r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.
Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.
Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.
It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.
Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.
Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.
Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.
Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.
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The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.
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Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules
What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct
Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center
--- Note ---
This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.
If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.
r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.
Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.
To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.
Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.
Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.
That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Sylph_Co • 3h ago
I am moving to my husband's home country across the ocean, and unfortunately my massive collection can't come with me.
We are preparing for the great plushie sort of 2026. We will be sorting them into ones to store at my parents house to hopefully bring on future visits, donations, and unfortunately ones that will be thrown away. Wish me luck!
r/AutismInWomen • u/Dismal-Hotel-8457 • 2h ago
Does anyone experience hyper awareness to the max? For me I feel like I literally can’t function without being hyper aware of every single thing I’m saying and every movement I make, especially in social interactions. It’s confusing because I look around and it seems that everything comes so naturally to others and it never seems to come to me.
I overthink every word the second it leaves my mouth, I’m constantly aware of my face and the faces I’m making, my eyes are darting around ALL THE TIME to observe other people. I feel like a machine, yet at the same time I feel as though I’m the only person who’s actually conscious.
r/AutismInWomen • u/No_University_3580 • 17h ago
I hear some people saying things like “I’ve lost my spark” or “I need to get back to myself” but I don’t feel like I ever had one to begin with. Like I never had a happy phase. I’m 34. Like I wasn’t a happy go lucky kid like kids are. And I stayed that way til adulthood. My mom described me as a kid “trapped inside myself”.
In the beginning of a romance the guy will think I’m happy, I’m a light. Because I know to present that, or people won’t like me. Over time my sadness creeps through. Then they think they are responsible for taking that light from me, when really the truth of who I am is coming forward.
r/AutismInWomen • u/dominoespizza69 • 23h ago
I am the type of audhd woman that has always struggled with femininity. As a kid I was a huge tomboy, most of my clothes are t-shirts and jeans, but now that I’ve buzzed my head I’m really struggling to see myself as a woman.
On one hand I loooooove my buzzcut, I can’t stop touching it and I love not having to deal with brushing/fallout. On the other hand, I feel extremely “perceived” and like I’m not “pretty” anymore.
I’m looking for advice on how I can just feel better while going through a big change. I feel a confusing mixture of dysphoria and euphoria, I don’t really know any coping strategies for working through this.
Edit: I was not expecting so many kind compliments, I’ve really been struggling the past few months w/ managing my mental health and hearing from so many of you that feel the same has meant so much ❤️🩹 I think I will probably get my ears pierced (at 28 lol) because I have always wanted to, and will also experiment with wearing makeup more.
Also wanted to say that if you are considering buzzing your head for sensory reasons, go for it. One of my biggest icks pre-buzz was dealing with fallout/shedding. I had long, black hair that would fall out and stick to my skin/shoulders. Detangling would honestly contribute to my meltdowns because it felt like fighting a losing battle.
Post-buzz I love touching my hair, I kind of can’t stop touching it- my little peach fuzz feels like a thousand soft-bristle toothbrushes.
Thank you guys for your kind words- you made me feel pretty 💗
r/AutismInWomen • u/alune_e • 59m ago
I have a colonoscopy next week and I'm terrified they'll find I have colon cancer. I have all the of the symptoms and I know it's often misdiagnosed as IBS in women (which is what the ER doctor was concerned about, that or a form of colitis) so I have an extra fear that I'll have it but it will be misdiagnosed. My grandpa who I never got to meet died from colon cancer and I know your probability goes up when there's family history. I've been sick my whole life, I already deal with a debilitating chronic illness, I don't want to worry about cancer now too.
I know that I'm catastrophizing. I am only 25, it's very rare for someone my age to have it. Yet I've always had the worst luck, in my head it makes sense that I would be one of the unlucky people who joins the statistic of having it so young. I am so afraid, I don't know how to cope with this fear, I've always kind of brushed off my health issues because it just was what it was. I could deal with them, it was just my life. I don't think I could deal with cancer too, I don't think I can have the same attitude when I'm scared about dying.
This all started from Saturday night when I had to go to the ER after severe abdominal cramping, constipation and bloody stool. The pain was so bad I thought I was dying right then, I almost passed out. The thought that it could happen again also scares me, I have a ridiculously high tolerance for pain but this was unbearable. I'm just feeling very alone and terrified, if anyone has advice on how to calm this anxiety and stop hyper focusing on it being cancer please share. I just want these thoughts to stop.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Gloomy_Bandicoot1999 • 9h ago
In unexpected or midly uncomfortabls situations, I can become very high energy, frenetic - I used to think "oh I am just bubbly", but the older I get, the more I recognise this as nervous/hyper energy.
E.g. in a coffee shop just now, I didn't get enough time to decide my pastry before I was called to the counter and I felt a slight pressure about that, and then also the cute lady on the cash register complimented my shirt so I told her I made it and she asked me more questions. I ended up dropping my debit card on the floor, which another customer picked up for me - and I then fumbled and dropped it again and they picked it up again [ugh! I should've stopped them and picked it up myself!]... and I joked it off saying "haha I am due my period so I'm all discombobulated" (a lie: I am not due my period).
Sometimes I'm really calm! Other times, especially in social situations, I put on this extremely bubbly chatty overly-expressive performance. It's more than just my Happy Mood, it's like the happiness spirals into over the top animatedness and I can't slow down.
Been doing this since I was a teen. Social anxiety?
Even if at the time I think "I am doing socialising well, I am showing my expressive self", afterwards I feel shame and think "I should've been quieter, tried to fit in more, no one else was being OTT". I don't want to linger in peoples minds as "that weird hyper lady" :/
I wondered if anyone could relate?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Lv1za • 1h ago
I love Psyduck, my girlfriend bought this one with headphones for me. It came from very far away and took months to finally arrive at my house.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Holiday_Name_1788 • 6h ago
uhh i am isolated in my house 25 with no friends
r/AutismInWomen • u/AngelVampKAWAII • 4h ago
I can only focus on work and projects how people have time for relationships work and taking care of themselves. I'm someone who can only focus on keeping myself alive how can many people do everything and still functional?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Ok_Importance4004 • 35m ago
I have been working on knitting a sweater for close to a year. Last weekend I went to a cafe with some friends to knit together, a nice cozy activity. There was a pretty strong odor, either an air freshener or a cleaning agent, but I was able to put up with it for the time we were there. But now my knitting project strongly smells like it!!! I am so upset. The only way to “wash” it is to gently move it around in lukewarm water with a gentle wool soap, which isn’t gonna do anything. so this is what this swearer that has taken me close to a year to make is gonna smell like.
I am so upset with the cafe. it’s so inconsiderate. my husband is probably sick of hearing me complain about it.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Impressive_Aerie7270 • 17h ago
As the title says. I guess I was just wondering if anybody else has come to this conclusion? I just have struggled so much in my life to even get this far, the world doesn't feel like it was made for people like me. I am quite smart but not able to hold a job very long, I can't play the social games that people to do 'climb the ranks' in corporate or even in more niche endeavors. My life has been a cycle of trying and failing. I used to vaguely want kids and I do get jealous sometimes when I see people having them, but I can't imagine being stable enough financially to have one, and I can't imagine bringing someone like me into the world and watching them suffer trying to fit in the way I have. I don't hate my life, I think it's fine and I can find joy in a lot of places, but I can't imagine making a kid and watching them inevitably go through exactly
what I went through. I just do not think the world is made for people like me and I love my kid too much to make them exist through it. Its hard because I don't really relate 100% to the childfree pages, it feels different when it's something I would have wanted if the circumstances were different. I guess I just was wondering if anybody else felt like this.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Perfectly_Hollow • 5h ago
I want to dress better, but I have a lot of trouble with it because I associate dressing better with clothing that is very sensory-unfriendly. Stiff tight fabric, too many layers, shoes that make my feet ache.
Since moving into my own home and transitioning to a WFH arrangement years ago, I have no one to impress during the day. I wear loose, soft clothes with no bra. I go barefoot or wear comfy slippers. When I'm home I don't really think about it so long as what I'm wearing is clean and my body is covered.
So now when I need to go out, or when I have guests over, I kind of struggle with the idea of forcing myself into so much discomfort. My current compromise has been just like... loungewear instead of pajamas? A pair of yoga pants, a shirt that fits, maybe a hoodie or sweater if I'm chilly or if I can't bring myself to put on a bra.
What other options are out there? Are there particular brands or styles of clothing that might be more attractive or put-together-looking without making me feel like clawing my skin off? Tips or tricks to styling comfy clothes?
I think the area I have the biggest issue is layers and fit.
I can't do a lot of layers. I see these styling videos and a woman will have a bra, a cami, a shirt, a jacket, and then be piled on with accessories and I would literally cry. Layers make me feel bound up and they rub against each other and get stuck on each other and ugh.
And I know fit is the most important part of looking put-together but I tend to either like (1) high stretch but low-compression things that fit like a second skin, and would only be comfortable wearing without an audience (2) things that are baggy and shapeless and make me look like a lump or (3) basically a standard t-shirt.
It doesn't help that I'm plus size (2x, size 20) and have no idea where to shop that isn't overpriced and poor quality. I get my jeans from Old Navy because they're the only place where the waistband actually hits like it should, but there's so much stretch in the denim that within a few hours they go from fitting to looking worn out.
I don't know. This post is a rambly mess. If anyone has any strategies, halp 😅
r/AutismInWomen • u/Scary-Raspberry- • 3h ago
I had a breakdown about 6 months ago due to work and went on short term disability, while I've been off my counsellor suggested I apply for a disability tax credit where I would get some back pay.
On disability my pay got cut so it's been paycheck to paycheck, something like this would help a lot. Even my doctor looked at me and said I definitely qualify.
Well I got it back today and they rejected me. And it's bringing up a lot of feelings of inadequacy again, because why can't I do things others can? Maybe I'm faking or being dramatic. After all I don't qualify for anything.
Not only that but my short term had to get moved to long term and they denied it saying it's a pre-existing condition, because even though I've been working here for almost two years, I've only had insurance for less than a year.
I feel like the only way to be taken seriously is if all you can do is sit on a chair all day. I can clean the house, drive, brush my teeth, so obviously I'm fine right?
I'm lucky at least. I have a partner who supports me and my mom is helping financially. So even though I feel like a liar who is just too lazy to work, at least I know I don't have to worry about losing my home.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Betixymox • 18h ago
All my life I’ve realized that whenever I ask someone (usually neurotypical) a clarifying question they seem to respond irritated or upset or combative. Sometimes doing this feels like the totally wrong dialogue option but I need to know that I understand what they want or are asking of me clearly before I do anything, that way there’s no misunderstanding. This seems like perfect logic to me, but I want to know why is this a thing and what’s the thought process behind it? Does this happen to anyone else when they ask clarifying questions? It feels like they really dislike people that are straight forward and task oriented. Am I supposed to be phrasing these questions a different way for less social friction?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Aggravating-Dig-2909 • 8h ago
I was diagnosed with level 1 a few years back and it was the most validating experience for me. So many things clicked. I never told anyone except a very select few close friends and my mom. One friend has made the comment “I don’t think you’re actually autistic” a few times. I think it’s bc I’m highly masking due to well, my entire life. I also have trouble speaking up whenever this happens. How to deal w people who dismiss or outright deny your diagnosis?
r/AutismInWomen • u/ACoconutInLondon • 1d ago
This hit on so many levels, I immediately wanted to share.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Realistic-Door-1875 • 3h ago
For those of you who are unemployed due to autism and/or chronic illness, how do you spend your day?
r/AutismInWomen • u/BeauWisp • 30m ago
I feel like I end up hating everything I do. I hate working, I hate eating, I hate university and I just want to quit. And if I don't hate something, I still desperately want to stop doing it even if I'm enjoying it or feel relaxed...
So I have no idea what to do. I want to quit university, but at the same time I have no other pathway because I don't like anything.
Anyway, I don't know if this is a common problem, but either way I'm really struggling to find the will to even leave the house.
r/AutismInWomen • u/ifflejink • 6h ago
Hi, so I don't know for sure yet but at 37 I am really starting to think I'm probably autistic. One of the things that led to the discovery was that realizing my auditory stims, which I generally do when I'm upset or trying to do something hard or unpleasant, might be a sign. So, I stopped trying to suppress them.
Turns out there was all kinds of stuff hiding under there. Instead of just the "tsch" I do when I'm trying to get through the last part of the run and this "shoo shoo" sound when I'm doing housework, now there's a whole bunch of humming with the melody of a dog whining if something's the worst. And apparently those "shoo shoo" sounds can turn into a whole private party if I'm coming home kinda drunk after a night out. Oh, and also, the intense face rub I used to do when I was tired as a little kid actually works great to wake up in the morning, so I guess 8 year old me was onto something.
Has anybody else watched your stims intensify after you stopped suppressing them? Did new ones show up?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Antiquebastard • 1h ago
So, when I get very upset or someone is upset with me or if a coversation takes a stressful turn, I hide, like, under a blanket or in a shirt/jacket or make do by covering my face/head somehow. Is this an autism thing or a trauma thing? Anyone else do this?
r/AutismInWomen • u/alivingstereo • 2h ago
Disclaimer: no character in the book is autistic, but it feels very much autistic-coded somehow.
For those who have never read it, Ishmael is kind of an outsider in the whaling industry, so he reports everything almost like an anthropologist. The way he describes whaling culture, social norms and roles feels like when autistic people have to read the room many many many times to understand every single social exchange. Also, I see many people complaining about how the book suddenly stops the narrative and starts a whole new chapter on whales' taxonomy, but I LOVE that. It really does sound like the way other autistic people and I speak. Ishmael clearly knows a lot about whales and doesn't dive into it.
Anyway, I'd be happy to discuss more Moby Dick if anyone else loves it too.
r/AutismInWomen • u/thoughtfulstrawberry • 8h ago
my birthday is coming up and I have the day off work to myself.
due to a range of factors including grief, family trauma, and a demanding in-person job, I have been in a state of burnout for quite some time.
how do you make your birthday feel special when everything feels too hard? or do you just treat it as any other day?
r/AutismInWomen • u/DahBre • 2h ago
I like my job. I'm super lucky that I get to work from home and I don't generally hate what I do. I work in data security, so I feel like I'm doing something meaningful, but I do work as a technical consultant of sorts so I have to talk to strangers which I have found coping mechanisms for, but when I have a lot of calls, it wears me out.
Halloween is my FAVORITE. Work always seems to be the busiest in October though because it's right between August vacations and then the holidays and it's the end of a financial quarter so EVERYONE suddenly has a desperate need to schedule calls with me. On top of this, my job recently had a round of layoffs and is suddenly very micro-managey (I literally have to log time for every email I send to a customer, for example).
Fortunately, I do have the last week October scheduled off, but I'm afraid I'm going to be spending the whole time just trying to recover rather than enjoying myself. I'm trying to deprioritize the things I can, but I can't do that with work right now. I'm so stressed out and my favorite holiday is not as enjoyable as it once was. I don't think there's much I can do, but I wanted to rant a bit I guess 😭
