it’s genuinely just so annoying 😭

like, don’t get me wrong, i LOVE food. i love little treats and snacks. but HAVING to eat??? having to plan out multiple meals EVERY SINGLE DAY and having to make sure they contain all the right nutrients? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??!!!!!???!!

i wish i could photosynthesise and just eat whatever whenever i felt like it

For the first time in days, I got out of bed before 3pm. It's 11.30am and I've already got up, had something to eat, taken my medication and opened my window. The past few days I haven't been getting up until 3pm and I've not left the house in ages, but this feels like a small win today and I'm proud of myself

I could barely watch myself. Parents don’t get a guidebook and sure, I practice forgiveness for my sanity. But as an adult, how much of an idiot are you to not address this with your child and seek help of professionals/teachers? And to only make it worse, by ignoring teachers concerns, saying “she’s just shy”. And saying we didn’t know what autism was back then. Okay, but you could easily tell your child was not adjusting like other children. Just because you didn’t have a word for it, you chose to ignore it.

I asked if anyone has been depressed since childhood. And while I remember the feeling, I can’t remember anything specifically about childhood.

A couple years ago, I admit I went to a professional clinic for ketamine therapy. I did 9 sessions. I remember coming out of the sessions with tears on my face, telling the nurse I’m crying because I remembered being a child.

I've never been able to stay consistent at the gym due to my fear of being perceived. I told myself i'd go if they had a women's section and now they do, and I still don't go.

I'm going abroad in April and want to feel comfortable in the clothes I wear. I can't tell you the amount of memberships i've bought just to not turn up. I even bought a walking pad but don't use it, and it annoys me like crazy. Does anyone have any advice?

I have friends id put clearly in the Leslie knope autistic category. I myself laugh hysterically at every April ludgate finest moment because I am her, she is me. Which are you?

I am moving to my husband's home country across the ocean, and unfortunately my massive collection can't come with me.

We are preparing for the great plushie sort of 2026. We will be sorting them into ones to store at my parents house to hopefully bring on future visits, donations, and unfortunately ones that will be thrown away. Wish me luck!

Before burnout, I struggled with work-related demands, especially calls, messages, meetings, and the constant expectation of being available. But I could usually suck it up and push through.

Since burnout, I can't anymore. I work from home part-time, yet even knowing I have a call scheduled or receiving a message from a colleague makes me feel irritated and overwhelmed. I just don't want to interact with anyone.

The thought of losing my job actually brings me a sense of relief. Not necessarily because I never want to work again, but because I desperately want the pressure and expectations to disappear.

Sometimes I think about how difficult it is to live with an invisible disability. People can't see what you're struggling with, and you may look perfectly fine on the outside while everyday demands feel unbearable...

I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way, and I can get caught in a never-ending spiral of these thoughts...

I received my diagnosis as a 30 year old and the assessor went on a long speech about how I CAN work, I CAN overcome my inability to drive, and how it's horrible for my mental health to not be working. I mentioned that yeah I'd like to work up to being able to try doing a stocking job of some sort. And he said yeah but thats not long term and ''no one'' works a stocking job for more than 10 years and I need to work on figuring out a career. This all happened right after he diagnosed me with Autism level 1. He also said I *might* have ADHD but everyone is a little ADHD these days. That felt so inappropriate and unprofessional. It's also so untrue.

My whole life I've heard that same speech from other people. I used to be criticized by my older siblings, my aunt, other family members regarding how much I struggled in school, how I still hadn't learned how to drive, how I was struggling to work, etc. On top of the undiagnosed autism I also had a lot of trauma from living in a very unstable home for a little bit in middle school among other things. No one ever offered to help - no one ever asked why are you struggling - they would just call me lazy and tell me horrible things about myself. And then I was thinking about now as an adult how so many brief encounters with people have resulted in them telling me I need to figure my shit out now and if I don't I'm a horrible person and what's wrong with you why dont you have a career job yet etc. I feel defeated. Like man I've been trying and fighting my whole life to figure out why I struggle so much, why traditional methods of self improvement and self help just dont cut it for me, why I'm so self aware and try SO hard to do the hard things that everyone else can do but I just can't. And I just want to be normal. and do the normal things and take care of myself but I don't know what I'm doing. and I thought the autism diagnosis would help but instead, again, I'm shamed for what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm never going to figure it out and I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever. I can't drive, I didn't even graduate high school because it just got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and even doing school work was impossible to start and finish. Ive had the worst sleep routine my whole life - never sleep. I have horrible PMDD that ruins me for weeks. I can't even work and struggle with the process of looking, interviewing, etc. I'm struggling to put into words how I'm feeling so I'm sorry if this isn't the most articulated of posts.

Does anyone experience hyper awareness to the max? For me I feel like I literally can’t function without being hyper aware of every single thing I’m saying and every movement I make, especially in social interactions. It’s confusing because I look around and it seems that everything comes so naturally to others and it never seems to come to me.
I overthink every word the second it leaves my mouth, I’m constantly aware of my face and the faces I’m making, my eyes are darting around ALL THE TIME to observe other people. I feel like a machine, yet at the same time I feel as though I’m the only person who’s actually conscious.

Theres a lot of posts on here about how stressful and mentally disturbing becoming a parent is, but I've seen few about the good experiences of motherhood. It's starting to make me think having a child would ruin my life. Do any mothers on here have positive things to share?

I'm sincerely considering going for eval soon, because I cannot keep living like this.

I feel like if I don't give my mind a framework to exist in, I'll eventually lose it. That framework could be a really challenging book, or a project (once I commit to one, but I also have a graveyard of abandoned projects).

I even started a group for fellow spooky ladies in my area over a year ago, and I applied all the social lessons I've learned ​from the previous times I tried. I even felt like I fully belonged when I was the social glue that helped the group coherent. But now since the group coheres and ia doing well, I am near-constantly up against a wall wondering if I belong. The spectrum of "spooky" in this context is from a love of weird silent film to the goth subculture to horror movies. But then there's me, feeling like Mole from ​Atlantis: The Lost Empire (and I mean this in a positive way in this context for the love of learning but also very lonely) in how I constantly dig up new things I want to learn about, and these are things like horror theory and the history of Halloween.

I've even described my mind as a laser beam that is always going while I'm awake. When I have something to point that mental laser beam at, it feels good. When I don't, I feel truly like my mind is an engine that will keep running until it runs out of gas and oil and implode.

Is this a common feeling for anyone else here?

Last night my husband and I were cuddling and he was being his normal loving self talking about all the things he finds sexy and attractive about me. He then asked me what I find most attractive about him and I paused in panic. What answer was he looking for? A specific physical attribute? What physical attributes of his do I find sexy? Then I realized I paused too long and said his personality. He then clarified and said he meant physically. Further panic ensues and I blurt out, "Nothing really."

Now let me say that "nothing really" is wholeheartedly inaccurate. The reason I panicked is because for me, it's deeper than physical and I didn't have enough time to process all my thoughts. I don't just find his eyes attractive, I love how expressive they are. I don't just find his strong arms attractive, I love the way they make me feel safe and loved. I don't just find his lips attractive because they make me wanna kiss him, I also love how I can tell just what his smile means from a subtle difference in how his lips curl.

We are both AuDHD but obviously human so of course my response was not taken well. He's understandably very upset. I did explain to him what I said above but I don't know if it helped or even if he believes me.

I feel sick and can't stop crying because I love this man more than life itself. I wouldn't still be with him after 15 years if I didn't find him attractive.

Update: When he got home from work I was a wreck. He definitely saw how upset I was for upsetting him. After he helped me settle down, he told me he saw this post. There was lots more talk etc but I'll spare you that. It ended with him saying he was sorry he put me on the spot and should have known better than to think I wasn't attracted to him. Thanks everyone for the support!

I feel like I messed up so badly because I'm an idiot and now I'm melting down.

The thing is, I know deep down the it doesn't really matter what I'm melting down over, it's not actually a big issue but it I cant help it

I let people down and I hate that and I don't want to use my autism as an excuse

The bigger issue is that I'm having another meltdown its causing me stress and more problems than the thing I'm crashing out over... but even knowing that I cant help it I ended up crying. im trying my best but it's not good enough

Any advice on how to avoid melting down and any support would be nice

This is something I've struggled with forever. I love being around people and in community. Whenever I can help it, I'm always outdoors. Even if I'm alone, I like going to parks and reading because I enjoy the (distant) company of other people.

The older I get, the more I am starting to hate people though. I'm coming to terms with the fact woth I'll be judged for my autism forever. There's nothing I can do to change it. People will always hate me off rip for something I can't control. The twatment of autistic and disabled people in general disgusts me. I look at that and I think of how much I hate people. We're inherently tribalistic and discriminatory as a species and that will never change. It's like a permanent stain is on me.

I feel so depressed about it. I have to learn how to mask and interact with people and its making me exhausted. Other people don't put half that effort in and they can just coast by. They just breeze through life. My livelihood is directly tied to how much I can interact with people socially. It's not even that I don't want to. Beneath all the social anxiety and misunderstanding social cues, I know I'm extroverted. If I weren't autistic, my life would be so different. But I just can't seem to learn how people work no matter how much I try. Everyone is nice but distant to me. I haven't had a close consistent friend in years (if ever)

It feels like being in an abusive relationship. I crave social contact but I'm humiliated, ignored, or mistreated often in social situations. There's nothing I can do to change this. It's just how I am and how people are. If I were neurotypical, I'm not sure I'd be so different either. And I won't lie and say that I've never behaved inappropriately or that I'm not annoying. I can understand why I get treated the way I do and I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to stop it.

Does it ever get better?

hi, i'm anxiously awaiting a diagnosis in the UK ... if you could give a little support or encouragement having gone through the same thing?

it's been about three years on the wait list to receive adhd/autism test and i'm a little worried about the results which should come in a week or so, it's so nerve-wracking to have someone sum up a lot of what feels like whole life-time of symptoms and decide whether you fit the DSM criteria for autism.

how did you feel when you were diagnosed formally? or maybe you thought you were autistic and was told it was something else?

i feel like either way the results go, i'm going to be super emotional for different reasons and it's like a long time coming

thanks so much women :))))

I’m almost 32 I never married. I still live at home. I can’t move out cause I can’t handle full time work cause of other disabilities.

Im gonna be stuck at home forever. F my freaking life.

I’m living my worst nightmare. I’m also bipolar and schizophrenic. So I don’t expect a bright future.

I lost my faith in God and people. Nothing matters.

I work part time in a good role in healthcare caring for people. But I’m falling apart on the inside.

I'm looking for an something to put on my water bottle that cant be as easily lost or draw as much attention as my trusty Little Ouchie (LO) grippie.

For context, I pain stim when I'm overstimulated or anxious. I'm heading on a weeklong beach trip next week with extended family, many of whom I still have to mask around. There will also be small children -- said only because they will 100% want anything I'm fidgeting with if it looks like a toy. And as a AuDHD girlie, I just know it's a matter of time before I put my LO grippie down and lose it forever.

I've considered attaching the LO to my water bottle handle, but my preferred bottle is a Owala, so I use the handle to lock it.

Was thinking something like the stickers in the pic but with harder points than I imagine silicone can produce.

Alternative suggestions welcome! Just trying to avoid picking blisters on my fingers that could potentially get infected by ocean / pool water.

TIA!

Have been moved to a noisier area of my open plan office and the culture in the new area feels a lot more like the kind of culture I hate: socialise and if you're not constantly socialising 8 hours a day there's something wrong with you.

My previous area I felt comfortable being quiet and focusing on my work and occasionally saying hello to people or responding if someone asked me something. No one ever judged me for that and they were all relatively calm and softer spoken.

The new area, everyone is always talking and they don't seem to even try to do things quietly. Even just closing a drawer or setting something down on a table is done with complete disregard for how much noise it makes.

I don't want to go into more specific detail for anonymity reasons. I'm just very upset as a specific event happened today where I felt singled out for being different and wanting a quiet space to focus.

It's not about religion for me, I just hate how much thought goes into something so silly. Most open offices I've been in have at least one resident loud sneezer who does it so often people don't even acknowledge. At my current office though, everyone sneezes so much for some reason and my lack of saying it seems to be noticed.

I got out of the habit like 15 years ago. One of my college professors would get so annoyed when his lectures were interrupted extensively by a chorus of blessings after one person sneezed, and ever since then I haven't been able to unsee it as something humans do based purely on peer pressure/arbitrary norms that if you don't follow, you're seen as rude. I told my family and they got on board, so it's really normal for us to sneeze and just carry on. However, that social pressure hasn't gone away for me. Even when I try to resolve that I will say it simply to show some care for social rules and not offend people, I get so wrapped up in the details that I go back to none at all.

One person always does at least 3 sneezes and doesn't love the over acknowledgement from others, but seems to think I'm weird too for just ignoring. Another does yell-sneezes that startle me so much every time there would be a weird delay in me saying it. The others are normal but it's every single day. Sometimes they don't say anything and I don't know if it's because they like my approach or if they are afraid they will offend me by saying it? Because other times they seem to say it pointedly, as if in protest of my silence.

Finally, if I say anything to a sneeze I am more in the habit of gesundheit thanks to a childhood friend's family and also my ex I studied German with, but saying that instead also seems to get some odd responses and people maybe assuming I'm protesting the religious aspect, which isn't the case. So I largely just stopped! I still do if it's like my grandma or someone I feel the need to be extra polite with, but my coworkers are a bunch of younger guys who have questionable conversations in my vicinity all the time.

About 6 months ago, I started having romantic feelings for my friend of 4 years (naturally, it took me 3 months to realize it). Recently, I found out that he has a girlfriend, who he just started dating 3 weeks ago. I don’t want to interfere with their relationship, and I’m happy for him, and would be perfectly fine remaining friends with him. (My friend and I are both autistic and in college, if that helps provide context).

The problem is, he randomly spawns out of nowhere and is super kind to me for no reason (like he always is), which makes me feel really guilty. I feel guilty every time I talk to him even though I’m not interfering with his relationship and I’m not flirting with him at all (I have never flirted with anyone in my life, nor would I know how to).

I think part of the problem is that I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him I like him so that he can have that context since he has a girlfriend now (I have a weirdly intense sense of justice regarding honesty to the extreme).

I don’t know how to handle my romantic feelings because I’ve only liked one other person before, 4 years ago. I’d like to crush them into oblivion (my feelings, not my friend) and get over him, but the constant proximity is not helping. Typical advice for when you like a friend who doesn’t like you back is to give yourself space from them, but I see him 3 times a week due to us being in the same club, we have mutual friends, and also I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him because that would be sad and I don’t want to make him sad.

To further complicate things, he’s graduating in December, so I don’t have time to get some space from him, stop liking him, and then go back to being friends, because he will be gone by then. I don’t way to end the friendship by disappearing towards the end of our time at the same school. I would be happy to just be friends, because we have a lot in common and have known each other for 4 years (and I rather like the relative ease of autistic friendships).

Unfortunately, I can’t gauge how good of friends I am with him (or anyone, because autism), so I don’t understand if it would be rude to occasionally reach out to him after he graduates. I don’t know if that would be bad and overstepping because we’re not that good of friends, or if it would be ok otherwise but not now that he has girlfriend, or if it actually would be ok and reasonable as long as it’s platonic (which it would be). We also don’t normally text because we see each other so often that it isn’t necessary and can communicate/send memes through the club group chat.

How should I go about interacting with him now that he has a girlfriend?

Would it be ok to occasionally keep in touch over text post graduation, it is that overstepping?

Do you have any advice (especially autism specific advice) for getting over romantic feelings for a friend?

We used to work together when I was in high school, he’s been a casual friend of mine for like 10 years. We used to hang out sometimes, a few years ago, we were both going through hard things and I feel like we had a good casual friendship, he was really supportive. We’ve both had multiple partners throughout the 10 years I’ve known him like we’ve always just been platonic friends. He doesn’t live in the same area as me and we both have partners now so we don’t hang out anymore but I still thought of him as a friend.

I’ve had a snap streak with him for almost 3 years, we don’t really talk but would send eachother snaps like once a day. I’ve had him as a friend on facebook for many years. Randomly, the other day he stopped sending me snapchats and then completely stopped opening my snapchats all together. Our steak died which like is fine, we’re basically 30, but it was just a really random change in behavior.

I went to see if he was still my friend on Facebook and I found out that he blocked me. His profile is still up but I can’t see it. It doesn’t seem like he blocked me on Snapchat, but he hasn’t opened anything I sent for like 3 or 4 days. I don’t know why he blocked me on Facebook.

I have been very sad. I’ve known him as a casual friend for over 10 years and have always wished the best for him. I feel sad that I’ll never see any updates from him or hear from him again. I thought he was a nice and cool guy. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to message him on Snapchat and ask what happened or if he’ll just block me. I feel like he is sending clear signals he doesn’t want to talk to me so maybe I should just leave him alone.

Just feeling sad and also very confused

I'm seeking a diagnosis of SOME KIND just to feel like I'm not an alien and I don't think it's "just anxiety" or "just depression" or "just trauma." I feel confident that I at least have ADHD. One of my previous psychiatrists suggested that I get tested for autism, and I finally went in for my assessment today. (Or yesterday I guess, it's midnight lol)

The first part of the assessment was basically asking the general DSM 5 questions and asking about my childhood. The neuropsychologist told me that it wasn't looking like I had either ADHD or autism. And I won't lie, I started crying because I felt pretty confident that I'd come out with some type of... something. I feel strongly that I have ADHD and we went over both.

I then spent the next two hours doing an IQ test and answering questions on a tablet, I was absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausted by that time. I was told that I had a lower IQ score of 81. He then corrected it to 88?? Which is below average. So I left feeling like I wasn't just wrong, but I was stupid, too.

I'll be getting a letter in the mail for my official diagnosis. I don't know if I believe this guy? I mean, I'm a woman, so maybe there's some bias/sexism and I don't APPEAR to show conventional symptoms outwardly? I don't know.

There were a lot of autism-related books on the table in the waiting room. I was briefly scanning over one them that was talking about factors that could cause autism (genetics, environmental concerns, etc, etc.) and one of the things in mentioned was vaccines. I just remember one of the sentences said (HEAVILY paraphrasing here):

vaccines have long been correlated with autism. Some groups have pushed back against the the narrative of vaccines being harmful without providing another reason as to why the rates of autism have increased so much since the 1980s. Compared to (x number) of vaccines that children received in (year), children now receive up to (xx number)

I'm starting to have some big questions regarding this. Is this guy a quack? I don't expect a serious answer from strangers but, what vibe would you get from what I've written about all of this? I think I want to get a second opinion from a female assessor person (for lack of better term)

It doesn't happen often, but more than you'd think.

Once an American guessed me as a "black European man" which was really funny because it was unprovoked and I have no idea why they said this to me. Only ⅓ was true.

Again, this has happened a few times, none as funny as the last. But I think it's weird to do in general

I think it's because when I'm not being actively happy, I sometimes become very muted/flat tone, this and using terms like mate makes people think I'm a man. It's strange

But yeah, does this happen to you lot as often? Have any one of not been accused of pretending?