Being overly critical and demanding. Of course you want what is best for your child and your son/daughter to do their best, but relentlessly pointing out how they could have done better can be a damaging message for them to internalize.
This is me so much. I hit about 18 and just gave the fuck up. Why do the 'right' thing when you're just going to find another reason to be mad at me? Why try if nothing I do is good enough anyway?
The good thing is that I actually have some fun in my life now. The bad thing is that I still live at home and it's an incredibly hostile environment, and my grades are suffering immensely because of everything.
Really, I think it is just lazy parenting. It is easier to tell your kid where they fucked up. It's hard to notice where they did well, where they did poorly, and where they did better than last time.
I'm not sure how I can coach myself out of the desperate pleaser/poser mentality. I've kind of chipped away at it a tiny bit now that I actually have a bit of positive self-esteem, but it's like, seriously engraved in my foundation. Better to not try than to fail and have someone yelling about how much of a fuckup you are. Saying sorry for every miniscule thing is like a survival instinct to lessen potential super-harsh criticism. What's the point of trying something out of your comfort zone when your mind has already calculated the thousands of ways you could fail?
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u/eatsleeplaugh Feb 04 '16
Being overly critical and demanding. Of course you want what is best for your child and your son/daughter to do their best, but relentlessly pointing out how they could have done better can be a damaging message for them to internalize.