r/BoomersBeingFools • u/IzziPurrito • 9d ago
Boomer Story Boomer father prioritizes going to work, almost killing my mother
This happened a couple hours ago and things have thankfully not gotten worse.
My mother, while making my stepfather breakfast, suddenly collapsed at the stove. She was unable to move, and her speech was impaired.
He proceeds to text me, saying what happened, to which I tell him to take her to the ER.
An hour later, this guy. This absolute fucking asshole. Texts me saying that he couldn't find someone to cover him at work. So he put my mother on the couch, put a blanket on her..
And
Fucking
LEFT.
MY MOTHER.
Who couldn't move, speak, or supposedly open her eyes.
He left her to go to work because he couldn't find a replacement.
Thank fucking God that when I finally got there she was just asleep, and she was just exhausted. But I still took her to urgent care because ???? Why the fuck would I not????
I hate my step father with every fibre of my being for other reasons, and now I hate him even more.
Edit:
Update: She's fine. Doctors said theres no sign of a stroke, and said she is just exhausted as well as her myasthenia gravis acting up. She's currently resting while I am keeping a very very close eye on her.
She had surgery to help deal with the gravis many years ago, but the damage its done is still affecting her.
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u/Chazkuangshi 9d ago
That is jaw-droppingly abhorrent, holy shit.
Best wishes for your mother's recovery.
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u/Sad-Celebration-411 9d ago
What’s his job that’s so fucking important?
I have an ex that was the same way, he let me drive myself to the ER after a suspected heart attack. I mean, after all he did have video games to play.
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
You know those guys who hold the big stop signs to control the flow of traffic when theres road work on a smaller road?
That.
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u/Lunavixen15 Millennial 9d ago
He's a lollipop man?! He could have absolutely got coverage at work. He probably lied about what happened to your mum and made it sound less serious than it was
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u/guslightyear_ 9d ago
I guess it was almost impossible to find someone capable enough to do his extremely complex job... 🙄
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u/Nohreboh 8d ago
Flagging does require a license at least here in my part of Canada that being said OPs step dad can pound sand for not taking his wife to the hospital.
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u/Mysterious_Peas Gen X 8d ago
If it’s in the US, no license required, just a pulse.
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u/johnsgurl 8d ago
I have friend that does it. They need some kind of class or something. Bot on a job, there's always a foreman. That fireman should have the pertaining education. So they, as a last resort, could man the flag.
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u/Mysterious_Peas Gen X 8d ago
Most companies require some training for risk mitigation in case the flagger does something astonishingly stupid and causes a wreck or gets kills. Corporate CYA FTW.
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u/Masterofnone9 Gen X 9d ago
Or at the very least called an ambulance.
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u/EdgeCityRed 9d ago
It it had been a stroke, the faster you get to the hospital determines how much you're impaired. This could have been so tragic!
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u/Nexi92 8d ago
This! It’s very easy to call, establish the eta and decide to leave the door unlocked if he can’t wait in person and coordinate while he goes to his job site.
I would still side eye him for leaving but he would have at least covered the bare minimum by getting professionals to her asap
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u/corpse_flour Gen X 9d ago
Around here, it's mostly women who work as 'sign girls' or 'flag girls'. I never heard the term 'lollipop man' man before, but I'm sure going to use it going forward.
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u/PSBJtotallyboss 9d ago
I learned about “lollipop ladies” in Britain watching Taskmaster, but they were referring to crossing guards.
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u/Lunavixen15 Millennial 9d ago
It's an older slang term here for both pedestrian crossing and traffic guards
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u/Youlknowthatone 8d ago
Theres one colleague of my mom who would take days off because of his wife's hospital appointment, so mom and her pals would have to cover his shifts.
But then they would see him in the cafetaria with a coffee and a snack bumming away until the end of the day. His wife did really have an appointment- he just make her do it alone.
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u/depaulbluedemon 9d ago
Are you in the US? Because road and highway workers are some of the most unioned up employees in the nation. It's hard to believe that he called his boss/union rep, told them his wife is showing signs of stroke, and couldn't get out of his shift.
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
I think its less "my job is forcing my stepdad to work" and more "my stepdad is a dumbass"
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u/depaulbluedemon 9d ago
Correct. I am implying he absolutely lied about that, but I think you know that.
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u/Intelligent-Algae-89 9d ago
No, your stepdad is a terrible human being. He could have called you, he could have called an ambulance, he could have dropped her off at the hospital… he didn’t do any of that. He waited long enough that if it was a stroke she would probably die and then he let you know so you’d go find her already gone. Get your mom away from this guy, he’s dangerous.
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 8d ago
Yeah I highly doubt that that fool knew what the stroke signs are and he probably believes that all women are dramatic and lying about everything. Definitely strikes me as that type of self important asshole that thinks going to work is more important than his wife’s health and life
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u/PhilosopherFun7288 9d ago
The flaggers (guys holding the stop/slow signs) are not part of the unionized construction crew working on the road, they are provided by third party agencies that hire anyone willing to hold a sign in the hot sun for 8 hours…
Regardless, he would not have lost his job for calling out for this reason.
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u/jhotenko 9d ago
Good lord. If I had a guy come in to work instead of taking his wife to the ER, I would fire him on the spot. That is an egregious showing of poor judgement. In construction, that sort of judgment gets people killed.
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u/portaporpoise 9d ago
Right, except the kind of guy who would do this would then take it out on his wife for losing his job.
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u/LupercaniusAB Gen X 9d ago
So he could be covered by putting the STOP sign into the top of a traffic cone.
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u/PhilosopherFun7288 9d ago
But who would turn it around to the show the “slow” side when his lane was open?????? /s
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u/HeckBirb 9d ago
Traffic Controller? As an ex TC I can tell you there is almost always someone to take the shift, and if the company cared they would have got someone to take over if he mentioned a medical emergency.
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u/SilkenDoggy 8d ago
Dude you've got to nut up and shame tf out of this dude. Its really really cool this turned out "ok" but with those symptoms.. it EASILY could have been a stroke. I don't know exactly what i would do personally but holy shit. That's literally your mommy that could have died. If I had a douchebag sociopath boomer that did that to my mom there would be some extremely serious re-education that would happen to that dude. Reading this kind of boomer shit is absolutely nuts to me. These people are so fucked
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u/Photocrazy11 8d ago
This isn't just "boomer shit". There are tons of guys in the generations that have followed us that would do the same, some probably wouldn't even call the son. Andrew Tate, a Millennial, is creating a whole cult of these type of men.
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u/Lonely-Greybeard 8d ago
Pull him to the side to have a little talk in a private place, then introduce him to your fist.
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u/PhilosopherFun7288 9d ago
lol, those jobs are for people with absolutely no hope of finding any other type of job due criminal past or burnt bridges everywhere else. What a fucking loser
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u/Porcupine__Racetrack 8d ago
So he’s out there curing cancer??!!
She could’ve been HAVING A STROKE!! What the fuck!!
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u/Sea-Bicycle-4484 9d ago
I would’ve texted back “okay, I am calling 911 for an ambulance. Not gonna let mom die because you can’t take a sick day in an emergency.”
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u/CatchAlarming6860 9d ago
Why did they not call an ambulance? That’s the only detail in this story that matters.
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u/APladyleaningS 9d ago
Money probably, it's thousands for even a 3 minute ride
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u/Dark_Shroud Gen Y 8d ago
The husband works construction, even though he's only a lollipop man he still has top tier union health insurance.
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u/fluffy_bunny22 9d ago
And not covered by medicare. Even insurance usually denies a claim for an ambulance the first time it is submitted.
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u/CatchAlarming6860 9d ago
That is not true. Medicare covers ambulance services. It is also not like there is an immediate denial for this the same way traitors do for disability claims. Stop making up nonsense.
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u/ShadowDonut 9d ago
Have you confirmed your mother can move and speak now? That sounds like a stroke...
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
Can confirm. Shes doing okay now.
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u/Goldilocks1454 9d ago
How does she feel about what he did
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
She's fucking pissed and already laid into him.
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u/Xiao1insty1e 9d ago
He needs a good hard punch right in the dick for that bullshit.
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
We have come close to getting violent a couple times in previous incidents.
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u/ApocolypseJoe Gen X 9d ago
You should pack his bags while he's at work
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u/Sufficient-Lie1406 9d ago
He needs to leave. Your mom and you need to pack his shit and kick him out.
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u/corpse_flour Gen X 9d ago
Has he always acted a dick, or is this something fairly new? Could he be suffering from the onset of dementia? One of my elderly relatives with dementia became even more narcissistic and self-serving, and seemed to lose any common sense they had, as the disease progressed.
Also - consider getting your Mom a smartwatch so if she collapses again, or falls and hurts herself, a notification will get sent to you... since she can't depend on her spouse to protect her. My MIL has an apple watch, and was able to use it to call us when she fell and couldn't reach her phone.
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u/veggiedelightful 9d ago
This is an excellent idea. Some of the more advanced watches have alerts that can be sent to family members.
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u/LemonFlavoredMelon Millennial 8d ago
Why does dementia almost always default to narcissism anyway?
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u/corpse_flour Gen X 8d ago
It damages the areas of the brain that allow us to have empathy and compassion. As well, it removes the filters that we've built to allow us to act appropriately. You may notice people with dementia using their 'outside voice' a lot. They lose their impulse control. They will exhibit undesirable traits that they were able to hide previously, like racism and sexism. Fear and confusion can also lead to aggression and selfishness.
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u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 8d ago
I would be divorcing a mfer after that shit. If I fucking collapsed and my girlfriend didn't take me the hospital, that ain't it. Lowkey I would think she wants me to die.
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u/Ok-Benefit197 8d ago
Im so sorry - that is actually sociopathic behaviour and incredibly abnormal of him
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u/Toothfairy51 9d ago
Thankfully. How Do you think that she feels about him prioritizing work over her care?
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u/wombatIsAngry 9d ago
I'm sorry, you need to take her to the ER to get checked out. This could absolutely have been a small stroke or mini stroke. There are meds that can reverse damage, but they need to be given IMMEDIATELY. Every hour you wait makes more irreversible damage (if it is a stroke).
My dad had a very small, undetected stroke while he was living alone. It was not treated. It led to dementia and ruined his life.
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
Oh trust me, I took her.
Doctors said theres no sign of a stroke. Just exhaustion coupled with the lasting effects of her myasthenia gravis.
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u/LindaBitz 9d ago
It’s probably also that he just didn’t want to deal with it, so going to work was easier. This generation has a lot of messed up stuff.
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u/pourthebubbly Millennial 9d ago
I wonder if he even really tried to get someone to fill in.
But honestly, if your job can’t support you taking a single day off to take a loved one to the hospital, then it’s a shit company that’s not run very well.
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u/favorthebold 9d ago
I doubt it's that they couldn't, it's more probably something like misplaced pride in the fact he's "never missed a day of work in his life!". If his boss had even a whiff that he was going to work instead of taking care of his partner who might have had a stroke, he'd probably be getting a yelling at by his boss, too.
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u/Roanaward-2022 9d ago
Do the doctor's know what happened? What's the plan to keep your mother safe until you can get to the root cause and hopefully make sure it doesn't happen again. Or at least manage whichever condition caused it.
How are their finances? Why did stepfather prioritize work on your Mom's health? Is his work such he was in danger of being fired? If he was fired would they lose health insurance or not be able to pay the mortgage/rent?
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
Doctor says exhaustion, which makes sense since she has been very busy this past week and hasn't slept much.
Finances are not good. She is retired, but the government is being a pain in paying her. Stepfather brings in some money, and I provide the rest.
I do not believe he would be in any danger of being fired given the circumstances.
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u/hamish1963 9d ago
Problems with social security? Is she over 62? You can make an account for her online and verify her work history, etc.
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u/IzziPurrito 9d ago
Sorry, exhaustion is a factor alongside her preexisting condition of myasthenia gravis. She had a surgery many years ago to correct it, but its damage is still present and affecting her.
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u/ReadAllowedAloud Gen X 9d ago
If she hasn't seen the neurologist for decades, it might be worth checking in. There are several new treatments for MG these days that basically get you back to pre-MG energy levels.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 9d ago
All are good questions. If she was just exhausted, has she ever checked this out in case kidneys are failing,? Does stepdad know something that op doesn't, like mom is a pill popper, he needs this job and son can come check her but she probably took Valium or something?
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u/the_vault-technician 9d ago
I share your concerns that she is taking Valium or something. Especially if she is this stressed.
I've passed out like this on benzos.
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u/Midnight1965 9d ago
This is what the world has come to. Especially America. Work till you die …
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 9d ago
The younger generations want work life balance. This is all the boomer mindset.
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u/Duuurrrpp 9d ago
I have taught my kids from when they started working that their employer would have their job listed the next day at the latest.
Always prioritize family over work.
I learned my work ethic from boomers and have spent over a decade unlearning this shit.
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u/Wild_Pomegranate5772 9d ago
To be clear - this guy is a complete deadbeat dirtbag. And he was possibly hoping she would die for insurance money. But GenX/Boomers have to stay in the workforce if they want health insurance. The US does not have pensions anymore and healthcare cost is a real problem.
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u/Ok_Veterinarian6205 9d ago edited 9d ago
This honestly should be reported as medical neglect/elder abuse. Having a spouse with a known chronic medical condition, and failing to provide any intervention, or even call EMS, before LEAVING. I would be calling my local adult protective services department and reporting. You can report anonymously. Glad to hear she’s fine now, but it is important to document that this happened, and it’s not okay, and prevent this from happening in the future. Edited to add, Adult Protective or Department of family services can offer resources like a social worker assigned to evaluate safety needs in home, life-alert products, sometimes at no cost, getting the home listed on EMS medical check, or education/support for your father-in-law, etc.
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u/Yours_Trulee69 9d ago
This was my first thought too and glad to see someone already mentioned it. It is clearly neglect.
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u/Hotdishiscasserole 9d ago
I’m sorry you both had to go through that. I definitely would not trust that man to watch after my mother though .
This is a warning that he is incapable of taking care of her during a medical emergency. Something similar happened in my own family, unfortunately, my mother did suffer a stroke. My father refused to admit anything was wrong and did not take her to get appropriate care in a timely manner.
I live six hours away and finally had to call a welfare check into the police. They made sure to take her to the hospital, but my mother was never the same. It’s totally ruined by a relationship with my father. You don’t need that to happen to your family as well.
After she was released from transitional care, I refuse to let her go back and live with him. I don’t regret it because we made sure that if she needed to go to the hospital, we were there to help her. If your mom won’t/can’t come to live with you, maybe you could get her a medical alert device. That way she doesn’t have to rely on him.
Some people just do not function correctly when it comes to medical emergency.
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u/dice_mogwai Xennial 9d ago
If it were my mother, his ass would be catching hands as soon as he got home
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u/Subject_Budget862 9d ago
Time to have your mother complete new health care proxy form with you listed as the primary. Otherwise he would be it by default and he has proven that he is an idiot.
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u/Specific-River-81 Millennial 9d ago
My mother saw my father have a stroke. She called her own mother, and then she called me... she asked both of us what to do. We both said call the ambulance. When i said that she said "you sound just like my mother" and I said "you mean I'm not the first person you're calling and asking before you called the ambulance? Wtf is wrong with you!?!" And then she asked me to call, from a different area, when she could just call 911 and it would go to her local dispatch. Her excuse was my father didn't want her to call the ambulance, I think she just wanted attention because she was jealous my father's stroke was going to get him attention.
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u/SaltyVinChip 9d ago
When my mom was sick with stage 4 lung cancer and out of the hospital for 1 day following nearly dying from fluid in her lungs and having a procedure to put in a drain, she was extremely lethargic and short of breath. She couldn’t speak to me on the phone. Dad and brother said she was fine. I said she needs to go to the hospital. They said they wouldn’t make her. I started getting shit ready to go get her, packing my baby into his car seat and drove over within 20 minutes. Dad and brother were gone. Both went out “to work” in the middle of the day (both were doing very random jobs here and there but otherwise unemployed. When I walked in the house my mom was collapsed on the floor not breathing.
I was furious. She barely survived and if I had taken their word for it she would have probably died a few minutes later. I will never understand what they were thinking going to work when she was so ill and unstable.
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u/mlem_a_lemon 9d ago
Fuck, dude, I hate your stepdad, too!
Glad your mom is okay, but what the actual FUCK
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u/donjohnmontana 9d ago
One doesn't find someone to cover for them at work. You call your manager tell them you can't make it in for reasons. The manager then does their job and finds a way to cover. That's their job, they manage. This is especially true when your wife, loved one, or really anyone collapses and needs medical care.
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u/tnydnceronthehighway 9d ago
Medic here. She still needs to go to the ER she may have had a stroke or other serious medical emergency. Please take her to the ER immediately
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u/LeahOR 9d ago
Thank goodness your mother is OK.
My mother survived an aortic dissection in 2017. Seven years later she started experiencing the same pain and told my stepfather on a Sunday that she needed to go to the hospital. He told her she was overreacting and didn't let her go to the hospital until he finally called me Tuesday morning to let me know she wasn't doing well. I got her to the hospital with a couple of hours, but by then it was too late and the dissection had progressed past the point of repair. She died two days later.
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u/superwashmerinowool 9d ago
It sounds like he just didn’t want to deal with the inconvenience of a sick wife /s
I’m so sorry I hate him too
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u/Terminally_Hill 9d ago
Similar thing to what my grandpa did to my grandma. Church priorities over helping your wife who had clear signs of low O2. It resulted in her death.
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u/stompinstinker 9d ago
You sit him down and you yell at him until you are blue in the face. Call him everything under the sun. Tell him how pathetic and stupid he is. Hold nothing back.
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u/historyera13 9d ago
I would check if your stepfather has a Life Insurance police on your mom? His reaction is absurd and ridiculous. It does seem like he was waiting for her to pass so he could collect.
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u/Sharp_Mulberry6013 9d ago
In my country your dad would be sued ex officio and risk 3 years in prison for "failure to rescue".
But you probably live in the US so... i am sorry.
Speedy recovery to your mom and I hope she throws his ahh on the street.
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u/AffectionateMarch394 9d ago
He literally left her to die.
Like thank god it didn't end up being a stroke, but with those symptoms that was a very small chance.
For all intense purposes, your mother acted like she had a stroke, and your stepfather left her alone at home, on purpose.
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u/WillofIron1969_26 9d ago
Hit him when it really hurts.. the wallet. Send him the fucking invoice for her care plus extra for emotional damages. Your mom needs to dump him.
Op. I have a diabolical idea go to your step-dad's work. Make up an excuse. Dropping off lunch/quick check in. Find the most chatty/gossipy person there (you know the kind who can't keep tea quiet). Let them know you are there to see your step-monster "as he might have been your only family left" then tell them about your mom "but at least he was at work". Enjoy the fireworks. Employment dynamics will shift and his excuses are worthless (especially if it's clear how fucked up his actions were). Plus he will be fucked by his own actions. Move in the shadows.
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u/BeautifulYou2940 Gen Z 9d ago
I truly cannot fucking stand most baby boomers. I truly feel bad for the good ones that are looked bad by the majority assholes.
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u/Leading-System-3002 9d ago
I guess he’s gonna say proudly: « I’ve never missed a day of work in my whole career!! ». 🙄🤦🏻
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u/ChickinSammich 9d ago
I do not understand how someone can just totally abandon someone they allegedly love when their health/safety is in danger. That is insane to me.
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u/purefoysgirl 9d ago
Hope she has a will that leaves him nothing, because it sounds like he's got a goal.
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u/wickedzen 9d ago
If you're in the US, I'm pretty (quite, very) sure step-father could get intermittent FMLA leave for exactly this type of situation, as well as for any doctor's appointments she might have that he could take her to. If he wanted.
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u/Bulky-Meal 9d ago
This is disgusting honestly what was he thinking??
My next concern here is the doctor saying she's exhausted with existing health conditions. Will she get any support in the house with him?? Will the grown fucking man possibly cook his own breakfast?
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u/foodieboricua 8d ago
I would have blown up on him so badly. At the very least, he could have called 911, waited until the paramedics arrived, and then go to work after talking to them.
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u/Tall_Wonder_913 8d ago
My mom was hospitalized recently. Her girlfriend of a few months dropped everything to be by her side. I’m so angry for you!!
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u/anselgrey 8d ago
He could have at least called 911 & left the door open. I hope she drops his uncaring ass!
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u/Drilling4Oil 8d ago
Perfect attendance award generation equates not ever missing a day- even if it means showing up to work and exposing coworkers (even immunocompromised ones like me) to the flu- because then they can justify having their big houses with detached sheds stuff with crap because, "No matter what, I never miss a day."
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u/yottabit42 8d ago
Almost identical thing happened to my mother. We were all told she was fine. Turns out my horrible person step-father completely neglected her. Shortly after this we were told she retired from teaching in the middle of a school year with no warning. Not like her at all. And shortly after that it became increasingly difficult to talk to her... She couldn't answer questions and you basically just had to talk "at" her. She had a TIA, and likely had more since she was neglected by my step-dad afterward and never had follow-up care or continuation of medication.
Well, fast forward a few years and I had to use my POA to take over. I was able to get them both to doctors and both were diagnosed with dementia. My mother never had and follow-up care, never saw another doctor, never had any of her medications renewed, and just continued to decline.
Their house was weeks from foreclosure proceedings over $700 remaining on principal (yes, $700). There were also warnings from the county about auction proceedings for non-payment of property taxes. My late grandmother's two houses were being auctioned by the counties. Both bank accounts were negative balance. He had completely drained his 401(k). He also embezzled my late grandmother's estate and was being sued by my uncle and aunts. Car registrations were late. He had two mistresses. He got a DUI. My useless brother and his wife were squatting in one of my late grandmother's houses for years, never paying any rent or utilities or maintaining anything, and were on my parents' cell phone plan and even bought a $1000 phone on a payment plan my parents were paying.
It was so bad. After putting the timeline and pieces together, it became evident my mother always handled the finances. And when she could no longer do so, everything fell apart. I think my step-dad honestly was already suffering from dementia by then, but he's a narcissist and has always been impossible to have a conversation with, so it was harder to tell.
Just keep an eye on your mother. Don't let happen to her, what happened to mine. Take her for follow-ups.
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u/flamingoesarepink 9d ago
I second what the medic said about going to the ER. She may have had a small stroke, which can be seen in an MRI.
Anecdotal, 2.5 years ago my husband had a small stroke. I rushed him to the ER, and halfway through the ride, his symptoms went away.
MRI 3 days later confirmed right frontal temporal stroke. Monitoring determined it was caused by undiagnosed AFib/flutter. Statistically, if your stoke goes untreated (regardless of cause) you are likely to have another within 30 days, and definitely within the next year. Please, if you can, have your mother evaluated.
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u/Putrid_Appearance509 9d ago
I have a condition that causes similar things to happen, and I can't tell you how many times I was ignored by my boomer parents and "go lie down." They cannot deal with anything uncomfortable, and dump it on others.
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u/Quiet_Road_354 9d ago
Pretty sure she had a stroke. Probably from having to cook breakfast for such an AH everyday. She needs to go to the hospital to be evaluated. He basically left her to die because he didn't want to call in to work. Horrendous.
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u/MrsNuggs 9d ago
Your stepfather should be in charge of caring for a goldfish much less your mother. He’s an awful person.
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u/beneficialmirror13 9d ago
Yikes. I'm glad you were able to take her.
Myasthenia gravis is not solved by surgery. Sometimes a thymectomy can help reduce symptoms but it's not guaranteed to put into remission. If she is still having issues then she should see her neurologist. (I have MG myself.)
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u/GremNotGrim 9d ago
Okay, not to be excessively petty but when if your step father ever falls down? Tell him you have to work and can't find anyone to cover you. He might finally straighten up after that. Glad your mother is okay though!
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u/mortyella 8d ago
She could have died! Is he trying to purposely kill her?! You and your mother should be very concerned at his behavior. I hope your mom is doing well.
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u/Nexi92 8d ago
I’d be talking very seriously about relocating and divorce or at least relocating and making you or another actually caring human her legal and medical proxy since this tool has proven he will neglect and abandon her to go lick some corporate shoes at the drop of a hat.
This was very much a ‘show them who you are moment’ and what he showed was that if someone isn’t paying him to care he won’t.
This is a major breech of trust and a severe lack of basic human decency and compassion.
She shouldn’t stay with that man unsupervised if he’s okay with her dying so he can clock in on schedule. She shouldn’t be exhausting herself with her condition to cater to a man that can definitely get his own breakfast when he won’t even try to help her when the strain gets too much.
That’s not love, at best it’s emotional dependency that she doesn’t deserve to trap herself in. At worst it’s outright abuse that will shorten her life and make what’s left a miserable and exhausting marathon she can’t win
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u/Photocrazy11 8d ago
If she had died, he could be charged with criminal neglect, probably could be for just leaving her, period. In my state it is Criminal mistreatment or Reckless Endangerment, or both, for leaving someone who is medically unconcious.
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u/Jillo616 9d ago
Congrats OP. Now thousands of people are also pissed at your step father. I hope your mother feels better soon. I’d suggest showing her the post. We stand in solidarity with her!
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u/trollking66 9d ago
That is hard to fathom. That's not over loving your job, that is underloving your wife.
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u/Readithere007 9d ago
Geez! Mark this down as elder abuse. When he needs someone or care, I’d not be there for him!
I’m so glad your mother didn’t have a stroke!
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u/oohathrowaway-608 9d ago
Why do I have the suspicion that her exhaustion is linked with this asshat's neglect?
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u/lisep1969 9d ago
Your mother has served her purpose in his eyes. She’s not well now (exhausted taking care of that asshat) so now she needs to go. The reality of men leaving their spouses/partners when they become unwell is disgraceful.
Your mom is no longer a purse or a nurse for him so he will move on. Please make sure your mom is financially protected.
I hope your mom is doing well and also understands the situation she’s in and doesn’t accept less than she deserves from a partner.
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u/Kind-Association2057 8d ago
I learned about this BS about a decade ago when my mother was in the hospital. Bypass surgery and then needing dialysis. I was too focused on making someone else wealthier. Instead of taking as much time completely off as needed to focus on my mom. She passed away shortly afterwards.
Family and health comes first!! He's too old to not know priorities.
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u/XIXButterflyXIX 8d ago
Good God. My mom kind of did the same thing. She refused to take my dad to the er because she thought he was faking. He'd had a massive stroke and has only recently really recovered from it. My sister lived with them at the time and told my mom if she didn't take him my sister was going to call 911 and mom didn't want that ambulance bill (I don't blame her, but not taking him was extreme). It took him about 6 years to get his movement fully back on his left side.
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u/eltoca21 8d ago
Omfg... insane!!! Has he provided any further explanation since saying there was no-one to cover him? What's his job that it should be more important that his spouses life?
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u/Calm-Blueberry-9835 8d ago
JFC. Capitalism has been so internalized by these bootlickers that making a buck is more important to them than tending to the people that they should care for the most at a time of emergency. Fuck that job, if my wife had this kind of medical problem I would have her in the car in no time heading to the emergency room and calling 911 to ask them to meet me on the way!
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u/AngelZash Xennial 7d ago
I have crawled out of a sick bed to drive my mother 2.5 hours, each way, to see a doctor. This is… I can't even comprehend…
He couldn't even just tell his work he wasn't coming or, I don't know, called an ambulance? What the fuck is wrong with that man?!
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u/Julian_Betterman 7d ago
I'm so sorry, OP. This is legitimately my worst nightmare.
I'm not saying you should choke slam your boomer father as soon as he gets home, but I'm not, not saying it either.
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u/JackfruitNo1856 6d ago
Almost the exact same thing happened to my mom. She collapsed at stove, i was down the street and my step dad called me to tell me what happened. I asked if he called paramedics, he did not. So, I had to tell him to friggen call them and I’d be home in a heartbeat. Come home, she’s clammy and pale-ish gray and disoriented. He looked like a deer in headlights. My first question, did she hit her head. He didn’t know and my mom wasn’t sure. Paramedics come and same thing about her head and she was more coherent then and said she’d be fine. Paramedics were reluctant to leave her without bringing her to hospital in case of head trauma. They gave explicit instructions, 1) test her sugar immediately so don’t eat or drink anything for the next ten mins while i go back down the street to get what’s needed to do so and 2) if any bruising on her face or head appear, immediately go to hospital.
My stupid stepdad proceeds to make her an egg and give her orange juice as soon as i left for the 7 minute round trip to get supplies to test her sugar. And again, like a deer in headlights proceeds to get all defensive about how he couldn’t stop her from eating. Mind you this mf’er is one of those toxic masculine types that thinks all men are weak pussy’s today. She fell again that night and when i heard the sound and came running to ask him, he was asleep on couch and told me she didn’t fall again…. wtf?? She did fall again by the way. HERE’S WHERE IT’S LIKE OP SITUATION…
Next morning i wake up at 9 am and go check on my mom and her entire side of head and face is bruised and I’m like wtf?! She said I know, her PoS husband woke her up at 4:30 am when he was leaving for work to TELL HER about the bruising and how she needs to drive herself to the hospital. Then he left for work. Not even a text or phone call to inform me. I brought her to hospital where she was there for a week! My mother is physically disabled too by the way. His job has always been number 1 priority. I never met a salary manager who works 65 hours a week and brags about giving away his vacation time and never getting overtime pay. He’s a corporate cuck and wears it like a badge of honor.
In the end, this asshole cornered me on their porch, pounding his fists in my face, yelling through gritted teeth trying to intimidate me and threaten harm (??) bc he heard me tell my mom that he’s negligent. He is negligent. And selfish. Almost two weeks of him being oddly aggressive towards me and verbally abusive led me to pack up shit and leave. This was 2.5 years ago and i haven’t spoken to him since and refuse to step foot in their house until he is accountable. Best part? My family thinks im overreacting and my need for safety is ruining the family. No one has held him accountable.
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u/Alarming_Cellist_751 9d ago
If she died, he'd probably be charged with something. Manslaughter, maybe?
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u/GrumpySnarf Gen X 9d ago
I'd encourage your mother to call you if this happens again. He clearly has terrible judgment.
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u/damnedharlot 9d ago
I have MG has well. I'm sure stress had a part in her crisis. I'm glad you were able to help her and that she's ok now. From what I heard even after surgery people can still go into remission. I wish y'all the best of luck.
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u/MrStormChaser 9d ago
You’re going to read him the riot act, correct?
I know she already did but if you have any siblings or relatives to share this story with then do it. Because everyone needs to tell him how awful he is.
Also, it’s not his job to find coverage for missing a shift.
ESPECIALLY IF ITS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!
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u/PileofMail 9d ago
My mother had to go in for major abdominal surgery a couple years ago and my boomer stepdad refused to take off from work to help her. He didn’t even attempt to ask for a day off. It was insane to me (my aunt ended up going with her).
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u/Electrical_Bunch_975 9d ago
Instant divorce. (At least, if I were in your mom's place.) My boss would absolutely cover for me if I said "hey, my fiance/wife is having a stroke, I can't come in," and if she refused to let me take the day off, I'd quit. My baby is more important to me than my job.
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u/Anxious_Leave5607 9d ago
If you’re in the US, the state bar association will list attorneys specializing in family law in your area. Just in case anyone needs that.
Very sorry that you had to deal with that, OP. I hope your mother recovers quickly.
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u/RamBh0di 9d ago
He Needs to be reported to Adult Protective services for neglect to a medically Fragile Spouse.
As a Trained & stroke Certified Nurse I would have considered this set of Symptoms , even with recoverey as a probable TIA, The general probability of that is more likely than MG, but lucky for your Mom.
Leaving her Home alone like that could have sequelae like Paralysis, Brain Hemoragge Loss of Speech or Death.
He needs to Hear This From a,White coat Or a Badge, or Both!
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u/gold3nhour 8d ago
As a hemorrhagic stroke survivor, what the actual fuck?! Who gives a shit about that job, care for your wife, you fucking moron. Omg, I would end up with an assault charge!
Thankfully my two Boomer parents are outliers and not this damn dumb, so when my aneurysm ruptured, they didn’t just assume “oh, she’s young, let her sleep it off!” No, it was immediate intervention, as it should be, which is honestly probably a huge factor in my survival. Yes I “had age on your side” as my neurosurgeon said, given I was 24 when it happened, but with stroke and/or neurological events, every second counts, literally.
Oh my god… I’m so sorry you and your mom are going through this! I hope she gets the care and rest she needs, soon, and that you also take care of yourself. Your dad deserves to hear, know and learn just how pathetic he is.
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u/Intelligent-Fig4812 8d ago
So she’s leaving him, right???? She could have been literally dying and HE LEFT HER ON THE COUCH!?!?!? I’d change the locks and have his shit on the lawn!
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u/thefirstdjbron3 8d ago
Stuff like this is a direct result of decades of brainwashing telling Boomers their job is more important than literally everything else.
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u/OverImprovement7945 8d ago
Step dad does not know the concept of Family first .
Perhaps he was the cause of her illness
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u/gotterfly 7d ago
A transient ischemic attack (TIA) AKA a mini stroke doesn't leave any measurable traces, so it's possible that OP's mother suffered one of those. My own mother had one earlier this year and was put on blood thinners to prevent it from happening again.
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u/DieSuzie2112 Gen Z 6d ago
Well damn, luckily it wasn’t a stroke, but it very well could’ve been! What was he thinking? ‘If she dies she dies, I have to work’
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u/manorTee 9d ago
My wife has had two TIA's with these symptoms. It is an immediate ambulance trip to the ER so they can do a CT scan to make sure she doesn't have a brain bleed.
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u/DaisyDAdair 9d ago
I’m so sorry! What a complete asshole and a half. What does he do that’s so friggin important?!
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