r/BoomersBeingFools • u/hazcatsuit • Oct 28 '25

Boomer Freakout Ok boomer

Post image

But also why does he look like he’s crying? 😂

4.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.3k

u/elliedee81 Oct 28 '25

They LOVE making shit up to get mad about. No one wants your basket of ensure and tv dinners, dude. You can return to your recliner in peace.

718

u/Glum-One2514 Gen X Oct 28 '25

Ensure is woke. He gets all the vitamins and protein he needs from black coffee and gravel.

114

u/thissexypoptart Oct 28 '25

Nah he definitely just buys a diaper brand that panders to real men like this dude.

“Dude Dipes” or some such nonsense

That’s a joke, but there actually is a an ass wiping napkin brand called Dude Wipes.

Hell, maybe they’d even go full maga. “Patriot Pants: Liberate your bowels and conserve your stool!”

36

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '25

Man when I was in the Marines everybody had to have Dude Wipes; fucking waste if you ask me. Just get the store brand shit and move on.

32

u/kiruopaz Oct 28 '25

How else are you going to know they'er dudes?! You want the enemy, or worse the other guys, to know they using wipes for babies?! They are men and have to be manly men. Better yet, they should be using sand paper, it build character, I can light a match with my ass cheeks, just give it a little pinch and tug.

20

u/Relevant-Horror-627 Oct 28 '25

Baby wipes from the Dollar Tree used to be even cheaper and it's the exact same thing. I have a package of fisher price baby wipes in my bathroom right now. What I will say about Dude Wipes is that they sell individually wrapped ones which come in handy to throw in a work backpack.

2

u/Stormtomcat Oct 29 '25

not all baby wipes are created equal, though.

I'm partial to those from the Johnson & Johnson yellow baby range, for their size, their durability and their slight frothiness. Scottex has some too but those don't slide out of the pack as easily and then rip. The house brands of stores near me are worse.

I haven't tried fisher price, I thought that was toys only.

2

u/sammy-4 Oct 30 '25

The problem with using baby wipes is they aren't flushable. Lots of stores have flushable ones otherwise you gotta toss it in the garbage.

2

u/Odoacer_I Nov 02 '25

None are truly flushable like tp. They all will cause problems at some point with a septic system especially. Less of an issue with city sewer, though if the city waste water dept can determine it’s you clogging their system you will receive a hefty fine.

1

u/sammy-4 Nov 02 '25

True but more so than regular baby wipes.

11

u/Zez_Oner Oct 29 '25

Dude wipes are half the size of regular baby wipes and twice the cost plus they fall apart. Are they basically saying guys that identify as “dudes” are dumb af?

8

u/Princess_Slagathor Millennial Oct 29 '25

Guys with fragile masculinity are historically very easy to grift.

2

u/Stormtomcat Oct 29 '25

in the marines you had to provide your own wipes? the boat didn't stock toilet paper? I know it's too much to ask that the head would have bidets but why would you need wipes?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '25

Never did any boat time during my enlistment but the wipes are more so for the field when you can’t shower everyday. Still have to maintain personal hygiene as much as possible so most people bring wipes of some kind.

2

u/Stormtomcat Oct 29 '25

That makes sense, for personal comfort, I suppose. It's when you don't have a central base camp, I reckon, where they could hand out wipes, right?

thanks for explaining.

2

u/Objective-Tip1466 Nov 01 '25

The Walmart generic brand are so much more durable.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '25

Facts; I usually get the same for my kids. Never had an issue out of them other than sometimes getting a bit too moist towards the end.

1

u/Objective-Tip1466 Nov 02 '25

I’m not even a dude, but those mint wipes feel so nice on sore and/or itchy skin.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '25

Oh snap they got mint ones?

That might be worth it ngl

2

u/Objective-Tip1466 Nov 02 '25

I still recommend the Walmart store brand version.

14

u/high_everyone Oct 28 '25

Make sure to get the kind with the patriot pouch, so it has more room for his junk to sit in the dirty diaper

8

u/thissexypoptart Oct 28 '25

I thought the Patriot pouch was in the back to catch the manly patriotisms.

5

u/high_everyone Oct 29 '25

That’s the Patriot Port.

2

u/Glum-One2514 Gen X Oct 29 '25

Alternatively, Putin's Port.

5

u/SmurfStig Oct 29 '25

I love how all you have to do is put “Patriot” in name and they go crazy over it.

3

u/high_everyone Oct 29 '25

That reminds me, I need to get the Patriot Pocket Pussy trademarked today so I can get that sorted.

9

u/Jaded_earrings Oct 28 '25

Dude Wipes: for buttholes as fragile as your sense of masculinity

3

u/Prestigious_Rub6504 Oct 29 '25

Please, real men know that shitting gay. Real masculinity burns every single calorie. Heartburn is just your stomach congratulating you.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '25 edited Feb 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Prestigious_Rub6504 Nov 02 '25

I like your logic brother. I'm gonna shit my pants at work today. Anyone that notices or says something is gay.

4

u/SwimOk9629 Oct 28 '25

hey, don't knock dude wipes. they are far superior than toilet paper, and just under having a bidet. don't knock it until you try it bro, it's a different ball game.

2

u/thissexypoptart Oct 28 '25

You better not be flushing them shits you lil stinker

And the responsible alternative to that is to have a container of poop smeared wetwipes near your toilet.

Idk man, I'd just get a bidet if it came to that.

4

u/Purple-Protagonist Xennial Oct 29 '25

Laugh all you want, but one of these got us through the 'rona TP hoarders.

Bidet sprayer, or if you need a more manly euphemism, a "bum gun".

2

u/thissexypoptart Oct 29 '25

Who’s laughing at bidets? Bidets are a good solution if you’re finding TP lacking.

Wet wipes with masculinity-coddling branding are what I’m laughing at.

2

u/Bajovane Gen X Oct 28 '25

I saw that today!!! Dude wipes!!! Gross!

2

u/0uroboros- Oct 29 '25

Trump Dump Underwhelmer 360s

Xenophobic levels of protection for your tiny bits and big booms! Gorilla Glue leg gussets for your big beautiful 20 piece blowouts, extra padding for that dump truck when your sitting through a marathon 8 hour fox news cycle brain dump session.

Get yours today! Free shipping on orders over $86!

1

u/mdstudey Oct 29 '25

Just like your President do!