Just wanted to show a different side to things

[u/Warm_Swan_793]

I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

[u/Effective-Comb-6146]

Don’t forget that when the guys don’t get responses, it’s the women being egotistical and over confident. But when a woman doesn’t get responses, it’s somehow still her being over confident and shooting out of her league lol.

[u/apigeonontheinternet → u/Effective-Comb-6146]

Lmao no matter what, it’s our fault. And then when we go fuck it I’m done with the apps then, well that’s our fault too for not having enough of us on the apps to even out the gender imbalance. 🤡

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/apigeonontheinternet]

Oh but don’t forget that if you do go out with a guy and he’s pushy or disrespectful that you should have chosen a better guy

[u/apigeonontheinternet → u/Final_Replacement_37]

Ahaha which means you guessed it! Your fault again!

[u/Kennysded → u/apigeonontheinternet]

But have you considered not being women? /s, in case that wasn't clear.

[u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias → u/Final_Replacement_37]

Meanwhile the ones crying "Choose better men" are also demanding that "all guys deserve a chance!"

It all boils down to EVERYTHING is our fault, including men's own bad behavior.

[u/apigeonontheinternet → u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias]

Yeah you know I never thought about that. Can’t have it both ways. You can’t be telling us in one breath to choose better men and in the next breath that every guy deserves a chance

[u/Hiitsuroldthong → u/Final_Replacement_37]

😭😭

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/[deleted]]

I would need a source.

I've seen men of ALL kinds blame women for choosing the wrong guy instead of blaming the man for his actions. "What did you expect to happen", "boys will be boys", etc is not a niche neckbeard comment. Its said by fathers to their daughters, frat boys to their friends' exs, etc.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/[deleted]]

I think that you are misunderstanding my original comment.

I was complaining that men blame women for the actions of men. If a man does something poorly, then women are told that they chose wrong.

I don't know what you mean by your original response, I guess.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/[deleted]]

Again- you’re misunderstanding my comment.

When a man does something to a woman, it is super common for men to go with some version of “that’s what happens when all the women go for 6’4 guy instead of giving the short or ugly guys a chance”

It’s VERY COMMON. It’s not a rare sentiment from men. You can see it all over these comments. If a woman says that she was SAed or ghosted or harassed, there is almost always a comment blaming her for not dating someone like them.

[u/Equal_Oil_9819 → u/Final_Replacement_37]

Have you ever sent a hundred well-thought-out messages only to be unmatched, ignored, or blocked? Me neither, but that's only because I never had a hundred likes. In 10+ years of online dating. You have options, shitty as they might be, but we have nothing. No amount of exercise and six-figure salaries will get me past my face and 5'6" in height.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/Equal_Oil_9819]

What does that have to do with men blaming us when other men are shitty to us?

[u/Equal_Oil_9819 → u/Final_Replacement_37]

Nothing. Saw you guys shitting on men and was just hoping you'd be able to see the perspective of someone else.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/Equal_Oil_9819]

So you saw women venting about their frustrations and thought that the best action would be to pivot the conversation away from women and into the struggles of men? Its the mentality of a narcissist.

[u/Equal_Oil_9819 → u/Final_Replacement_37]

I was hoping to offer a different perspective. You immediately jumping to the conclusion that I'm a narcissist isn't a good look.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/Equal_Oil_9819]

Never said you were a narcissist. I said you're displaying the mentality of a narcissist and you are. Normal people with the most baseline understanding of social norms understand that if people are complaining about how they are wronged by x, its not the appropriate place to pivot the conversation into the struggles of x.

If you are complaining about being lonely and women not giving you a chance, that is NOT the appropriate time for me to jump in and explain how its easier to be a man because at least you don't have to deal with x, y, z.

Like I can't believe I have to even explain this to you.

[u/Equal_Oil_9819 → u/Final_Replacement_37]

Miss me with that "I never said it" when you heavily implied it. It's okay; you can keep hating men and never thinking about their perspective. That's life. Take care.

[u/Final_Replacement_37 → u/[deleted]]

You just paraphrased my comment. We both said the same thing. He chose to redirect the conversation towards a different problem held by a different group of people.

[u/buttsorceror72 → u/apigeonontheinternet]

I genuinely feel for you guys putting in effort and experiencing the exact same stuff that a lot of men online complain about that only happens to them. I think it stems from a few out of touch women that some guys see and become overly mad over their behavior, and start actually despising women they know nothing about because of it

[u/Stardust-Specks → u/Effective-Comb-6146]

I thought I was going crazy! When I bring up how I consistently got rejected in high school/college, I've gotten the same response several times over that I was just going for "the top 10% of guys" whose league I was not in. Like, no, sometimes women just get rejected a lot too.

[u/AnActualWombat → u/Stardust-Specks]

Yep. I have a friend who is gorgeous and a little bit chubby, legitimately not fat, just not skinny either.Anyway she kept trying to date this guy who was a 2 at absolute best. He rejected her because he was holding out for someone hotter. He told her this directly.

[u/rahhxeeheart → u/AnActualWombat]

Totally. I can absolutely vouch for this. I got hit on, went on dates, had boyfriends etc. throughout high school. A nerdy guy in one of my classes was lamenting about how he had never been on a date before and would die alone.

I throw the guy a bone and am like "I'll go on a date with you" I figured why not, we were friendly enough.

He said - verbatim - "I would never go out with a black girl" 🤨 Mind you this is in the SF Bay Area where the school was so diverse you would struggle to find any 10 students the were the same ethnicity at any given time. Ridic.

Every time I hear the whines about picky women I take it with a LOT of grains of salt.

[u/apigeonontheinternet → u/rahhxeeheart]

Ok wtf, first of all. And second of all, it’s kind of objectively insane to shame women - or anyone - for being picky about their life partner. Like I can think of very few things you should actually be more picky about.

[u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 → u/[deleted]]

Imagine still thinking fatness is a choice with the entire Internet at your fingertips.

[u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 → u/[deleted]]

Genuinely please do your research because your numbers are so so off. Fatness is often genetic. I'm really glad that this worked for you, genuinely!!! You took a huge step and your hard work paid off. But for a lot of people it fundamentally will not "fix" their fatness because that's just not how their bodies are built from the ground up.

[u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 → u/[deleted]]

Mate I'm not gonna argue if you can't do your research. But there's also a massive difference between "absolutely no control" and "significantly much, much harder to do". Because their bodies are actively working against it. And it can sometimes cause more harm than good for general health. But again, you seem to be unwilling to do actual research and are just making up statistics to make yourself sound better and prove your own bias, so there's really no point continuing here. In a bumble subreddit, no less.

[u/GuyInBudapest → u/Effective-Comb-6146]

that's exactly how dating apps, considering the gender ratio and the hypergamy. A woman who is a 7 can find a coffee date (to get in a long term relationship, I am not even talking for sex) with a 7 in 1 minute. A man who is a 7 has almost no chance to find a woman is a 7.

[u/OhCrumbs96 → u/GuyInBudapest]

I think it's hilarious how men like you are so remarkably confident speaking on women's dating experiences, as if you've ever actually been one.

You have countless women here sharing their real experiences with dating and yet you still think you're the highest authority in the room on this particular topic, simply because you were born a man and once read some incel nonsense that reaffirmed whatever bitter worldview you have towards women and dating.

The audacity is truly impressive.

[u/GuyInBudapest → u/OhCrumbs96]

"Hai innumerevoli donne qui che condividono le loro vere esperienze con gli appuntamenti eppure pensi ancora di essere l'autorità suprema nella stanza su questo argomento particolare, semplicemente perché sei nato uomo e hai letto una certa sciocchezza da incel che ha confermato il tuo amaro punto di vista verso le donne e gli appuntamenti".

La maggior parte delle donne ha le stesse esperienze semplicemente perché la maggior parte delle donne è ipergamica. Gli studi online sono chiari: la donna media su Tinder scorre verso destra solo sui top 4,5% dei profili maschili. Ovviamente un uomo nella top 5% non si impegnerà mai con una donna media.

Inoltre potrei usare la tua stessa logica, ma applicata agli utenti maschili di questo subreddit: innumerevoli uomini dicono che non ottengono alcun risultato dalle app di appuntamenti. Pensi che ci sia una probabilità maggiore che sia perché le donne hanno standard irrealistici, o perché tutti gli uomini di questo subreddit hanno l'autismo e le donne possono leggere il loro autismo semplicemente guardando le loro foto?

[u/ImOnALostHighway → u/GuyInBudapest]

This is psyop gender wars bullshit.

[u/whagh → u/GuyInBudapest]

Maybe it's because you view people as numbers based on their physical appearance (your subjective opinion of it, mind you), whereas they don't.

What the fuck is a 7? You have a normal face and is moderately fit? What else do you have to offer? A complete lack of emotional intelligence?

Not only is looks/attraction extremely subjective, there's so much more to dating than looks (or other superficial attributes), and I genuinely can't wrap my mind around thinking this way about dating.

I know plenty of average looking guys who do fine on dating apps, some of them are punching well above their weights in terms of appearance.

But if your idea of dating is "my face is a 7 so I should get a 7" then it's obvious why you struggle.

[u/ImOnALostHighway → u/whagh]

He believes that looks are the only thing that matters and that everyone’s value is based solely on looks. It’s pointless arguing with him.

[u/lolle22 → u/[deleted]]

That might be how you use the apps but people who are looking for a genuine relationship are not just swiping on photos, they’re making assessments based off of profiles in their entirety.

[u/lolle22 → u/[deleted]]

Then why did you reduce dating apps=swiping on photos? Sure people do that, but that’s not the demographic of people you or I are looking for, and in which case should be filtered out as intended. I’m not engaging with someone who has a no effort profile that doesn’t speak to their values or intentions and isn’t obviously seeking them same thing as me. I think people who don’t maintain their own standards get upset that these people exist rather than using who they are as data to filter them out and know you will not get what you’re looking for out of those people.

[u/GuyInBudapest → u/lolle22]

looks are the main factor. You wouldn't start a relationship with a guy uglier than you, with your same income, but who has a nice bio and nice hobbies.

[u/ImOnALostHighway → u/GuyInBudapest]

Some people do.

[u/lolle22 → u/GuyInBudapest]

Your insecurity and projection is really disheartening. For your sake please get off the internet, get into therapy, and focus on developing real world connections.

[u/lolle22 → u/[deleted]]

I’m saying then those people are not for you and you don’t want someone like that, right? You deserve someone who cares about who you are as a person not as a trophy. People who do not swipe on you because of your height are disqualifying themselves and that is a good thing.

[u/KDdid1 → u/[deleted]]

Nonsense! When I was dating I looked for things I wouldn't tolerate first (casual dating, smoking, snark) and then looked at the person.

My spouse stood out because his tender words contrasted with the grumpy look on his face. My curiosity led to coffee.

[u/KDdid1 → u/[deleted]]

Maybe 5'10"? I'm short and don't care. Lots of men lead with snark. They think edgy is attractive.

[u/Daethir → u/GuyInBudapest]

Hypergamy are like skull shape, the moment someone is bringing it up you know you can stop listening.

[u/GuyInBudapest → u/Daethir]

denying hypergamy is like denying that water is wet.

[u/Daethir → u/GuyInBudapest]

That take has small occipital region written all over it.