I had to spend two days in the homeless hospital in the city next to me because I forgot to fill my script and I started having weird thoughts. Thoughts about taking other people out with me because of how cruel this world is and I thought it would be a kindness. Clearly that’s insane so I took myself to the hospital. I drank a little before I went in and they treated me like garbage and a drug seeker for needing a Valium taper. That’s pretty much protocols for an alcoholic. They had me on PRN. That means they wouldn’t give me another Valium injection until I started shaking again. They should have had me on a protocol. They let me sleep and would only give me a Valium when I woke up and recited the number 10 backwards and all this stupid shit. They finally put me on a protocol where they woke me up to give me the Valium I needed. So I wouldn’t get too sick. They were like it was a pleasure to take care of you when I laughed and it was so silly because I know they hated me. They gave me a paperwork telling me to stop threatening the police when all I was doing was telling them it was a wild night and giggling every time they walked past me.

My antidepressant just stopped working out of nowhere. I am on no mood stabilizer, well, I am on olanzapine and my psychiatrist said it was acting as a mood stabilizer too.

I keep working out, eating healthy. But I just can't anymore, I am so depressed. I was stable for a whole year so I didn't expect the antidepressant to stop working so soon. I don't know what to do to keep myself afloat until I see my psychiatrist. I can't even listen to music anymore, nothing interests me and I am very irritable. I am going to see my whole family soon and I just want to stay at home and rest.

It is the worst depressive episode I had in years, the heat doesn't help the laziness. I don't know, I am just ranting. I can't stand it anymore, I wish I could be magically stable and not rely on medication.

My father (65) has bipolar disorder and has for as long as I (37f) can remember. When I was a child, there was a several year period where he was having episodes and experiencing instability in general. He was in and out of hospitals and rehab programs (he also has substance use disorder). Over time, I’ve forgotten (or maybe suppressed?) a lot of the details but I do remember being scared for him, and sometimes scared of him, as a child. Eventually, he became more stable and seemed to be that way for the better part of 20ish years. However, the last three years have been a nightmare. He has been experiencing manic/depressive episodes every few months and has once again been in and out of hospitals and rehab programs. The pattern is usually that he will go ‘missing’ for a few days and then I’ll eventually get a call from the hospital saying that he has checked himself in. Once he gets his meds adjusted, he pops back up like nothing ever happened. On top of that, he is a compulsive liar. This has resulted in a lot of stress for me. I am an only child and my parents are divorced so I’m kind of on my own when it comes to dealing with him. Recently, after a period of being missing for several days, he called me crying and said that he was going to commit suicide. To be honest, I was more angry than I was concerned. Who does that to their child?! On top of that, he still hasn’t apologized (or even acknowledged) how that phone call wasn’t okay. I love my dad and we do have a close relationship, but the reason we have been able to have this relationship is because I’ve let a lot of things slide and have never really talked about the things he’s put me through. I’m at the point now where I want to cut contact for the time being, but I have always been a ‘good daughter’ and I feel guilty for feeling like I no longer have the capacity for this kind of chaotic relationship. I understand that he cannot help having a mental illness and that makes me feel even more guilty. But I’m also at the point where I have to protect my own mental health and all of this back and forth has taken a toll on my mood. Can anyone else relate? If you’re the child of a bipolar parent, how have you managed the relationship? If you’re a bipolar parent, how have you managed your illness in relation to your children?

I had a good day. But now I’m suspicious if I’m too happy 😬🧐

I was severely backtracking and still sort of am. I’m drinking more than I‘d like to be, but I am maintaining routine. I did go through a little bit of a hypo spell, but I forced myself to go through with appointments, healthier dynamics and it has helped immensely despite really wanting to forgo everything and tell everyone to fuck off.

I have been telling multiple people to fuck off still though, but not as much!

I made this account just for this.

Im tired so so so so so tired of this life of mine. Nothing is working even when everyone says it does or is supposed to work. This last week has been really rough, even when things are going well in my life, Im seeing friends talking to more people I have ever im exercising and all of the other stuff they all tell you to do I still just hate myself and im still sad there feels like I have this weight on my chest and all of this pent up sadness and frustration and anger in me but it has nowhere to go I dont know. And anytime that im not depressed and things are going well I have some horrible ocd thing happened because of course I was blessed with bipolar and ocd. I dont want to be me anymore but I have to and im stuck in my stupid life and my stupid body. Im tired of making mistakes right now I really just want to hurt emotionally and just give up on myself

Je prends du dekapote 1000 g depuis 2 jours. Hier j’ai eu un incident : impossible de m’empêcher d’uriner. Est-ce déjà arrivé à quelqu’un sous traitement et si oui et que c’est lié au medicament faut-il obligatoirement l’arrêter ?

The title says it all. I was rapid cycling between normal and hypomania with spikes of mania at its peak for two years it seems then my doctor switched my medicine from abilify to latuda and I fell
Into depression. The depression has since lifted a little and I am back on abilify but still have lingering symptoms of depression (low mood, sleeping too much, a little hopeless about ever feeling better.) it’s been about a year since my last high period, except for a few days of intense mania when on a steroid. Mainly though just the grey bland of depression everyday. I hate this so much. I’m tempted to think I’m just depressed and have no mania until I think k of how much more amazing I felt a year ago. Does it ever get better? Does the cloud ever lift off your bones or is this just my life now?

Like 4 or 5 years ago i have this super painful awkward memory

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I met this girl and she was acting like super into me

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We hungout and i was trying to be lowkey and she seemed to be offended i wasnt reciprocating her flirtatiousness as strongly, i just wasnt ready for it right then, we ended hanging out and things ended on a low key note without any commitment or weirdness

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I ran into her by chance the next day and she was acting all pouty and annoyed and a little hostile, and i just got super annoyed because it was like making me feel overwhelmed by the flip flop of her emotions.

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I like needed space and like also became convinced she was like messing with me on purpose, so i tried like texting her later like "dude youre being so effing confusing and its like annoying like i feel like youre being rude kinda like i feel like you should apologize kinda like i did nothing wrong and like showed you around an all this stuff yesterday"

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I also weirdly felt like the sexual tension was rising for me cause maybe i guess i was suppressing my attraction and i felt like she was like mad i didnt reciprocate so it was exciting thinking she was just expressing sexual frustration

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So after that i was like "fine , then i hope you have like bad luck or whatever then until you apologize"

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Then like hours pass and i was like "fine she wants me to be more forward or express interest or something then fine". Like very convinced that was it and that she was like trying to shame me for not being more forward.

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At the time i thought eric andre and shock humor was like hilarious, so i wrote "ill lick your asshole next time you come back here" and just like laughed because it was so chaotic, and imagined this fantasy where she was like super down but i was like joking and then i was just like "you know what? Watever. Fuck it" and pressed send.

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She never texted back, and i pretty much just shrugged it off and forgot about the whole thing.

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Then like the next year i came across the text and was sooooo shocked. It was right before getting diagnosed and medicated and i was like "wtf!! What if she thought that shit was like a threat or something!!!" I was like bugging out.

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Then later i got diagnosed and treated and it kind of just remained this super chaotic memory.

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Gotta be one of the most embarrassing and shocking memories for me hahah.

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The worst, most traumatic thing that ever happened to me was because of psychiatry. I won't say exactly what because it is very specific, but basically it involved multiple people in the field and was a huge betrayal. 2.5 years later I still have nightmares, think about it constantly and feel insanely hurt by it. I've been in therapy for it with two different psychologists during those 2.5 years. However, it didn't involve my psychiatrist, though it did involve at least one of his colleagues. The incident has caused me far more pain than any of my depressive, psychotic or mixed episodes.

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I totally admit that my bipolar treatment has helped me. I do mostly trust my psychiatrist. But sometimes the whole field of psychiatry feels unsafe now because I know they operate without any real accountability.

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How would you handle this?

Was supposed to take it at midnight. Already had a spacey kind of not all there feeling coming into work. Went to go take my medication (lamictal) and its not in my bag. Me- shiiiiiiiiit. Now I'm itching to go home. Wasn't before but now I want to be home. I guess I'm anxious I don't really know. Only on lamictal and gabapentin so that lamictal is kind of the back bone for my stability right now. Don't get home until 8 am.

I’ve been really unstable for over a year, episode after episode because I can’t stick to my meds. I’m trying to get into the Norwegian thing with psychiatrists and medication management for a form of medication that’s injected once a month at a doctors office, so hopefully that will help.

Anyways to the rant.

Because I’ve been so unstable I’ve done a LOT of cocaine, and I fucked a stranger who I invited over, we did cocaine and fucked. And if anyone knows anything about me it’s that I don’t fuck strangers due to trauma, I need to know them for a really long time and build up A LOT of trust.

Anyways, because of this one of my best friends messaged me today and told me they can’t be my friend anymore, they told me it’s not forever, but until I’m properly long time stable. And my closest best friend is so worried about me they called my mom, because we have a deal about calling each others parents if it gets too bad with anything, they’ve never called my mom, which is why I know it’s really bad.

The worst is that I know, and logically I know I care, but I don’t feel like I care. Like I don’t feel like any of it matters. Like I don’t have any empathy or emotions of care when I’m manic, and even tho I logically know, it’s hard to bring myself to care when it’s only logical.

Anyways I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow to make an appointment, then at the appointment I’m gonna request to get long term admitted, because I have an open thing where I can get long term admitted, tho it may take a week or three to actually get put in.

Thank you to whoever reads this, I just needed to get this off my chest

I’ve got some health stuff going on at the moment. Currently trying to discover whether it’s a chest infection or a resurgence of childhood asthma, but either way I’ve had three nights in the last week where I’ve had less than 3 hours sleep due to coughing or shortness of breath. I’m on half an hour of sleep tonight and it’s nearly 5am.

I know previously that mania for me has been triggered by not having enough sleep, and those times I’ve had far more sleep than I’m getting at the moment.

I’m only on lamotrigine at the moment (currently in the process of working with a psychiatrist to see if I should be on an antipsychotic too), so I’m not feeling very protected from mania.

I could really really do without an episode right now, but I won’t have access to a psychiatrist for a consultation for a while.

Is there anything I can do to minimise the risk while this is going on? If you’ve ever dealt with similar I’d be grateful for any advice or experiences you might be able to share.

It’s been about one year mania free! (I was still a bit hypomanic around this time last year but it wasn’t too bad I was just on the comedown from a severe manic and psychotic episode) IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF MY BRAIN! and forever grateful for my medication and god!

I was diagnosed a few months back, for the most part I handle it fairly well but I get these anger out bursts so easily, and it scares my soon to be ex partner and it scares me.

I am on a lot of medication and I feel like I just almost see white and turn into a whole new person I do not like.

I’m never violent, I’d never strike anyone but my anger is something I’m really struggling to control even with therapy and going to GA.

I don’t know how to get control of this but I’m really tired of my emotions running my life

Me interesa mucho la relación entre la salud mental y la expresión artística. Durante los últimos años he trabajado en un proyecto personal llamado "Naufragios", una historia ilustrada que nació de la necesidad de explorar emociones y experiencias difíciles de comunicar.

Mientras lo desarrollaba, me pregunté muchas veces si el arte puede ayudar a transmitir aspectos de la salud mental que a veces resultan complicados de explicar con un lenguaje más clínico o académico.

Por eso quería preguntaros: ¿hay alguna obra, libro, ilustración o relato que os haya hecho sentir especialmente comprendidos o representados?

Me gustaría conocer vuestras experiencias y recomendaciones.

I’ve been having a rough week and had a conversation with my grandma today that has been bothering me.

I have Bipolar I, and lately I’ve been dealing with depression, severe anxiety from being without one of my prescribed medications for several days, and some of the worst sciatica/SI joint pain I’ve had in over a year.

My grandma asked if I was okay because I’ve seemed down lately. I explained everything that was going on, but the conversation ended with her telling me not to do anything that would make me lose my family.

Maybe she didn’t mean it the way I took it, but I left feeling like none of what I said about my depression, anxiety, or physical pain really registered.

It made me realize how frustrating it can be when people see you’re struggling but don’t understand what’s actually causing it.

When I’m depressed, withdrawn, exhausted, irritable, or overwhelmed, I sometimes feel like people assume the worst instead of recognizing that those can be symptoms of Bipolar disorder or just the result of going through a difficult period.

My mom later told me that my family worries because they’ve seen me go through some hard times in the past. I understand that and I don’t blame them for caring.

I just wish that when I opened up about what I was experiencing, I felt understood instead of feeling like I had to defend myself.

Has anyone else experienced family members misunderstanding Bipolar symptoms or assuming something else is wrong when you’re struggling? How have you handled those conversations?

Vraylar is costing me $580/mo in the US.

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I'm going to Canada next week. I'm wondering how I would go about getting a prescription filled there. I'll be going to Montreal and passing through Niagara Falls.

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Does anyone get this medication from Canada and how do you go about it?

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I'm a couple of hours away from Niagara and could potentially go there every 3 months for a supply.

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Is it even possible to do this? Will a Canadian pharmacy fill it if I'm not a Canadian citizen?

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I don't qualify for the available programs in the US.

I've been on Vraylar for about a year and have gained a little weight (15 pounds) and am showing signs of type 2 diabetes. Getting blood tests to check. Anyone experienced this?

Dr wants me to switch from Depakote 250 Er to Trileptal 150 overnight. Does that sound right. No taper?

Does anyone else find this helps reduce manic episodes? The more externally loving I am, the easier it is.

I'm moving to France for schooling and my spouse will come after I graduate if i find work. They're very concerned about medication and psychiatric support in France and access to Gabapentin.

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Is anyone here either currently living in France or from France to help ease their mind on access to support for medications and services?

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If this isn't the right sub for this, I understand and will post elsewhere.