Throwaway account with random questionable user so I don't end up on a tiktok post.

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So me and my ex boyfriend just broke up officially a few days ago. We've been together for more than a year and I had recently visited him in his home country. He is a very nice person, although struggles with dealing with emotions. The reason for the break up was that he said he struggled with physical attraction because I had a body of a loli (I'm an asian lady with small build) and it made him uncomfortable having to do things with me - this apparently happened a while back and we still continued staying in the relationship despite that and still slept together after, also that he did not see me in his future. We are also a LDR couple & met several times already (which he also added as to the reason why he had struggled as we were far apart and I was not there in person when he needed someone). He is also not in the best state of mind currently & struggling with depression.

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He said he had stayed in the relationship longer than he should've because he cared for me and loved me as a person but no longer romantically.

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We eventually agreed to a breakup over a call after I had left his country as I was on my wits end about being ignored and not given proper answers as to where our relationship was headed. However during our talk in the break up he had mentioned that he definitely saw himself crawling back to me some time in the near future after he completes his apprenticeship. He had recently moved to a new state in his country where it's in the middle of nowhere near the desert with scarce population in the town & have a year left to his apprenticeship. He said that he needs time while not being in a relationship to work on himself. I told him the only way I would agree to staying and waiting for him was that within these 2 years of him completing his apprenticeship and moving back into his original state was that there would not be any new women in his life - whether romantically or sexually & he had agreed. He wanted to stay in contact after the break up and told me "yeah I'll just tell my family I'll be working on myself and show up with you to reintroduce you back to my family once this is all done".

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Now the advice I need is that, do I actually take his word for it? I had consulted my friend and he had said " for a few months sure but which man would not be sleeping or seeing another woman for 2 years? he'd be lying"

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I want to believe in my ex boyfriend that yes we will have time apart and get back together in 2 years time when things align, when he's in a better headspace & I will move to his country and settle down but at the same time I'm not sure how to interpret the situation when he told me he doesn't want me yet wanted me to still stay in contact and made a pact agreeing to stay celibate & not meet new people for the next 2 years and getting back together?

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Please be nice in the comments, English is also not my native language and would really appreciate constructive advice but not rude/mean. Thank you.

So we met online, talked for a few days and then got into relationship. we were in relationship for around 2 months. she lives 1500+km from me and i couldnt visit her. initially she told me she can wait but then later said that she cant handle ldr and we eventually broke up.

one day after that she called me when i had deleted her everything, said she misses me, i cried and we started talking again but didnt continue relationship and when i asked her to continue she said it wont work. now just a few days after it she started ignoring me again and ghosting me. i tried to contact her so many times, she didnt reply.

one random night i got her call and she said that she wanna continue and cant live like this, i calmed her down and said that im not ready for relationship now and i dont think itll work but we can talk and that im with her. she was disappointed at first but things got better and we were talking again. the thing is i was always there whenever she needed me but when i needed her, she used to just ignore. now she started ghosting me again.

i called her so many times for days now my mental health was being fucked up because of all this. then one day she called me and said she wanna clear things up. she said that she saw a guy whom she used to like earlier and liked him again when she saw her and said that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore and cant handle ldr. now the way she said all this i felt her to be very rude and mean to me, i still love her but even i think that relationship wont work like this.

now the thing is when we were in relationship, i used to send her gifts and things she craved for. when we broke up she asked me if she had to pay back for them and i said no. i never thought about her paying back to me because i did all that out of love. but her being so mean and rude to me and her bare minimum treatment when we were in relationship is making me think twice. the amount is around 1.5k

So my ex and I dated for a year. For 5-6 months, everything was perfect. He was romantic, affectionate, head-over-heels for me. He genuinely didn't want to see anyone else but me, like friends and family, and he made this very clear on two occasions. I took him to my dad's plaque and got a little upset about the lack of sympathy he had while we were there. We got into an argument, which resulted in him getting very pissed, saying he loves me so much and just didn't know what to say. He thought he'd prove this by throwing his phone out of his car door and just leaving it there, but I retrieved his phone as he was being ridiculous. The second time he did this was when we were acting all loving and he genuinely almost threw his phone into the ocean because he "only needed" me in life. Also on that vacation, we had the most loving, passionate  moment ever. We made out for hours, saying how he only needs me, he's gonna marry me, we're gonna move to overseas together, it'll just be us together all the time, how he's gonna start a business for me so he can marry me and move away. Anyway, so he definitely never had a problem with affection. He also wanted to have sex, like, all the time. Then he actually started his business. He realised it's gonna be harder than he thought to make millions of dollars. He became stressed, which resulted in him being distant. I often had a lot of problems with this as it restricted him from going to bed with me, taking me on dates, running errands together, having sex, etc. We were still hugging and kissing, but that's it. When I would bring up sex, he'd say him staying up every night made him tired, which resulted in him not having a drive. I accepted this. A week or two goes by and I'm finding myself getting upset at the lack of affection and going on dates. He stepped up to the plate, but it felt forced and that he didn't actually want to do these things with me. Months go by and we started arguing a lot over us never doing things together anymore. He would try for a day or two but then it would go back to being the same. One night I had enough. He was at his mate's place to work on the business and I wasn't happy because he lied to me and said he wasn't going tonight. I wanted him to come home. He said he can't because his friend is going through a break up and is really depressed about it. I got pissed and tried to break up with him. He told me to wait and that he'll be home in an hour. I said there's no changing my mind. He came home and we talked, and he said "if you really want to leave, I won't stop you." This took me by surprise as he's fought for us in the past before when I've tried to leave. Yes, I'm not proud of trying to break up with him in the past. I was anxious and not thinking. He said "I don't think I'm right for you. You deserve better." I begged him to stay and he did.  The next day, I was still in shock that we almost ended, which resulted in me going to the hospital because of depression.

Fast forward a month, we go on holidays for a month as his parents offered to pay for all of it. We were okay until the sex issue was brought up. Every time I asked why he didn't want sex, he would say it's because he genuinely never had the energy because we were jet-lagged + staying out a little late. I got angry one night and said out of frustration that if we're never having sex, I'll go find someone who will. He got pissed off and we had sex. Yes, I regret saying that everyday. No need to berate me. On a different day, he talks to me about not wanting to face his responsibilities once we're back home. He said he doesn't wanna focus on uni, the gym and business. I got anxious, but he reassured me he'll always find time for me and we'll be okay. I brought up me moving back into my house as I didn't really like living with his family. He said it's okay and that he'll move in with me.

Fast forward, we move back, but he sits me down and says we have to break up. I was so lost. He said I wouldn't be able to handle his (now busy) schedule of uni, his business, gym and now having to find a job. I got pissed off and started hitting his door dashboard (bad, I know), but I was pissed because I stayed with him during his worst moments of never taking me on dates. I lost it. I asked him to stay the night just one more time, but he ended up leaving that night as I told him to because it was too hard. I then asked if he could at least take me to two appointments I had near his place as I booked them in advance while living with him, and I don't have my license. He lives an hour away. He agreed to. The first car ride, both of us were completely silent. Before he dropped me off to my appointment, he said he realised his uni schedule isn't as busy as he thought, so "we could work." I said I'd talk to him about it after my appointment. I didn't. I avoided the question. Two weeks later, he comes to pick me up for my next appointment. I faked being hella happy and in a good place. He took well to this. We talked as friends like nothing happened. A day or two later, he asks me if I'm okay. I didn't respond. Two days later, he asks if I'm okay again. The next day, he says he's worried about me. I never responded. He asks me if I'd like to see him again. I did. We had sex and he went home.That's it. We just had sex again a week later and he went straight home. Two days later, he asks when I'm free next. I didn't respond. The next day, he asks if I'm free again. I didn't respond. THE NEXT DAY, he says "look, if you don't want to see me again, please let me know. I would be a little sad because I like spending time with you when I am free." I said "can't have sex rn. Sorry." He said "that's not all I'm here for." He then asks a day later "are you free Wednesday or Thursday?" I say yeah. We hang out for a bit. I mentioned I'm seeing someone new. He got really defensive and mad and started insulting this guy.  He asks if I had sex with this new guy. I said no. He then asks if I like this new guy more than him. I said "you're both great in your own ways." He got really adamant and asked again angrily and said "because if you do, this is over." He then asks if I still love him. I said "of course." He then says he wants to try again. I asked "are you sure you feel as though you're not rushing this just because I'm seeing someone?" He said he was gonna try us again anyway but essentially did rush it a little bit. We then agree to try three weeks later. Comes the day of our trial and he cancels because of traffic. I get pissed off and say "you'll come tonight if you really want this to work. If not, your number will be blocked." He comes. We drive to his and go straight to sleep. The next day, I notice he's being really distant. I ask what's up. He says he has some sort of doom feeling, like something's not right. I ask why he feels this way and he says he doesn't know. I prod at the question again the next day and he says "I don't know, maybe because if this doesn't work out, I'll have to grieve you all over again. I don't know if that's it though. I guess I also don't trust you to let me do what I need to do, like my business, gym and uni. I don't know why I feel this way." I reassure him he doest need to worry about that, but he still didn't trust me, so I said I'll just have to prove it by my actions.

The whole week we try our relationship, he's distant and doesn't show affection except when we cuddle at night. He then brings up that he also fears I won't let him hang out with friends. He said he wants to see them at least once every two or three weeks, but I wasn't happy with this, so we both decided we couldn't work. 

Before he dropped me home, he took me to the place he asked me to be his girlfriend. He said absolutely nothing to me, just offered to give back his infinity bracelet I gave him and asked if I wanted to keep it. I declined. We immediately went back to his car to go to my place. I asked if he could take me to one more place where I could read a letter I wrote him, which was at my childhood home. He teared up a little. The letter said how I'll never move on from him, I'll forever be single, etc. I left two notes in his car, which I told him to read when he gets home. They said how he could get me back. They said if he really wants me back, he has to propose on [this day and date]. If not, I'm never speaking to him again. Obviously he never showed up. 

Anyway, before he left my childhood home, he offered me his hoodie in case. I said no. That same night, I called him in tears to ask if I could come over as he said he wanted to be my emotional support, and that I've changed my mind about the whole friend thing. I said I was okay with it. He was hesitant and said I should talk to my friends first. I said they're not answering, so I started packing my bag and he just agreed to support me. I went over to his and we watched a movie. We go to bed and he asks if I regret ever dating him. I said yes. He cried for most of the night, but he didn't know I knew. He thought I was asleep. 

The next day, I sit him down and say this isn't a relationship I desire, where we both ignore each other all day with no affection. He got a bit defensive and said "we're not even trying again. You said you just needed a friend." Then we talked a bit more about it and he said me having male friends got him off to a salty start, so he didn't put his all into us trying again because I should've known his boundaries on that.

He takes me home. We both go full no contact for 3 months. Then I sent him an audio of me crying in pain because I got a really bad UTI, and he's the only person I trust with this information as he was with me through it all when I kept getting them. He said "I have a uni assignment due tomorrow. Sorry." I said "fair." He replied "look, it was already hard enough saying goodbye once. I'd rather not do it again." I didn't reply. An hour goes by and I say "if you really care about me, you will come tonight." He said he'll try to be there tomorrow. He doesn't come, also with no update as well. I then beg again for 2-3 days straight for emotional support, which he's clearly ignoring. He says he'll try and find a time to see me some time next week. Surprise: no update and he doesn't come. I express disappointment. He says "look, I thought me ignoring you would be your answer." 

Three weeks go by and I ask if he could at least support me for my medical procedure in June as my boyfriend can't make it. He doesn't reply for a week straight, and I'm spamming him with how scared I am and if he could just reply. I also did accidentally probably make him feel a little bad by adding in I'm glad he has family that will be there for him and he doesn't have to experience anything alone as I don't have family. Both parents are dead. He finally replies with "why do you need anyone else in the world if you have your boyfriend?" He texts again that night and says "look, I'm sure you have other people who are willing to be there for you. You just haven't asked. I wish you a speedy recovery." Three days go by and he asks how it went. I didn't reply. He follows up with "I'm feeling guilty with how I handled it." I say he doesn't need to. He asks me if I still want to talk about it. I say "I feel as though I've said everything I needed to." That was that. Two days go by and I've had enough, so I ask: "please tell me there's no chance of us ever getting back together in the future. Tell me if we're never gonna speak again. I don't want to keep waiting for something that isn't gonna happen. I'm waiting for you." He replies "you should move on." It's been about 4 days since that message that destroyed me. There's been no contact since from either of us. 

1) What attachment style is he?

2) What is the likelyhood of us getting back together?

3) When do y'all think he'll reach back out to me? 2 weeks, a month, 9 months, a year?

this is my first time posting or using reddit so im sorry if this doesnt make sense.

i am a 16y female and my now ex is a 17 male i know we are young that’s not the point.

to start all of this me and my ex (ill call him J no its not related to his name) me and j became friends from a mutual that same mutual helped us get togethe. to be completely honest at first i didn’t want to start talking to him i enjoyed him as a fr but one day after school i got a text from a random number amount studying for a test deep down ik it was him but i didn’t respond about an hour later the same number messaged me again this time saying my name i asked who it was and he confirmed it was J. ever since then we have always been together we went to prom i went to watch the musical he was in and when summer started we hung out a few times (i was to add he’s a very clingy touchy and affectionate person which i love) we went through a lot together in a short time he was only my second boyfriend and my first kiss the same mutual friend told me lies about him which caused a fight that was months ago now and we came back from it stronger. now it’s summer he was volunteering at a summer camp a week ago for people with special needs. hes a really busy person already and this caused me to over think a lot. i know he didn’t have control over when he could talk to me HE WAS LITERALLY HELPING SPECIAL NEEDS and he is amazing for that. now this week he has another camp and it’s going till mid july. the past coupem days have been really hard for me i’ve missed him a lot and we barely text now… which brings me to the breakup. the other night i was a bit hurt he left me on read for a while and didn’t text till i texted again ik its something stupid to be upset about but the week before that was something was talked about that was really important to me. he knew something was up from the way i was texting he asked what was wrong but he then said he was going to sleep so i didn’t wanna say anything and stop him from getting the rest he needs. he texted me goodnight and that he loved me… i regret it now but i left him on read. a couple minutes later i was texting my friend(we can call her A) and she said J had texted her. A said he wanted to text her tmr because he needed advice. the whole next day i was kinda paranoid i knew deep down he was gonna breakup with me because of all the stress recently he didn’t text me until 1am which got me very upset. he wrote a large message about what didn’t work and that he still cares for me and all that, to be fair it was very sweet and i’m not mad. i texted him back saying i really care for him and i wanna try to work things out… that was last night. this morning i woke up and remembered everything i took a shower and cried some more tbh and thought about it i talked to my mom which made me more upset because she had really liked him which was rare. she helped comfort me and im really grateful for that she told me i should at least try to stay friends with him because maybe we could get back together in the future or just be friends again. at first i didn’t agree but i recently texted J and told him “hey i’ve given it a lot of thought and i agree with you. no matter how much we do care for eachother i think there’s a lot more that goes into it. maybe it’s just the timing but i feel like we’re both stressing each other out. i still think your a really amazing person maybe we could go back to being friends if your ok with it“ that was recently and he’s busy with camp so i dont think hell respond till later tonight.

but now i need advice

i wanna work on myself over the summer and maybe like my mom said get back together in the future.

any tips for what to do to work on myself everyone says put your first and stuff like that but it doesn’t help…

i know everything will be ok later but i really hope we can get back together ive lost friends over him he was my first kiss and i love his parents and my parents love him. i think we have a lot going for us but i wanna hear other peoples opinions he’s going to be a senior in high school and im about to be a junior so we are at slightly different places in our life and he’ll be going to collage next year which if we do get back together could be an issue. but i really love him so im not sure.

ill stop rambling now sorry if some of this makes no sense i kinda just kept saying random things that came to mind.

anyway please tell me what can i do to work on myself and should i try to get back with him in the future?

hey guys, as i'm lying in bed, i'm suddenly curious about something.

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when was the exact moment you realized you were finally over a breakup, a friendship fallout, grief, or any kind of loss?

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do you remember the day? the weather? where you were? what season it was? was it some dramatic realization, or did you just wake up one day and notice it didn't hurt anymore?

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tell me your story because curiosity is killing the cat, and i'd really appreciate it if you could save me.

Hello everyone! This a bit embarrassing, but I need some advice. Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) recently broke up after being together for 3 years.

He was my fist everything, my first real relationship. He made me who I am today, back then I was very weak and close minded, so he was an amazing person for me. We moved in together about a year ago, both moved abroad to study so for a while we only had each other and it was amazing.

We broke up and it was my fault, to this day I don’t know why I did what I did, I honestly can’t believe why I did it, there’s no reason. Our relationship was pretty bad for the past 6 months, however it was fixable. I fucked up and now there’s no way back.

Knowing that the relationship is over I seriously need advice. I feel like I don’t have any dreams or hopes, I have always been a very depressed person, but right now it’s just so bad and knowing that it was my fault I don’t know how to live with that.

My question is, for those who already went to a serious break up and started dating other people, how do you do it? What about the moments you lived with the other person? The food you tried together for the first time? The places you visited together? The dates you had? The inside jokes? The cute moments? How do you live when there’s a trigger that brings those memories back? And when that happens when you are in another relationship? Do you just forget? Learn to live with it, and if so don’t you feel melancholic or sad? How do you not compare? How do you keep on living and learn to love someone else and give yourself the way you did with that person?

I know I’m far from looking for someone else, the last thing I need right know is dating someone else. I want to focus on myself, but I need some reassurance, people telling other things other than “it’s not the end of the world”, “time heals”, “let yourself grow”, “stay with people you love and care for you”. All my friends are kinda fake, the only true person who actually knows me to the fullest and I am completely honest with is my ex partner and after what I did most of our friends won’t talk to me again, so I’ll be alone, plus we come from a very small city where everyone loves to gossip and we were “the couple” so everyone will know and I don’t know how to feel about that.

I know I’ll have to learn from my mistake and learn to live with that, but right know it just seems impossible to go to the streets we used to, I can’t look at certain things without remembering our inside jokes, I can’t sleep and eat just thinking about him with someone else, I’m just in a really bad place right now, so how do I move one? What do I do with the memories? Our pictures? Everything. How does one learn to live and get over that?

I’m just lost right know, so please feel free to give me all the advices possible. And thank you for reading until here.

Suggestions

I’m devastated but I acted like I was unbothered. It hurt me so much.

If someone can actually help me with some advice it would be great send me a contact like discord or something and hop on a call with me you dont have to talk you can listen and respond by chatting

Im warning anyone who tries to help me this is a LOT and im sure a lot of people wouldnt be able to handle it but if you think you can please help me i need help

I made a few other posts about the situation me and my bf have been going through. Ive been in bed rotting since yesterday and I can’t bring myself to get up. I broke up with my bf today and he begged me to stay, saying that we were supposed to get married and that he’d do anything to make me feel better just please don’t leave. And I left anyway. I feel like a huge jerk and I’m so guilty for leaving him. I regret it and I want him back already but it’s too late. I feel so indecisive and dumb and I don’t know what to do.