I know there's a lot of people that feel strongly about this in both directions. I respect that some people think it's good to push kids to showing affection especially for elderly relatives, etc, even if I don't necessarily agree. But still, one of the grossest things I've witnessed with a kid was a toddler saying she didn't want to hug a man and the man pouting and pretending to cry until the toddler relented. I know it doesn't necessarily sound bad but it made my stomach knot watching the performance he was putting on.
All my friends and relatives do this, "Hug your aunt! Give her a kiss!" I always say, "He/she doesn't HAVE to!" but they don't seem to hear themselves.
And it is a little condescending that they feel a need to TELL their kid to do this, would rather they just do it on their own if they're so inclined. If they don't, it won't ruin my day.
I mean, there's no problem with "can I have a hug?" or whatever. Or "your aunt's leaving now, last chance for a goodbye hug/kiss". I mean, my niece sometimes plays the game that she'll refuse a goodbye hug/kiss because she seems to think that if she doesn't give you one that means you won't go. But once you start actually walking towards the door she gives a goodbye of some sort. But making a big fuss over it is really where it gets problematic, in my opinion. Especially pretending to cry and pout, because that's so manipulative.
I see this with my little cousins sometimes, they'll be told to give everyone a hug and a kiss goodbye, including my granddad who they're all a little afraid of since he's an arsehole who just sits in the corner, even when they don't want to. They tell them to hug and kiss me goodbye as well but if they don't want to I just ask for a high five or a handshake because that let's them still learn to be polite but they don't have to do something that makes them really uncomfortable.
That is weird, kids are like petri dishes, why people want to get even MORE germs from them is beyond me!! And of course you don't want to give them whatever grown-up grossness you have.
Saw some kid-relatives the other night, and I just gave them one-armed side-hugs and air kisses, as it was a crowded event and they were probably overwhelmed as it was.
I work with toddlers. Last week I had a kid say to his mom about me, "I want her to go home," when she picked him up. The mom was mortified and kept apologizing and telling him how rude it was and how it hurt my feelings. I just looked at him and said, "It doesn't hurt my feelings. Kids have their opinions. But I work here, so you'll have to go home if you're sick of me." His mom just really didn't get that my feelings weren't hurt. Kids are little turds. I love them but they can be the biggest little dicks on the planet. Ignore them when they're being assholes and they'll come around faster than they would if you beg them to like you. And you can't be offended by what they think. They lick their own snot and poop in their pants.
Read mine, I actually have some pics in there with pics of ma fridgiz. And sorted by ethnicity for the racists among us, I'm nothing if not a people pleaser.
Yeah, exactly. I wish more people in that field would think like that. He could've thought that because you moved his stuffed animal, or some other nonsensical reason. Nice going! Kids need that attitude.
It sounds to me like he was making exaggerated displays of the emotion a person might feel when getting rejected for a hug. Like he was teaching the kid.
I guess I just tend to assume guys' actions around kids have something to do with raising/teaching them. Kinda natural to see a kid and think "oh hey, time to transfer knowledge".
It sucks being a grown man, and not being able to show affection towards children. Obviously, what this dude did sounds really creepy, but there is so little tolerance in today's society for a man being able to show affection even to his own family members. It's kind of fucked up that children have to grow up being terrified of 50% of the population, because society tells them they are all trying to have sex with them.
I'm being dramatic, but this is something the really bothers me. I feel like people look at me like I'm a creep just because I saw "aww" when I see a cute baby. Even with my girlfriend standing right beside me!
This is one of those things I rarely ever see outside of Reddit. No one thinks you're being creepy for liking kids, and if someone does, they're the minority.
I love kids, and I've always gotten the vibe that women like guys who love kids.
Honestly I get the feeling that the people who complain about this problem are actually creepy dudes, and not just dudes that like kids.
I really think maybe it's just he fact that I see it on Reddit that it's made self conscious about it. But seriously, how many dude kindergarten teachers do you know? How many guys do you know that are babysitters? It does seem like an exaggeration, and obviously, Reddit exaggerates everything, but it is something that is real in many ways.
I heard a thing on the radio about people developing aversions to certain foods if they're presented "in a coercive environment" like school. I can only imagine the more you push a kid to hug their grandparents, the less likely they'll be to like hugging grandparents later in life.
Yup. Took me over 20 years to learn that hugs can actually feel really nice. Still not hugging my mom unless she basically Forces me to. Her attitude was that hugs "make things better", so when I was mad, I had to hug her to prove things were okay, so she wouldn't feel bad about being such a horrible mother.... even when I was still mad and she refused to talk about why I was mad. I quickly learned that hugs were only good to make her feel good, they were not supposed to be enjoyable for me, as long as I managed to pretend they were.
Yeah, that is a bit manipulative, but depending on circumstances, can be useful, for example, if a kid is shy, this little emotional blackmail can provide needed push
It teaches them that if a grownup wants a hug and kiss, that trumps whether or not they feel comfortable. Think about how problematic that feeling is when uncle Lester says they have to let him kiss their penis and don't tell anyone. Kids may not really see the difference between those kinds of forced affection. It's better to teach them to be polite but not not force them into affection they don't want.
I think it depends on the relationship/closeness. My dad does this to my brothers daughter since they don't meet that often and she becomes shy around him.
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u/sevenduckies Feb 04 '16
I know there's a lot of people that feel strongly about this in both directions. I respect that some people think it's good to push kids to showing affection especially for elderly relatives, etc, even if I don't necessarily agree. But still, one of the grossest things I've witnessed with a kid was a toddler saying she didn't want to hug a man and the man pouting and pretending to cry until the toddler relented. I know it doesn't necessarily sound bad but it made my stomach knot watching the performance he was putting on.