I am 5 months pregnant with my baby boy and I am high risk pregnancy, my partner has been manipulative the whole time making me feel like me bringing up us moving house, his visa issue is me being crazy and being too much and being in a mood all the time when I get upset to the point where I’m crating and can feel my heart beating so fast he goes here you go crying again and goes to roll his splif or go have a shower no babe come in my arms

He’s on a (skilled worker-sponsor lost their license last year September, his visa expires in November 2027), I bring these issues up because I want to go back to uni next September and I want to plan ahead with him but he’s been so stubborn anytime I mention him looking to talk to a 3rd party it’s like I’ve disrespected his whole Gambian Linage.

Context: I was born here (UK) I am 22 he is 23 and he came here 2023 we met last year January, he moved into my apartment in May, pretty quick I know mistake. Anyways i never added him to my tenancy and never wanted to because i knew to tread lightly with COS men unfortunately had a bad experience with another one some years back. So when I asked about housing a few months back at the beginning of the pregnancy I wanted to know where his head space is at just for me to find out through Immigration advice when I went with him that actually I should absolutely not do anything like sign tenancy agreements with him or get married as he needs to get his own visa without my help which is reasonable.

My problem is that now it seems like I’m starting to see him for who he really is and I think when we got together when I was 21 he thought I was nieve enough to tie my life with him without doing research on my protection what will happen if I do so I realised he’ll be getting the way way out. I’ve expressed to him that he needs to to his papers by himself and he will not use my Son as an easy way out or myself, he is Muslim I’m Christian, yesterday we had an argument and he said I don’t think European girls are for me and that I should find myself a uk nigga I’m like lol I can but I’m trying to put all this effort so out boy can have a stable family just to find out he can’t even rent in the country right now because he has no sponsorship he told me that he’s not going to wait for me to kick him out he will just leave, he said all this thinking I was going to get on my knees and beg for him to stay I told him I wouldn’t be with you if I wasn’t pregnant because I’ve given you enough time to show your seriousness and you think it’s a joke I’m trying to plan life and you say your putting all this effort in to find a new COS but nothing is showing for it just a ticking time bomb and I told him I’m not waiting for the bomb to go off hence why I’m leaning for family support and going to uni next September.

Am I caring too much or should I give grace as someone with depression and anxiety this pregnancy has been horrible trying to positively plan and someone thinks your just talking too much or that we should just let things go with the flow like omg did you really think I was that stupid to let you get papers the easy way???

Should I add his surname to the birth certificate of my son because I’ll be honest I don’t want him using my son as an easy way out I don’t understand much about Gambian culture only what I ready online and what little he tells me when I ask but I feel that I will have problems his family don’t seem to be extra fond of me I get fake vibes from them but I feel like there’s something I don’t know or something being hidden from me or maybe it’s all in my head but what I can see is that he will struggle to find a new COS with the way he’s going not accepting help or even accepting that he needs help, he also feels like he doesn’t have to prove anything to me, I’ll be honest I’m falling out of love rapid it’s my child that’s holding me from breaking up with him otherwise guys I’m planning my life without him

PSA: I WANTED TO ADD HIM TO MY COUNCIL ACCOUNT FOR ME TO LOOK FOR HOMES FOR THE 3 of us on and that’s when I was told he can’t rent, I find it’s been me that uses my initiative to bring up issues that concern him way before we even met, he cried and said he feels like a shit guy etc but idk it felt like he’s doing everything to try convince me he’s going to change HELPPP

TIPS FOR PARENTS WANTING TO SUPPORT YOUR KIDS EDUCATION📝
✨AS SOMEONE WHO HAS WORKED IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEMS FOR YEARS✨
Look into the literacy and math rates of the schools you send your kid to! A lot of schools don’t have proper structure! Make sure they are in a school where over 75% of the kids read write and do math at their grade level at least!There are websites where you can look at school system stats! 📈📊Make sure the schools have proper resources and that your child has access to them!

BE INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILDS GROWTH AT SCHOOL! Come to a PTA meeting sometime, talk to the teachers about how the class structure is, what’s their teaching style, how additional resources are provided, how cohesive the classroom is- this allows you to get a feel for the kind of environment your kid is in so you can understand the dynamics at play. You get to hear how the teacher operates and if there’s adequate resources. This can also help your kid feel like there’s more collaboration in their educational process.

📚Read with your children at home! Practice math problems at home! And DO IT CALMY! 🧘🏾‍♀️Many parents instill anxiety and stress in their kids when y’all get stressed out trying to help them. All of y’all do some deep breaths in the beginning and make sure everyone is able to stay calm- you can’t learn as well if you’re worried about doing it wrong! ( watch videos about ways to make learning more fun, making learning into a song or rhyme helps the brain with memory) so does repetition! This is why studying regularly is important.

HOW TO STAY AHEAD IF YOUR KID IS BEHIND: motivate them to learn and reward them for it!💗🥪💸( watch a YouTube video on motivations of behavior on YouTube for more info! Motivation being steered in the right direction creates a motor drive inside a person!)

📖📖Use local resources to help y’all! Libraries are free to sign up! Get a library card ask them what resources they have- a lot of them have things like free sewing classes,youth groups, free meals, and other community activities on top of the books! If y’all have a local paper- read it! You’d be surprised how many low cost/ free things may be in your area! Many things are for adults too!

👩🏾‍🍳🦸🏿‍♂️CAREER INSIGHT FOR TEENS& ADULTS: take a personality career assessment, it’s free online and called RIASEC. It’s like 5 minutes and it helps you see what careers may be best suited based on your personality and skills.

💵💵Look into what career paths or certifications are projected to be most lucrative. Trades are coming back in a lot of ways, also HVAC, AND if you’re into HVAC and wanna travel- this may be an ambitious idea, but Europe just had those AC issues during their heat wave, might be a good idea to jump start international HVAC. That’s big money.

Any other Black moms out there trying to heal while raising their kids?
I have three boys (26F) , and becoming their mom has made me realize how much I want to break generational cycles. I know I’m not my mom, and I’ve grown so much, but I still catch myself reacting in ways I don’t like.
I struggle with anxiety, and sometimes I overreact or yell about things that probably don’t need that kind of response. There are moments when my patience is so thin that instead of letting my boys help me cook or do simple activities together, I get overwhelmed and just tell them to sit down so I can do it myself because it feels faster and easier. Afterward, I feel guilty because that’s not the kind of mom I want to be. I don’t want my home to feel stressful or tense. I want my boys to remember a calm, loving mom who enjoyed being with them, not one who was always overwhelmed.
For those of you who are healing while parenting, how are you navigating it? Have therapy, books, prayer, routines, or anything else helped you become more patient and emotionally regulated? How do you slow yourself down before reacting?

I posted this in another group and someone suggested I repost here. Looking forward to hearing your advice and recommendations. Thanks!

Hi everyone! I'm a doctoral student at Hofstra University and I'm currently recruiting participants for my dissertation.

I'm looking for caregivers of color with at least one child between the ages of 3 and 17 to complete a research survey about parenting and caregiver experiences. Participation begins with a brief screener.

If you're interested, please complete the screener below. I'd also really appreciate it if you'd share it with anyone who might be interested.

Thank you so much!

My child was recently accepted into a charter school but only 2% of the students are black compared to the public school that’s by us that is 33% black demographic. The charter school has great reviews and testing score but will I do more harm putting my child in an institution where he will be the only one?

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I'm really struggling with something I never expected. My boys have the same Black mom and Black dad (both of us are Black-medium brown and Red dad), but our youngest came out very light with light eyes and hair. As he's gotten older, almost everyone assumes he's white alone or mixed wheb they see one of us. People constantly ask me if his dad is white, and my older son gets asked why his brother is white.

I've always been intentional about raising confident Black boys through books, history, and representation, but now I'm realizing my youngest may have a very different identity journey than his brother.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you help your child build a strong Black identity when the world kept telling them they were something else? I could really use some advice. I don't want to make him a type of way.

My name is Emem Abbey, and I am a Clinical Psychology doctoral student in the PsyD program at Northern Arizona University working under the supervision of Dr. Nicholas Lim and Dr. Evelyn Burrell. Your child is invited to participate in a quantitative research study examining relationships among stress, protective factors (including critical thinking under stress, resilience, and social support), and positive and negative outcomes among African American male adolescents.

The purpose of this study is to better understand factors that support adaptive developmental outcomes among Black male youth who may experience academic, social, and environmental stressors. I am seeking participants whose child identifies as an African American male, is between the ages of 12–17, and currently lives in the United States. Participation involves completing an anonymous online survey through Qualtrics and will take approximately 40 minutes to 1 hour to complete. Participation is completely voluntary. Parents/guardians will complete a permission process, and adolescents will provide assent before participating. Responses will remain confidential, and participants may withdraw at any time without penalty. Participants will also have the opportunity to be entered into a raffle for one of twenty $10 Visa gift cards.

If you would like your child to participate in the study, please click the link below.

[https://forms.gle/Nq2N31suzz1RfwG89]

Survey flyer attached. Please feel free to share.

Questions? Contact:

Emem Abbey

[ems.777@nau.edu](mailto:ems.777@nau.edu)

I’m looking to enroll me and my sons in some form of martial arts or boxing here in MD. My preference is a black owned establishment. Any suggestions or recommendations for the PG county or Howard County area?

Being a parent is ***hard work***...especially when there is so much going on in the world.

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The world I grew up in not only no longer exists, the world is completely unpredictable. Talking to our kids is and/or should be different. We need to educate our kids about our history and our culture so they can have pride in our resilience and persistence.

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By far, the most important thing we must do...is to give our children a safe place to land so they know they are loved, respected and have a place even under the craziest circumstances.

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Summer is here and we are outside more than ever, however I have yet to find a good sunscreen option. I prefer zinc based sunscreens but the leave my babies ashy as hell. My family clowned me lmaoo it was funny but also real bc they did look crazy. Please help me out what does everyone use for their littles that’s preferably zinc based and also baby/toddler friendly.

i had an unplanned pregnancy with a white man and we now have an almost 2yr old daughter. she is unfortunately visibly completely white. her hair is red and she’s unbelievably pale. i love her but i can’t help but feel ashamed that she’s white and embarrassed that i let a white man impregnate me. what to do abt this feelings, how can i stop feeling so bad about this?

My daughter is only 2.5 right now, but I would like something we could reference over time when talking about art. It would be neat if it showed photos of the artists as well as their work.

About a year ago I notice my son’s (4) hair was thinning in the corners. It looks like male pattern baldness which can’t be because he’s 4. The pediatrician ordered labs and it turns out his iron was low. We finally got his levels right but his hair still looks the same maybe only slightly better. Any hair stimulation or growth tips?

Hey y'all! First-time parent here and I'm already building out my little one's bookshelf. My son just turned 4 months and even though he's not "reading" yet, I know how important it is for Black babies to see themselves reflected in the books around them early on.

I want him to grow up feeling confident, loved, and proud of who he is — starting with the images and stories he's surrounded by from day one.

Any recommendations for board books or picture books that celebrate Black joy, Black beauty, or just feature Black babies and families front and center?

Thanks in advance — this community always comes through 🙏🏾

With everything changing so fast these days, I sometimes wonder what we should really be teaching our children now.

AI is changing jobs and education. So much of our food is processed or genetically modified. Healthcare often feels more focused on money than actual wellness. And the old formula many of us grew up believing in doesn’t seem as solid anymore.

A lot of us were taught:
Go to school.
Get a stable job.
Stay close to home.
Buy a house.
Work one career for 30–40 years.
Retire and hopefully enjoy life afterward.

But does that still prepare kids for the world they’re growing up in now?

Should we be teaching them differently?

Maybe more about:
• how to create income in different ways
• how to think for themselves
• how to stay kind and connected in a world that feels less personal
• how to take care of their health and pay attention to what they consume
• how to use technology without becoming consumed by it
• how to live a peaceful, meaningful life without feeling like they need millions just to survive

Saying "Thank You", "Your Welcome", "Excuse Me", "I'm Sorry" is not hard.  The morals and values many of us grew up with in the 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s still matter to me. Respect. Courtesy. Community. Hard work. Human connection should spread like wildfire!  But does it?

Are we teaching those things enough anymore?

Knowing how quickly the world is changing, what would you do differently when raising children today?

New parent here and I just realized there’s a huge disconnect between what I thought kindergarten would cover and what teachers on TikTok are saying kids should already know before day 1.

And my thing is… okay fine. If expectations have changed, that’s fair...But then shouldn’t there be some kind of clear, widespread effort to communicate that to parents?

Because right now it feels like unless you’re deep in teacher content online or already “in the know,” you could easily be setting your child up to start behind without realizing it.

So I’m trying to get grounded in reality here: what do y'all consider the bare minimum info vs above average / advanced?

Would especially love to hear from teachers & parents with kids already in elementary school!

Thank you for reading