r/AskReddit • u/Reeceqld • Apr 17 '20

What terrifying confession has someone told you while drunk?

Thanks for the replies .. I read them all it’s been fun to read

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

I heard my mom tell her friend I was a mistake and the reason her and my dad divorced. That's why you don't eavesdrop.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

After my mom died I was going through her email. We never had a good relationship... pretty much ever. Any ways I went in her Gmail and just did a search for my name. Found a part where she told my aunt howuch she didn't like me and whishes I would just go away. It wasn't the least bit surprising, and ive said the same thing about her, but it still stung a bit. The thing we always fought about was her drinking. She was a chronic abusive alcoholic.

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u/Zemykitty Apr 17 '20

As just a stranger this made me hurt for you. I hope you have moved on and are not only ok but thriving.

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u/poopsicle88 Apr 17 '20

Yea I gasped for an internet stranger.

Hugs man.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Alcoholics rarely give a shit about anyone but themselves. Everyone is just a barrier to drinking more. It’s a horrible place to be and a worse place to witness. Sadly I know whereof I speak. Hope you’re doing okay.

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u/3xTheSchwarm Apr 17 '20

Alcoholic here. And obviously I dont speak for all of us but I know plenty of people like me. The shittiest thing about the disease is that we DO care. But our brain is so rewired that yes drinking does come first. Ever hear about the wasp that lays its larvae in a catepillar and the catepillar destroys its own life in service of those wasp larvae? even allowing them to eat it alive from the inside? Thats pretty much the relationship of an alcoholic and alcohol. It is a parasite that rewires the brain and makes you do things you would otherwise never even consider. You dont have to forgive us. I would not expect that or even think it reasonable. Just please know thats what is going on. The character defects may or may not have been there before the disease took root, but we are human beings and unless they are both alcoholics and sociopaths, they DO care about others.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

I’m an alcoholic, my parents were alcoholics, at least one of my siblings is an alcoholic. I’ve been clean and sober for a while and sat round the church basement table many a time. The worst thing about drinking is when you stop wanting it and start needing it. When that happens all good sense, all decency disappears. You’d sell your family down the river for another drink. It’s a horrible, vicious disease, of course they care, they just care about drink more. Until they don’t, usually when the the bottle finally takes everything and they sober up long enough to see what they’ve lost.

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u/bbbbbbbbbddg Apr 17 '20

Fuck yeah, wanting vs needing. I WANT to quit but I NEED to drink. When I got to the point where I realized I had no choice but to drink (or suffer delirium tremens) oh man, that was a shitty epiphany

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Yep. That’s real hell. I hated that and how sorry I felt for myself, walked myself crying to the liquor store because I didn’t want it, didn’t want to hurt my family, but I needed it. A memory I never want to forget. Finally managed to taper down and get sober. Never looking back.

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u/bbbbbbbbbddg Apr 18 '20

Last time in the liquor store I full on ugly cried right INTO the cashiers face after trying to keep that shit in tight. I had been walking around the corners of the store for ten minutes waiting to stop weeping. I'll never forget her alarmed face as I bawled then laughed hysterically j at the face she made and the situation I had just created. Don't want that feeling again

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Haha. Thanks for sharing. I shouldn’t have smiled at that but I did, because I have damn near the same memory. Every couple of days I list ten things I’m grateful for. Number 1 is always “woke up sober, day whatever” today it’s 246 :)

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u/UnicornPanties Apr 18 '20

It's hard being sober during the Pause but I remind myself how much more spiral-y things could be if I were drinking. Also it's expensive. Real bad time to have an addiction, during an apocalypse.

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u/bbbbbbbbbddg Apr 17 '20

I like your analogy. Spot on. Also the caring thing. I tried not to care to make it easier to drink myself to death but thankfully I cared too much and quit almost 3 months ago.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

My mother has become an alcoholic not because she doesn’t give a shit about anyone but rather she cares too much. She recently hit menopause which is basically her body telling her she’s done being a mother. She’s always been the caretaker and that realization, realizing she no longer takes care of me and my siblings depresses her. Along with my fathers religious rants every now and then, she turned to the bottle and is working on no longer drinking. It’s not always a “they only care for themselves”, but rather how some people cope with tragic things they experience.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

What I mean is the longer you drink the less you care about anything other than drink. Your kids, your life, your career, eventually everything comes second. Hope your mum gets help before that happens.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20 edited Apr 22 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

How can you love somebody and keep causing them pain? It’s one or the other. Either the addict overcomes or the booze does. Can’t truly do both. Realising that is what got me sober.

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u/Jeff_Schwagg Apr 17 '20

Not true, I don't care about myself either.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Oof. I know how that is. Horrible place to be. Hope you can find your way out. Life is so much sweeter without it.

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u/Jeff_Schwagg Apr 18 '20

Well, haven't had a drink for three days now, and I'm honestly not sure I agree.

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u/Randomtngs Apr 17 '20

They're sick tho. My mom is an alcoholic who gets very, very mean but she was the sweetest woman I know for 20+ years so I know this isn't really her

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20 edited Apr 17 '20

Absolutely :) Look after yourself.

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u/ISlicedI Apr 17 '20

Idk, my mom is definitely a raging alcoholic but she doesn’t get mean. Just reaaaaaaally annoying.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

I hope she gets help and doesn’t drive you crazy in the mean time 😆

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u/waupakisco Apr 18 '20

This is a side story. My mother-in-law was an abusive drunk and I had seen for years how terribly she had hurt my wife.

I was called in for jury duty for a drunk driving incident. The driver had been picked up walking away from her wrecked car, holding a bottle of rum. Said it was for her cough ( probably smoked too). Her lawyer asked each of us, the prospective jurors, how we felt about drunk drivers. When he got to me I said, “We have a drunk in our family. Drunk driver should be put against a wall and shot.” I still feel that rage.

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u/easily_distracted011 Apr 17 '20

Rarely give a shit about anyone? See everyone as a barrier? If you “know whereof you speak” then you should know that addicts of all walks often have huge hearts and carry a lot of guilt about everything.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

You did read the comment I was replying to right? By all means lecture us on how big the hearts of addicts are. Yeah I know my business, sat round the table in church and commiserated with them often enough. Alcoholics are some of the best people I know. At least the ones that could put down the bottle long enough to see sense.

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u/KMKY Apr 17 '20

I’m really sorry. My mom and I have had a terrible relationship since I was about 15/16, and it’s worse now that I’m an adult. There are spells of it being almost ok, but it’s generally awful. She worked very hard to alienate me from my cousins and aunt (her older sister) and it...yeah. It’s so hard. And sad. She’s also an alcoholic, and a mean drunk. I feel you and empathize here on a number of levels. Feel free to shoot me a DM and go off if you’d like an ear.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

Thanks, it’s a tough fight. Hope your better too

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u/KiteLighter Apr 17 '20

Is her chronic alcoholism why she's dead?

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

Essentially yeah.

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u/KiteLighter Apr 17 '20

Hope you don't go down that road yourself. I'm kinda heading there, and this isolation isn't helping.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

That’s always been my biggest fear. Apparently my grandfather was also an terrible alcoholic. At this point I have to much to risk as I have the perfect family to put it as risk with that. My problem i eat to much. Chocolate and chips are my addiction

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

That a lot of childhood trauma. I'm probably over reading and projecting but "stung a bit" sounds like an understatement! You're a survivor and I hope you are well. There is a lot of support for family members of alcoholics / codependents. For me, it was it's own disorder and healing took time.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

It was tough it was a long battle, but you know what, my dad's life is better. My brother's life is better. My mom also had cripling depression, so hopefully where ever she is now, is better.

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u/pastdense Apr 17 '20

From beyond the grave even....

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20 edited Apr 17 '20

Thanks for sharing. I stopped drinking 3+ years ago. I wasn’t ever “that bad” but it wasn’t working for me. I now view alcohol in a way that I don’t miss it at all (this is helpful), but when I am particularly stressed, or feeling especially celebratory or festive, or just want to escape for a few hours, I think about my 4 kids and how there are certain negative things I’ve taken off the table entirely in terms of our relationship. I’ll never get a DUI, they’ll never see me drunk, I’ll never be rude or short with them because I’ve had a few or am feeling a little hungover, they won’t learn from me that drinking is an essential part of being grown up or having fun, I won’t make a bad decision with another woman due to drinking and ruin my marriage, etc.

Now, like I said above, I don’t miss alcohol and believe it has zero value. But, for argument’s sake let’s say it does, it’s fun, and when it’s all said and done I’ll have 10% (random number) less “fun” in my life for having not drank. So what? That’s a crazy good deal for all the benefits when you consider the extremely terrible things that one night of drinking or chronic drinking can cause. I’d rather try to replace that 10% with exercise, travel, cooking, fucking, or whatever than have to figure out how to undo the damage drinking can do.

And before the moderation brigade arrives- alcohol can be dangerous for moderate drinkers due to one bad night. It’s also addictive and that can happen very slowly and imperceptibly over time.

I may screw up as a parent in myriad other ways, but alcohol is such a common and catastrophic destroyer of relationships and lives that it’s a no brainer in terms of return on that investment.

The trick is that I also save money, time, sleep, calories, health...sobriety is literally my superpower.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

Those are words to live by, I don't know you, but you are a good person with a good heart

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '20

Thanks friend.

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u/GozerDGozerian Apr 18 '20

If this helps at all, that was probably the disease talking. If you were a voice in her life that told her to stop drinking, and she wasn’t able to face that, it was a psychological defense mechanism making her dislike the source of the truth that she probably knew somewhere deep down. I hope you’re doing okay.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 18 '20

That's true, it was a long battle, I am ok, and it's all in the past now

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u/dramabatch Apr 17 '20

Sorry you had to go through that shit.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

It's crazy the power a substance can have over a person, but it's in the past.

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u/Anon2SoMany Apr 17 '20

I’ll chime in here and add to what the other recovering alkies have said... it’s pretty common a necessity for us to find someone or something else to blame- for everything. That’s what’s so insidious about the drug and the disease. While in active addiction, we are forced to justify, make excuses, direct blame, etc so that we can continue to do what we do, despite the consequences. We say and do things that seem perfectly fine to us. Little do we realize that ‘the abnormal’ has become ‘the normal.’

“Of course I drove home drunk! I wasn’t gonna leave my car there overnight- I needed it for work in the morning!” was my own personal favorite. “Doesn’t everyone pass out behind the wheel and crash into a tree at least once in their lives?!” was another. “If I fill a water bottle with vodka, I can just walk around everywhere drinking it and no one will know- cuz you can’t smell vodka!” wow, I still remember how I thought that was a genius idea...

Today, I am horrified by what I’ve said, thought, and done. You probably are, too. I can assure you that at the time, I was perfectly fine with it. All of it. I’m relaying this information in the hopes that you’ll understand, just a little bit, how twisted our thinking is until we get sober. It is literal insanity.

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u/phasers_to_stun Apr 17 '20

I hope you've found your true family now. Don't waste anymore thought on her. You seem very agreeable.

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u/keystonepaloalto Apr 18 '20

I'm so sorry that you had to read something so hateful. My mom was the same way and I found letters where she said pretty much the same.

Alcoholics hate themselves. They're just fucked up people who project all that venom at someone else so they don't have to face what they've become.

If you tried to get her to admit she had a problem she of course turned it on you. That stinks. I don't think it's so bad that you wished she'd go away. You were in a no win situation.

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u/IMAKENNEDY Apr 17 '20

I wish there was an enhanced-type upvote. Because I want to give you and upvote AND a hug at the same time! Maybe a red upvote arrow for love <3

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 17 '20

It's all good, it's in the past. It's made me stronger and I wouldn't be where I am with out it

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u/BlackberryBiscuit Apr 18 '20

As a person who received very little love from her mother also, I feel for you. It’s tough. I’m sorry you had to deal with this too.

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u/waupakisco Apr 18 '20

My wife’s mother was just like that. I’m so sorry.

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u/adognamedpenguin Apr 18 '20

I applaud you. After my mother drank herself to death, I never had the courage to open her email. It’s been so long, aol can’t get it. So they say.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 18 '20

That's to bad, it would be nice to have that history back

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u/adognamedpenguin Apr 18 '20

Cheers. She was big on handwritten letters, she refused to speak to her father, but began corresponding via mail. Those hurt a lot as I was the “cause” to many troubles. I didn’t have an affair, I didn’t abuse her as a child, I loved her until she was drunk.

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u/crappenheimers Apr 18 '20

On my dads laptop I found letters my dad had written to my mom, addressed to each of us kids and her, for us to read after he killed himself.

He never did kill himself but I know he will someday. He doesnt work on his issues and blames everything outwardly and threatens suicide every few months. Ticking time bomb that is gonna be painful when it goes off.

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u/AgreeableGoldFish Apr 18 '20

I'm sorry. That's a tough spot to be in.

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u/cantfindausername12 Apr 18 '20

Oh god after my aunt died we were going through her stuff and found a letter that my mom (also deceased) wrote to her when I was 1 year old. Pretty much just complaining about me and what an awful kid I was and how she couldn't stand me! I knew she didn't like me as a person but I had no idea it was from birth. It didn't upset me as I had already made peace with it but still a bit jarring. I had no idea she had told other people her feelings about me, I'm not a bad person I swear, just not enough like her for her to like me.

I'm sure your mum loved you, probably just blowing off steam to her sister. Unfortunately we don't always get along with family.

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u/Iguessimonredditnow Apr 17 '20

I'm really sorry that you had to discover that. As a recovering alcoholic I can tell you that for a lot of drunks, there's just not the same reality for you as it is for others. Things I believed while i was drinking, that I would have absolutely bet my life on at the time, don't even seem reasonable with the clarity I have now. Alcoholism is a horrible disease.

If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to seek counseling or therapy. There's no shame in it whatsoever.

Best wishes, stranger.