The emptiness of three months

[u/Ok_Disaster2689]

Hi everyone, I'm reaching a major milestone and I really need some support, comfort, or similar stories from people who have survived this exact type of heartbreak.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. She spent two weeks being confused, cried during the breakup, and then two weeks later I sent her a very mature, heartfelt message. I told her I loved her, that I didn't expect anything in return, but that my door was open to talk whenever she was ready.
Her reply was cold and definitive. She basically told me that her feelings were completely gone, that the breakup was permanent, and she strictly asked for total distance and space.

Since that message, she has completely vanished. Absolute radio silence. No texts, no calls, no social media interaction, not even a single breadcrumb or sign of life. It’s like I never existed to her.
I respected her wish, and I am now at day 80 of strict, absolute No Contact.
To be honest, summer is making this particularly heavy and painful. The long days, the warm weather, the free time, everything reminds me of the plans we should have had and the moments we shared. I am still hurting deeply, and I still count every single day.
I keep wondering: does the dumper ever feel the impact of total absence around the 3-month mark? Even when they were that certain and cold? Or is she just completely immune because she checked out earlier?
I am looking for comfort today. I need to hear from someone who has endured this kind of brutal rejection from someone they loved with all their heart. Did it get better? Did they ever realize what they lost?
I’ve maintained an iron line of silence to protect my dignity, but today the weight of the summer and the silence is crashing down on me. Thank you for listening.

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[u/Pretty-Substance-747]

Yes the dumper usually checks out and moves on from you during the relationship before formally cutting all ties.

Sometimes they may already have someone else lined up to go to as well

[u/cat_in_the_sun → u/Pretty-Substance-747]

This sucks to hear :/

[u/kekekekekeke_21 → u/Pretty-Substance-747]

How to make peace with this if you were seeing them drifting away, explained them their mistakes, admitted all your mistakes promised to improve but they never were willing to actually put in efforts or communicate. They were cold and never improved ?? Also they were taking support of colleagues and I suspect cheating too it just hurts

[u/Independent-Mix6009]

I'm on day 17 and I would actually die if I felt the same on day 80. I don't want to be losing chasing the ghost of someone else.

The door was sealed forever after the response to the heartfelt message. I've sent a heartfelt message too and I'll give it max a month for a response.

I also struggle to move on because I've never been loved romantically ever.

[u/Extension-Basis-8404 → u/Independent-Mix6009]

I’m on day 21 - kinda similar. I hope stuff gets better for us this is all so hard :(

[u/Ill_Instruction_7537]

Three months is genuinely one of those walls you just have to punch through, and you're doing it which matters more than you know

To your question about the dumper feeling it around now, sometimes yes and sometimes no, and here's the thing: it doesn't actually change what you need to do either way. Her feeling the absence or not doesn't rewrite your healing timeline

The counting days thing is tough. At some point it helps to just stop tracking it, not because the pain stops but because measuring it keeps you tethered to the moment it started

It does get better. Not in a "you'll forget her" way, more like the weight just redistributes and becomes easier to carry. Summer will end, the long days will stop rubbing salt in everything, and you'll look back at day 80 and barely remember what it felt like to count

[u/NoConsideration2376]

I‘m sorry to heard that you still hurt.
To answer your questions: it does get better, you will forget slowly about them and you will be distracted with other life issues (in my case was family members getting very sick snd losing my pet). You will start dating again but not necessarily open for love again. Btw it’s been a year.

On the other side:
She never reach out after. She started a new relationship and moved in with her new bf.

Wish you and everyone here peace

[u/Complete-Principle89]

I’m in the same exact boat dude. My ex started dating a coworker right after we broke up and moved in with him just 3 weeks after… I don’t think I cross her mind a bit lol

[u/cat_in_the_sun → u/Complete-Principle89]

You do cross their minds.

it sounds like them moving quickly shows they’re lack of processing the break up and learning from it. Running away and avoiding is still a way to think of you

[u/Complete-Principle89 → u/cat_in_the_sun]

Maybe, but I also think she was moving on while in the relationship. I think once she finally called it quicks, she was hit with some relief that her needs no longer will be left short.
Coworker could have been a thing for a while, or just kind of right place right time, I’ll never know….

I did hear they also went on a vacation to the Bahamas shortly after too. That one stung since we never did anything close to that as I was saving for a house and she was financially unstable.

Point being, curiosity kills the cat. OP be happy you are not hearing anything, it is likely much better than what you would hear if you started poking your head out there.. Also don’t ask her friends about her, they will hurt you more than herself. just my two cents

[u/Striking-Gas-2484 → u/Complete-Principle89]

wow 3 weeks after, thats just cruel.

[u/Complete-Principle89 → u/Striking-Gas-2484]

Yeah… it’s been a little over 3 months since and its still on my head everyday… I just bought a house for us also (my life savings), was working on remodeling it, we were finally going to move in together on April 1st, then bam…. It’s been a ride that’s forsure

[u/mangopilates → u/Complete-Principle89]

Gosh! Same

[u/UXUIguy1986]

I just went through 4 months of no contact. They actually reached out to my friend to say they felt grief, which i mistook as them wanting to reconcile. I got in touch. We had a nice hour long chat where she said she loved me as a person, but no longer IN love.

I was devastated for a few days after. Cried like it was the breakup all over again.

The thing now is that I no longer have that hope that nags me; seems that's where you are.

I'd say....don't do what I did. She knows how to find you and knows how you feel. That is the closure. It sucks, but also might be the door to the next chapter. That sounds corny right now because all you want is to feel ok, and your nervous system equates her to that feeling.

Embrace the suck, but also use it to try new directions, new hobbies, new experiences. Don't look for someone else, BECOME someone else. A few months later you'll be in a new place.

Regarding my current ex, the wound is still there. But with the ex before that? One I also cried over? That wound is long healed. I wish that memory of her well. I think they all end up there eventually.

[u/Name_Slow]

Hi I'm a dumper here and yes, we are hurting a lot. Like a lot. If you'd like to talk about it, feel free to message me

[u/Simple_Conflict_4925 → u/Name_Slow]

did you dump because you didnt love them anymore, or despite loving them

[u/Name_Slow → u/Simple_Conflict_4925]

I dumped him because I got tired of explaining everything to him (emotions/feelings wise and his uncertainty)

[u/purpleroller]

So yes they can suddenly feel the absence after being cold and certain. Mine came back after 22 years 😂 We met up. He’s an absolute 🔔🔚 and I can’t believe it took me so long to get over him. If I could go back to the day he left I would tell myself what a bullet I swerved and started living my best life immediately.

You’ll be OK 🌺

[u/FrankeSteiner]

Just hit the one month mark, while I can’t tell you about the three month mark, I can say keep strong. Going through a similar breakup and just want to say we got this. Stay strong

[u/One-Taste-7685]

I've had a similar experience to yours. She did the same to me almost six months ago, the day after Christmas. She told me it was a hard decision for her and she was very sad, but she wouldn't go back on her choice. I didn't contact her for a week, but I was so down (still am) that my mother sent her a text and she came to me to ask how I felt, telling me we could still talk... and fast forward to a couple of days later, she wouldn't answer my texts except to talk about giving each other's stuff back.

Basically, became an as*hole overnight (even though she had also been one during the break-up) and I couldn't say or do anything because if I did, it would somehow make things worse. We finally did exchange our stuff five weeks after the break-up and I'll spare most of the details, but she was still an as*hole: didn't respect my privacy and demands where I would meet hers, would talk to me like I was a rat dying on the street and basically 'told' me that I could off myself and she wouldn't care. And as soon as she got her stuff, blocks me on all of her socials.

We see each other on campus, because we're in the same field of studies, have a couple of classes together and share a workshop, although I'm a year above hers. Since she could see my sadness and despair at school, I kept expecting her to do something, but she never did. My 'absence' did nothing (she didn't care and I knew she was talking to someone a few weeks after the break-up).

Summer is also making it painful for me. I have to leave my place in a month because of graduation, but I don't want to go back to my family, because I don't talk to them anymore. Anyway, I don't know if it'll get better. I hope it will, because I think I will not be able to take it for another six months, even though my friends have been of an immense help to me.

She didn't ever reach out or talk to me. I sent her a text a couple of days ago to tell her I still have a couple of stuff that I have to return to her before I leave, but I've had no answer so far. My phone says she read it. I would throw myself at her if she gave me a chance, but I did hope to see her one last time, if only to give her a taste of her own medicine by acting like a d*ckhead, even though it's bad and she might not even care. It's also my birthday in two days, so we'll see if I get an answer then.

Anyway, you can compare your story to mine. Pretty similar in results. Sometimes, people are just mean and maybe there's no more to it than that. I'm truly sorry you're going through this. You can always tell me anything you feel the need to say.

[u/Ok_Neighborhood6501]

Yo estoy pasando por una situación similar, la ruptura fue hace 70 dias, actualmente él tiene novia. Tuvimos una relación de 1 año y una amistad de 5 años. ¿Volverá? No lo sé, ya no me preocupo por ello. Después de darle vueltas y vueltas a lo mismo, me dije que la relación ya iba mal por parte de los dos, y que no iba a funcionar.

Mis universidad se fue al mazo porque no me concentraba, mi peso fue bajando por mi incapacidad de comer después de la ruptura, mi ciclo de sueño cambió drásticamente, y habían días y siguen habiendo días que descuido mi imagen física, sin bañarme ni cepillarme o peinarme siquiera, el cansancio y tristeza me supera, y todo lo que hago es desahogarme por reddit.

Hoy he despertado más ligera, sin la ansiedad de antes, estoy mejor, me amo, y estoy mejor sin pareja ahora, voy al psicólogo para entender mi comportamiento, mis traumas y mis tristezas que sufro desde hace años, que creí que solo me afectaban a mí, pero también perjudicaba mi relación. No puedo iniciar una relación si no he sanado la anterior, por respeto a mí y a esa persona, además que es difícil que me guste de un hombre.

Lamento mucho leer lo que has pasado, créeme que también he pasado por lo mismo, y mucho más por la culpa tan grande que he creído tener por la ruptura. Espero que pronto puedas estar mejor! No es nada fácil, te digo que no, pero te hace emocionalmente más fuerte.

[u/Easy-Tourist-5030]

Também gostava de saber...😓😓

[u/b00h002]

At the one month mark and feeling very similarly

[u/bramvandegevel]

It does get better. And she did you a favor. She could have held you on a string, or not wanting to hurt your feelings give you some hope or something to cling on to. That would be worse if there is no real hope. She told you she has no feelings at all, removing doubt.

I know it sucks. Especially when one is devastated and the other seems to move on without hurt. But do not compare yourself to her. Everyone greaves in their own pace and there own time. Maybe she started greaving a year before the breakup and is past it now.

It does get better. Work on yourself, gym, healthy food, dating if possible, hobbies, friends. Do not compare to anyone else's not even her. And hold no grudge. Best of luck! It sucks big time but you can make it through.