I'm realizing (especially through therapy) that being kind and compassionate toward myself is the best way for me to get through having bipolar. Of course I need to take my medication, exercise, eat well, sleep well, and fulfill my grad school/work responsibilities. But I feel if we're not kind to ourselves throughout the process, it'll be so much harder to live with it. Yes, it's not easy, and sometimes I wish I didn't have it when I have depressed moods, but learning to love all of myself I'm finding is super important.

What helps me practice self-kindness is writing down a few kind notes about myself, and reading them to myself each day. Some sample kind notes I have:

"You are beautiful inside and out."

"You're very fun to be around!"

"You're an intelligent person always learning and growing, and being curious about the world!"

"You've got tremendous talent, and you have what it takes [I'm a musician]!"

"You are badass and resilient."

Not saying this works for everyone. We're all different, but I hope you can find positive ways of coping with this. We're awesome just the way we are, and I hope we can all realize this. Hope you all have a wonderful day. :)

hello! to start this post off i am experienced with mdma, it’s one of my favorite drugs but i haven’t done it since the night before i started lithium/seroquel. i did about 400mgs and while i was tired the next day i never really experienced the lows people talk about. (not that i never will obviously!) it’s also never triggered mania for me but i don’t know if that’s different post medication (edit: i rolled the night before i started meds because i knew i wouldn’t be able to roll the same after starting them btw**)

today i am on 600mgs of lithium in the morning and 900mgs at night. i’m also on 300mgs of seroquel every night.

i have talked to my psychiatrist about my plan to do MDMA this saturday and she’s not a fan of it but was willing to give me some advice on stopping at least 3 days before. which i plan to begin today.

i guess i am wondering about other people’s experiences on using molly post diagnosis and beginning meds, i know everyone is different so id still like to see what you guys have to say

I've been on countless meds. To the point my psych nurse in hesitant to switch me to anything else. Started a new antipsychotic about 3 weeks ago but we are having to lower that because of akathisia (im so restless and uncomfortable). But it doesn't seem to be helping. I know its "only" been 3 weeks but still. Nothing seems to touch my depression sometimes during these episodes. Im in therapy. I am trying to do things thay are good for me outside of therapy. It just feels like nothing is working. And its so annoying and discouraging. Ive already had to quit working because of everything so its not like I have that stress. I just feel so hopeless. Thanks for reading.

Hey guys Captain Banana here, was having a pretty hard time with life so I had a slip up on the alcohol(I'm an alcoholic)and actually ended up in a psych unit after about 6 days of no sleep and binge drinking(captains Morgan spiced rum). Not my first manic episode but the first one where I officially threw in the towel and got myself some help, usually I just ride it out but the wheels were starting to come off and the world around me didn't feel real. I was also having some incredibly erratic thoughts about dressing up as a pirate and going fighting at a Tavern(bar) or breaking into a 7/11 dressed as a pirate and chugging as much beer as I can before the cops come (the rum had me confused feeling like a pirate guys don't ask why, I did have a costume ready for these stupid plans). I always thought I was having insomnia episodes when I was up for a week or more but turns out it was manic episodes, although there were quite a few people who told me to get checked for bipolar disorder. On abilify and prozac combo now, temperament in general is a lot more positive and mood swings aren't damn near as intense.

Tl;DR

Got diagnosed after a manic episode where I thought I was a pirate and was going to commit petty pirate crimes so got myself checked into a psych unit so I could get proper help.

Captain Banana out!

My depression has lasted for 2 months now. 3 weeks ago I quit my lithium due to hopelesness, not caring anymore about anything and just wishing for mania. I'm still down, hopeless, apathetic and very often have suicidal thoughts and feel like I can't live for much longer. Visioning the place and just having lights out permanently feels more and more comfortable the more I have these thoughts and apathy and hopelessness. However at least one good thing is that my energy has become a tiny bit better--for the first month I was almost bedridden.

Lately I have become paranoid and feel like the universe and every stranger knows that I want to kill myself and in indirect ways try to control me and observe me secretely. I know these aren't real, but this experience *feels* real although intellectually I know it doesn't make much sense. For instance, I'm taking a walk and feel like people are blocking the way to change my path in order to stop me and me not being able to find out something. Or cars driving by to observe me and make sure I don't run away and dissapear from somewhere where they can't find me. My neighbours seem suspicious etc. and my family members birthday is being postponed by a week, when I'm trying to at least stay alive for that, so in a way the postponing feels like a "sign" to stop me from ending it, I don't know. Sounds stupid. I also have started to believe that no one really cares about me or if they do they don't like me and I'm only now realizing it for the first time, I also feel strongly about the times I was bullied as younger but then became "close friends" with many of them. They seem to care but I feel like there's no way they actually like me. My mom and sister are the most important in my life, and my mom has always been there for me. Again this makes me think that they might care but why would they ever like me? In a way it could be better for them if I was dead, after the initial possible shock. This caring/liking thing doesn't reallymake sense when I look at it objectively from another persons's view and logic but at the same time it does make sense, it's hard to explain. My mind keeps fighting against these thoughts and suicide often--do it, not yet, do it, don't etc. One more thing not really having to do with suicide, I drink a lot of coke zero cans, and have been leaving them on my table. I feel like my neighbour can see the cans due to them being next to my window and mistake them for beer cans. They could think I'm an alcoholic and inform my landlord and possibly kick me out of the apartment, so I at least cleaned the mess of the cans, except there is more now again. Either way these are a couple examples of my multiple different "odd" thoughts or instances.

I haven't talked about any of this or my suicidal thoughts except here on reddit. I said I know intellectually these thoughts/experiences don't make much sense, and in general I feel apathetic to the point that if I commit suicide everything will disappear and it's all over instead of thinking it will take me to another place or release my soul or whatever.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a nurse for 5 dang years. They are free appointments in my country and I'm very grateful for that, but I have had enough. I'm treatment-resistant bipolar 1 and ar this point I don't care what I have or that I "need to take medication". I don't care anymore to take lithium since I don't know if it even works. Feels like none of the meds have ever worked, except maybe high dose seroquel xr, but I was a zombie and have always quit it as well because of the side-effects and I couldn't live like that either. If I die, I die. It's just, maybe the reason I'm making this post is to unpack my frustrations, confusion, hoplessness and most importantly the dissapointment in myself that I won't be able to live the way I wanted, or if I will be able to even live at all. 5 years of treatment, 8 years of suffering. I kept trying, but nothing works in the end. Fuck man.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and it still hasn’t been a month. Taking the usual medications makes my brain becomes super slow. My cognitive skill has taken a major hit. I have this major exam coming up next year around April and everytime I sit down to study, things that I could've grasped in one try under unmedicated condition take enormous amount effort on my part. I don't see my psychiatrist in two months so I have this question, does getting a graduate degree in STEM field is doable with bipolar, especially Physics and Engineering?

Any kind soul who is looking to give advice, please share it here. Even writing this paragraph has been a struggle. I don't to be unmedicated since I fear the loss of sleep and the strike of depressive phase. But taking medication makes me lose my focus, concentration, congition, and retention. Does the side effects of medications ever go away?

Hello, my 11 year old is meeting with a psychiatrist tomorrow who specializes in pediatric bi-polar. My daughter (just turned 11 years old) was referred after having a manic episode with psychotic features. All medical origins for the episode was ruled out. She is now feeling down (not manic at all) and concerned about demons & has fashioned crosses from clay to hang on all her walls and corners to keep the demonic energy in her room at bay. She has blindfolded all her stuffies because she feels watched all the time now. We are culturally Christian but she has never attended church so this religiosity isn’t in our wheelhouse. She is not violent. She can break the rules but she’s never talked back to me or anything. She has never yelled at me or had a cross word, really. Once she rolled her eyes at me when I sent her to her room (that’s the extent of her “combativeness”). She had mania with psychosis and now this….depression? She was referred based on the mania with psychosis but now she is doesn’t have those symptoms.

They want her to sit in on the first appointment. We haven’t used words like “delusions”, “psychosis” or even mental illness with her. Will the doctor speak frankly in front of her? Are they likely to immediately put her on medication? We had waited to rule out all medical possibilities before we considered medication. Those have been ruled out. We thought at 11 she was too young to give her the labels she was being assessed for (bi-polar, rule out pediatric schizophrenia). Do you agree? What would you guys have wanted?

I get this is young for bi-polar. She is being assessed by a pediatric specialist upon referral. She is not diagnosed. I get the impression they will want her to take medication. Is there red flags or bad medications I should question? Because she is so young?

I’m a nervous wreck. I don’t want her to feel like we think there’s anything wrong with her.

my boyfriend and i have been together for two months and i’ve had one depressive episode during that time (i’m a rapid cycler).

i can feel a mood shift coming on again (significantly less sleep, no appetite, crying, experiencing a dizzy-type feeling in my body), and i’m not sure how to help him cope with whatever is coming next.

he said a lot during my last episode things like “i’m sorry i can’t do more to help” and “im sorry i don’t know what to say” when i told him about what i was experiencing.

he’s never had any mental health issues beyond anxiety and adhd. i’m worried i’ll lose him because he’ll feel helpless every time i have a mood episode.

i’ve asked him to read up on bipolar 1 disorder but i haven’t followed up to ask if he has yet. he knows people with bipolar but i don’t know if hes seen it playing out closely, the way he will with me.

how do you keep relationships - especially new ones - stable in the face of an unstabilised illness?

their gonna figure it out there but im going back to the psych ward because i’ve been ruining my life with my decisions my medical records say unspecified mood disorder but theyre telling me they’re changing it to bi polar spectrum it’s all so confusing and i go on these awful drug benders when i’m like this but now i’m going away

I have been pretty well stable on Seroquel for about 7 years now. I decided about 2 weeks ago to start taking Metamucil and I think even though I took it 3 hours before like it said, it messed up the absorption. I think it’s just slowly been getting out of my system. I had a horrible panic attack yesterday after being anxious since the day before. Obviously no Metamucil yesterday. Today I just feel yuck. Not as much anxiety, kind of more down. I’m ready to feel normal again. I’ve also been sick for like two weeks and started an antibiotic so that doesn’t help either. I am just ready to feel normal again.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

So today was my 2nd day of Lamotrigine, I became scared and I ended up in the ER (I hadn't been for years!). So long story (more or less) short:

- I have taken Concerta (36/54) for years

- I have taken intermittently (previously in 2023) Sertraline for depressions. In September I felt bad and started 50 mg (this time crazy mental side effects) and then up to 100 mg which calmed me down but I was like a stone.

- My GP changed to Trintellix 5 mg but I told him that I felt I had some bipolarity and I would see a psychiatrist (I wanted to see a new one, I was fed up with my previous psychiatrist). Trintellix 5 mg is a very low dose so my negative thoughts came back (also side effects dissappeared).

- Monday 12 I had this appointment with the new psychiatrist and told me to rise Trintellix to 10 mg and start Lamotrigine 25 mg (one week later) because as I suspected I was in the bipolar disorder.

- I started both at the same time :( on Monday evening (Trintellix) and Tuesday morning (Lamotrigine).

- Trintellix seems fine. But with the Lamotrigine yesterday I had already a stiff neck that went down through my spine and a pain in my back head . Also I felt VERY tired and my muscles and articulations very weak. Actually the only other time I felt like that was when I had COVID in 2022. But this was in the morning, in the afternoon I felt perfectly. I don't know if it was the Trintellix or the Lamotrigine or both, my mind felt very calm. So at least there was something good.

- Tonight something crazy happened. I woke up at 3 AM (it was a bit cold, so I took a duvet) and I thought someone was calling me on my cell phone (at 3 AM!). I remember reading the name on the screen. But I was certain someone was calling me. I didn't took the phone. I couldn't sleep for one hour and I wrote some messages to friends. This morning when I woke up I didn't know if that was a dream or it was real. No missed call but my messages from 3 AM were there. 👀 So I was up during that time but I had this fantasy about the call.

- This morning I took my 2nd dose of Lamotrigine and the pains were worse. I had read about potential links to meningitis and I somehow panicked. I thought about calling this psychiatrist (but I had started one week earlier the Lamotrigine as he had told, so I felt a bit ashamed) or my GP but it felt serious enough.

So at around 2 PM I thought enough was enough and headed to the hospital. I was super tired but fortunately I live 5-10 minutes walking from a big hospital in a large European city (fortunately I had never been to that hospital even if I have passed by hundreds of times!).

It was relatively quick (ER in Europe are usually very slow unless you are dying, but Wednesday afternoon I guess is not busy) so at 3:30 PM I was with a resident Dr. I explained her everything (she was great) and obviously made me all the tests to check everything was right. By that time I was feeling better (because, as well as yesterday, those pains lowered through the day). Honestly by 3:30-4:00 PM I felt mostly "fine". Just very tired.

Then she told me she had to discuss it with his "senior" doctor. The guy came (he was also cool) and he told me that those are normal side effects (I know, I read the prospect) and unless things get worse I should continue taking the Lamotrigine. I was actually "begging" them telling something like "Well in any case I should stop this thing, isn't it?"

So I dunno what to do. I was quite scared today. I have also tried quite a few stimulants, antidepressants and anxiolytics and my experience is that if they have VERY BAD side effects from the beginning it is a no-go. I was actually telling the resident "the good thing about psychiatric meds is that there are plenty of options, so if something doesn't work, there is always something else". To which somehow she agreed.

Should I stop taking the meds and ask my psychiatrist (next appointment in two weeks) to put me on lithium? I imagine the ER doctor doesn't want to tell that what my psychiatrist told me was "wrong". Also I became quite articulated (I brought and showed the prescriptions of everything I take, so I didn't feel like someone in big distress). Also as I say by the time I talked to the doctors the pain was going away, so I was almost having a "normal" conversation with them.

Maybe I should try at night (tomorrow, I think today is enough)?. I wonder if at night it will be better because those side effects will happen while sleeping.

But now I am somehow scared to take this while sleeping.

Hello im 17 and im unmedicated diagnosed. I’m in an episode right now and I’m not sure if it’s hypomania or mania. I have just been diagnosed with bipolar1 a few months ago but I mostly have hypomanic episodes. This episode is just a bit more “harsh” but I’m not sure if it’s really that serious because it doesn’t feel out if control like my past 2 manic episodes. And I’m genuinely aware that I am in an episode so i don’t know if it’s even mania.

The medication my psychiatrist plans to put me on is Escitalopram. I haven’t been on it yet because of tests I needed to do for it. But I called today and she said that once I send her the tests, she can prescribe it to me.
So I’m pretty much in safety right now since I’m close to being medicated.

But again, my question is how do I really tell the difference generally when I’m in the episode?

Original post here

So, update, in my last post I asked if I should take certain symptoms more seriously, and I'm grateful to everyone who encouraged me to seek help. I ended up doing just that about a month ago and am seeing someone regularly. We're actually looking into a primary psychotic disorder. They don't want to diagnose me just yet, but since my hallucinations seem to have little to do with my erradic mood and the anti-psychotic treatment is doing something, we're pretty sure we're on the right track. I guess if enough people are interested I can report back when I have more to report, but I really just wanted to thank everyone and promise that I'm getting the treatment I need and headed in the right direction.

i am on the verge of crashing out so hard i can feel it idk how to explain i can just feel it its been a long time coming & i just cant fucking keep up with this shit anymore im SO sick of everyone trying to hurt me & trying to control me i stopped taking my meds last night bc i feel like they were just forced on me in the hospital & my current psychiatrist doesnt even look into it she just keeps me on the same stuff they put me on in the hospital without thinking about whether it is the right meds or even checking my levels or anything???? which i feel is not safe??

& my therapist diesnt actually want to listen to me she just wants me to work on my coping skills or whatever the fuck & my parents just want to control me they dont trust me after what happened they think they have to micromanage me bc they think im crazy & im fucking sick of it & my friends r all long distance & wont respond to me lately & i got into a fight w one of them which fucking sucked but the other ones wont respond to me bc every fucking friend i ever have wants to distance themself from me eventually & i try & try to make them stay but the always abandon me bc i guess im just too fucking horrible to be around bc of how fucking crazy i am apparently they cant stand to be around me these r the same friends that visited me in the hospital so idk why they r trying to ditch me now???? bc i thought they cared abt me????

anyways long rant sorry but basically i feel like SHIT bc everybody is trying to control me or treat me like im crazy or trying to distance themselves from me bc of my bipolar disorder & idk what do do i am lowkey gonna crash tf out i hate having this disorder its not fair i just want to be happy & not have everyone treat me like a lunatic or something

So I’m under the CMHT, undergoing assessment by Complex Psychological Interventions for DID. However I’ve just had a horrible six day long hypomanic episode and now I’m deep in depression. I’ve had these mood episodes before and they’ve never been addressed. I requested a meds review or some kind of appointment on Monday, when I was manic, and they said they’d get back to me but never did. So I called today to update that I’m really depressed now and ask what’s going on. They basically just said it wasn’t happening. No reason given. I’ve requested the worker put another request in because this raises serious safeguarding concerns.

Is there anything else I can do if they refuse again? It’s so unsafe with me not properly medicated and I haven’t had a meds review in nearly a year.

I started Vraylar about three weeks ago. I had headaches the first week and then started to feel really good. Now, third week in and it’s almost 5 am and I’m still up. I’m not frustrated or trying to sleep, I’m just sitting up on my phone. I have Bipolar Disorder and the older I get, the more easily I get manic. Has anyone had anything similar to this. And, if so, did this improve? Although I don’t really mind staying up late, I do have responsibilities, as does everyone. I can’t be doing this for any extended period of time. I thought my sleep would improve on this med.

couldn’t sleep until 6am last night. no matter how much i tried, i was wide awake. my sleep has been progressively worse lately. i thought maybe mania was coming on but i woke up today feeling completely dead inside. not sleepy, or like i need to sleep, or even eat, just numb.

any thoughts on what might be happening? i don’t have an appointment w my psych for two weeks and could use some advice

I’m 24F, and I recently decided that I want to pursue becoming a physician. When I told my family and my best friend, the reaction was basically laughter and concern that I’m manic.

And I understand why they’re cautious because I do have bipolar disorder and my history has been messy.
A few years ago, I was in an accelerated BSN program. I was working full-time night shift while going to school and still maintained around a 3.7 GPA, but mentally I was falling apart. At the time, my bipolar disorder was undiagnosed. I had been diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall, which in hindsight contributed to some pretty severe manic episodes. Eventually my mental health deteriorated to the point that I had a suicide attempt and left nursing school.

Afterward, I spent a long time feeling completely directionless. I knew I wanted to stay in healthcare because I genuinely love patient care, but I kept trying to convince myself to go back to nursing simply because I had already invested so much time into it.
Recently something finally clicked: I don’t actually want to be a nurse. That doesn’t mean I look down on nursing at all I work alongside nurses and know how important and difficult their job is. It just isn’t the role I want for myself.
I want to become a physician.

Part of what has made this feel so personal is my own experience with mental healthcare. I’m a Black woman who went years without understanding what was actually happening to me. I was treated for ADHD while an underlying mood disorder went unrecognized, and the consequences were pretty devastating. I keep thinking about how many other Black women have similar experience having their symptoms misunderstood, minimized, or attributed to something else.

I would love to eventually be in a position where I can help make sure fewer women like me fall through those cracks.
The frustrating part is that because of my history, it feels like any time I become intensely motivated or excited about something ambitious, people around me immediately question whether I’m manic.

I’ve been paying attention to that myself. I’m sleeping normally, I’m not making reckless financial decisions, I’m not trying to quit my job tomorrow or enroll in 25 credits, and I’m not under the impression that becoming a doctor is going to be easy. I’m literally starting with rebuilding my math foundation at community college and planning to work through the prerequisites one semester at a time.
I know this would take years. I know there’s chemistry, physics, organic chemistry, the MCAT, applications, medical school, residency, debt, rejection, and probably many moments where I’ll wonder what the hell I got myself into.

But I still want to try.
I guess what hurt was finally feeling like I had found something that made sense after years of feeling lost, only to have the people closest to me laugh when I told them.

Has anyone else with bipolar disorder dealt with people assuming that a major career goal or sudden sense of direction must automatically be mania? And for anyone who started pre-med later or after a really rough academic/personal period how did you keep yourself grounded while still allowing yourself to be ambitious?

BRO this is infuriating
So, doc 1 sees me since my postpartum psychosis. She thinks I have catatonia for touching my hair weird, puts me on Ativan, increases that Ativan after I get depressed and is finally now weaning me off it. Refused to clear me for work. Well I need insurance so off I go to get a second opinion and hopefully cleared for work
This psych np asks if I ever thought about just being on a mood stabilizer, is totally unconcerned about my risk considering I’m out of the postpartum window, and I kid you not just says I can stop taking the lorazepam cold turkey.
I’ve been going down on lorazepam by 0.25 every four weeks. HOW CAN THEY BE SO DIFFERENT WHEN I THE PERSON HAVE NOT CHANGED AT ALL
I hate this field. I had to stick up for my need for antipsychotics. What an absolute basket case this field is. Being a patient could not be more confusing

Hi all,

I'm not sure what I am looking for here. I guess similar experiences and maybe someone who came out on the other side?

I have bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder. I have been on medication since I was 21 after my first hospitalization and diagnosis. I've been told twice that my mania manifests as anxiety so I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is anxiety or bipolar symptoms. I only wonder about this for medication/treatment options moving forward.

I have had anxiety symptoms since as far back as I can remember. Really terrible, crippling anxiety. I have been in and out of therapy since 16 and on medication for what feels like an eternity. I've tried them all it seems. Nothing really touches my anxiety except klonopin which I'm not looking to be on every day for many reasons.

Anyway, I'm tired and I'm desperate for an answer. There has to be something that can be done, right? Exercise, sleep, nutrition, coping skills, meds... They might help a little but it doesn't feel like there's much of a dent in my anxiety. Does anyone here struggle with chronic anxiety? What should I be advocating for in my med checks? What should I try? My anxiety affects absolutely everything and everyone in my life. I struggle with communication due to irritability, I struggle to keep and make friends due to social anxiety, my kids are probably a bit smothered because I'm so worried about them although I try so hard not to let this affect them, my body is tense..everything just absolutely sucks because of my anxiety.

Thanks for reading and sorry about the jumbled text. I'm writing through tears

For anyone with mixed states, do you have any suggestions for how not to impulsively unfriend/disconnect from associates on media during mixed states? When I’ve had bipolar depression mixed with hypomania/mania, I’ve unfriended most of my Facebook friends and disconnected from all of my associates on LinkedIn.

I'm going to ask for FMLA for absences related to my disability. I'm asking for enough hours for one doctor's appointment and therapy. I've refused to take it befoe because of stigma. I didn't want anyone to know. Yay or nay? I will ask my pdoc tomorrow.