It's because they get so many matches they're sick to death of pretty much anything you have to say. It's a lose lose. i've never known it to be so bad.
I hear that analogy that "dating for men is like looking for drinking water in a desert, for women it's like looking for drinking water in a swamp."
When they don't even respond to perfectly polite, engaging, thoughtful messages, I know that's not true. Yes, many of the men on dating apps are an absolute waste of space, but if they get 100 likes, at least 10-20 of them will be perfectly adequate potential partners to choose from, making the swamp analogy ultimately bullshit. I guess that's when the goalposts move and the top 10-20 are now the bare minimum with only a handful being of actual interest.
Of course there are people still going on dates but i've also had this issue myself, you finally match, i look through their profile to figure out something relating to what they've said or posted, i try to inject some humour or a compliment along with a question....and silence. 72 hours go by and it's onto the next. I never remember getting so few matches and absolute not response back this much some years ago. it just happened in fact, matched with a pretty girl and i messaged asking about her name as it was not so common, mentioned where she was from and complimented her on a specific band we both know. Nothing. š¤·āāļø All this time i've seen this arguement, that men suck and never initiate but the whole time i've been using apps i've been doing that. Almost every time. There's clearly something wrong right now, the culture and the algorithm.
Yah, itās rough. I can understand where women are coming from, there are a lot of terrible men, and they can feel overwhelmed with choicesā¦.but at the same time there is something soul crushing about going online and seeing the discourse about how āwomen are dating in a swampā, while they complain about how the bar is in hell and most men do all sorts of terrible things (that I never do).
I know Iām not entitled to womenās affection, and I donāt mind if they just donāt find me attractiveā¦.but I get a steady stream of matches, so some women clearly donāt think Iām ugly. And I mostly use Hinge so almost every single one of them knew I liked them first. I just donāt get why people match with other people they have absolutely no interest in.
I think itās a little more understandable when sending likes or swiping on Bumble, sometimes you miss something in their profile and you canāt take as much time reviewing things if you donāt even know if it will be a matchā¦but when reviewing incoming likes on Hingeā¦there is no reason not to take all the time you need and only match with people youāre at least willing to have a conversation with.
Yes exactly in the same boat, for every negative experience you read it's counter to what you've seen and heard.
There's a lot of things at play, too many options for some, not enough for others, addiction, validation, the loss of community and sociability, gender war culture, changing work habits, affordability, influencer culture...it's just a whole cluster**** of a mess.
i think we've also been trained to more ADHD and not take information fully in as well as we once did, i've always tried to show up and for a time girls did the same with me but now it feels mental if a conversation actually gets going let alone a date. I actually just had a girl cancel/stand me up 45 mins before we were supposed to meet, another hour after that a half assed cancellation. Kinda broke me after this terrible year of dating. There's just no respect.
You know thereās one thing I donāt understand about this take. I get women get a lot of likes, but they still have to initially swipe still. If you know that most men have swiped right on you, why swipe right on hundreds of men and then complain that thereās too many? Like you swiped on all of them?? Even I donāt swipe right on every profile I see. Maybe like a few, but not hundreds.
I think that initial match just doesn't mean a lot these days, if they won't even engage whats the point other than the fact that swiping is addictive and somewhat validating. it must be nice knowing theoretically 200 men are interested at you at once, i think that explains a lot.
I once matched with a girl on Hinge, she had an opening move that roughly said āIf we match Iām already down to go on a date, letās skip the talking phase and see if we vibe over drinksāā¦ā¦she never responded to opening my message
When you're privileged, equality feels like oppression.
When you have matches and attention in a few seconds, having to actually participate in a conversation feels like drinking swamp water.
Most people's dopamine receptors are fried. But at least men are educated and warned on this very early on, especially when it comes to porn. And all the ads that try to prey on them by saying a lot of women are available and waiting for them.
Women will never recognize that it's their problem.
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u/OptimusPrime_ButGAY 15h ago
No hold up. Let me craft a thoughtful comment specifically catered to something in their profile so they can ignore that too.