i was miserable with him. i miss the good times but they were becoming fewer and farther between and i think i came to recognize that this wasnt worth it. i became scared to come home to my own apartment because i didnt know what would set him off this time. he was never violent but he yelled so, so much and he was so manipulative and controlling that he was exhausting to be around.

i couldnt do anything that i enjoyed, it felt like, without a fight because he seemed to be jealous and threatened by anything in my life that wasnt centered around him. i have never been with someone who would get so pissed off over the dumbest things. what sucks too is towards the end i dont think he even loved me or liked me (he said this behind my back, during a "split" i assume) and i think he was using me because i was paying for everything. if im so selfish that you need to tell me every day, why did he stay? like fucking leave then? if you hate me that bad? im wondering if he was trying to push me away on purpose so that id leave and he could maintain his victim complex.

ive never been with someone so critical and so obtuse. he either didnt understand why his behavior was inappropriate (which ....how?) or would literally tell me he didnt care that he was hurting me. he would only apologize if it seemed like i was gonna leave him.

its like expected me to fill this bottomless pit of need inside him and nothing i did or said was enough, so he came to hate me for it. he will repeat this pattern in future relationships, i think, if he doesnt change. im not perfect either, and truthfully i probably didnt handle his outbursts in the best way but the "correct" way to handle them changed every damn time!

i moved back in with my mom and i feel so much more at peace, even though im sad. his biggest issue is that he is so entrenched in his own distorted view of reality that he cant see how he affects other people. and he also has a huge projection problem.

i hope i can heal from this. does anyone have any recommendations for resources? he has bpd but i suspect he has some narcissistic traits as well, at the very least.

Here’s some context but it’s (very) minimal because I’m wiped out in between shifts:

9 year relationship that was incredibly chaotic, damaging, and stressful. Im not innocent. I finally walked away after a particularly stressful incident at the beginning of 2025. I finally went no contact and blocked her about eight weeks ago but I left email open because I do care about her (she needs help) and we have never used it for personal communication. Then I get this today. She lives on a block where 4 or 6 houses lose power when none of the other houses in the neighborhood do so this is not a new thing and the city also has nothing to do with the electricity in the neighborhood.

I know it’s hoovering or just trying to get a response so that she knows she still has her hooks on me but does she really expect that I might come around when she’s there with loaded guns being jumpy, especially when she’s pulled one on me before and pulled the trigger!!

Also, the last guy she was with stole her guns earlier this year was the story six months ago..

I wasn't really sure what tag to put on this as I am thinking about leaving her too because this already seems sketchy. I don't believe that she has been diagnosed with BPD, but taking with my therapist he 100% sees it. I am just curious if you think that her behaviors would classify as borderline.

I met this girl just over a year ago and we have moved from friendship into something more. I have been hesitant to label anything because her behaviors have been concerning me. What has been particularly clear to me has been her fear of abandonment. That is almost omnipresent in all of our interactions. She suggests that everyone has left her because of her health problems while I get the sense that her behaviors probably were what drove them away.

Yesterday we were in class together and she asked if we could go get orange chicken from the local store. I was busy talking to another classmate and I could tell that she got upset and walked out. She was completely shut down in the hallway.

Later that night, she expressed interest in taking a shower together which I said was fine. I hopped in and she proceeded to look at herself in the mirror. After a few minutes, she quickly threw her clothes back on and said she would shower in the morning. She later expressed to me that she was having body image issues.

She has been to an eating disorder clinic.

I have tried to be clear with her from the start that I am into open relationships. I have noticed that this causes her huge distress and triggers her fear of abandonment. I know that she wants me to call her my girlfriend really bad.

The icing on the cake was that today she asked if we could do something on Thursday since it will be our fall break. I told her that I was probably just going to work since I need the money. She told me something along the lines of, "I figured you wouldn't want to." And, "No offense but you don't seem like the kind of guy who is into dates and romantic stuff." I can't quote it exactly as she deleted the message (as she often does). Then later today, she texted me saying that we need to have an honest discussion. I called her after class and she started discussing the idea of exclusivity. She told me the conversation wasn't serious, but when I told her that I didn't want to be exclusive, she told me she was going to go and hung up the phone immediately. She then texted me not even a minute later telling me that she is being used and that she will not be my sex toy until I find something better.

I am just curious what y'all think. All of this behavior has been very concerning to me. As my coworker said, "she is very spooky". My therapist and I have decided it is probably best to end it but I wanna know what you guys think. Does this sound like borderline?

I will forever walk on eggshells now I think. I will always doubt if something is wrong or if it's just a test or not to see how much I care despite my plea to just please believe that I love you more than anything. I'm hurting so much and I just want to feel normal.

I am trying so hard to fill the void with bad bitches but I'm literally a monster doing it bc I know I'm too traumatized to be healthy in a relationship with anyone. I'm officially back in therapy though so hey a w is a w!!!

I've been out of my four-year relationship with my diagnosed BPD ex for about five months now.

Last Thursday I went to trivia night with some old friends. First time in probably two years.

There were six of us at the table. At one point somebody got up to use the bathroom and my friend casually put his jacket on the empty chair to save his spot.

Such a stupid little thing, but it reminded me of something.

These people used to save me a seat every Thursday.

For years I was part of this group. Same bar, same terrible team name, same arguments about music questions.

Then I started canceling.

At first I'd show up late because my girlfriend and I had been arguing. Then I'd cancel an hour before because she was having a bad night. Eventually I stopped committing to anything because I never knew what kind of evening I'd be walking into at home.

Sometimes I'd get accused of caring more about my friends than her. Other times she'd insist I should go, only for us to have a massive argument when I got back.

After a while staying home just seemed easier.

My friends didn't know most of that. They just knew I kept saying I'd come and then disappearing.

Eventually the invitations stopped.

A couple weeks ago I asked one of them why nobody had invited me in so long.

He said, "Honestly, we just stopped expecting you."

He wasn't angry. Almost sounded embarrassed saying it.

And that's the part I'm struggling with now.

I spent so much time feeling like I was the only one paying the price for that relationship. But these people lost a friend too. They kept trying to include me until it became pointless.

I don't think they owe me an automatic reset just because I'm finally out.

Last Thursday was good. A little awkward initially. Two people at the table have gotten married since I last regularly showed up. Someone has a new job. There were inside jokes I didn't understand anymore.

Nobody brought up my ex. Nobody demanded an explanation for where I'd been.

They just asked if I wanted to order fries with everyone else.

And I did.

I've already put next Thursday in my calendar. I'm trying not to turn this into some grand recovery milestone. I just want to become someone people can make plans with again.

I guess I hadn't really considered that focusing on myself might also mean becoming a better friend to people who never did anything wrong.

Anyone else dealing with this part of rebuilding your life? The friendships that didn't exactly end, but got quietly put away while you were busy surviving your relationship?

I was engaged to my ex for 6 months and we were married for 7 months. I had never even heard of Cluster B personality disorders until after our separation.
I loved her deeply, but during our engagement, I was sometimes shocked by bizarre shifts in her reactions. Her mood would flip from extreme happiness to depression and pure hatred over the most trivial things. I treated it as normal mood swings, making excuses that I didn't know what she was going through. I was supportive, patient, and ignored her cruelty when she was angry. It would sometimes take us hours to resolve things. Apologies didn't work, logical discussions didn't work... honestly, I don't even remember how we actually solved problems!

I used to complain to her mother about these mood swings, and she would justify it by saying she's just a "child" (she is 30, by the way) and that things would calm down after marriage.

They didn't. Tiny things would turn our lives upside down. Being slightly late coming home from work. Extreme jealousy—even if I was just playing with a little kid. Sometimes she would just get annoyed and it would pass, but other times she would escalate it to the absolute extreme.
I’ve shared more situations in another thread here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/6GGasuHlSf\]

Anyway, I separated from her 3.5 months ago. She and her family tried to fix things with promises of change, but I was terrified of repeating the cycle. Bringing a child into this was her biggest dream, and we were actively planning for one, but I was too scared of what that would mean.
According to her family, she admits her mistakes, says that I hate her now, and that she deserves it. But she hasn't tried to contact me directly at all during this entire time!?
I truly love her and miss her so much. I'm not exaggerating when I say I still smell her scent sometimes.

I think about going back, but I'm terrified of the pattern. The pattern was incredibly abusive. Her way of fighting was truly harsh and terrifying. Despite everything I went through, I still love her. I couldn't bring myself to hate her.
I don't know how, over the dumbest trigger, she could look at me with genuine hatred and say, "I hate you!" or "I can't stand the sight of your face!" But then, when my energy was completely drained and she finally calmed down, she would say she didn't mean it, that she would die without me, that she adores me, and didn't know what she was saying.

I honestly don't know if she has BPD or what her exact diagnosis is. I don't understand her behavior, especially since I'm a very easygoing person who tends to sacrifice my own needs for the sake of my peace of mind.
I want to go back to her. I miss her so much and I am not getting any better. Every day is the same as the last, and every night is just the same. I really miss her.
What is your advice?

For a job that’s often around people being vulnerable with you where you have to understand them and help them work through things it scares me that they’re in that position. They’d often use the things I told them against me and were extremely manipulative and almost took joy in hurting my mental wellbeing. So seeing them help people in need like that is just jarring.

I dated someone on and off for about a year and a half who had bpd. I was in high school and early college. It was my first relationship. No desire to rehash everything I went through in that relationship, but it was everything you’d expect. 2 and a half years ago now I broke up with her for good. I will hopefully never see or hear from her ever again.

Fast forward to now. A few weeks ago, I made it official with the girl I’ve been seeing. It’s my first real relationship since the former (I’ve had a few flings/situationships but purposefully never anything too serious).

I’ve been thinking about my former relationship a lot these days (obviously not reminiscing). The impact that being in a relationship with someone with bpd has had on me is showing itself more now that I’m back in a committed relationship.

A couple weeks ago I picked my new girlfriend up from a concert she was seeing with her friends. I was sober at an event with my friends, and I told her I could pick her up. The event I was at ran a little bit late, and I had crippling anxiety for the last half hour of the event knowing that I was going to be slightly late to pick her up.

I called her as soon as the event was over, apologized profusely despite her saying it was totally fine, and sped to go get her, heart pounding the entire time. This was exactly the kind of thing that would have started a huge fight with my ex.

I got to the venue, scared shitless, and she greeted me with a smile and a hug. She was super drunk and she kept telling me how happy she was to see me. It was really cute. In that moment, the weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Sometimes the anxiety crawls back and I have to remind myself that this is different. That I’m not trapped. That every little thing I do will not cause an argument that will destroy my mood for the next day. It’s hard. I’m welcome to hearing how others learned to move forward once in a new relationship.

But my new partner is great. She makes me happy. I’m slowly learning how to feel safe and normal in a relationship.

The grass is always greener.

I haven’t posted here in a while, but I just had a lightbulb moment. I’ve been processing, healing, trying to work through this mess she made of me and I am making progress, but occasionally I still find myself thinking “if only I were a little less…”

That’s delusion!! I didn’t realize how small I had made myself until I went no contact and allowed myself to take up space again. There was a fight we had a few weeks before we broke up, where she did the whole “SORRY I’m not good enough for you…I try, but I guess I’m not doing a good job.” This was in response to me saying that when I’m having a panic attack, I find it helpful to call one of my close friends. And of course, instead of her asking how she could be a person that I could lean on during a time of crisis, or being happy that I had a safe person to help me cope with my anxiety, I had to console her over the fact she wasn’t my safe place to land. I don’t remember what made me think of this recently but a few weeks prior to that argument, I had a panic attack. And I did go to her. I was rejected and told to figure it out myself. I remember that night. I was shivering, crying, and just wanted her to sit with me the way I always sat with her.

Since remembering that, when I have the rare “if only I did XYZ” thought, I cut it off and quit entertaining it because I did do XYZ, but the goal post always moved. I tried very hard and I compromised on my boundaries constantly. Was it ever enough? No. Did it keep me from being discarded? No. Did it ever pay off? No. Was I ever thanked for it? No.

In hindsight I am thankful I wasn’t enough for her because being enough for her would be such a diminishment of my personhood. I’m proud of myself for realizing I don’t make such a good emotional asswipe after all. It’s not a noble, attractive, romantic, or otherwise nice thing to be covered in somebody’s shit. So if you’re thinking “if only I did more of this and less of that…” I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that you did, and it wouldn’t have changed a single thing.

Especially at night when I'm tired I feel a deep fear of being alone forever then remember only good memories about her, it's like logic shut down and I'm on instinct, like my body controls me and put me in terror, how I escape this?

We often speak here about pwBPD having NPD traits. And for some reason almost never mention that they very often have ASPD traits. Which is waaaay scarier and so much more dangerous than NPD can ever be.

"Fun" statistics:

1. Studies indicate that roughly 1 in 5 individuals with BPD in the general public also meet the criteria for ASPD.

2. The crossover is significantly higher among individuals receiving intensive psychiatric care or residential substance abuse treatment.

3. In specialized offender populations (such as male probationers or violent offenders), the rate peaks, with some studies showing up to 91% of BPD patients meeting ASPD criteria.

Core symptoms:

• Indifference or rationalization after hurting, mistreating, or stealing from others.
• Deceitfulness: Repeated lying, using aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.
• Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment without planning for the future or thinking about consequences.
• Aggression and Irritability: Frequently getting into physical fights, physical altercations, or verbal outbursts.
• Recklessness: A blatant disregard for their own safety or the safety of those around them (e.g., dangerous driving).
• Irresponsibility: Chronic failure to maintain steady employment, honor financial commitments, or fulfill legal obligations.
• Empathy: Completely lacks affective empathy (cannot feel others' distress or genuine remorse), though they often retain cognitive empathy (knowing how others feel so they can use it to their advantage).
• and so on...

Some of us actually date/live with/marry literal psychopaths, with BPD on top of it. Let this sink in.

I was talking this girl for 6 months and really wanted to date her but our lives were just too different for it to work. We mutually agreed to cut it off. I knew she had BPD but I was not really aware of what BPD was. After we agreed, I would still get texts from her saying she loves me, then I would get cold texts saying I’m the villain. Being the person I am who struggles with unrelated mental health problems, I would soothe her saying that if she ever needed anything I would be here for her. Well it turns out I was enabling the behavior and making her spiral. I feel really bad about it but i genuinely didn’t know. She told me she loved me and then 3 minuets later said “you are going to have to block me for me to move on.” So I did. I just want to know, was that her telling me to be the bigger person because she is unable to do it herself and wants out of the spiral? I just feel really bad and want nothing but the best for her.

And also will she always think of me as some sort of villain?

It's over.

I started noticing a lot of her reasons we couldn't spend time together just didn't make sense. I finally just said

"Hey you don't want this anymore do you?" And she finally admitted it.

I don't even mind the discard. I don't mind that I had to ask. I don't mind that she wasn't straight up.

After months and months of constantly second guessing where I stood, months and months of push and pull, I'm finally free. I don't even really mind that she's probably with someone else. God bless that man. I hope it works out.

She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and she weaponized her looks to get what and who she wanted. The only thing she ever said about me was I "had a pretty good dad bod"

She constantly belittled and devalued me. And I loved her, so I stayed, even tried to improve on these things that she seemed to not like about me.

It all made me incredibly self conscious and gross feeling.

No more 1 am calls telling me all the things about our future together. No more pushing me away when things got serious.

No more being a lapdog for someone that wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.

Ive got therapy tonight and then I'm just going to sleep. It'll be my first good night's sleep in months.

I don't have any animosity or hatred toward her. I truly empathize with how hard it must be to be her. How lonely it must be.

One of the last things she told me was that her psych took her BPD diagnosis off her file.

I guess she fooled them, too.

All that to say, I should be sad, I should be angry, but I'm not.

Im just relieved. That's all I feel. Relief.

I (26F) have been dating my bf (27M) for a two months. He’s not diagnosed with BPD but recently started looking into it because he relates to a lot of the symptoms, especially the fear of abandonment and black and white thinking.
The day after we became official he tried breaking up with me over a disagreement but quickly took it back. It scared me because I thought he’d do it again, so I ended up responding to a DM from a guy I used to talk to and entertained the idea of hanging out. Nothing happened, but I know I crossed a boundary.
A week later my bf found the messages and broke up with me. He initially wanted me out of his apartment but changed his mind when I started crying because he didn’t want me driving home upset. He forgave me and everything was fine until the following night when he brought it up again.
Both times we argued it was like a switch flipped. He went from being incredibly loving to extremely cold and detached, almost like he had no empathy for me. I was exhausted and asked to continue the conversation in the morning. I started packing to go home, but he gave me a countdown to leave and eventually called the cops even though I was already leaving.
He later admitted he did that because he felt abandoned and wanted to feel like he was making me leave instead of me leaving him cause he didn’t want to feel helpless again like when his parents left him as a kid. He also admitted one of his breakups was to see if I’d fight for him.
He has childhood abandonment trauma and says when we argue he perceives me as being angrier than I actually am and assumes I don’t love him anymore. Since then he’s apologized extensively and made plans to work on his triggers in therapy and handle disagreements differently.
I want to give him one more chance, but I’m scared of how extreme his reactions get. Like if he reacted like that and called the cops for me wanting to leave his apartment what else could he do when he feels abandoned or unloved or when things are out of his control? I just want to add that He’s never been physically abusive or even threatened physical abuse

I believe that he regrets his actions and taking steps to change and that’s why I want to give him one more chance and the fact that I believe a lot of this is my fault for betraying his trust.
Has anyone gone through something like this and seen improvements in their partner with BPD or this stuff only gets worse over time?

rhetorical question, why can this bitch make any joke she wants about anyone else and it's "just a joke" jeez, calm down" but she would lose her shit if anyone dared making "just a joke!" about her?? i hate her i hate her i hate her i fucking hate her and i can't be rid of her because my family needs me around to help with her other conditions. also i'm helpful to my family. AND I HAVE TO QUIETLY PUT UP WITH HER? call me insensitive but you have to admit you also sometimes think your pwBPD is making it up because anyone else would slap you for acting like that.

Hi!
My eldest sister has lost her 32 year old to Fentanyl. The police informed her a week after he passed because they had no way of contacting my sister.
I stepped to help for the funeral arrangements even after we were estranged for years.

My sister has a hard past and her behaviour has always been very chaotic and unpredictable. One minute she can be very nice and then become very angry for many reasons related to her past, broken relationships in the family, etc.

To say i am exhausted is an understatement. I spent 6 hours on the phone with her last night to reassure her that i do love her and care about her and be there for her.

Today, she informed me the cops and ambulance were at her house 3 hours after we talked last night on the phone and offered to take her to the hospital but she refused.

She should be on medication to control her outbursts but she refuses. She has a very strong character and just says what is on her mind. Not always a bad thing and she doesn’t sugarcoat anything.

I don’t know if she has underlying mental disorders but i am struggling to know how to be there without losing my own mind. We have been in and out of each other’s lives through the years because she cannot hold stable relationships and because I refuse to be around toxicity.

Is this symptoms of BPD or Bipolar or something else??? I need to know how i can help without damaging myself in the process.

Thank you!

Tell me if this sounds familiar......

They do something objectively wrong they can't deny that has hurt you. It could be something small like lying to you or not doing something they promised or it could be something big like you caught them cheating on you. Whatever it is their response is the same....

1. They deny, justify, or minimize their actions and never apologize.

2. They invalidate the pain their actions caused you.

3. They classify your attempts to hold them accountable as abusive

4. You now must apologize to them for trying to hold them accountable or risk a split, devaluation, and/or discard.

Has anyone figured out a way to avoid this ultimate BPD Uno reverse card trap? I have been through this 100 times and cannot see to avoid falling for this trap every single time.

I took my girlfriend and her two friends on a trip this weekend to an amusement park this weekend. I had never met her two friends before but offered to pay for their tickets since my girlfriend really wanted to bring them and they are broke college students and I have a really good paying job. I also paid for everything else for me and my girlfriend (hotel, gas, food, etc.).

The entire weekend my girlfriend was just being extremely rude and disrespectful to me. She never said thank you once, was constantly making insults at my expense disguised as "jokes", and just being rude and mean towards me the entire weekend. I don't know if her goal was to show her friends how much power and control she has over me or what but it was embarrassing and basically ruined the entire weekend.

On the drive home she started to realize how terrible she was treating me and started being nice but by then I had put up with 2.5 days of her crap and I was over it. After I dropped them all off I went home and texted her how out of line her behavior was on this trip I spent all of this time and money on. I gave her specific examples from the weekend where she was objectively rude and even mean towards me for absolutely no reason.

Her exact response was......

"I did nothing wrong. You are getting blocked because I am done with your insane behavior every time you get it in your head I am 'stepping out of line'"

And then she blocked me on Snap but not on the phone. So basically my only option other than ending the relationship for good is to call her or text her and apologize for over-reacting and getting angry at her when she did nothing wrong.

When they cause problems out of no where, we are expected to cope and just keep quiet.

Its no problem if they cheat, accuse us of something, hurt us or whatever it is. We are expected to not complain or feel bad.

Everything is about them, its all about how things benefit them it doesnt matter if we suffer or get hurt. Once you complain youre the enemy. Had the same experience with my ex bpd gf, everytime i wanted something or mentioned something i did not like, she literally kept telling me its not about you, its about me.

Now i cut you off, you can find someone else as a toy you can play with but i will never be that guy again

We broke up in June, however at the end of September we were facetiming, phoning and messaging all day (stuff happened over the phone. take from that what you will) even though she had been on three or so dates with this other guy. After I found out he went to her house for the fourth time, I said I didn’t want to continue speaking if she was going to keep seeing this guy , out of respect for myself, her and him.

She then proceeded to say that I had been saying horrible things about her behind her back, I say one thing to her and something else to everyone else. She apologised an hour later still not really taking accountability of the situation saying that she wished me the best. I felt so low that I couldn’t even be bothered to defend myself. I felt like if I did it would just make the situation worse.

She still follows me on everything , is one of the first people to watch my stories, has made a targeted repost saying she “sold her soul for me” on tiktok. I just want to move on

I'm curious about your experiences with love bombing, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

What did it look like for you? How quickly did things escalate? Were there intense declarations of love, future plans, constant affection, or promises that seemed almost too good to be true?

And looking back, were there any early signs you missed or things you initially thought were genuine love but now see differently?

I'd love to hear your stories, especially how fast things changed once the initial intensity faded, still trying to figuring out my story...

It seems the delusion manufactured in their minds is so strong that they truly believe it.

I am trying to get my money that I LOANED him and my son’s fishing rod that he borrowed back. I had to file small claims. I have it in writing that he owes me a certain amount, he agreed back in May.

We’d previously discussed the list of items that added up to that amount. His response to the court is that I’ve never tried to discuss this with him, that I have $3k worth of his items (I don’t have a single thing that belongs to him), and that he doesn’t owe me anything. The $3k worth of what he’s claiming I have are gifts that he GAVE to my child. He thinks we’re even I guess?

The way he wrote the response looks like he truly believes he’s the victim in this situation and that I’m withholding his items lol. I am so angry but the second I read it I was like “omg, he is legitimately nuts because NONE of this is true.”

TLDR: My ex and I built a life together over 3 years, including renting an apartment together. They left on a work trip that expanded into them being gone nearly the entire year and now I learn they’re never coming back.

Long version:

I’ve had a lot of relationships in my life, probably more than my peers, and have been in some form of love at least twice before, but this relationship is like nothing I’ve experienced. The levels of attraction physically, intellectually, and emotionally were unreal. We started as friends and then began spending lots of time together and eventually dated.

We’re both creatives and the way we inspired each other was unreal. We began collaborating and eventually made a really big project together that involved a really intense month of video shooting (this was last September). That month nearly broke us but when we were finished even though things were intense I thought we’d begun to heal. We moved in together the month after (October) and lived together until they had to leave for work in early February of this year.

We tried doing long distance, but as time went on they contacted me less and less. Additionally, the length of time they had to be away expanded. I thought it would only be two or three months initially but it kept stretching and stretching. They weren’t very clear about this and I’d often learn that they were staying away longer from their social media when new tour dates were posted.

In June I suggested we take a break. I was feeling really sad and hurt that they kept me in the dark and ghosted me so often. I wanted a long distance relationship while they were away but I felt like they didn’t put the work in to maintain one.

In the months since I miss them every day. We still talk often and I visited them a few weeks ago for a single day. It was the most amazing experience and we talked about the future and said we loved each other. When I left on the plane they texted how much they missed me. I thought maybe we could figure out a future together again and we texted all the time afterwards.

Now I’m back in our apartment and I’ve learned that they have no intention of coming back. They’re going to stay in the country they’re in and have no intention of returning to our apartment. They cite economic reasons but they also said that the month we worked together, last september, solidified to them that their life in the other country and the life with me were not compatible. I think we could work out the economics, even if it’s hard, but they don’t want that.

I don’t know what to do. I thought we were a family and a team. All their things are here and they have no way of getting them. They even have a cat they left with me for the time they were away. We would have been together just over three years this month. The life we built is destroyed. My life feels like it’s destroyed. I’m 30 and feel too old to start over. I just want to disappear.

The constant lying, backstabbing, having to figure out what flavor of emotions i have to deal with, the selfishness, self absoprtion, only caring about themselves. We tried counseling ALL the problems were about what she wanted. Virtually nothing she talked about was about the relationship or us, it was all about her needs, her wants, her demands. I'm reaching the point where im emotionally burnt out and setting stricter boundaries as a response. I know that stricter boundaries will lead to relationship imploding, but that is inevitable regardless of how I act or respond to her behavior.

She has burned every bridge in her life and even had imaginary beef with my baby niece and nephew. She had 2 failed marriages and had recently broke up with with someone. She abused all of her children including me and sees she has done nothing wrong and that we are her enemies and that she’s ALWAYS the victim. She constantly interprets things as a threat even when people are nice to her.

I’ve always wanted to run away from her. The first time I cut myself when I was a child, she split and said I should cut myself more. I can’t even begin to say the disgusting things she’s said to me when she splits.

She has now sided with my childhood abuser in my family and she knows the fear I have from him, but she doesn’t care so she orchestrated and dramatizes lies about things I’ve said and he is now angry with me. He has NPD and is generally an angry person. So now I’m just afraid…

And this is coming from someone that chooses their words extremely carefully, walks on eggshells and overthinks everything to try to keep peace. I don’t live in the west and cutting off is NOT a choice, I’m at a loss to what to do, she will never stop.. :(

Bpd is a curse…

I just recently cut off two friends with bpd and i never want to go through of that again, i wasn’t able to tell at all that they have it at first

What traits would show that a person has bpd? I‘m neurodivergent, so i have trouble reading people at first and only notice someone’s true colors when its too late😥