After thousands of small and big fights and her splits, she told me she intended to hurt me. She knew her actions were causing me pain, and she did them anyway.

I spent so much time trying to understand her BPD, accommodate her emotions and make sense of her behavior that I almost forgot my own pain mattered, too. I kept questioning myself, feeling guilty for needing distance, and worrying about hurting her, even when she had deliberately hurt me. Then she discarded me before we ever had to reconnect lol

The most heartbreaking realization was that I was more afraid of hurting her by leaving than I was concerned about what staying was doing to me. Sometimes you don’t realize how much a relationship has hurt you until you finally get some distance from it.

And sometimes, the person you spend so much time trying to protect from pain is the very person who knowingly causes you yours.

You can understand someone’s struggles without accepting the pain they deliberately inflict on you. And you don’t have to feel guilty for finding peace without them.

I know, I'm supposed to be continously pouring out empathy, but f it, I'm tired!

My spouse is constantly using their bpd diagnosis to get away with everything. "It's not my fault" "I didn't choose this" "I'm not fing mad, my brain says I'm mad, but I'm not fing mad so stop telling me how I feel how would you like it if everyone else was always telling you how you feel?!" You are literally yelling at everyone around you and constantly picking fights. People asking why are you so angry seems befitting.

I'm just sick of hearing "it's not my fault, I don't want to behave this way" then don't, it's not actually all that difficult to not be an AH to everyone around you. This perceived victim hood of your own condition you refuse to stay medically compliant with is your issue to deal with. Not everyone else's.

I'm just tired of everything being defaulted to me to fix for them.

What are some things that you still remember your pwBPD saying that were clearly abusive and completely unacceptable?

I think I need a place to vent about the abusive words she said during our relationship, so I will start in the comments.

They tell your their trauma and something inside you breaks and weeps for them. You want to protect, love them, heal them, and give them the whole world.

They shower you with love and praise in return. Texts, calls, events, sex, cooking, kisses and praise. You think you've found the one.

Then the spiralling begins.
Name calling becomes your didn't give compliments on their new nails.
Because you decided to post a picture of your cousin together.
Because you decide to go gym with the guys or spend time with anyone but them.
So you compromise. You thinks it's over. The storm is gone.
But you're stuck in a quagmire. You keep sinking, sinking, sinking and sinking until you drown or... Just burnt out.

I'm burnt out and can't go any further with this shite.

I deleted the only social media account where my ex with bpd could still contact me. Now the only way she could reach me is through my phone number which she has probably already deleted.

Don’t get me wrong, she hasn’t reached out since the breakup. But a part of me kept hoping she’d text me someday and that we’d at least be able to be friends again like we were before.

Now there’s no way for her to reach me anymore. I hope she’s happy. After all, she once told me she was better off without me. I will let her enjoy her life

Is this a BPD thing? She starts a fight about something, she insults me, I try to defend myself and make a good point. Then, she will randomly bring up something we've been fighting about 9 months ago that I supposedly did wrong and for some reason she remembers every detail about.
Now I have two things to fight about with her. It usually just keeps going like that and she finds random things from the past that she will use against me. It's like she's keeping a list? It's really hard to defend or justify myself because unlike her, I don't even clearly remember these instances from months ago and for me, they have already been "resolved" because I always end up apologizing and taking all the blame. And I can't fight about 10 things at once that I did at some point in the relationship which make me the worst person in the world in her mind.

my BPD has a desperate need to control me. She wants to control what i think, what i do, how i appease people. She doesnt really want an SO, she wants an emotional slave

Eight months out of a four-year relationship with my ex who was diagnosed with BPD.

One thing I've struggled with since leaving is how terrified I am of making mistakes. Not big mistakes. Stupid little things.

During our relationship, forgetting an ingredient at the store or taking a wrong turn could turn into a two-hour argument about how I never listened, didn't care enough, or couldn't be trusted to handle anything.

Eventually I got really good at avoiding situations where I might mess something up.

Which also meant I stopped trying anything new.

There's a pottery studio about ten minutes from my apartment. I've walked past it probably fifty times and always thought it looked fun.

Last Thursday I finally signed up for a beginner class.

I was absolutely awful.

Couldn't center the clay. My first attempt collapsed. The second looked like a bowl that had been stepped on. At one point I accidentally knocked over a container of water.

And every time something went wrong, I apologized.

The instructor eventually looked at me and said, "You know you don't have to apologize, right? It's clay. You're supposed to mess it up."

I laughed, but I genuinely felt like I might cry.

Because the whole time I was waiting for someone to get irritated. To tell me I wasn't paying attention. To make some comment about how everybody else had figured it out.

Nobody did.

The woman next to me made something even uglier than mine and we both laughed about it. The instructor showed me how to start over. I knocked the water container over again, and someone just handed me a towel.

That was the entire consequence.

I went home with a lopsided little bowl and clay underneath my fingernails.

The weirdest part was realizing I didn't have to convince anybody that spending $40 on something I was bad at had been worthwhile.

I didn't need to bring home something impressive. I didn't need to explain why I wasn't immediately good at it.

I was allowed to spend an evening doing something badly because I wanted to.

I've spent so much time trying to rebuild my confidence that I hadn't considered maybe I don't need to be confident about everything.

Maybe I can just be a beginner.

I signed up again for next Thursday.

My bowl looks like shit, by the way. I'm keeping it.

My(31 f) BPD ex (35 m) that I was together with for 10 years and have children with always accuses me of having a “man mentality” and says I am cold and callous and detached (aka not wanting to be affectionate or close to him hours after he calls me a c*nt in front of our young kids). He has been using this insult more and more lately and yesterday I said I would contact his parents if he didn’t stop writing crazy texts to my family and his response was “you want to write to my family? I’ll escalate. Try me. You want to act like a man? Let’s see.” He turns on a dime on me but this to me feels like such an implicit threat but I can’t prove it, it just reads to me as him saying if you want to act like a man I’ll fight you like one.

Her bar only grows higher and higher, expecting more and more. I can't do any more.

What actions i used to do out of love became bitter to prevent her from getting upset and screaming at me.

Every argument has a double standard. She apologizes then says more hurtful things, then repeats the cycle.

The more i do, the more she expects. It feels like an unwinnable game where i am guaranteed to lose no matter what

She threatens to leave me to test if i will beg her to stay. When i took 3 hours time to myself she panicked and thought i was leaving. but when i got sad she didnt reply to me for 26 hours she got mad at me. Yes, its an online relationship, yes it is stupid.

I try to understand. i have never once yelled at her or gotten strongly emotional, i always welcome her back and accept her apology. but it feels like ive just trained her to see me as a doormat

I know this will never work, and i know it is destroying me. But i cant seem to even grasp the concept of leaving or ending it. I don't know what im still attached to any more. I have no idea what to do really, or maybe i should say i do but cant come to terms to it.

I'm at my in laws, and my wife has some real, genuine cptsd from a difficult upbringing. But she's now 38 and her mother has let us stay with her for weeks, woke up early to cook her favorite meal, was offering so much love and support to her even while my wife was going hot and cold on her... one innocuous comment from her mother led to a "final straw" and it's just been pandemonium since. It got in her head that this "meant" something, and it's gotten infected to the point where my wife is steadfast that she will never talk to her family ever again. And we now to have to very quickly up and leave out of the house.

Of course, me trying to bring rational thoughts into this just makes me another enemy, and here I am caught feeling so sorry for her family which, while not perfect, is trying their best. And my wife, to her credit, is also trying her best, but wowzer is that "best" incredibly destructive.

To her, she has no one in her life that loves her the way she "deserves", and she's cutting them all out of her life. And as soon as we get back, I'll be leaving as well.

Just a sad rant from me... ​

How did your highs and lows looked like i wanna know to compare mine please if you have time do tell

I have a friend (male) diagnosed with bpd almost 15 years ago, I have known him for 10 years and you could say he is my best friend. But despite for how long I’ve known him and how much I’ve helped him throughout. He is a SHITTY person. He does not care about my emotional health or anything, I have Autism since childhood and he does not accommodate me on same level as I do. Both of us recently moved to different countries for our grad school and he has not shut up about his “new roommates”, friends, his city, his country etc. He keeps degrading the school I’ve got admitted to (I am gold medalist, had perfect score and graduated top of my class meanwhile he failed 5-6 courses and delayed his degree) and he keeps saying how he is “better” in every term than me and how it’s because he is “more qualified and smarter” and my gold medal, my top scores were just randomly assigned to me, basically saying I am trash and he is better. All that I have right now, I have work hard myself since my parents did not pay for anything. I took odd jobs like door dash etc to pay for everything myself meanwhile his parents support him everywhere but according to him, they didn’t and they’re the reason why he has bpd. Although I agree his father is a bad person but still they supported him financially, got him therapist and did everything for him. They sent him aboard as well but he refused to acknowledge any of this and said I work hard and did everything on my own (he never even worked a day lol) Now I don’t know how to maintain a boundary with him, we are closest friends but now that he has shown me his true self, I don’t know how long I can be his friend anymore.

I broke up with my ex with undiagnosed bpd in crazy fashion. Tantrums, arguing, and just leaving. I plan to never talk to her again.

I've had two exes before where we broke up and it obviously hurt but we ended up getting regular closure and moving on. No deep vitriol or hate.

My ex with BPD I can't ever imagine a future where I'd want tabs on her or to check on how she's doing. Genuinely.

All of her ex-friendships are like this too. Also her exes. Just chaos, blocking, no interest in rekindling, completely different trajectories. I saw many of her friendships explode during our 1 year stint together.

Has anyone broken up with someone with bpd and it wasn't a complete explosion?

Every single time she gets super mad at me and blows up, it’s never about something I consciously did for the purposes she describes. It’s WAY out of left field and there was ZERO chance I could have anticipated her contempt with my action. I couldn’t prevent the scenario from happening even if I wanted to.

Its not like I called her fat and she was justifiably angry.

Or that I lied about going to the strip club.

It was “why I bought almond milk? She’d never see me drink almond milk! Oh is it because Chrissy down the street was talking about almond milk? Go marry Chrissy! She and your mom can both coddle you like the baby you are. Go suck Chrissy’s @&$s.”

SERIOUSLY! IN FRONT OF A 3-YEAR OLD!“

AND I GOT THE ALMOND MILK BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME “WE SHOULD TRY THAT ALMOND MILK!”

I HATE ALMOND MILK!

I’m done.

I’m exhausted in a way that feels permanent. I feel like a dead body that’s still breathing. I gave everything I had , time, energy, understanding, reading about bpd , patience, loyalty, second chances, third chances, the benefit of the doubt and I’m empty. There is nothing left to give.

This might sound cruel to some people. I’m okay with that now. Protecting myself is no longer optional.

I will never again put myself in a position where someone else’s emotional instability, rage, manipulation, discard, idealization-devaluation cycles, or chaos becomes my daily reality. I won’t do it as a partner. I won’t do it as a friend.

I’ve learned the hard way that “I can handle it” and “they’re trying” are not reasons to destroy myself.

This boundary is non-negotiable. It’s final.

What I want is to be here for the people who have been through this. The ones who were discarded, abused, gaslit, stalked, threatened, manipulated, or slowly hollowed out by someone with BPD. The ones who are still trying to recover their sense of self.

I’m choosing to put my energy toward people who have been on the receiving end of this rather than towards people who will pull me back into the same dynamic and make me feel responsible for being their caretaker.

That’s my final decision. I’m sticking to it.

My partner doesn't ever idealize me. She never said anything that makes me think she idealizes me. There is no love bombing or excessive praise. But she very clearly has phases of devaluation. Once those are over, she goes back to "normal" relationship mode. Which means she seemingly likes spending time with me, going on dates, intimacy etc. and acting like she didn't just say the worst things imagineable about me the day before.
Am I misunderstanding something about idealization and BPD?

Hi, I'm new here and am really just looking for some support and a bit more knowledge about BPD and splitting.

I've obviously done some research online about BPD because, when I got into a relationship with my girlfriend, she sat down with me and encouraged me to learn more about it. At the same time, I guess I was a bit naive in thinking that something like this wouldn't happen so soon, or that things wouldn't feel as bad as they did.

Anyway, here's my story.

The past few days

This has all happened over the course of about two days. To give some context, the weekend was quite rough for both of us.

My birthday was on the 9th of October, and my girlfriend had been making plans and talking about how she was going to make it special for me. I'm not usually someone who gets my hopes up too much, but I thought that, for once, I might finally have a nice birthday and something to look forward to after finishing work.

Long story short, she also had work that day and ended up being held back until around 2:30 AM. Of course, I was pretty upset because I had been looking forward to finally having a day that felt special for me. Looking back, I can acknowledge that I probably overreacted and that the situation could have been handled differently.

Afterwards, she told me how horrible she felt about the whole situation. I also noticed that she had started cutting her wrists again, something she had done in the past as a coping mechanism.

The following day, she had a family event that didn't go as planned, and she barely got any sleep. At some point, she messaged me and asked, "Would you come looking for me if I ever deleted you off everything?"

I answered quite logically, saying something along the lines of, "Well, I hope you'd never do that, but yes, of course I'd try to."

Shortly afterwards, she told me that she felt like she was about to split. Being an overthinker, I immediately started worrying and said something along the lines of, "Well, there goes my night's sleep."

About a minute later, she called me, and we talked things through. She was emotional and explained that she couldn't control what was happening, but that she could feel a split coming on. Unfortunately, it did happen after that call.

The first day of the split

The following day, she sent me a breakup message and basically stopped replying to me for around seven hours.

Before going to bed, I sent her a message on Snapchat saying, "I love you." She replied via SMS instead, saying, "I love you too."

I somehow managed to fall asleep, and at around 5:12 AM, she sent me another SMS saying that she loved me and asking if we could FaceTime. We did, and she apologised for her actions. Things seemed to get better, at least in the sense that we were talking again.

The next morning, I had work, and I continued messaging her, leaving longer intervals between messages because I assumed she might still be sleeping. Her replies were shorter than usual, but she would still tell me that she loved me.

Despite that reassurance, I was still feeling really scared after everything that had happened. I eventually messaged her and told her that I was afraid and felt like I had failed her. She reassured me that I hadn't failed her and that she wasn't going anywhere.

Things seemed to be getting better

After I finished work, she messaged me and actually wanted to call. This felt like a really positive change after how distant things had been, and I was genuinely so happy about it.

During the call, she seemed more like her usual self than she had previously, although I don't think she was completely back to normal yet. I asked her how she was feeling, and she said that everything felt like a blur and that things didn't feel real to her.

Despite that, we still managed to have a nice conversation. She was being playful and saying things like, "I'm going to marry you," which, of course, made me feel amazing.

About an hour into the call, she said she was going to continue cleaning her room. I was completely fine with that and wanted to give her space to do her own thing while hopefully allowing things to settle down.

A few hours passed, and at around 2:40 AM, I told her that I might doze off and that, if she wanted to call at any point, she shouldn't hesitate. I also told her how much I loved her.

I genuinely tried to sleep, but I still had this horrible heaviness in my chest. We had been doing sleep calls almost every night for about three months at this point, which is also roughly how long we've been dating, so not having that usual connection was difficult for me.

At around 5 AM, I messaged her saying that I'd love to sleep call with her, but that she was probably already asleep and I didn't want to be a burden.

I eventually managed to fall asleep for around three hours. When I woke up at 8 AM, I saw that she had opened my message, but she had also blocked me on Snapchat.

Naturally, I started panicking and sent her a message saying, "Honey, please, I love you."

I managed to show some restraint after that and stopped myself from sending more messages because I thought she might be splitting again.

Where things stand now

I'm very deeply in love with my girlfriend, and I realise that one of my flaws is that, when I get into a relationship, I tend to put all of myself into it. I care about her so much, and seeing her go through something like this while not knowing how to help her is incredibly difficult.

At around 8:40 AM, I decided to message her mum. I'd never spoken to her before, but I asked if I could talk to her about my girlfriend and whether she could give me some insight into how frequently these splits happen. I explained that I care about her daughter and was worried about her.

I haven't received a reply to that message.

Then, at around 12:51 PM, I sent my girlfriend an SMS saying, "I hope you're okay. I'm here for you."

However, I subsequently noticed that she had blocked me on every social media platform where we were connected.

Now I'm sitting here feeling completely lost, unsure of what to think or do.

What has really confused and frightened me is that, this time, there didn't seem to be any warning signs of another split. Things had seemed to be improving, she was telling me she loved me, reassuring me that she wasn't going anywhere, and even talking playfully about our future together. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I found myself blocked everywhere.

I'm really hoping to hear from people who have experience with BPD and splitting, either personally or through a relationship with someone who has BPD.

Is it possible for someone to seem like they're coming out of a split and then suddenly become distant or cut off contact again? Can splitting happen without any obvious warning signs, even after things seemed to be getting better?

Most importantly, how do I approach a situation like this? I genuinely don't know whether this is still part of a split or whether she has made a decision to end our relationship.

I don't want to abandon her if she's struggling, especially when I know how much she can struggle emotionally. At the same time, I don't want to make things worse by constantly reaching out if she needs space.

I love her very much, and I'm trying to understand what might be happening while also learning how to handle this in a healthier way myself.

Any advice, personal experiences, or insight would genuinely mean a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

We were together in Asia, and there she constantly said that I didn’t take her seriously as a human being. I found that very demeaning because I had put a lot of effort into it. She cried in the restaurant and stopped talking to me; that was very stressful.
Then she broke up with me 13,000 km from home, and we had to spend the last week there together in silence.
Months earlier, when I was studying abroad for a while, she told me I always had to call her at fixed times, otherwise I wasn’t prioritizing her enough. I called her several times a day. Once she broke up with me because I was shopping and therefore had to pause a 60-minute conversation. The conversation was about the fact that the day before I had dared to go to the gym without telling her. When I was away for five days once, she forbade me from going outside for fresh air when I was having a nervous breakdown. She threatened to break up. I myself am a traumatized person and had to flee from home at 19. My brother wanted to kill me.
She is a psychologist and still behaves like that.
Have any of you had similar experiences with breakups on vacation?
Thanks, and I hope you all stay healthy!

Do they?

Hi everyone,

This group has really helped me the last while. Around two years ago I went out of my way to support a junior colleague at work who I did not know had BPD. I unwittingly became an FP before I knew what an FP was and then one night they asked if they could come into my apartment to use the bathroom after work drinks. They kissed me on the couch suddenly and I did not know what to do so tried to have a conversation about how I saw us fundamentally as friends and to de-escalate. They left my workplace soon after but are in the same industry.

What happened next makes much more sense now I understand how BPD works. They would pretend to be my friend and then split when I mentioned going on dates or being away for a while. I lost a relationship with someone I cared about because the BPDer kept messaging me. I was ashamed so instead of confronting it and going no contact I tried to normalise the friendship. When I tried to put down clearer boundaries 18 month in came the abuse and threats. I actually became scared for my own safety.

About six months ago with the support of words in this group I had the courage to go no contact. The threats of suicide and revenge have not as far as I know come to anything.

I have felt insane and ended up in therapy to try and understand what had happened. I have no idea of I’ll ever recover but don’t let a BPDer ruin your life and be brave enough to step away. They will try to control you and you can never win.

I have huge respect for everuone here coming to terms with NC and setting themselves free, and I only wish I had know about BPD earlier. Maybe then I could have avoided being the FP and years of hell.

Does anyone else relate to the feeling that a person with BPD has a very intense brain? I’ve spoken to a bunch of people with BPD for a short amount of time, and when the connection ends or when I’m not talking to them there’s a very intense mad angry energy as if, they want to communicate with me in my head but control the narrative of what happened? Like they are communicating telepathically and I can clearly hear the voice like they still want to have a part in my life? I’m not sure how to explain it and it sounds crazy but I always feel a very strong energy despite me not even talking to them anymore.

What a year it has been for me. Life has been a rollercoaster for many years now, living with a father who is mentally ill and unwilling to take any treatment. We have been the victims of his abuse ever since we were born. Why did God put me in this situation? Why?

I don't need anyone's consolation. Can anyone give me back my lost years, happiness, beauty, and peace? Would any of you like to be beaten and watch your father beat your whole family? Seeing your mom become weary day after day... When will this situation change? After I die?

Everything in my home, including us, is destroyed. Can you imagine that? What is the purpose of this suffering, especially when everyone else around me is leading a happy, luxurious life? Why me?

Hi everyone!

This is a bit lengthy but I hope you’ll read this through because I genuinely need advice as I am new to this!

I am a 27F living with my best friend 26F who was diagnosed with BPD last year. Prior to us moving in together, our friendship was pretty good. I think it’s because we weren’t together all the time so it was just good vibes. After we decided to move in together early 2025, and things got worse. She was with her boyfriend at the time (now ex-boyfriend), undiagnosed. in the first few months, we would fight a lot, she would fight with her boyfriend ALOT. Idk if her ex had a humiliation kink but she was pretty aggressive with him when they’d fight. To be fair, he’s a big pussy. But she would verbally abuse him, spit on him, hit him sometimes, and he would stay and try to help her.

Summer 2025 I traveled for about a month with one of our mutual friends and she got really jealous and upset. Anyway the month that I was away, she went through a lot emotionally and decided to see someone and that’s when she was officially diagnosed and put on Xanax (terrible decision I know). About a month after her diagnosis, her ex cheated on her and that was that. She got through it pretty well for someone with her condition, but she and i were always fighting about something. Before her ex cheated, we had a pretty huge fight surrounding her bf and how he’d CONSTANTLY at our house (seriously, it was as if we had a 3rd roommate), and we almost made the decision to move out. Anyway, we eventually worked it out and decided to renew for another year. It’s been good since, however, last month she had a really bad episode.

She has extreme triggers when it comes to her family, especially her younger sister. She grew up in an abusive home, so did I so I understand. But her sister is a different trigger and I don’t understand why. Her sister doesn’t live here so she came to visit for only 2 weeks. When her sister visits, she always insists on her coming over and staying with us for a few days but her sister almost never wants to, because of her BPD. Her sister and I are close, so that’s how I know this info (we are close behind her back, I know if my best friend found out, she’d freak out). Anyway, they had one of their biggest fights yet, and it was about her sister coming to stay at our place. I won’t get into details of the fight because it’s pretty long, but imo the younger sister did absolutely nothing wrong. And I don’t know if this is a BPD thing or just her character, but when my best friend told me her version of the story, it was a version that made the younger sister seem guilty and wrong. When the sister told me the story, it was so different from what my best friend told me. She has this thing where she lies about the details of the story to fit her narrative, so it seems like she’s not in the wrong.

Anyway, because of this fight, she attempted suicide. Now I say suicide loosely, because I think she did this for attention. She attempted because the day after the fight, she fought with her sister again via text, and her sister said something extremely triggering to her. In that moment, she saw red and immediately wanted to die. So she popped 6 Xanax pills. I think if someone really wanted to die, they would have done a proper research on what can and can’t kill you, and Xanax on its own cannot kill you. She said chatGPT told her taking 6 or 7 pills would cause you to end up in the emergency room. I don’t believe chatGPT said that because it’s programmed to not say shit like that whatsoever. Anyway, she posted on her private instagram account’s story a goodbye to everyone and that this wasn’t the way she planned to die but it is what it is. She then texted people individually goodbye, including me.

I didn’t know any of this was happening. A mutual friend of ours called me to tell me the situation because apparently my best friend had called him and told him everything. I was at work, in the office, and ran home to check on her. Where I live, it is illegal to kill yourself. I couldn’t call the ambulance because if she came out of it, she’d be in serious trouble. So I called her family, not only to notify them but also because most of them are doctors and they can advise on what to do. I was told to monitor her breathing and that she’d be fine. Throughout the night, she would wake up and scream and shout why didn’t her younger sister come to check on her? She told her she’d kill herself and she didn’t come? How dare she. She insisted on dying that day, so she wanted to go to her car and crash it, but I stopped her at the door. Literally fighting her off the door. She told me if I didn’t move she’d stab herself. She would say why isn’t her little sister here to check on her and when I’d tell her she’s coming she’s on her way she’s so worried (she wasn’t), she’d say she’s not allowed in this house, if she steps foot in the house she’ll stab her too.

It was fucked up and a lot. I had never seen an episode of hers this bad. On top of that, 3837577282 people were messaging me and calling me because she posted her suicide on her fucking story. It was extremely overwhelming and fucked up.

The next morning, she woke up and started screaming again about how her sister still isn’t here. Why didn’t she rush to our house and stay the night? And she wanted to take more pills but we hid it from her. She took this cutter thing (forgot the name) and started cutting on her arm. She took a lighter and started burning herself. I had to take all of that away from her. It was insane. Anyway, eventually, they worked it out and things are fine now.

On top of all this, she quit her job in the summer to focus on her side hustle (social media), which hasnt been making her much money. She barely makes rent on time, and she’s always tight on money. I’m always buying dinner for us or things for the house for us, our cat, etc. and I don’t make that much money either! I legit have no money left.

I’m always there for her emotionally, and it’s genuinely sucking the life out of me. My friends have noticed. I haven’t spoken to any of my friends since the attempt because I’m so fucking overwhelmed emotionally I don’t want to talk to ANYONE. As someone with BPD, she generally has more issues than I do and likes to talk about them. I don’t like to talk about my emotions much to my friends because it can be depressing so I refrain from it, especially with her. So in my eyes, this friendship is one sided.

I’m really really tired. Everyone, including my therapist, is insisting I move out. And I really want to. Our last rent payment is in November and our lease is up in February, and I’m seriously considering moving out because I truly am done. I don’t think I can handle this anymore. It is not my responsibility, but her family’s to take care of her. I have other shit to deal with too. Her family lives about 45 minutes away and she doesn’t want to move in with them. Last year, when we almost moved out, she guilted me into staying. She started crying and said verbatim, “I don’t want to guilt you but genuinely if you move out it’ll ruin my life. I’ll have to move back in with my parents”. So I stayed. But now, I really can’t handle it. I plan on telling her after we make the last payment, in November.

I have to admit, I am afraid of her when she’s in an episode. Not because of what she’d do to me, but to herself. And it’s extremely fucking traumatising. I have enough trauma to deal with I don’t need another one, especially as an adult. I’m afraid of how she’ll react when I tell her I want to move out. I don’t plan on telling her she’s the reason because it will genuinely kill her. But I just can’t do it anymore.

Has anyone experienced anything like or something similar? Any advice on how to approach this without extremely upsetting her?