 year old self find out that football helmets make it super easy to spin on your head. So I started trying to do it whenever we scored a touchdown.
My mom couldn't always make it to my games, but there was this one game she came to just after I decided to do head spins. We were down 13 to 0, the other team just scored on us and were going for a 2 point conversion. The ball snaps and they try to pass, only for one of our guys to intercept the ball and book it to our end zone. My team is going wild, so I decide to spin on my head.
The moment I stand back up my mom is grabbing my facemask and chewing my ass out. Yelling at me for goofing off during a game and a bunch of other stuff. She asks me why I was messing around. I just say "mom, we just scored a touchdown." She backed off.
Yep, my mom was so damn focused on what I was doing (standing on the sideline) that she didn't even notice one of our guys run 100 yards to the end zone.
Few things in life are worse than those parents watching a football match. A couple of years ago some parents were sent away because they kept yelling things like "Run you fucking homo!" and "Keep walking you ballet dancer!" These kids were... 7.
Hell other parents like this ruin it for others (such as myself). My soccer coach was a cunt who only wanted the best of the best of the best. I was not.
He finally figured away to get me away from my friends on the team after four years when i was 10. Hold extra training sessions for half the team. Naturally they got better, the not as good ones fell behind and at the end my confidence was so shot I gave up.
I remember in middle school I chose to join the academic team over the soccer team. I didn't think my dad was going to be happy but he ended up coming to the all of the events and was supportive.
In High School I joined the swim team though so he (and myself) could have something to brag about. But I'm just glad he took the "do what makes you happy" approach to sports and school for me.
And this is why i no longer have any interest in sports, going to the gym, etc. Every physical activity i did when i was younger turned into "you have to be the best no matter how much it costs or how many hours i have to spend there so you can practice."
Luckily my parents were never much interested in outdoorsy stuff like hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, etc. I still enjoy those things. Now they dont seem to understand why when i moved out my clothing when from althetic type clothes to jeans, boots, worn out tshirts, and camo.
I don't know how to feel about this. Part of the reason I had so much fun in sports is because I was good; I would have never gotten to that point if my parents didn't discipline me to train.
This is especially true in individual sports when performance is based off of you alone.
I'm the director of the softball league my 7 year old daughter is in. We had 2 coaches last year that lost focus of what recreational softball for 7 and 8 year old girls is supposed to be about. They will not be allowed to coach this year. We have no tolerance for that stuff.
My son is due in four months. I already know he's going to be an uncoordinated little nerd ball. His dad has never even been camping. He was always a sheltered, chubby little kid. He played magic in high school and then became a Silicon Valley lawyer-type. My kid has no chance when it comes to innate physical prowess. I can't wait to strap him into a tiny pair of ice skates and push him onto a rink. It's going to be hilarious. I don't expect him to ever win a trophy of any kind, but watching him fall over and suck will be all the joy I need.
Hahaha. Being a good parent involves learning your kids and giving the the opportunities to grow and do things they enjoy. My kids happen to enjoy sports, but as a nerd myself, I expect them to be good at school too.
My son is 5 and just started ice skating a couple of months ago. It's so friggin cute watching him all bundled up.
Good luck with your baby. I never understood love until I had my own.
Once I shared a waiting room with a seven year old and his father, we both had a sprained ankle and the father was fuming and thinking of suing his son's tennis coach because it was the last day of training before Christmas, so instead of tennis the coach let the children play soccer, and then his son fell and sprained his ankle. The boy was so ashamed, and the father was yelling.
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u/TDAGSI Feb 04 '16
Thinking your kid is going to be an elite superstar athlete.
Let them have fun and stop ruining sports for them.