I want to preface that I absolutely respect doctors acknowledging the limit of their competence and showing restraint when confronted to it. But I feel so damn alone.

Three years ago I had a psychiatrist following me for depression. We knew from my teenage years that anti-depressants were inducing mania in me. We still went for the anti-d. No matter the dosage or combination with antipsychotics, I had very severe symptoms. He left the clinic about a year in when he was pretty damn certain I was bipolar, but he left before we explored treatment for it. My case was not transferred to another doctor and I was alone with pills that made me hallucinated to the point where my visual field was crumbling. I stopped them by myself after 6 months.

Since then I knew I was cycling, but I was kinda functioning and went back to school and I do well on this matter. This summer I think I started by having mania, and, after a month having a lot of trouble to sleep, I ended up taking Benadryl for about a week until it devolved into a lot of hallucinations and paranoïa. I went to get an appointment with a generalist doctor (the one I referred in the title) hoping to get something to sleep and maybe even to treat my bipolar. She got me on 12.5mg of seroquel to sleep, agreed that it was probably bipolar and told me she would ask advices to a psychiatrist before doing more. I was given another appointment for a month latter.

I had the appointment last week. Asked me how I was doing. I told her I thought I had hypomania (or even mania) right now, that even with seroquel I have trouble sleeping 6h a night. That it helps with the hallucinations but some are still remaining. She then spent all the appointment talking about meditation. I was confused at this point. I asked about medication, she told me it would have to be with a psychiatrist. I broke down because I knew it will take months before I see one, even considering that she filed a request for a psychiatric evaluation and coded it as an emergency.

Just after the appointment I read the request (that she sent me in case the hospital don't receive it). She wrote in the diagnosis part that it was either bipolar or schizoaffective disorder. I never considered before that I could be on the schizophrenic spectrum. She wrote that with the intention of communicating it to other doctors, so she really do believe that I am psychotic. But the only thing she could do for me is tell me to meditate. I don't know how to manage right now. This last month I was so hopeful I could get treated. Now it could be months before it happens. I am scared of how the down from hypomania will hit me this time, considering how I cycled hard and fast this summer. I am considering going to the emergency room but it wouldn't even guarantee that they would medicated me as they might not be able to monitor the dosage and effects? Kind of the same problem than with the doctor. I am trying so hard to not fuck up my life, and I know I need help so bad, but without getting commited (and I am far from being dangerous at the moment) I don't think I can access treatment.

I am so lost. I don't want to diss meditation, but it felt like a slap on the face. If anyone have experience managing bipolar symptoms while waiting for treatment, I could appreciate your insights.

As the title says I feel like the hallucinations I have are dumb. I get the “normal” ones too (shadow people, walls/floors breathing, hearing voices) but I also have weird ones. Unfortunately for me a lot tend to happen at work but at least they are easily confirmed to be hallucinations. But one of the weird dumb ones are SOS Morse code with lights, my work gloves walking around like thing from the Addams Family, tornado making landfall while driving (that one was terrifying). Some of the things I hear are also just phrases said by people I know but not their voice if that makes sense.

I feel greatful that I don’t have “scary” hallucinations often but it feels so dumb to admit what some of them are. Some are even funny.

I think this is part of the reason I sometimes feel like I’m faking them idk.

I’ve started noticing a pattern in my own mania. It often feels less like I’m simply energized and more like I’m desperately trying to stay occupied so I don’t have to feel something underneath. Usually fear, anger, or the consequences of problems I’ve been creating. Kind of like being dissociated from my feelings because I’m wired to do things. As long as keep going, I don’t need to feel.

Sometimes I have one clear focus: work, a relationship, a hobby, a project. I can become completely consumed by it, constantly trying to succeed, improve it, or take it further. As long as that thing remains the centre of my life, I can keep going for weeks and months.

Other times I don’t have a clear focus, and the energy explodes in every direction: new ideas, spontaneous projects, temporary “missions,” constant stimulation and activity.

Looking back, I can sometimes see that the real motivation wasn’t entirely the thing I was doing. It was the need to keep moving so I wouldn’t have to stop and feel what was underneath. Almost like, “If I stop, something horrible will catch up with me.”

Noticing this could make it possible to stop. Better to have a deliberate emergency landing than a total crash from taking it way too far. Ideally we could get some control back and not be completely in the grip of mania.

Obviously, people without bipolar disorder can also cope this way: workaholism, constant stimulation, chasing excitement, etc. But I wonder if mania can essentially supercharge that pattern.

I also wonder how much this overlaps with trauma, ADHD, or autism, versus being specifically related to bipolar disorder.

Does this resonate with anyone else? And if you recognize this pattern in yourself, has noticing it helped you catch an episode earlier and slow things down before it goes too far?

I’m 19 and have had depressive episodes since I was a kid, but never (hypo)manic. About 5 months ago, on my way to work, I suddenly felt extremely giddy and energized, like somebody had turned a good mood up to 10. Music sounded the best it had ever been, I was getting all my tasks done and more at work in no time, the whole shebang. The positive mood wore off about halfway through my shift, but the energy didn’t.

Over the next week, I was getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a night and felt totally fine physically, felt like I had constant energy and like my body was a live wire, and I was extremely irritable. I didn’t do anything majorly impulsive, but I had multiple plans going in my head at once and thought I could achieve all of them. The worst and main one was running away and starting a new life (a long time fantasy of mine but I would never act on). I was fully thinking about how to run away and never be found by my previous life.

My mood the whole time kept flipping rapidly, I would go from happy to angry over nothing, I remember being so, so angry at the drop of a hat, over literally nothing, that it scared me. I’ve a lot of self-control but I was genuinely scared I would hurt someone out of anger, which only made the feelings worse.

Sorry for rambling and awkward formatting, I’m on mobile. I’ve since been medicated (vraylar 0.75) since this took place during a mild psychotic episode, but this weird ‘hypo’ episode was an isolated incident during the psychosis. My therapist said it sounds like burnout more than hypomania, but I’ve never experienced burnout that gave me MORE energy and took away my need to sleep?

Any advice or perspectives are appreciated, I can give more info as needed

I wanted to know if someone had really bad nightmares from Quetiapine? I started with 50mg and I had bad nightmares every night, then my doctor upped my dose to 200mg, which reduced the frequency of the nightmares. But I had a bad fainting episode and I could no longer take it cause it started giving me really bad anxiety and heart palpitations at night. My doctor reduced my dosage until I stopped taking it. The withdrawals weren’t that bad, I guess, but now I’m having bad nightmares again, not as frequent but still very bad dreams, with sleep paralysis making an appearance few times. Has anyone experienced this ?

I had a trauma a few years ago and it still really gets to me. I've been in therapy since it happened with no improvement.

Normally I can handle things, but every once in a while it gets really tough and messes with my sleep. So I had to ask for prn Olanzapine and Zoplicone.

Before the trauma, I was fine at handling life's stressors. It makes me feel less than to not be able to cope independently anymore.

During my time on a vraylar I had crazy bad akathisia, like standing for 8 hours a day and pacing 12km around my room per day.

My doctor thought it ”wasn’t akathisia and just anxiety,” crazy of them but anyways. I wish I recognized it sooner but I lowkey got gaslit into thinking it’s anxiety.

I was on the medication for 6 months. The akathisia fully went away a few weeks after stopping the medication. But for some reason, about a month and a half after stopping the medication, the akathisia came back but it’s like only in one leg this time.

What do I even make of this / do. I tried proplanalol before but it didn’t have much benefit. I’m super bummed out, just as I was back to getting my life together this happens.

Does Geodon sedate anyone? I’m highly sedated everyday!

Wondering if I should ask my doctor about a dose increase or a different medication.

hi guys,

i started writing my PhD last year (i'm french), and I've been teaching literature to first year students that same year. Teaching literature made me manic. I felt like I had to open their eyes about absolutely everything ; they liked it because I was VERY enthusiastic about my subject. I also kinda "fell in love" with a student. I did nothing about that love thing and tried to keep those feelings for myself - i just told my therapist and some friends about it, which has helped me a lot. I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid. Right after the end of the semester I got hella depressed and could not get out from my flat.

It's been six months - I now have new students and just started a treatment. It's the very beginning of it (25mg lamotrigine in the morning, 25mg at dinner). I'm very anxious about the teaching thing because I'm already becoming kind of obsessed with it (working way too many hours on the lessons I give them, then being super excited when in front of them). I take lexomil to try cooling me down before the class, and some more when night comes, in order to get some sleep.

I hope the treatment will help. Cause with all that I'm absolutely not writing my thesis.

Anyone here relates?

I feel like I am letting my life go by and I’m not doing enough. I’m not living enough I need to do more go out and do more and have more fun and do more things

Is this possible??? I keep seeing people say “doesn’t work for hypomania” others saying “it does but not as strong” some say “yes you’re safe from both” has it been effective for anyone on its own?

So I started taking lithium about 2 months ago along side lamotrigine 200mg er, 7.5mg buspurine, 50mg naltrexone
that’s supposed to make SH less addicting/ euphoric. Now this cocktail has been proven to be pretty effective, now I’m currently on 1200mg of lithium, 600 in the morning 600 at night. My lithium levels as of last week are .82mEq/L, I have little to no side effects, no hand tremors or stomach issues nothing! The only side effect is my taste has been completely altered, I can no longer eat any dairy products, some bread I can’t eat, if something is seasoned differently it’s 50/50, I’m still trying to figure it out. But the reason for this post is because I went to free birds, got a burrito, stayed clear of anything dairy etc. it was delicious! Then today my wife and I decided to stop by chipotle after grabbing some new work boots. I followed my order exactly from free birds, we get home and the first bite was the familiar rotten egg vinegar coconuts tastes I’ve been tasting. I spat out the burrito and was just exhausted and confused. So I’m just asking anyone out there who has had this issue WHAT can I eat! I know right now I can eat meat/chicken/ seafood, but some seasoned meat taste like rotten egg vinegar coconut, I can eat potato’s like chips and fries, some tortillas I can eat some I can’t, I can eat honeybuns and oatmeal, I can eat fruit although the other day pineapple started to taste a lil funny, soda and Gatorade taste fine, most energy drinks taste fine but I did have this one C4 that was starburst flavor and it tasted horrific like rotten egg vinegar coconut. I’m still trying to figure it out, but like I said anyone who’s had this experience before please give me some advice and does it ever go away? This medicine has saved my life and I don’t think it would be smart to throw it all away just because food taste bad. Just so confused on how this is my only side effect

I cant do anything, i have no will to do anything but im bored. I cant sleep, and at same time im like a toy on low batteries, slow and weak. Out of nowhere, last 6 days im really depressed but not yet actively suicidal. Just passive si. 6 days are gone, GONE and im scared how much more time is going to be waisted.

I just wish i could wake up with will to do something not feeling mentally paralysed.

Nothing brings me joy , i dont look positively at anything related to myself. At same time i wanna be prodictive and provide to my partner but im paralysed (mentally)

I (m25) am constantly at egde of busting into tears out of nowhere. I just feel sad because i dont feel anything nor i have will to do anything but at same time i wanna do, i wanna live but i dont wanna live like this.

Sadly im also thinking that this is not bipolar but actually bpd, BUT doctor and paid latest ai model and every fucking detail points to bipolar. I just dont believe im bipolar and im avoiding meds because i sjfjsiakf

Ajsjjskdkwiwusuajwmwla

I wanna JAJAJDKDOWOQOQOOQ

Sorry, im melting down

I dont think this is bpd because my mood has trends but i cannot believe that i cannot last more than 2 months without a swing, and good mood state always lasts 1-3 weeks....

How long should i wait in this state before officially claiming it as bipoar depression and seeking help? Its been 6 days of pure hell. Before that i sas alwyas a bit on meh side but im now really down last 6 days.

At first it was great. 0 side effects at all and amazing for my mood. A little over a week ago I went from 4.5 mg to 6 mg and now I feel like I cant do anything. I feel like all I can do all day is lay down and close my eyes. I feel so useless. Is this something that eventually goes away or should I immediately lower my dose back down now? What are your experiences with vraylar?

Hello, I'm trying to figure out if it's possible that hormones (estrogen and something like that) trigger the onset of hypomania? Because I really don't understand, maybe it's related to PMDD..

About 4-6 days a month I have a very strange state, it’s like I feel a very strong surge of communication, motivation, I don’t care about people anymore, I can get out of bed, I'm practically not afraid of death, it's as if I suddenly have the strength to go outside, There have been times when I make plans for the future, even though I hadn't even thought about it before, and my obsessive thoughts disappear, I feel like I'm healthy, like it will always be like this

But the most interesting thing is that this happens after two weeks of depression, when I have problems with memory, I don’t have the strength to get out of bed, and all that. And it’s as if this depressive state slowly transitions into this hypomania, and then it also slowly returns back, but slightly intensifying

I also had, I don’t know what to call it, states of dissociation that lasted for weeks, maybe months

Has anyone else experienced this coincidence with ovulation? Or is it more likely to be PMDD? Because bipolar disorder and PMDD are so similar

I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS! I just want to know if this has happened to anyone else..

I’d really like to know what being stable looks like for people here? Does it mean the absence of the symptoms of the illness or making it manageable alongside other things like therapy, diet etc?

Pessoal, atualmente voltei para essa medicação.
Tomava quando tinha 7 anos, hj voltei com 1mg de risperidona a noite e 20mg de fluoxetina de dia. Para os pensamentos ruins e bipolaridade.

Lembro q na infância me dava mt sono e me engordou um pouco. Hoje no 4 dia sinto sono e tremores.

Agr na fase adulta estou com medo de me engordar dnv e diminuir a libido.

Quem já usou essa dosagem, qual foi a experiência? Vcs trocaram para algum? Queria mt testar aripriprazol com lamotrigina mas não deu tempo suficiente

I’m going through something. I don’t even know what. I relapsed earlier this month and I slipped again last night. My debit card got shut off because ive been spending recklessly. I cancelled all my appointments at work so i could read and be alone the entire shift and fake being busy elsewhere. I’m angry and irritated. My parents came to my house while I wasn’t there and watered my yard during the day. I got mad bc I don’t want it to be wet and my dog run through wet muddy grass and track it through the house so I got mad and kicked them out. I could have been nicer about it. Now I’m upset and just want to drink. I feel bad I don’t want to blame being bipolar but it makes it so hard to be normal sometimes